Thread: New and struggling!

Hi. I'm having some horrendous experiences with dreaming. I had no idea what it was so have had a look into it and thought that maybe talking about it will help, so here's what happens. *Sorry for the long post.*

When I was young I would usually know I was dreaming. *The dreams would usually end badly so I watched until I was so scared at what was about to happen that I'd wake myself up. *No real issues there.

*A few years ago something completely different happened and I woke up from one of these and ran into my parents' room where they were both lying there dead. At this I woke up again and a sequence of about 5 horrendous dreams occurred.*I finally woke up in a terrified, sweaty mess.

*Since then it's happened a lot but it's developed. The usual occurrence is that I'll be in a dream but unaware. Something will happen or be out of ordinary to lead me to work out I'm dreaming. Instant panic sets in as the dreams never end well. I know that if I don't wake up something horrendous will happen, and it often does. That is if I don't manage to wake myself up first.

*I start to kick and s scream but can only do it to a tiny extent. I can feel myself moving in my body but I stil can't get out and the impending horror causes total fear. Finally I'll wake up.*I'll go to the bathroom or something and realise I'm still dreaming and the cycle repeats Itself. Often 5 or more times. It often ends in my wife waking me up due to the noise I'm making. I wake up exhausted, sweating, *and heart pounding.*If I fall asleep within a short time it always happens again so I stay awake for an hour or so, *afraid to go back to sleep.

*I do the reality tests and sometimes they work, but obviously only if im suspect I'm dreaming. Even if they do work, *as soon as soon as I realise it's a dream it's all out panic.*I've read about people enjoying their lucid dreams but this never happens as it's always a nightmare as soon as I realise.

*I've established that maybe I'm having a combination of lucid dreaming, false awakening and sleep paralysis?

This is a simplified version of What's been happening for about 5 years or so now.*I don't think I'm joining up as I expect anyone to solve this for me, *just sharing for my pen piece of mind!*Probably stupid to write about it just before I go to bed!

Originally Posted by smiffyd

*I've established that maybe I'm having a combination of lucid dreaming, false awakening and sleep paralysis?

Absolutely right.

Originally Posted by smiffyd

*as soon as soon as I realise it's a dream it's all out panic.*

This is your mistake. Dreams work off of expectations - if you expect them to be frightening then they'll oblige you. All you really need to do is learn a few simple facts and get yourself used to them so they begin to take effect inside your subconscious, where dreams are formed. These facts - that dreams respond to your expectations, and that nothing in a dream can hurt you.

The second fact above is the most important, and if you only realize that one fully then you'll be just fine. Actually you already are just fine - I mean the worst that happens to you is some bad dreams right? No big deal there - they don't actually hurt you all they can do is scare you. Once you really understand that nothing in a dream can do any more harm than that then they'll lose even that ability to scare you.

I guess the reason I'm expecting them to be scary is because they alwsys are which is creating a vicious cycle.

I sometimes have normal dreams which aren't bad but in these I never know I'm dreaming.

The thing is, I don't know how to quell that fear that occurs when I realise I'm dreaming. It's not like its a conscious decision.

Further to this, it's not necessarily being scared that bothers me the most I don't think. The sleep paralysis I get and continual for false awakening are the stressful part.

Originally Posted by smiffyd

The thing is, I don't know how to quell that fear that occurs when I realise I'm dreaming.

Wait - so these are lucid dreams? I missed that part before. That actually makes this a lot easier for you. I was going to recommend you start learning techniques for becoming lucid, and then you won't be subject to unreasoning fear anymore - but if you're already becoming lucid when this happens, than that means it'll be easy for you to gain control over this irrational fear.

Answer this question - answer it not for me but for yourself, and think very deeply about it before you do -- what exactly is it that you're afraid of?

What can happen? I mean, they're only dreams - you can be killed a thousand different ways in a dream, torn to bits, burned at the stake and buried on a distant planet where demons constantly harass you, and it's still only a dream! You're going to wake up and feel sheepish because you let a simple dream frighten you so much.

Really think about this fact - think about it a lot and impress it into your mind until it's there all the time - dreams cannot hurt you in any way, all they can possibly do is scare you. And when you understand this completely the fear will evaporate, because it has no basis in any reality - it's only an irrational fear of - well, nothing.

