Thread: Poetry Battle

I liked the Blu-ray image. He just didn't do anything spectacular with it, so it seemed awkwardly inserted.

Originally Posted by nerve

well, the only thing I have to say is, I sincerely admire you and look forward to shaking your hand at the dv meet.

that is, if you don't totally hate me now :')

Spilled milk, man. No hard feelings.

Originally Posted by Siиdяed

If you want to do a better poem, some practical steps towards that might be reading far more poetry, and spending time revising and editing your own work. Being able to scrawl out spontaneous genius is rare as fuck, and especially difficult given a powerful poem tends to have little by way of wasted words.

Immerse yourself in some poetry (of all kinds, do try and look at differing schools and styles and eras) and then write something out. Then read it over. And revise it. Over. And over. And over. Until every verse is something you're fucking proud of.

Thank you, Sin.

You see, I've always liked writing, but "poetry" has never really been my thing. I rap, which is much more straight-forward, so what separates a good rhyme from actual "poetry", is a line I'm really not too familiar with.

I definitely agree about the revising every line thing, but it must be considered that this was a timed contest. I did mine in little more than an hour (truthfully, it's because I procrastinated until the end, already sure that I was going to with the contest. Lol.) so I really didn't leave myself enough time for revision.

Originally Posted by Aquanina

I thought it was quite good, minus the blu-ray.

Originally Posted by Siиdяed

I liked the Blu-ray image. He just didn't do anything spectacular with it, so it seemed awkwardly inserted.

I think Xox nailed it. By the end, the Blu-Ray line was something I wished I would have either changed, or taken out. That, and the "you're worth it" line. But I was down to the wire, and needed something to rhyme, as well as "sum up" how I felt about the whole thing. That was the best I could come up with, then and there. Lol.

But yeah, I agree that, overall, it was a bit half-assed. With no restriction, there's no question that I could do much better. But when I saw words like "inane", and tone like nerve was taking, I got a bit up in arms, because I didn't think it was that bad.

I appreciate the feedback, though, everyone. :

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

I rap, which is much more straight-forward, so what separates a good rhyme from actual "poetry", is a line I'm really not too familiar with.

Here are some things I think about when I try to cross that line between rap and poetry. Maybe they'll work for you.

Try to get deeper with your metaphors. To the point where three people could read them and get three different meanings out of it. Avoid "Like" whenever describing it. Try to avoid all pop culture references. Try different styles of rhyming since you don't have to be confined to bars like most raps. Focus on the entire sentence. And most of all, just practice.

Originally Posted by Akono

Here are some things I think about when I try to cross that line between rap and poetry. Maybe they'll work for you.

Try to get deeper with your metaphors. To the point where three people could read them and get three different meanings out of it. Avoid "Like" whenever describing it. Try to avoid all pop culture references. Try different styles of rhyming since you don't have to be confined to bars like most raps. Focus on the entire sentence. And most of all, just practice.

Very good advice, Akono. Thanks.

Originally Posted by Akono

Try to avoid all pop culture references.

Not sure everyone from modernism onwards would agree.

Originally Posted by Siиdяed

Not sure everyone from modernism onwards would agree.

The same with spoke word. it was just a generalization though.