When I first introduced myself here, I promised I would extrapolate on this a bit.

First, some background. I used to suffer from both generalized anxiety and social phobia. At one point I practically had agoraphobia. I actually would have to go to work early so that I could have time to freak out until something in me would break, at which point I would essentially have an OBE and watch my body perform my retail job while I sat safely in the back of my mind. I was pretty bad. It got worse when I realized that my lack of a personal life had gotten me to the point to where I had enough money saved up that I didn't have to work for a year. So I quit, and did just that.

I couldn't go out, so I turned inward. There was much I wanted to do, but I was just too paralyzed by fear. So I turned to lucid dreaming, a hobby I had cultivated for years. In my sleep, I could go anywhere, do anything, be anyone. I was as free as could possibly be imagined.

The problem was that when I woke up, I was faced with the reality of a bank account quickly approaching zero and anxiety so terrible that I couldn't even talk to people on the phone, let alone call back for a job interview. The only social activity I could muster was a local philosophy meetup, which I managed because a good friend, around whom I felt perfectly safe, would take me.

At some point I began to think more about the nature of the mind, the nature of human consciousness, and the nature of human experience. Eventually I would have an epiphany.

I can control my dreams, because everything which happens in the dream world happens inside my mind, and I can control what happens inside my own mind.
If this is true when I'm asleep, the same should be true while I'm awake!
In fact, our experiences are all dreams. When I'm asleep, they're informed by internal states and cycles. While I'm awake, they're informed by all of those as well as my senses.
I might not be able to control that incoming sense data, but I can control my experience of it.

Then I dove head first into researching this in my lucid dreams. By day, I would cook up experiments to perform. By night, I would test them in my sleep. I decided that if I wanted to test something, I should try to fix my phone anxiety first. I needed a job after all.

The first principle I had discovered was that expectations and preparations color our experiences. That which we expect, that which we prepare for, tends to be what we will experience. It's not that we summon such things, it's mostly that we're primed for them. In any case, I sorted out that my phone anxiety came from the expectation of negative social scrutiny. So, what dream better symbolizes this than the classic "naked at school" dream?

Yep! That night, I became lucid, went to school, and stripped naked. After trying several different things, I managed to discover that complimenting people made them stop making fun of me. It wasn't even just compliments either. If I scrutinized them at all, they could not also play the role of the scrutinizer. It seemed like those roles were not just polar opposites, they were necessary exclusive polar opposites. That is, each needed the other to exist and yet the role could not be experienced at the same time in one person.

So, I tested it. The next time I got a phone interview, I applied what I had discovered. I went from being so paralyzed by anxiety that it took me four days of procrastination followed by three hours of yelling at myself before I could call someone back, and then bomb the interview, to being able to read about a company for half an hour (scrutinizing them), call them immediately, and nail the interview. In a week, I had a job. In a month, my anxiety was what I would consider manageable, and now two and a half years later people don't believe that I ever had anxiety. That's how much this has changed me. I'm simply not the same person I was back then.

There's a lot more to it than just this. I have spent many nights since then using lucid dreams to explore the nature of human consciousness, and then applying what I've learned to my waking life. To me, lucid dreaming didn't just change my life, it saved my life. It is literally the most powerful tool available to us for personal development.


If you remember only one thing about this story of mine, remember this:
You have control over your own experiences. After all, it's all happening in YOUR mind.


Now, I have to admit that I'm here with a purpose. I read dream journals like others read scientific journals. I use them to gain as much understanding as I can about the structure and nature of human experience. From the beginning, I have had a motive. I want to continue to help myself become the person I want to be. I also want to save my sister, who has worse anxiety than I ever have. After that, I want to save everyone else. If this stuff could change me so drastically in such a short period of time, then it can change anyone. It can change the world.