jolting keeping me from relaxing enough?
When trying to WILD, sometimes I keep feeling myself jolt back to alertness, much like if I were sitting in some boring lecture and trying not to fall asleep. I think this must be the so-called "hypnic jerk." When it happens I always get a brief flash of hypnagogic imagery, so I'm sad when it immediately goes away. I'm sort of concerned though that constantly getting this shot of adrenaline from jolting awake might be preventing me from relaxing enough to enter SP fully. Another thing that happens is that I involuntarily gasp for air suddenly or today my hand suddenly moved on its own and I was very surprised because moving caused me to feel my blanket, which I had lost all awareness of.
So far I've never succeeded in getting into a dream, nor have I ever fallen asleep while trying (I'm one of those people who NEVER falls asleep unintentionally, and is jealous of how easily other people fall asleep). I haven't gotten as far as full sleep paralysis either, even though I've managed to lie totally still for at least an hour. I start to feel tingly and very heavy, but I'm still aware of the exact position I'm lying in, and if I try to move my body I still easily can even though it can feel a tad harder than when fully awake.
Suggestions, anyone?
I think I might have a solution
I was reading BillyBob's tutorial (sorry I can't post the link, I haven't been registered long enough) and I think it partially explained my troubles. I think two things I was doing wrong were:
1. I had it fixed in my head NOT to fall asleep. But actually, falling asleep is what you want, just with the added point that you still hold onto a tiny thread of awareness.
2. I kept inadvertently focusing on anticipating various things...SP, HH, dreaming, etc. Like thinking, "Is this SP? How is this going? When will I start hallucinating? Etc." Since I was too intent on waiting for and expecting things to happen, I couldn't really fall into a dream state.
These points are worsened a lot for me since I have an abnormally large amount of willpower when it comes to staying awake.
Another point, not in the tutorial, that I realized is that I've had an abnormally hard time getting used to sleeping in all kinds of situations. Like it took me a long time to learn to sleep in a hotel, or on a plane, or sharing a bed, etc. I had to very slowly get used to them first.
So here is my plan in a nutshell:
1. Try to habituate myself to experiencing hypnagogia and SP without being overly alarmed by them, even if it doesn't immediately lead to lucid dreaming at first.
2. Experiment with different anchors until I find one that works for me. I can actually do this in a somewhat systematic way. For each attempt, there are three possible outcomes:
A. I can't manage to fall asleep at all.
B. I fall asleep but without becoming lucid.
C. I successfully enter a dream.
If A happens, it means the anchor is too absorbing or I'm holding on to it too tightly. If B happens, I know the anchor isn't strong enough or I'm not concentrating on it enough.
First I intend to test the control cases. The first control case is getting up early in the morning and going back to sleep without any intention to have a lucid dream. The second is to get up and go back to bed, while setting an intention to become lucid but not doing any specific technique. If I can't even manage to fall asleep in those cases, then I know my problem runs deeper than the specific method of WILD I'm using.