Thread: Life Problems

As far as your girlfriend, do you consistently think about her when she's not with you? Does she consistently think about you when you're not with her (You can get an idea what she thinks by her actions)? In other words, are you both a high priority to each other? That's how I define love. If both are yes, then I think it would be safe to tell her what you think about her. If either one is no, it might be a bit risky.

Being judged will only affect you if you let it. Nobody else can control what you think about yourself unless you let them. You have free will in what you think and do. With a good sense of right and wrong, you'll be fine.

Try your best. It's the best you can do. Play out solutions to predicaments in your mind. Ask questions like "What can I do? What would happen if I did what I did. How would I react to what would happen if I did what I did?" Use your imagination to solve problems.

Hi Josh,

I saw your post and felt for you so had to reply.

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. Being your age is a difficult enough for someone with a family and friends to help out, but you don't have that, so I can see why you feel so alone. All I can say is that many people take to drink or drugs, or acting out, and (presumably) you haven't so well done for holding it together and well done for asking for help.

I will be honest and tell you exactly why I feel so much for you. I'm 47. I have problems with my parents which I won't go into any detail about, I wasn't fostered or anything but I was sent away to boarding school so I have a lot of feelings of abandonment, and other issues pre-dating that. I am only just starting to come to terms with some of this and going into therapy now, I wish I had been honest enough to try to look at these issues when I was younger it might have saved me many years of suffering. When I was 19 I was in a dependant relationship with my girlfriend at the time, I felt like the she was the only person in the world that I could talk to, and when we split up it tore my world apart (another abandoment!). I have spent my life hiding all my problems by being 'nice' and becoming a doctor to help other people and try to get the love I think I missed out in in childhood, all a symbolic acting out. I won't say any more about me, but I can perhaps see a little bit of myself in your story, and I feel for you.

I am sure there is a lot more to your story. I presume that there were some unpleasant circumstances leading to you needing to go into foster care and there will be some very difficult issues that you will need to deal with and face at some time, feelings of abandonment, anger, not being loved, only you know exactly what those are. They hurt, and they eat away at you and make you depressed and unhappy. Why are you frightened of being alone? My guess is that it triggers some very bad memories, even if just subconciously.

Self confidence is a big issue. You have a lot of reasons to lack confidence and not to believe in yourself. I would work on that. Easier said than done and you might need some help. No-one is going to understand exactly how you feel except a therapist who has spent many hours listening to your story, and I suspect that you desperately want someone to understand how you feel because no-one has ever given you the essential gift of doing that for you in the past (your parents??, but I'm not a therapist). Everyone is different. You can't go forward in life without some self confidence and I get the feeling that has been taken away from you. There is a wealth of information available these days online about building self confidence I would start reading.

Your relationship with your girlfriend is going to be complicated. There is so much playing out in it. You are looking for love to replace something you haven't got elsewhere in your life, and I think you know that, so you become confused about what love really is and doubt yourself. You say she has been hurt a lot in the past, perhaps that is why you got together, you are two hurt people trying to comfort each other, often that is how relationships play out.

It's not all hopeless, you are already looking at your life and trying to understand it rather than running away to drink or drugs and you want to do something about it. Life is not easy for everyone, some of us are not dealt a good hand to start with, it's hard but you can at least face it and try to do something about it. You are young so that is good, you have plenty of time. Look at it as a challenge rather than an obsticle, that's what I do, and an opportunity to look at yourself and probably learn more about life than someone who had it easy. I think (hope) you will be ok if you try to learn, understand, and ask for help.

Have you thought about getting some therapy? Also do read up on mindfulness, it's not for everyone, but it can help you keep some sort of control over bad feelings and help you function better until you work out what's going on deeper inside yourself.

By the way, I don't pretend to really understand what is going on with you and I am not a therapist, all the above is just based on my own experience and nothing else, so please only take from it what you want.

Tim.

Hi Josh,

I had already noticed your posts on the dream forums and I remember thinking, when I see his photo he looks so young, some of the things he says are really remarkable. I wouldn't have been able to describe things the way you do, at your age (only 17 I see confirmed in your message).

Again a reply by a much older person (Smudgefish who sent you a message before me says he's 47) I'm 49, and female. Maybe there are people of your age who could answer you something sensible, I'm sure I couldn't have, because I was feeling to bad myself at that time. And I.... I didn't go through any of the things that have happened to you.

