These two recurring dream themes are happening more than once in a week, and both are distressing. I've had them for a while but sometimes they recur even more frequently (and they have been lately).

One is that a specific shameful thing, related to abuse that I went through, is happening. Sometimes the person who did it isn't in the dream, and sometimes they are, but either way, the feeling is the same: disgusted and hurt and upset. It feels like it just happened all over again for a minute when I wake up. Sometimes I'm even putting myself through it in the dream, rather than the person who really did it to me doing it. That feels even worse because then I feel responsible and ashamed, and ruined.

The other is that I'm trying to escape and I'm afraid no one will let me leave so I have to lie and hide and run away, I'll be changing sweatshirts so no one sees me on camera and I'll be hiding and breaking out of windows and covering up in the car and trying to get family to help by covering for me. It's from the hospital I went to for my eating disorder. And the hospital itself, in real life, I don't hate. I think it represents something else in the dream. Because it was a helpful experience in real life. But it also meant facing the trauma I went through, and opening up that can of worms in therapy there, and it was so much more painful than I could've imagined.

I don't know if the dream of escaping treatment is like a war between the part of me that maintains my eating disorder and the part of me that wants to recover? Because usually in the dream I go back willingly but then realize right away it was a grave mistake, and I need to get out, because it's even worse to be there than to be out and be sick.

Both dreams really suck. The shameful thing from the abuse dream is something I get more than once a week. I guess I just wish I could make the dream stop happening as often, or at least end differently. Any suggestions or interpretations? I can recount the last escape dream specifically, so that symbols can be interpreted...I can also recount the shameful one but that would be harder to write out...