Thread: The Freemasons

This is me...pooping all over your thread.

Originally Posted by Jeff777

This is me...pooping all over your thread.

Remember the wonderful Johnny Cochrane said "Truth Pressed Down To The Earth, Will Always Rise Uo"


May truth guide your way!!

Originally Posted by FOREVERLUCID

Remember the wonderful Johnny Cochrane said "Truth Pressed Down To The Earth, Will Always Rise Up"

Usually by then it's too late and you can only get a civil suit out of it.

Originally Posted by Omnius Deus

Usually by then it's too late and you can only get a civil suit out of it.

Oh, Teee Heee Hee, How Clever

Hey Mods:

You keep sending me notices about "missing you FOREVERLUCID". I keep telling you, I've found a classy Lucid Dreaming site where the majority is not a bunch of bend down and touch your toes boys paid to distract and cause division on forums.

So once again, I ask that you terminate my membership as greatness seeks and has found it's own level.

I feel so much cleaner and for that, I can't thank you enough.

Adios, Arrive Derci, Sionara and Good Riddance!!

Yeah baby

trash

FREE MASONS YOU SAY?


“Those guys that control the world.”

~ Captain Obvious on Free Masons

“Free masons are pretty good in bed.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Free Masons

The Free Masons were a group of Masons (from the French "Maison" or house)founded in - 666 BC by the infamous Mason Michael Moore as a desperate attempt to remove the Alien (particularly Martian) monopoly on masonry at the time. Since Moore spent all his time coming up with deep, knowledgeable quotes on every conceivable topic he had no time to devote to his art, meaning he was quite possibly one of the crappiest masons on earth. Due to his complete and utter lack of talent him and his "compadres" (as members of the Free Masons were called) were forced to work for free.

Following regular human psychology, everyone immediately jumped at the chance to pay absolutely nothing for a service worth just that even when a much better option was available for slightly more. Eventually the Martian Masonic Empire (MME) collapsed. Out of anger, before they left earth they destroyed a huge area of the world, leaving an inhospitable, dead, and uncultured wasteland (later this became known as London), before departing from their intergalactic space launch pad (nowadays stupidly mistaken by Fat American Tourists as "stone henge"). The locals are well aware of the actual name and function but prefer to, in the words of one local, "Let the poor sods wallow in their own bollocks...stupid blighters"

When explorers discovered that barren desolate wasteland in 1997 they named in "Los Angeles," American English for: "inhospitable wasteland filled with nothing but shitty movies, fast food, and gigantic fake breasts". Go check it out, it hasn't changed much since then. Since the Free Masons worked for free they all ran out of money and died out during the second ice age (2001-1478) when they had no money with which to purchase mammoths or Asian women to keep them warm.

Who Are The Masons?

The Masons are those guys that bullied you in fourth grade; the type of people that can only be described as odd. The Masons were started when some guy off the coast of Transylvania made an ultimate weapon with the help of his unusually short, absolutely hideous friend. The man and his friend unleashed this monster, only to find out it was a vegetarian. The short man was outraged, and shot the tall unnamed man and the monster... who also has no name. The short man went on to be Benjamin Franklin, and ever since then Masons have ruled the planet. Franklin believed that publishing conspiracy books about a clandestine secret society could help his struggling printing press business and was largely proved correct.

The identity of the current 'Supreme Mason' is a closely guarded secret but is believed, in certain circles, to be John Noakes. Other theories revolve around Plankton, who is known to be obsessed with world domination and, most significantly, has only one eye.

Factory Masons

Like every wealthy and opulent social group the Free Masons success lays heavily on the backs of an underclass of poverty stricken African slaves. Although none are actually African. Factory Masons are Asian people selected for their freakish tallness. All of the short Asians get sent back to china wishing for the comparatively better life of a Factory Mason they send their smartest shortest offspring to British universities until they can get the formula for a tall Asian right. This development is about as likely as splicing a pigs genes with an elephants.

Factory Masons:


Free Masons and Political Correctness

In 786 Kermit the Frog, then Vice Roy of the Free Masons charged the Masons with Political Incorrectness. As a result of the lawsuit the Masons changed their name to the "Price Challenged Masons" a name that was uniformly unpopular with other members. The name remained in place until the great "Common Sense Break out" of 2056-1991 during which the world finally realized that Muslims, Jews and Atheists really couldn't care less if we have a holiday called Christmas, and that its not racist to point out that an African American person is BLACK. In an inspirational speech to his Imperial Court, Judge Huffledug the Bunchazee stated "what the hell was this guy thinking!?! I mean really? Screw political correctness, does ANYBODY actually give a shit?" immediately following this speech the courts made political correctness a capital crime, to be punished with death by Bob Saget. This was celebrated throughout the world with massive outbursts of joyous racism and discrimination.

Kermit The Frog, historic Masonic whistle blower/Jackass:


Prominent Free Masons

* Oscar Wilde
* Cheech and Chong
* George Washington
* Elvis Presley
* Ralph Nader
* Freddy Krueger
* Winston Churchill
* Kermit the Frog
* Knightrider's Left Windshield Wiper
* Ned Flanders (Don't Act So Surprised)
* All Zombies From The West Coast
* Bill Gates
* Tom Hanks
* A. Wilford Brimley
* Sergeant Pepper and his Lonely Hearts Club Band
* Pope Benedict XVI (Ratso to his friends)
* Stephen Hawking
* Ernest P. Worrell
* "Weird Al" Yankovic
* Brian Boitano
* Chuck Norris
* Bob Dylan
* Aaron Neville
* Posers
* Me
* You
* All Other People
* Pikachu
* David Duchovny
* My Mom
* Your Mom
* Everybody's Mom
* Haslam


What Have They Invented?


Since the Masons came 'round, they have made some changes...

* Sex with children
* Global Warming.
* Three Ice Ages.
* Communism.
* California.
* Happiness, and destroyed it as soon as the patent came through. Don't smile, they can sue you.
* Anticommunism
* A new type of idiot: "Politicians"
* They faked the moon landing, and are filming the new Jupiter landing; Word on the street says it's directed by Peter Jackson.
* They made Iceland warm and Greenland cold.
* They took "Friends" off the air.
* A type of rat poison, and marketed it as "Tylenol".
* The invisibility shield hiding Atlantis, and they won't tell us where it is.
* Pain and, possibly, suffering.
* Pointy Things
* Goats
* Flemmoid-Zorching Bootsporks
* Frisbee
* n00bz
* Commie Ninjas
* Panhandler's
* Pr0n
* Homework
* Rape with long shafts
* Bloop Bloop's
* SUPER MONKEY POOP FIGHT
* The Theoretical Boundary Between Time And Space That Exists Only Between Isotopes Of Similar Properties And Like Natures
* A massive book industry devoted to rumours of a secret mason stranglehold on governments and other conspiracies.