I did have a family (without severe difficulties I suppose) but when I had to move out to go to university I just got lost... I think maybe the environment I had been in at home was to "protected" and I wasn't ready to face the world on my own. I stayed in my room a lot, looking for comfort I ate....didn't want to go fat so I threw up on purpose, ate more, threw up....etc. And I didn't know what was going on inside of me, I'm not sure I really know now (what was happening then)... you seem to know that perfectly well, and even though you have difficulties coping with it, you haven't got lost, you're asking for help...... that's really the best thing you can do.... it took me so long before I did.

I sense you're feeling guilty for being with your girlfriend without maybe really being in love with her, but I'm not sure I understand well enough how things are between the two of you. Being hurt as she's been she might be clinging on to you for the same reasons you're with her. I'd say just not tell her things like "you'll love her for the rest of your life" or talk about starting a family together... enjoy the comfort of not being alone. I hope this makes sense..

It's hard for me to say what it is that got me out of the place I was in. One thing I'm sure of is that it was very good for me to move from my room in the house of a family that I didn't have contact with, to a students flat, where there were young people, of all kinds, around me all the time. I know a lot of young people who rented a room each in a "normal" house, not only students, but also young working people. They would cook together and hang out together in the communal kitchen, and go back to their room to be alone when they wanted to. Doesn't something like that exist in your country?

I don't have any other advice, the things Smudgefish says in his message, about reading up about building self confidence and mindfullness, are very useful if you ask my opinion.

Hang in there!

Hirondelle

Originally Posted by Smudgefish

Hi Josh,

I saw your post and felt for you so had to reply.

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. Being your age is a difficult enough for someone with a family and friends to help out, but you don't have that, so I can see why you feel so alone. All I can say is that many people take to drink or drugs, or acting out, and (presumably) you haven't so well done for holding it together and well done for asking for help.

Actually, I use to take drugs less than a year ago, I would take them near enough everyday but it would make me happy and make me feel confident, but I quit in June 2015 because I was changing, I became homeless ( that's why am not in foster care no more ). They found out, I was a totally different person, I got help from my social worker and other people. They gave me only £5 a day so I couldn't by no drugs. Honestly it worked.

I will be honest and tell you exactly why I feel so much for you. I'm 47. I have problems with my parents which I won't go into any detail about, I wasn't fostered or anything but I was sent away to boarding school so I have a lot of feelings of abandonment, and other issues pre-dating that. I am only just starting to come to terms with some of this and going into therapy now, I wish I had been honest enough to try to look at these issues when I was younger it might have saved me many years of suffering. When I was 19 I was in a dependant relationship with my girlfriend at the time, I felt like the she was the only person in the world that I could talk to, and when we split up it tore my world apart (another abandoment!). I have spent my life hiding all my problems by being 'nice' and becoming a doctor to help other people and try to get the love I think I missed out in in childhood, all a symbolic acting out. I won't say any more about me, but I can perhaps see a little bit of myself in your story, and I feel for you.

I honestly 100% get you, I feel as though I'm the guy who sits in the corner with a smile on his face trying to help other people but I'm just the one that's hurting inside, I try to not express my problems because I believe that it's not others to deal with. I try to fix other people's problems but it's not enough because I can't even fix my own.

I am sure there is a lot more to your story. I presume that there were some unpleasant circumstances leading to you needing to go into foster care and there will be some very difficult issues that you will need to deal with and face at some time, feelings of abandonment, anger, not being loved, only you know exactly what those are. They hurt, and they eat away at you and make you depressed and unhappy. Why are you frightened of being alone? My guess is that it triggers some very bad memories, even if just subconciously.

It terrifies me being alone because I never really have anyone to talk to apart from my girlfriend but I also like being alone at times because I can actually think about stuff, I can get some stuff done easily by myself.

Self confidence is a big issue. You have a lot of reasons to lack confidence and not to believe in yourself. I would work on that. Easier said than done and you might need some help. No-one is going to understand exactly how you feel except a therapist who has spent many hours listening to your story, and I suspect that you desperately want someone to understand how you feel because no-one has ever given you the essential gift of doing that for you in the past (your parents??, but I'm not a therapist). Everyone is different. You can't go forward in life without some self confidence and I get the feeling that has been taken away from you. There is a wealth of information available these days online about building self confidence I would start reading.

