Please help me. A little backstory first of my life: 13 years ago I got pregnant and married the loser. I did not have strong love for him. He left a lot, then he died (bad person - crime, drugs, WT, etc.). I rarely think/dream of him. 12 years ago I was severely in love to next guy (educated, handsome, romantic). We were engaged, we lived together for 4 years. He became an extreme ass and I finally left. I met my now husband (who is kind, perfect for me). This was 8 years ago! I still dream of my ex #2 (in a loving/sexual way) at LEAST one a week. I find this unbelievably obnoxious. I have PRAYED to stop dreaming/thinking about him! Now on to the dream (of course I can only remember bits and pieces):
I remember being outside standing under a log mill. I was with someone - I THINK ex #2. We were not supposed to be here. Not together. There was a giant conveyer belt above our heads and giant logs were falling off and we were terrified and desperately trying to run away but we weren't making much progress. Suddenly we were somewhere else. In a small town trying to find somewhere to eat. There was only one restaurant and we hated eating there because the only waitress was horribly rude. Apparently we have lived together in this small town for awhile and have eaten here before. We went in and sat and the old waitress was rude and I'd had enough. I mocked her as loud as I could. The whole restaurant laughed and applauded and we ran out. I knew we would never be allowed back in. But now we were hungry and needed to find another place to eat. There was one other restaurant but no one ever ate there. We had no choice, we had to go. We went in and we were seated at one of only two tables crammed in the corner of this tiny back room that was packed floor to ceiling with books. Suddenly his parents were there eating with us. I had extreme feelings of guilt. I wasn't supposed to be here with any if these people. I had left someone but I wasn't sure who. I had left my husband? But when I thought of my husband it was ex #1. I was so confused. I didn't care about ex #1. I found him revolting. So I didn't understand my feelings of guilt. So I tried to ignore the feeling and enjoy being back with ex #2. (After all, I have missed him desperately and never gotten over him after all these years. I should be happy.) But when I looked over at him he didn't look handsome like I remembered. Then suddenly there was a conveyer belt on top of the highest stack of books above our table. Huge heavy textbooks began falling on us. We tried to cover our heads and ignore it but the guilt was too much I had to leave and I ran out. I was running down a gravel road and then ex #1 pulled up in front of me in a car begging me to come back and not leave him. I felt so guilty but I didn't know why. He was dead and I didn't love him. But I was so confused because he wasn't acting like himself. It was someone else with his face but I just could not figure out who! So then ex#2 and I were in the woods. I was taking a walk and looking around and he was waiting on me. He started saying hateful things to get me to hurry up (which is like his personality). I began to remember how mean he was and I remember saying "I'm not treated like that anymore. Now, if I want to take a walk in the woods, I can. I can do whatever I want. My husband doesn't talk to me like that." And right when I said that I felt love for my husband and missed him BUT when I thought of him I pictured ex#1 and was disgusted at myself for feeling that way so I ran back to ex#2 and we started kissing and I felt the intense passion for him and we left together. Eventually after what felt like days of these mixed emotions and confusion I thought really hard about why I was feeling guilty over a husband I had left that I actually hated. I kept thinking hard and suddenly ex #1's face changed into my real husband and I remembered him! I thought, "OH! It's my husband! It's him! I love him! I have to get back to him!" And I felt intense relief that I finally realized who it was and why I was feeling guilty and confused! I didn't love ex#2! And I began trying to get back home. Right then I woke up and was so relieved and reached out and grabbed my husband next to me.
Typically when I dream of ex#2 we are in love and there is lots of passion. Then I wake up feeling horrible and mad that I dreamed about him AGAIN. This was the first dream in 8 years where I decided I didn't love him and I choose my husband! It was such a relief! Do you think this means I will finally stop dreaming I love my ex?! Oh I hope so! I'm SO sick of those dreams! The falling logs and books was the most significant memory of my dreams and I am curious your thoughts on those. It really helped to write it all out. Thanks!