Thread: Cletus

Originally Posted by Noogah

I'm afraid I've not seen any historical records catalouging the existence of cletus.

Are there historical records cataloging the existence of Jesus?

Originally Posted by Noogah

Nor have I seen a five thousand year old book catalouging all his works.

Wait for five thousand years. Time is meaningless when it comes to religions. All it does is increase the probable "stupidity" of a belief. I won't expect a stone age belief to include advanced philosophical concepts and scientific facts, it's much more likely that the belief will be unrealistic and simplistic, from out current, relatively more advanced point of view.

Originally Posted by Noogah

I haven't heard about fifty thousand testimonies from real life people today, and from hundreds of years ago telling me of his amazing grace.

I'm afraid "cletus" is the worst analogy I've ever heard in my life.

Why do you need fifty thousand people telling you something? Can't you think for yourself... I don't care if fifty thousand people believe that eating shit gets you to heaven. I can find you fifty thousand people telling you of an X entities amazing grace without a problem. Will you believe what they believe then? If not, then why does the fact that the Cletus religion only has one believer bother you?

Cletus is as good as any other analogy. Right next to The Invisible Pink Unicorn, The FSM, Odin, Thor, the celestial teapot etc.

Originally Posted by Noogah

I'm afraid I've not seen any historical records catalouging the existence of cletus.

Nor have I seen a five thousand year old book catalouging all his works.

I haven't heard about fifty thousand testimonies from real life people today, and from hundreds of years ago telling me of his amazing grace.

I'm afraid "cletus" is the worst analogy I've ever heard in my life.

You don't need historical records or fifty thousand testimonies for an analogy.

Originally Posted by grasshoppa

I'm not disrespecting you. You said yourself that Cletus farted everything out 23 years ago! Eris operates via the law of fives, the number 23 is apart of this law THEREFORE Cletus is a pawn of ERIS! I think we need to add an Erisian segment to the holy text of Cletus.

The bible has a new testament does it not?

That's right. The universe is twenty 23 years old. In a year, it will be 24 years old. You've finally stretched too far. The Hazzard County Jail is waiting for you.

And for the record, not believing in Cletus, or saying that Cletus is anything other than the one true lord of the universe is insulting me. When you question by beliefs, you insult me!

Originally Posted by Noogah

I'm afraid I've not seen any historical records catalouging the existence of cletus.

Nor have I seen a five thousand year old book catalouging all his works.

It's those arrogant fucking historians and their broken-ass dating techniques. Fucking scientists: They understand radioactive decay well enough to safely store tons of uranium but they can't work out a simple differential equation to determine how old a sample of Carbon-14 is. Pathetic. The reason that you don't see a five thousand year old book is that the universe is only twenty three years old! Are you daft?!

Originally Posted by Noogah

I haven't heard about fifty thousand testimonies from real life people today, and from hundreds of years ago telling me of his amazing grace.

I'm throwing a huge acid party in San Francisco next month. There will be tons of people getting penetrated by Cletus's Holy Spirit^TM. I'll have lot's of testimonies after that.

Originally Posted by evildoctor

Stone the heathen...

He doesn't deserve the honor of partaking in Cletus's most beloved of ceremonies.

Originally Posted by Bonsay

Are there historical records cataloging the existence of Jesus?

Sure are.

Originally Posted by Fableflame

You don't need historical records or fifty thousand testimonies for an analogy.

Your analogy is rediculous since you mad it up off the top of your head.

Don't you get it? Nobody believes in Cletus because of the reasons I posted, which is why you can't compare the two.

Originally Posted by PhilosopherStoned

but they can't work out a simple differential equation to determine how old a sample of Carbon-14 is. Pathetic.

Yup! Carbon 14 provided us with the proof we needed to know that penguins can live for tens of thousands of years!!!!!

Also, did you know that one half of an animal can live for thousands of years longer than the other half!?

Amazing! The wonders of carbon dating.

Originally Posted by Noogah

Your analogy is rediculous since you mad it up off the top of your head.

Don't you get it? Nobody believes in Cletus because of the reasons I posted, which is why you can't compare the two.

WHY DO YOU COME INTO A RELIGIOUS DISCUSSION FORUM IF YOU JUST WANT TO QUESTION EVERYONE'S BELIEFS AND INSULT THEM?


LOOK EVERYONE! LOOK! NOOGAH IS PERSECUTING ME FOR MY BELIEFS! SEE! SEE! DO YOU SEE WHAT'S GOING ON?!? HE'S QUESTIONING MY BELIEFS! I'M GOING TO TELL CLETUS AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO GO TO JAIL! I BELIEVE IN CLETUS! ARE YOU SAYING THAT I'M NOBODY? a

Originally Posted by Noogah

Yup! Carbon 14 provided us with the proof we needed to know that penguins can live for tens of thousands of years!!!!!

Also, did you know that one half of an animal can live for thousands of years longer than the other half!?

Amazing! The wonders of carbon dating.

