I killed my ex girlfriend

**Dragonborn** · 10-25-2017 11:56 AM

So basically i dreamed of killing my ex.
Let me just sum up my 1 year real short.

My ex girlfriend is depressed. And really a lot. Before we started dating, she was in an unhappy relationship with an abusive guy. She kept this hidden for everyone. He was also a cheater. People kept telling her this but she didn't want to believe it.

Fastfoward 6 years he gets a girl pregnant and her eyes finally open so she breaks up with him after getting some advice on not go to back.

Fastfowarding... Now me and her are dating. First few months went great. She went on vacation for the first time ever with me to a different country. We watched movies and series together. An most importantly, i supported her. I wanted to give her all the things that she deserved but never got.

After maybe 6 months we started having alot of fights and i started to see her high ego but small heart. We had a lot of fights because i simply started mistrusting her. And the way she reacted when i said anything just makes things worse.
When we broke up i actually felt really good, because i just felt being used for her emotional needs. And said things like that she doesn't need me, she wants me. Well... Worst thing to say to a guy, but she didn't understand nor tried to. So i felt like continuing this would be a waste of time.

I'm single for a month and a half now i guess. And i just woke up sweating and scared. Took me a second to remember what just happened. I had a dream where i first encountered my ex girlfriends ex boyfriend (the abusive one). He started to attack me so we fought for a bit. I took control and said that we should just talk like men and fighting for a b*tch will get us nowhere. After that we went to my ex girlfriends house.
I don't remember what we talked about actually. The only thing i remember is shooting her in the face and she survived it. Then i threw her out of the window but she survived. And that's when i woke up.
What's the meaning of this?

**Lichi** · 10-25-2017 08:25 PM

My personal interpretation and view is that you have anger that you are holding to your ex-girlfriend and in your dream you even went to extremes, trying to kill her twice, however without success. The meaning this could have could be as a lesson: if you want to solve your anger even going to extremes won't work, maybe you should try another way to solve it. And for this one of the approaches im thinking is forgiving. From what you are saying, you are recognizing or interpreting she used you. You can use that to accept it and can forgive her. It will be powerful. I believe those courses of action can bring peace, and one of their manifestations is to have calm and nice sleep rather than having nightmares and waking up sweaty hehe. With this i mean that even if forgiving doesn't seem relevant, it is, and it has nice effects.

**oneironautics** · 11-04-2017 05:44 PM

maybe you are feeling guilty because she is emotionally unstable, and you might have broken her heart :-(

**Darkmatters** · 11-05-2017 12:12 AM

It sounds like she might be addicted to abusive guys and maybe you weren't giving her the high emotional drama she wants, so she started escalating until you either gave her that or split. I suspect killing her in your dream was a way of trying to get her out of your system - killing off your lingering feelings for her, now that you understand (intellectually anyway) what kind of person she is. Inside, deep in the subconscious, you might still love her and believe that she's really a great person. It can take a while to get the intellectual knowledge into the subconscious - it tends to hold on to those naive emotional attachments for a long time. Personally I think it's a good sign that you killed her twice. Sounds like she bounced back, but just keep doing it. I don't mean in dreams - I mean keep telling yourself that she really wasn't the great person you thought she was at first, and that it's for the best that you're not with her anymore. Eventually it'll get through and you'll be free of the lingering feelings. Maybe imagine what would happen if you got back together with her - how it would really go. Act it out in fantasy or something - that can be a powerful way of getting a message into the subconscious. Make it understand the real situation.

**Dragonborn** · 11-05-2017 05:32 PM

That's completely not the case. She was unstable before we started dating. I actually wanted to help her and make her emotionally stronger.

**Dragonborn** · 11-05-2017 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by Lichi

My personal interpretation and view is that you have anger that you are holding to your ex-girlfriend and in your dream you even went to extremes, trying to kill her twice, however without success. The meaning this could have could be as a lesson: if you want to solve your anger even going to extremes won't work, maybe you should try another way to solve it. And for this one of the approaches im thinking is forgiving. From what you are saying, you are recognizing or interpreting she used you. You can use that to accept it and can forgive her. It will be powerful. I believe those courses of action can bring peace, and one of their manifestations is to have calm and nice sleep rather than having nightmares and waking up sweaty hehe. With this i mean that even if forgiving doesn't seem relevant, it is, and it has nice effects.

Forgiving her is what i told myself to do. But i don't see a real reason for forgiving her. Because i don't feel like i'm holding on to a grudge. I just think that it's a shame that she's like that.