Self confidence is the biggest, I walk out my front door and I feel scared, I often ask myself "why is she/he looking at me like that" I get so paranoid!!

Your relationship with your girlfriend is going to be complicated. There is so much playing out in it. You are looking for love to replace something you haven't got elsewhere in your life, and I think you know that, so you become confused about what love really is and doubt yourself. You say she has been hurt a lot in the past, perhaps that is why you got together, you are two hurt people trying to comfort each other, often that is how relationships play out.

She's happy and that makes me happy, I guess that's all there is for now.

It's not all hopeless, you are already looking at your life and trying to understand it rather than running away to drink or drugs and you want to do something about it. Life is not easy for everyone, some of us are not dealt a good hand to start with, it's hard but you can at least face it and try to do something about it. You are young so that is good, you have plenty of time. Look at it as a challenge rather than an obsticle, that's what I do, and an opportunity to look at yourself and probably learn more about life than someone who had it easy. I think (hope) you will be ok if you try to learn, understand, and ask for help.

Have you thought about getting some therapy? Also do read up on mindfulness, it's not for everyone, but it can help you keep some sort of control over bad feelings and help you function better until you work out what's going on deeper inside yourself.

I meditate on and off, it gives me a good sense on positivity in my life, makes me looks on the bright side of things but that doesn't last very long.

By the way, I don't pretend to really understand what is going on with you and I am not a therapist, all the above is just based on my own experience and nothing else, so please only take from it what you want.

Tim.

have answered in the quotes.

Josh,

Very good to hear back from you.

I'm very pleased to hear that you are off the drugs.

I honestly 100% get you, I feel as though I'm the guy who sits in the corner with a smile on his face trying to help other people but I'm just the one that's hurting inside, I try to not express my problems because I believe that it's not others to deal with. I try to fix other people's problems but it's not enough because I can't even fix my own

.
Much more difficult to fix your own problems, and in reality there are a lot of people out there who feel the same but no-one talks about it. I know because I'm like that, and my patients tell me the same thing, I know that probably doesn't help you. I think you are good at expressing your problems when you want to. You are probably also a very good listener and I am sure will help a lot of people in your life because you care and understand.

It terrifies me being alone because I never really have anyone to talk to apart from my girlfriend but I also like being alone at times because I can actually think about stuff, I can get some stuff done easily by myself.

I also like being on my own more than anything. It's nice to just be able to think and act exactly how you want to without having to think about other people. Being able to be happy with your own company I think shows a strength of character.

She's happy and that makes me happy, I guess that's all there is for now.

No point over analysing it I agree, just enjoy it. Maybe not totally relevant but have you heard of the Buddhist principle of impermanence? I wish I had understood it at your age.

I meditate on and off, it gives me a good sense on positivity in my life, makes me looks on the bright side of things but that doesn't last very long.

Talking of Buddhism..... and mindfulness. That's great you are meditating. It takes a lot of practice but it is worth it.
Overall you sound like you are making a very good start at trying to understand yourself, you are miles further ahead than I was at your age. It's taken me 30 years to get to this point!

One other thing that occured to me is that I used to do a lot of voluntary work when I was younger. It's a great way to meet people like yourself, feel useful, and future employers see it as a sign that you will be a good committed employee. Just a thought.

Don't give up! Life is hard, but worth it.

Hi, Hirondelle.

It's really comforting that you think that about me at my age. I feel like I should really discuss this with adults because you have more experince, life experince. You have made me realise something aswell, I don't want to face the big world alone, you have just helped with me a realizeation. I do want help with people but there are only so much people can tell me, the rest is down to me im afraid.

Things are difficult with her because she says she loves me ( I say it back because I don't want to have that awkward moment). When I say it back I sense a bit of tension in my voice, I don't like saying it back, I feel like I'm leading her on.

Where I live is with a bunch of people, helping me towards my independence, as I said above people can only help me so much and the rest I have to do on my own.

Hi, Smudgefish.

I feel like I ( and others )do not talk about our problems because we feel like we have no one to talk to, like no one can really help, am I correct? I do like to listen to other people's problems. Once I listen to there problems I kinda of feel like my problems are nothing compared to there's. By this I mean, there are people out there who have worse problems than i do and they need more help than I do, which is why I seem the quiet kid.