Okay, seriously. If Carbon-14 dating is accurate to within twenty thousand years or so and and we are using it to ask questions on the order of hundreds of thousand of years and two samples are taken from the same penguin then if Carbon-14 dating gives a discrepency of tens of thousands of years (say onepart comes back as 1,010,000 years old and the other is 1,020,000 years old) then this is (a) to be expected, and (b) still dates the penguin to about a million years old.

Let me ask you a question: Does it hurt to be as stupid as you are? I think that if I was to wake up as stupid as you, I would probably kill myself. I mean, It must hurt, right?

Will Cletus make me feel like a loved boy or a degenerate scum?

Or are there features of both involved? Making the relationship definitively rather masochistic?

Seriously Philosopher you need to chill.Just because people question your belivefs doesn't mean you should get so angry! Post something that backs up what you say, provide scientific evidence that Cletus does infact exist. If it was only 23 years ago then there should definately be that traces back to Cletus!

Originally Posted by philosopherstoned

Let me ask you a question: Does it hurt to be as stupid as you are? I think that if I was to wake up as stupid as you, I would probably kill myself. I mean, It must hurt, right?

pft. That's about it for me you arrogant atheist. Your ego is the sze of Tokyo.

As for the Cletus nonsense, Ronald Reagen was 80. Not 23. Proof enough.

Oh, and hundreds if tests have proven carbon dating wrong.

You really need to lighten up, okay

Originally Posted by Noogah

As for the Cletus nonsense, Ronald Reagen was 80. Not 23. Proof enough.

Incidentally, Cletus created Ronald Reagan at the starting age of 57.

Originally Posted by Noogah

Oh, and hundreds if tests have proven carbon dating wrong.

Got any you can show us?

Originally Posted by Noogah

Oh, and hundreds if tests have proven carbon dating wrong.

Out of how many 100's of thousands of tests? Ever heard of margin of error? Is that the best creationists can do? Point to a small number of inacurate tests and claim this is "proof" that the vast majority of scientifc testing is wrong? It beggars belief, seriously.

And Noogah, know that non-beleivers in Cletus are immoral, probably criminal, and almost certainly being controlled by the Anti-Cletus. Yes, im afraid you are a pawn of Roscoe P Coltrane and will spend all eternity in the Hazzard county Jail.

I shall pray for your soul and that Cletus leads you to the light.

Originally Posted by Noogah

I'm afraid I've not seen any historical records catalouging the existence of cletus.

What? You haven't read this thread? Then why did you post in it?

Originally Posted by Noogah

Nor have I seen a five thousand year old book catalouging all his works.

You have seen a half a day old thread about His works. Half a day is ten trillion years to Cletus.

Originally Posted by Noogah

I haven't heard about fifty thousand testimonies from real life people today, and from hundreds of years ago telling me of his amazing grace.

Stop denying His love and choosing to go to the Hazzard County Jail. Personal knowledge of the wonders of Cletus is expressed by several in this holy thread about Him. I don't appreciate the way you wrote "his" with a lower case h, and neither do Bo and Luke.

Originally Posted by Noogah

I'm afraid "cletus" is the worst analogy I've ever heard in my life.

Cletus loves you so very much. He will torture you big time.

Wait...maybe Eris is the anti-cletus! WTF IM GOING TO HCJ! Help me pastor Philosopherstoned!

I think I need help and guidance too!

You see chaps, I think the biker gentleman in that picture might be a little bit gay? But that must be a bad thing?

And I find im curiously drawn to the construction worker.

What are these feelings. Im so confused I can barely think! I must be having evil thoughts.

Please help PhilosopherStoned! Please tell me what to do. Please tell me what to think!

Every Cletus worship service that is worthy begins with dancing to the Village People.

Originally Posted by Noogah

Oh, and hundreds if tests have proven carbon dating wrong.

Says the ignorant one.

...

http://hbar.phys.msu.ru/gorm/fomenko/libby.htm
http://www.mnsu.edu/emuseum/informat...y_willard.html


Please stop making shit up, Noogah.

I hate to say it but this was actually pretty funny and entertaining

Just one question..

where does



come into play?

Originally Posted by Noogah

Sure are.

I'll write some historical records of Cletus in 60 or so years.

And Bo said, Brother! I ask you not to stare directly upon the glory of our sisters jugs.

Daisy was their cousin not sister hahahaha

Bo and Luke were cousins as well.

Originally Posted by Noogah

Oh, and hundreds if tests have proven carbon dating wrong.

You think that carbon dating's all there is to it?

Clever.

Brilliant.

Originally Posted by davej

Just one question..

where does



come into play?

He is the anticletus! Rosco and Cletus used to work for the same sheriff's department, but Rosco is a fallen sheriff.

Originally Posted by davej

Daisy was their cousin not sister hahahaha

Bo and Luke were cousins as well.

They are also all the same prophet, except different prophets.

Originally Posted by davej

Daisy was their cousin not sister hahahaha

Bo and Luke were cousins as well.

Brother Dave,

We are all brothers and sisters in the eye's of Cletus.

Mention not the name of the anti-Cletus. To invoke his name is peril!