But the fact that you become lucid when this happens makes it even easier and it means you can now turn the dreams into adventures. Learn to do reality checks and mantras - once you're able to become fully lucid and retain awareness of the fact that you're only dreaming, then you'll be able to understand - in the dreams - that the fear is foolish and pointless and you'll also be able to turn your attention away from the groundless fear of nothing and instead toward fun things like flying or summoning people you want to dream about or traveling to distant lands or impossible places.

As you spend some time on this board and learn more about lucidity and the endless possibilities it presents you'll become glad that you're a natural lucid dreamer - most of us envy the people like you who harnessed nightmares to become lucid dreamers. You're already able to get lucid frequently - that's the biggest part f the battle! Now all you need to learn is what to do when you're there!

Thanks the advice.
I know it's an irrational fear and I'll see what can do to not panic in these situations. Like you say most people fear dreams because they think it's real. I don't.

Having read some of the stuff on here about people trying to achieve lucidity, it's a waste that I can do it.
All I want is a good nights sleep! Whereas there's alot of people who want more than that.

Well if you want a good nights' sleep the way to get that is by learning how to move your attention away from the frightening aspects of the dreams. Whatever you feed attention to in a dream grows more powerful - and now you're feeding the frightening aspects. All you need is something different to focus your attention on. That can be anything different really - the fascinating aspects of lucid dreaming - the fun aspects, the adventure... whatever. But it needs to be something. Because right now it's like this - you start to dream and, out of long habit, you automatically concentrate on the scary stuff thus feeding it and making it grow stronger. I think we all know the way to break a habit is to develop a new habit to take its place, otherwise the old one will just come back. To stop smoking start chewing gum or something, right? Otherwise your mouth is just watering all the time for that next ciggy and it's all you can think about. But if you give yourself something to chew on that makes a huge difference.

So your choice is pretty much continue to have the scary dreams like you've been doing, or start to concentrate on other things you can do in the dreams. And don't think that by doing things in your dreams you're missing out on a good nights' sleep - you dream every night regardless - several times. So you're going to be dreaming about something. You can either let the scary dreams continue or learn how to replace them with fun dreams. Your choice. I don't see what you've got to lose really.

That's probably sound advice.

It's hard to explain but when I'm in this dream trying to kick out and scream, I can feel my body laying on the bed and hardly moving. It's like im only in cotrol of it a little, like being in a coffin or a huge plastic bag. That trapped feeling and paralysis doesn't help the feeling of panic but if I can learn to relax and try not to feel the need to wake up then maybe the panic won't set in.

Welcome to the forum!

Dream control could very well be a useful tool for handling these frightening experiences. We have a tutorial for that in our WIKI.

But beyond that...dealing with the frightening elements is the most important part, and you should try doing that while awake.

Irrational fears are a part of us and easily become part of our dreams. However, the same is true for good situations and elements. Let me offer some steps to work on eradicating these unpleasant dreams.

First, write the dreams and your feelings down, in as much detail as possible...not just what happens but every little detail. If the scene happens in a room describe the room...the paint on the walls, the rugs, the furniture...all of it. Break down the dream until it's just a bunch of describing words, including how you feel. Examining things in detail can help isolate elements and scenes that lead to the scary associations.

Look at the words you write and ask yourself, "Why does this frighten me?" Examine that question and understand why you're scared. The idea is to take away the power from whatever element is bothering you. Remember, these are your thoughts and dreams. They only have the power you give them.

Next, write out the dream, but when it starts to become scary...change what happens. Write it out in a clear way that makes sense to you. Change the scary situation into something better happening. Remember, anything you write has to involve you giving power to yourself and none to the dream.

This technique is a way to influence waking thoughts and encourage them to cross over into sleep. On the forum people often write simple phrases to encourage incubated dream ideas for bedtime. The more suggestive you are to influential thoughts the quicker they will take effect.

I really hope you find success in this. A dream journal can really help you understand your fears and turn your dreams into something enjoyable as Darkmatters suggests above.

if you have questions or need advice/encouragement please post on the forum or send a Private Message to a Dream Guide. They're the people with green stars under their names and are here to help.

Pleasant dreams!