Being truly happy I don't think I've really experienced that since I was a kid, when we didnt have any worries. It seems like such a long time, I have a few happy memories from my childhood that I want to experince again, hence while learning to LD so I can relive them memories.

I'm starting to get the hang of meditation, I'm feeling refreshed and actually being able to think after my sessions. I only meditate 5-10 mins twice a day. I dont think I'm way ahead, I feel like I'm stuck, like I'm going back instead of forward.

I haven't heard of what you're referring to? Never really researched Buddhism, do you have a link to what you're talking about?

[QUOTE=JoshMcNaught;2190582]Hi, Hirondelle.

the rest is down to me im afraid.

True, in the end it's all up to you, you're the only one that determines what you think, and what you think determines how you feel.... But I do think that other people can help you arrange your thoughts...

I don't like saying it back, I feel like I'm leading her on.

I recognize that, even though it's a long time ago for me. Maybe she really does, that's possible, but "I love you" means so many different things to different people... like I said, just don't promise her that you will love her for ever and that you are going to spend the rest of your life together. I don't like being dishonest, I've even been told that I'm too honest, but (even though not everybody might agree with me) I think there are cases where it's better to go around the truth a bit to avoid hurting people (in this case her and yourself)

Where I live is with a bunch of people, helping me towards my independence

I understood that, I was just wondering if there wouldn't be a possibility to keep living with a bunch of people after you leave there. I did so until I was 23.

Hirondelle

Hi, Hirondelle.

That's one of the reason why I'm meditating, to develop a positive attitude towards life and to change the way I think, feel and act. It's truly down to me I believe because no one can force what I can and can't do. I know what's right and what's wrong so that's a good start.

She says she wants to be with me till the day she dies and that I'm her first real love. I think that determines how she really feels about me.

The only 2 options I have is a flat and a hostel, i wouldn't be able to cope in a hostel here as there full of drug addicts and I don't think I would be in a safe enviroment.

That's one of the reason why I'm meditating, to develop a positive attitude towards life and to change the way I think, feel and act. It's truly down to me I believe because no one can force what I can and can't do. I know what's right and what's wrong so that's a good start.

Seems to me you're on the right track!

She says she wants to be with me till the day she dies and that I'm her first real love. I think that determines how she really feels about me.

Difficult to answer to this one.... I think I've said something similar to my first boyfriend, who cheated on my after a couple of months. At 19 I met the real love of my live, as difficult as it is every now and then, I'm still with him!

I don't think I would be in a safe enviroment.

No, that would be no good... But you have to make sure that you don't stay alone in that flat all the time. I read Smudgefish mentioned volunteering, and what that could mean to you. Maybe something to think about?

Hirondelle

I feel like I ( and others )do not talk about our problems because we feel like we have no one to talk to, like no one can really help, am I correct?

Again everyone is different. Talking about your problems can be ENORMOUSLY helpful! I get the feeling that you don't feel that you are important enough for anyone to want to listen to your problems - that's certainly how I used to feel - but it comes back to self esteem, you need to value yourself enough to feel that you are worth bothering about - and you are.
I also used to think in some sort of magical way that if I tried to help other people then they would want to help me, but I never asked, so never got any help. It doesn't work like that, you have to ask - as in do tell people when you are upset or worried, then they will help you, most people actually like to help (like on this forum!!).
The other thing is that you have to ask the right person, that's either a good friend, although I realise you don't have that option, your girlfriend, a therapist, or somewhere like here. There are lots of people with lots of different views out there very willing to try to help.

I haven't heard of what you're referring to? Never really researched Buddhism, do you have a link to what you're talking about?

Plenty about the basics of Buddhism on wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhism. It's the basis of all mindfullness. I'm not Buddhist myself but a lot of the theory and teaching (Dhama) is fascinating and very insightful. It has helped me a lot in the past.

Being truly happy I don't think I've really experienced that since I was a kid, when we didnt have any worries. It seems like such a long time, I have a few happy memories from my childhood that I want to experince again, hence while learning to LD so I can relive them memories.

That is sad, and I mean that in a very caring way. You can't go through life without being happy again, maybe that's how you feel, but try and stay positive that things can get better. You are doing the right things to make your life better you must carry on as you are and keep trying and don't give up. You can do it.

Tim.