**Dragonborn** · 11-05-2017 05:46 PM

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

It sounds like she might be addicted to abusive guys and maybe you weren't giving her the high emotional drama she wants, so she started escalating until you either gave her that or split. I suspect killing her in your dream was a way of trying to get her out of your system - killing off your lingering feelings for her, now that you understand (intellectually anyway) what kind of person she is. Inside, deep in the subconscious, you might still love her and believe that she's really a great person. It can take a while to get the intellectual knowledge into the subconscious - it tends to hold on to those naive emotional attachments for a long time. Personally I think it's a good sign that you killed her twice. Sounds like she bounced back, but just keep doing it. I don't mean in dreams - I mean keep telling yourself that she really wasn't the great person you thought she was at first, and that it's for the best that you're not with her anymore. Eventually it'll get through and you'll be free of the lingering feelings. Maybe imagine what would happen if you got back together with her - how it would really go. Act it out in fantasy or something - that can be a powerful way of getting a message into the subconscious. Make it understand the real situation.

My emotions for her are pretty naïve i can see that now. Maybe because i had a crush on her for so long that i didn't saw the bad behaviour she started to get.
I'm also pretty sure that if i would get back in a relationship with her that i would beat the living sh** out of her. Anyway, thnx for your reply. I pretty much understand it better now.

**Darkmatters** · 11-05-2017 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by Dragonborn

That's completely not the case. She was unstable before we started dating. I actually wanted to help her and make her emotionally stronger.

That never works. If you enter into a relationship with a damaged person you won't be able to help them unless they really want to help themselves, and even then - especially if it involves some form of addiction (like an emotional addiction to fighting or abusive partners) chances are they're only going to fall back into that behavior. The thing to do is learn to recognize that kind of behavior and don't get involved with those emotional vampires. What they really want is a nice stable person around that they can abuse, though they don't recognize that themselves (of course). Vampires feed on the blood of the living - it's a really perfect metaphor for what abusive people do. And if they get treated badly enough and keep naively coming back for more, then the living victim becomes undead themselves - either through depression or they become abusers themselves. I believe this is the real core of why the vampire myth resonates so strongly with us, because it reflects very real and very prevalent behavior that affects all of us. The moral is no matter how charismatic or attractive the vampires are, don't trust them and let them in.

**Darkmatters** · 11-05-2017 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by Dragonborn

That's completely not the case. She was unstable before we started dating. I actually wanted to help her and make her emotionally stronger.

That never works. If you enter into a relationship with a damaged person you won't be able to help them unless they really want to help themselves, and even then - especially if it involves some form of addiction (like an emotional addiction to fighting or abusive partners) chances are they're only going to fall back into that behavior. The thing to do is learn to recognize that kind of behavior and don't get involved with those emotional vampires. What they really want is a nice stable person around that they can abuse, though they don't recognize that themselves (of course). Vampires feed on the blood of the living - it's a really perfect metaphor for what abusive people do. And if the victim gets treated badly enough and keeps naively coming back for more, then he becomes 'undead' himself - either through depression or he becomes abusive. I believe this is the real core of why the vampire myth resonates so strongly with us, because it reflects very real and very prevalent behavior that affects all of us. The moral is no matter how charismatic or attractive the vampires are, don't trust them and don't let them in.Incidentally, this is why vampires need to be invited into a house - they can't do anything to you that you don't implicitly allow them to do. You have to 'invite' them into your life.

**Dragonborn** · 11-06-2017 12:48 PM

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

That never works. If you enter into a relationship with a damaged person you won't be able to help them unless they really want to help themselves, and even then - especially if it involves some form of addiction (like an emotional addiction to fighting or abusive partners) chances are they're only going to fall back into that behavior. The thing to do is learn to recognize that kind of behavior and don't get involved with those emotional vampires. What they really want is a nice stable person around that they can abuse, though they don't recognize that themselves (of course). Vampires feed on the blood of the living - it's a really perfect metaphor for what abusive people do. And if they get treated badly enough and keep naively coming back for more, then the living victim becomes undead themselves - either through depression or they become abusers themselves. I believe this is the real core of why the vampire myth resonates so strongly with us, because it reflects very real and very prevalent behavior that affects all of us. The moral is no matter how charismatic or attractive the vampires are, don't trust them and let them in.

I feel even better now that i showed her the door. The last few weeks in the relationship i started feeling what you described here. I had less energy for everything. Like she was draining my energy. I just started feeling like she wasn't worth all these headaches. This just confirms it so it makes it easier to actually move on.