BAD! CANADIANS BEING INSULTED!
Signs that you may be Canadian
We are attempting to define what it means to be canadian, contribute eh? [email protected]
[list]You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK"
You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette." I just spilled my poutine.
You eat chocolate bars not candy bars.
You drink POP not SODA
You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "party at the camp eh!!!"
You don't care about the fuss with Cuba, its a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.
Pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway
You drive on a highway, not a freeway
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers
You know that Casey and Finnigan are not part of a Celtic Musical Group.
You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
You know what a tuque is.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You live in a house with no front step but yet the door is one meter from the ground.
Your local paper covers the national news on 2 pages but requires 6 pages for hockey.
You know four seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and construction.
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
You perk up when you hear the theme from Hockey Night in Canada.
You are in grade 12 not the 12th grade.
"EH" is a very important part of your vocabulary.
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all of your Canadian friends!!!!
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, and color.
You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You've plugged a car in overnight.
You've defended your property from trespassers with a hockey stick because you don't own a gun.
You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat.
Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
You head south to go to your cottage.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage making.
You find -40C a little chilly.
The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorrels.
You can play road hockey on skates.
You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
You know what it means to be on pogey.
You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't want to know if he has!
You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
You know that Mounties "don't always look like that".
You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
You participated in "Participaction".
You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
Like any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you carry a Canadian passport.
You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
You have some memento of Doug and Bob.
You never miss "Coaches Corner".
Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
You don't feel the urge to purchase maple syrup at the airport.
When in Niagara Falls, you scoff at how pathetic the American falls are compared to the Canadian ones.
You're not easily impressed by British accents.
You're easily impressed by British accents.
You assume the channel you're watching the Super Bowl on probably isn't showing the really good commercials.
You won a copy of the Bob and Doug record on CD, but refuse to admit to anyone that you've ever said "eh" in your life.
You fly into a rage in a Los Angeles 7-Eleven because they don't sell Crispy Crunch.
You would feel safe leaving your children alone with a grown man in a leotard playing a flute to a chicken.
You need a list like this to explain to you what it means to be Canadian
Thinks an income tax refund is a gift from the government.
On seeing a light at the end of a tunnel, assumes it is a train.
When given a compliment, always looks behind to see for whom it is intended.
Knows the difference between the Northern Lights and a Northern Lite.
Doesn't know anyone who owns a flag.
Finds Kentucky Fried Chicken "a bit too spicy".
Holds the world's record for telephone use, probably listening to "Don't hang up. Your call is important to us."
Is constantly pulling himself up by the roots to see whether he is still growing.
Will drive to an unemployment protest meeting in his Toyota.
Is convinced that democracy involves keeping your opinions to yourself.
In a restaurant, apologizes for not being ready to order at the waiter's convenience.
Will travel across the border to buy cigarettes and return home for subsidized cancer therapy.
Says "sorry" when you accidentally bump into him.
Waits for the light to change before crossing a deserted intersection at 3 a.m.
Takes as a signal for a standing ovation any two people who happen to be leaving during curtain calls.
Believes the Free Trade Agreement is an agreement about free trade.
Says "no big deal" to a sidewalk cyclist who's just knocked him down.
Considers turning up the thermostat an integral part of foreplay.
Says "no thanks" to a telemarketing tape.
Never sits in someone else's seat, even if the ticket holder doesn't show.
Says hi to anyone walking a dog.
Goes to hot-tub parties where people wear bathing suits.
Finds himself thinking about sending off to "Hinterland: Who's Who" for further information on the loon.
Carries travelers checks in a money belt.
Heartily proclaims, "Sure it's 38 below, but it's a dry cold."
When he musters enough courage to buy a Rolex watch, wears it hidden under a long-sleeve shirt and an Eaton's suit. [list]
Now isn't that shameful. We shall send a cease and desist notice to http://www.geocities.com/canadian_jokes/