Originally Posted by Hirondelle

Seems to me you're on the right track!


Difficult to answer to this one.... I think I've said something similar to my first boyfriend, who cheated on my after a couple of months. At 19 I met the real love of my live, as difficult as it is every now and then, I'm still with him!

No, that would be no good... But you have to make sure that you don't stay alone in that flat all the time. I read Smudgefish mentioned volunteering, and what that could mean to you. Maybe something to think about?

Hirondelle

I feel like I'm on track also, I'm always expecting for things to change in an instant which I know will never happen, but I'm coming to terms that it's not the case, I'm growing up and in order to get the things I want, I need to work for it.

I believe in love, but right now I feel as though it's not for me at the moment, how can i love someone else when I don't fully accept myself and love myself?

I'm a very stubborn person if you ever get to really know me. I want to find something that I enjoy, jobs, apprentiships, college, volunteer work is hard to get these days. In the long run college seems ideal because qualifications will get me far in life I believe.

Originally Posted by Smudgefish

Again everyone is different. Talking about your problems can be ENORMOUSLY helpful! I get the feeling that you don't feel that you are important enough for anyone to want to listen to your problems - that's certainly how I used to feel - but it comes back to self esteem, you need to value yourself enough to feel that you are worth bothering about - and you are.
I also used to think in some sort of magical way that if I tried to help other people then they would want to help me, but I never asked, so never got any help. It doesn't work like that, you have to ask - as in do tell people when you are upset or worried, then they will help you, most people actually like to help (like on this forum!!).
The other thing is that you have to ask the right person, that's either a good friend, although I realise you don't have that option, your girlfriend, a therapist, or somewhere like here. There are lots of people with lots of different views out there very willing to try to help.


Plenty about the basics of Buddhism on wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhism. It's the basis of all mindfullness. I'm not Buddhist myself but a lot of the theory and teaching (Dhama) is fascinating and very insightful. It has helped me a lot in the past.


That is sad, and I mean that in a very caring way. You can't go through life without being happy again, maybe that's how you feel, but try and stay positive that things can get better. You are doing the right things to make your life better you must carry on as you are and keep trying and don't give up. You can do it.

Tim.

Hi.

It's not just that one reason why I don't feel good enough, I don't feel good enough for anything, I often ask myself why am i In this situation? Do I deserve to be like this? It seems like a blur on how I ended up like this. I guess it really depends on what you're asking for, but in most cases yes most people will help. I find asking for help is rather disrespectful ( it's just how I think ).

I will have a look at that later on. I've just forgot what it feels like to be happy, I wake up every morning and I have a hatred for myself, feeling like absolutely crap. No matter how positive I try and stay but the negative side of me seems to be stronger. I hardly look on the positive side.

It's not just that one reason why I don't feel good enough, I don't feel good enough for anything, I often ask myself why am In this situation? Do I deserve to be like this? It seems like a blur on how I ended up like this.

It's taken me 30 years to work that question out for myself.
Have you ever heard of Primal Therapy?? if you can get hold of a copy of 'The Primal Scream' I think it will blow your mind. It explains everything, I found it very disturbing when I first read it when I was a few years older than you but I didn't realise how it applied to me. It was only very recently that it occured to me exactly why I am like I am. You need to look very closely at your childhood and the answer will (probably) be there somewhere.

Otherwise you might find Buddhism interesting, it is all about suffering and how to escape from it. Look at the Four Noble Truths.

What you are feeling sounds intense. Please look after yourself and remember that you don't have to feel like that - try to find something in life that you enjoy, and do it even if just to take your mind off the negative thoughts for a while. Get some exercise. Spend time with your girlfriend, stop thinking too deeply about it, and don't feel guilty about it! Enjoy some sex (I wish I was your age again). Go for walks. Think about what you can do to make your life better in the short term such as getting a job or more education, and look forward to the future. You can make yourself happy if you allow yourself to be happy - try to respect yourself and have some self worth.

Tim.

Originally Posted by Smudgefish

It's taken me 30 years to work that question out for myself.
Have you ever heard of Primal Therapy?? if you can get hold of a copy of 'The Primal Scream' I think it will blow your mind. It explains everything, I found it very disturbing when I first read it when I was a few years older than you but I didn't realise how it applied to me. It was only very recently that it occured to me exactly why I am like I am. You need to look very closely at your childhood and the answer will (probably) be there somewhere.

