Thread: How to stop dreaming about a specific person?

I think dreams will keep happening, until you resolve the issue. Until you really move on. Which is hard to do, if something affected you deeply. If something happened, that gave you strong feelings. Even if you consciously have moved on, but unconsciously you are still affected by the feelings, dreams may keep happening.

Dreams are not bad. Make peace, truly. If that is not possible, give yourself permission to dream about subjects that may be uncomfortable. Know, that they are trying to help you by enacting scenarios.

Or, you can try and contact her and tell her exactly what you said here. Then the ball is in her court and if no response, you can try to move on, knowing. It's not easy, I know. Sometimes you don't get a closure and you have to live with it. : (

Originally Posted by gab

I think dreams will keep happening, until you resolve the issue. Until you really move on. Which is hard to do, if something affected you deeply. If something happened, that gave you strong feelings. Even if you consciously have moved on, but unconsciously you are still affected by the feelings, dreams may keep happening.

Dreams are not bad. Make peace, truly. If that is not possible, give yourself permission to dream about subjects that may be uncomfortable. Know, that they are trying to help you by enacting scenarios.

Or, you can try and contact her and tell her exactly what you said here. Then the ball is in her court and if no response, you can try to move on, knowing. It's not easy, I know. Sometimes you don't get a closure and you have to live with it. : (

Problem being, yeah, moving on is difficult, especially since this has been the only person in my life I've ever had feelings for. Since I've never been in the situation, my mind does not really know how to cope with it. Oh, I know I didn't even consciously move on. It's on my mind some days.

I didn't say dreams were bad, however, when trying to just forget this stuff ever really happened, dreaming about it helps nothing. And telling her anything would be awkward. I don't know, I have a feeling telling people I dream about you constantly and can't get you out of my mind can be off-putting. Especially if I go into detail. Like there's the happy, less likely, scenario where we got married and had children, and then there's the one where I gave up on all that kind of stuff, and became an alcoholic, who worked part-time jobs till death. There was pretty much no neutrality there. My brain is either saying it can go great and extremely bad.

That aside, I doubt she'd respond. She seemed to just want to leave my life as quick she could. Of course, I could just be thinking the wrong way. When graduation ends, everyone wants to leave as quick as possible it seems. Whatever, I guess I'll just learn to deal with it. I don't really see an option, and I don't think bothering her through social media is the best idea.

And wow, she was in a dream right after I posted this and went to sleep. Fun.

Sometimes only time will heal : (

maybe the dream is not about the girl at all, but for example about your anxiety of speaking with girls and thats whats bothering you? Make a plan with yourself next time you find a girl you like or dream about the other one talk to her and tell her how you feel

Originally Posted by oneironautics

maybe the dream is not about the girl at all, but for example about your anxiety of speaking with girls and thats whats bothering you? Make a plan with yourself next time you find a girl you like or dream about the other one talk to her and tell her how you feel

I don't think that's the problem. Being the more feminine male I am, girls tend to get along with me easily as friends. Any further though, and it's a problem. And really, even if that was the case, wouldn't this have happened before, rather than at 18?

i've been dreaming about one guy for more then 15 years (talk about annoying) i made up my mind too kill him and he dissappeared for awhile but he came back, i've considered everything soulmates etc etc etc. But now i think it didn't have anything to do with him, can't even remember what he looks like anymore....
My guy is about approval, like now i'm waiting for test results completely unrelated and lots of dreams about this dude,

Originally Posted by oneironautics

i've been dreaming about one guy for more then 15 years (talk about annoying) i made up my mind too kill him and he dissappeared for awhile but he came back, i've considered everything soulmates etc etc etc. But now i think it didn't have anything to do with him, can't even remember what he looks like anymore....
My guy is about approval, like now i'm waiting for test results completely unrelated and lots of dreams about this dude,

Ooh, that's gotta be bad. I mean, I could kill dream her and maybe that'll make her go away, but I really don't like doing those kind of things. Plus, me being lucid happens so little often. And even when it does, I rarely have full control. I have control closer to a video game. I can control my actions, but something is pushing more for me to do specific things. It's like an illusion of choice, so if my mind decides it's not an option, it won't be. But, oddly enough, I dreamed about her again. Typically, the dreams don't involve her as a person, usually just seeing her from afar. But we actually talked in this dream, and we were back at school being buddies like we used to. The only difference was, she had a different vibe. It was more closer to tolerance than friendship. Granted, I still felt a friendly feeling, but it just didn't feel the same.

