I've always been pretty undecided about religion. The idea of going to church is something I find pretty annoying, time consuming and boring. Around sixth grade I decided I was atheist. I realized quickly that I still believed in a god. So I gave up that.

Up until...the day before yesterday, I was keeping my options open. "Is there a god? I dunno." Was my basic take on religion. I was on the fence.

(Please keep an open mind. I'd prefer not be be ridiculed for my belief in aliens. That isn't the focus of this topic anyway.)

I started watching 'Ancient Aliens' on the history channel. The ideas in that series only started taking affect the day before yesterday. Those shows made me seriously reconsider what I learned at church, and in school. So, I began to question the world, the universe and 'god'. The result of my questioning everything is not good, not good for me, at least. I've always believed in aliens, but I've never believed the power they had was this great, not until now.

Basically, I've got it all down, or what i think 'it' is.

First: My theory on time. (I'm not going into that.)

Second: What we think are gods are actually aliens. (And I know how ridiculous that statement sounds, no need to remind me.)

Third: I'm not sure whether I believe in a higher being or not.

Fourth: I know there is something after life on Earth.

I don't feel safe without having a god. I feel exposed, and afraid. Last night I was afraid to sleep. Today I'm even more scared. I feel that if there really isn't a god, then everything is a chance event. There is nothing to protect me now. And, it isn't as if I can force myself to believe in a god. Now, I think that even if there is a higher being, he/she/it could care less about me.

Are there any ideas out there of what I can do to feel safer? Maybe an atheist or someone with similar ideas could tell me how they deal with feelings like this.

(Note: I really don't want to hear anything about how I should embrance God, or feel his love. I'm past that. I doubt that there is anything you can say to change my mind about it.)