I'm pretty tired of walking into the San Francisco mall, Best Buy, Barnes and Noble, ect, and seeing couples who don't know how to raise their kids. Just the other day I walked into Sears in the San Francisco mall with Emily and there were thousands of couples shopping who didn't know how to raise their kids. I had to tell this 20+ year-old couple pushing a stroller that that their children are best not put in a stroller and then I had to tell them what their kids should eat and what they should wear. The couple then called me an asshole and told me how dare I tell them how to raise their kids. Emily and I then told about six more couples shopping in Sears how to raise their kids.

You see, if all couples were like Emily and I, kids everywhere would be behaving, capable, advanced members of the United States. In short, all kids would be like Emily and I. Emily and I know what's good and what's bad, what's right and what's wrong, how to raise a beautiful family, how to make love right, unlike most (including you) people. It's true. Emily and I are perfect and no one can do anything about it. Everyone else in the world should be like us.

It's true.