Which actually I realized, was a similar scenario to a previous friend of mine. I thought we were good friends, but apparently, she hated my guts and was only being nice. Maybe my brain's just thinking it's a similar situation. And I'm just thinking "was she a true friend at all?". I'd say she was, but I think it's the doubt that's triggering this.

Yeck! This is a hard one! For me, I try to Dream Journal how I feel and such. Sometimes, I try to go lucid to talk to them and listen to what they need to say. It's your dream, not theirs. Have you tried making that clear to them? For me, I got to the point where the Dream Character was not always the center of attention anymore. There are times though when I'm stressed or upset about something the dream character comes back. When I do see them now, I take the note and acknowledge that they are there but, that's it, then I move on.
You can't always kill or get rid of a dream character because there is always a risk for them of coming back because of your unresolved emotions. Even in a lucid dream. The dream may be a way of alerting you to similar behavioral patterns and your mood in your current relationships that you may have in real life. What you learned from that previous relationship and scenarios may need to be applied to the present one so, that you do not repeat the same mistakes.

Originally Posted by DreamVixen

Yeck! This is a hard one! For me, I try to Dream Journal how I feel and such. Sometimes, I try to go lucid to talk to them and listen to what they need to say. It's your dream, not theirs. Have you tried making that clear to them? For me, I got to the point where the Dream Character was not always the center of attention anymore. There are times though when I'm stressed or upset about something the dream character comes back. When I do see them now, I take the note and acknowledge that they are there but, that's it, then I move on.
You can't always kill or get rid of a dream character because there is always a risk for them of coming back because of your unresolved emotions. Even in a lucid dream. The dream may be a way of alerting you to similar behavioral patterns and your mood in your current relationships that you may have in real life. What you learned from that previous relationship and scenarios may need to be applied to the present one so, that you do not repeat the same mistakes.

The problem with that last point is, I have no relationships. I haven't talked to her since graduation. Hell, I haven't talked to anyone since graduation. I've barely left my house since then. So I really have no relationships to speak of. So I don't see how that would work.

Have you tried to find something else to do think about?

Originally Posted by DreamVixen

Have you tried to find something else to do think about?

Not really, for me, there's nothing to really think about. When you're stuck at home, you don't have a lot of options of distraction.

If your stuck at home, you can always join groups and find people to chat with, if you can't be meeting new people in your area . If you want to get good at making new relationships you have to practice :-) Otherwise you have a very good dreamsign, why not try and use her to get lucid :-)

Originally Posted by oneironautics

If your stuck at home, you can always join groups and find people to chat with, if you can't be meeting new people in your area . If you want to get good at making new relationships you have to practice :-) Otherwise you have a very good dreamsign, why not try and use her to get lucid :-)

I'm unaware of two things about your comment. Groups and dream signs. I'm unaware of really both those things. And meeting new people? It took me years to just speak to the person mentioned in this thread. Of course, that was slightly different, since it was more than just friendly feelings.

On dream signs, so they're just recurring elements in dreams, as far as I'm aware. And groups, I'm not entirely sure I've ever heard of groups just to be social or anything.

1. Yep! Dream signs are common elements that show up often in dreams, and that indicates you are dreaming. They can be used as a reality check to help you become lucid. Hopefully, you train yourself to question your surroundings when you see a dream sign that one day when she is present. You can also, try to All Day Awareness. All-Day-Awareness, a technique to aid in inducing lucid dreams. ADA by definition is all about developing a habit of paying attention to details of your surroundings and yourself (awareness) while awake, with the intention of being more aware in your dreams.
2. Do you keep a Dream Journal? Even if you don't become lucid right away, you could start to keep track on what is causing you dream about her.