Otherwise you might find Buddhism interesting, it is all about suffering and how to escape from it. Look at the Four Noble Truths.

What you are feeling sounds intense. Please look after yourself and remember that you don't have to feel like that - try to find something in life that you enjoy, and do it even if just to take your mind off the negative thoughts for a while. Get some exercise. Spend time with your girlfriend, stop thinking too deeply about it, and don't feel guilty about it! Enjoy some sex (I wish I was your age again). Go for walks. Think about what you can do to make your life better in the short term such as getting a job or more education, and look forward to the future. You can make yourself happy if you allow yourself to be happy - try to respect yourself and have some self worth.

Tim.

Is the author's name authur Janov? Anything surrounding meditation interests me but it's about adapting the right attitude towards it which for me is hard to me.

I will also keep trying, giving up isn't an answer for me. Even though I have many problems I just get on with life as that's all I can do really. I went into the town center with my girlfriend for a bit today since the weather was nice!

Hi Josh

It's great to see your having some great conversations with Smudge Hirondelle and others - I agree this place, DV has such a supportive feeling about it, we are lucky we found it hay!

Stick in there with working on your positive mindset - yes it takes time to truly change the percentage of positivity over negativity but believe me - every little bit of work you do to see, think, feel and work with positivity will pay off! And one of these days you will get over that 50% mark ... And I am telling you from my own experience - it feels so good to feel good again ~ every little bit of positive mind set training adds up and you only need to get to 51% positivity and you just don't go under anymore! Keep on and you will get there

At any time you feel you just can't do it on your own please don't feel bad for going to get help - in that case I also would say Buddhist and mindfulness way - I feel it is one of the best directions for that help -

Also in the UK Mindfulness comes under the heading of ' cognitive therapy' and you easily can get referred by your GP

Your doing great by the way

Originally Posted by Patience108

Hi Josh

It's great to see your having some great conversations with Smudge Hirondelle and others - I agree this place, DV has such a supportive feeling about it, we are lucky we found it hay!

Stick in there with working on your positive mindset - yes it takes time to truly change the percentage of positivity over negativity but believe me - every little bit of work you do to see, think, feel and work with positivity will pay off! And one of these days you will get over that 50% mark ... And I am telling you from my own experience - it feels so good to feel good again ~ every little bit of positive mind set training adds up and you only need to get to 51% positivity and you just don't go under anymore! Keep on and you will get there

At any time you feel you just can't do it on your own please don't feel bad for going to get help - in that case I also would say Buddhist and mindfulness way - I feel it is one of the best directions for that help -

Also in the UK Mindfulness comes under the heading of ' cognitive therapy' and you easily can get referred by your GP

Your doing great by the way

Hey patience! It's great to see you! Don't get the wrong I have them days where I feel great and I look at the positive side of things and I love it! I'm working towards being more positive but because I've been negative for quite a while it's going to take some time to get use to again.

I will try and use positive affirmations when I wake up each morning.

Thanks everyone for the help also! I appreicate it.

Is the author's name authur Janov?

That's him. Some of his recent work is a bit way out, but his original work still very valid.

Josh,

Do let us know how you are getting on sometime soon

Originally Posted by Smudgefish

Josh,

Do let us know how you are getting on sometime soon

I'm just getting on with life as I always do. Trying to adapt new habits into my life.

I've been trying to adapt a positive attitude towards lucid dreaming, keeping focused on a certain goal.

Hi guys. HUGE problem.

As smudgefish says in on his previous post for me to enjoy having some sex. Well these past 2 night I have took that advise on board and have been having some, the only problem is that i came in her, I know, so stupid. I wasn't wearing a condom and she isn't on any type of contraception.

What was I thinking.

I seriously hope she has done something about it?? (I don't know the system in your country, but got a 'morning after' pill from somewhere)
If not then do something today, it's not too late.

PS I didn't say 'try to get your girlfriend pregnant'!!

HUGE problem
What was I thinking

I can imagine what you where thinking!

The problem CAN be huge if you (two) don't act now. Go get a morning-after pill, and don't do it again (without using precautions)!

I should have said something more Josh, it doesn't really matter if you came in her or not...even if you didn't she could still get pregnant (because of a quick little sperm that managed to get going before the others!)