Thread: Writings

god?
Innocent children die in the arms of thier mothers,
Men cry out for what they cant provide,
Young boys are taught to kill,
Girls scream for the many loves they've lost,
Hopes are killed dispite the reluctance,
so where is your god now?

Very nice, Shaelyn! Good emotion, though I would suggest working on shortening some sentences in "I Have Never Been In Love". Some are too long, and need better structuring.

Originally Posted by Man of Steel

Very nice, Shaelyn! Good emotion, though I would suggest working on shortening some sentences in "I Have Never Been In Love". Some are too long, and need better structuring.

I agree.

How long have you been writing? You should definitely post once you've finished them all! Keep up the good work.

Wow I really liked them, especially Insanity. They remind me of the philosophical wanderings that go on in my own mind lol. I don't believe in judging writing or music on what isn't there, people make what they want and put it on display so I'm not gonna tell you that you should have done this and that differently. I really like your thoughts and style.

"An insane man can write things of no meaning,
yet still be an inspiration."

^That line has far more meaning than I think a lot of people realize.

Originally Posted by ThePhobiaViewed

Wow I really liked them, especially Insanity. They remind me of the philosophical wanderings that go on in my own mind lol. I don't believe in judging writing or music on what isn't there, people make what they want and put it on display so I'm not gonna tell you that you should have done this and that differently. I really like your thoughts and style.

"An insane man can write things of no meaning,
yet still be an inspiration."

^That line has far more meaning than I think a lot of people realize.

Thank you ... and yes, insanity is one of my favorites also. It was based on Edgar Allen Poe at first then it evolved into more.

Originally Posted by nitsuJ

I agree.

How long have you been writing? You should definitely post once you've finished them all! Keep up the good work.

Thank you very much. I have been writing for about three years now. In between doing other hobbies that is.

My Hell
The hell that makes me cry,
Is the same hell you put me in,
The pitch black death that fills my heart,
Is the death I wish you shall have.
If you could only lose everything you have,
everything you ever cared about,
ever wanted,
ever loved,
and burn with each decieving remark you make,
maybe just maybe,
you might be in the same hell you put me in.

The five
Five steps overwhelm each of us … whether out of order or perfectly sequenced we all face each phase with an overpowering sense of emotion. Parting, for the time being, with you takes something out of everyone … some more than others. Believing is what keeps us strong…together we can not fail.
Grief- webs of water glide across flaming cheeks, the swelling knot in your throat seeps ever so slowly into your heart leaving it empty as you cry out to the open sky. Clutching at the world and trying not to let go but in the same instant wanting to relieve your grip.
Anger- building up like tsunami, ready to slaughter anything it its path. Clenched teeth, numb limbs, thudding to floor as you screech in the dead of night … ripping out every strand of hair and every inch of room inside your mind.
Bargaining- spare her and take me, my soul is gone without that life anyways. Hushed tones deep in secrecy … I won’t tell. Vortex of time turn it around and return her to this empty world and take me to make it less agonizing. I beg on hands and knees for her just to be.
Denial- it’s only a mere falsity … a never-ending nightmare. Dry the sodden eyes because the reason behind them is a lie. She’s here somewhere … it’s only a conspiracy or a cruel, wicked joke. I can not trust anyone because they are all lying through their teeth. Not real.
Acceptance - I can not understand but I must see that she was not only taken from me. She’s better there than here. War and plague does not spread where she has gone … only bright and loving light that matches every fiber of her being. Her uniqueness was needed somewhere else. She’s there … but still here engrained forever in our hearts.
We haven’t let go or forgotten but we will eventually come to realize that your beauty isn’t gone just moved for the moment.

( This was wrtten after my friends passing at age thirteen and revised when my aunt passed at age 23 ) RIP Christina Priest and Suzy P.

Vacant
Gone, like the birds that flutter inside me.
My soul hasen't got any room left to stay.
Vacuous interior.
Only a disaray of muddled thoughts,
without so much as a hint of emotion.
Tears are worthless with nothing to cry over.
So why do they keep seeping through my once dry eyes?

Again, very good! Also, moved to Artists' Corner where it belongs. I guess I didn't notice it wasn't there last night. No big deal.

Keep up the good work!

Originally Posted by Man of Steel

Very nice, Shaelyn! Good emotion, though I would suggest working on shortening some sentences in "I Have Never Been In Love". Some are too long, and need better structuring.

I agree too at the time I couldn't figure out how to do shorter sentences without it becoming too repeating. It was only a quick ten minute jot down I plan to work on it tonight or tomarrow.