Originally Posted by DreamVixen

1. Yep! Dream signs are common elements that show up often in dreams, and that indicates you are dreaming. They can be used as a reality check to help you become lucid. Hopefully, you train yourself to question your surroundings when you see a dream sign that one day when she is present. You can also, try to All Day Awareness. All-Day-Awareness, a technique to aid in inducing lucid dreams. ADA by definition is all about developing a habit of paying attention to details of your surroundings and yourself (awareness) while awake, with the intention of being more aware in your dreams.
2. Do you keep a Dream Journal? Even if you don't become lucid right away, you could start to keep track on what is causing you dream about her.

1. Well, the problem with inducing lucidity, is that I often get immersed even if I do notice, so while I do have control of my actions to a degree, they're heavily limited, and I feel set on a certain path.

2. I have never kept a Dream Journal in my life, but to be honest, I don't think anything specifically is causing those dreams. It's just that she's on my mind, and I was not able to have any closure regarding her.

To be honest, I'm getting the feeling you just looking at the whole thing negatively. You know that being negative is not exactly a good thing for lucid dreaming, perhaps, try looking at the positive side of her showing up in your dreams. At least, it's not all bad. If you ever change your mind and decide to get in contact with her in real life, you can always practice maybe what you are going to say when you are dreaming of her.
Please note that as we help you here, I mean that this does place not serve as a replacement for mental or psychological counseling. We are encouraged to think for ourselves and keep an open mind. Need help that is outside of dreaming, go for it.

Originally Posted by DreamVixen

To be honest, I'm getting the feeling you just looking at the whole thing negatively. You know that being negative is not exactly a good thing for lucid dreaming, perhaps, try looking at the positive side of her showing up in your dreams. At least, it's not all bad. If you ever change your mind and decide to get in contact with her in real life, you can always practice maybe what you are going to say when you are dreaming of her.
Please note that as we help you here, I mean that this does place not serve as a replacement for mental or psychological counseling. We are encouraged to think for ourselves and keep an open mind. Need help that is outside of dreaming, go for it.

I do agree that practicing would be helpful if I ever did decide. 80% of the dreams involving her did not involve lucidity for the most part. Also, I in no way implied that it was for mental or psychological counseling.

Originally Posted by Naos210

I do agree that practicing would be helpful if I ever did decide. 80% of the dreams involving her did not involve lucidity for the most part.

Yeah, that's I see that. We have people that can help with strengthening your lucidity and such.

And groups, I'm not entirely sure I've ever heard of groups just to be social or anything.[/QUOTE]
For example Dreamviews Community a place to discuss dreaming etc basically a social group, also Facebook is filled with thousands of chat groups for any topic you might be interested in .

The problem is that the more you think about her during the day, the more likely you will dream about her at night. Try not to think about her and do something that keeps you busy, to get over her. Good luck!

Have you tried anything that will build your confidence?

It wouldn't matter if you spend hours or minutes on something If you are like me, it will eventually show up in your dream. For me, if I hear something or see something it even a day or years, I would most like be in my dreams regardless. That said when I DJ, I try to pick up other things in the dream besides of just one person if I practice "WBTB" and All Day awareness. I also recall more dream if I don't just fixate on just one person or just one subject.

Btw, I had an issue with an ex-friend that happened in real life that spilled over into my dreams. The dreams that were filled with emotions and stuff that I could not shake but, somehow I got thru it. I also, seen people from school that I've had crushes from time to time too but, now, they are not so painful because I somehow learned that how my mind and dream mind works. Now, when I see those people, it is not so painful as it was before.

I know this thread was a little while ago but it just wanted to add the following. You clearly want to forget this girl and I sense a certain amount of bitterness that you seemingly meant less to her than she meant to you. Really this is an issue you need to work out, because trying to forget the whole thing and moving on with your life clearly isn't working. Its not that you need to contact her or anything, just that you need to work on your own self-worth.

Originally Posted by cece23

I know this thread was a little while ago but it just wanted to add the following. You clearly want to forget this girl and I sense a certain amount of bitterness that you seemingly meant less to her than she meant to you. Really this is an issue you need to work out, because trying to forget the whole thing and moving on with your life clearly isn't working. Its not that you need to contact her or anything, just that you need to work on your own self-worth.

While that may be part of it, the thing is, that "certain amount of bitterness that you seemingly meant less to her than she meant to you" could apply to most people I've met in my life. And it's never been this prevalent with anyone else.