Religious differences in relationships

Can it work? I know some very cool women who are Christian (and Jewish and Rasta), and it doesn't intrude on our friendship too much, but when there's chemistry and developing intimacy, it becomes an issue.

I'm essentially Buddhist, though not a very good Buddhist boy. I can see how other symbol sets overlay the human condition, but the one-god/Sky Daddy meme in particular strikes me as a poison pill, a comfort for the believer at the expense of society and all that lives. Only once has it been a serious consideration (and to some extent that's an ongoing situation), but it's practically equivalent to knowing the other person has herpes--you might accept that to be with this person you also accept this unpleasantness into your life, but it's a strong con.

What do you think? Could you be with someone with a different religion? If religious could you be with a strict materialist/atheist (perhaps a strong humanist)? If atheist/exclusively scientific, could you be with a religious person?

And why can't I meet any nice Buddhist girls? :P

I'm sure you have.

You just didn't notice because of the bald heads and whatnot...

Oh come on Buddhism has the advantage of being more of a way of life, a philosophy, as opposed to simply a religion. I think you theoretically have it much easier than others to be more tolerant of people from a different religion.

Before I became a strong atheist, I dated people ranging from Hindus to Catholics, and it was perfectly fine because none of these people's lives were ruled by their religions. Religion was only one small part of them, much like choice in food or political beliefs or whatnot. :P

Since I've become a full blown atheist, I've been a little bit more sensitive to certain things people say... but I'm easy going and it still has never been a problem. But - I could never date a fundamentalist Christian or something like that, because that kind of person would probably never shut up about their religion. I have a friend who is precisely like that - because we're just friends, I tolerate it and just keep my mouth shut whenever he talks about religion (which is at least once every time we get together)... but dating that person? Nooo way.

And it's not just the fact that the religious differences are so big between me and this particular person. If we differed so greatly on ANY major subject, the same would happen. It's just human nature.. we tend to form relationships with people whom we're most similar to.

So, erm, I guess my point is that as long as you and your partner take a damn chill pill and don't take life too seriously, it will be fine. ;) But it's not easy to find a religious person who is willing to do that.

I went out with a serious Catholic a few years ago. She taught Sunday school every Sunday and was really into it, even though she smoked lots of weed and had no problem with premarital sex. She also was not preachy at all. We got very close. One night I asked her if she believed I was going to be tortured for eternity, and she flat out said she believed I was going to be. :shock: That really made things seem messed up. We are supposed to care about each other and be really close, but she thinks in the end I burn forever? Screw that. I could never really get past that. Also, IF I had married her and had kids with her, I would have made sure she didn't teach them that horrible stuff. I would have started telling the kids as soon as they could talk not to listen to what the world tells them about religion. I know that would have created major issues, even to the extent that we could not have had kids together. And I don't want to be married to somebody who thinks I am going to be tortured forever and ever.

Well, I didn't want to get married or have kids any way, and her heart was set on both. That is pretty much what ended everything. She ended up marrying somebody who wants to have kids and is a Christian she doesn't think is going to burn forever. He also agrees with her politically, unlike me, and is in the same line of work, the details of which went in one ear and out the other every time she told me about it.

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Originally Posted by Universal Mind

One night I asked her if she believed I was going to be tortured for eternity, and she flat out said she believed I was going to be. :shock:

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Damn! :? Makes me wonder how she was able at all to get close to you.

(And how again was she immune from hell with all her drugs and premarital sex? :P)

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Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

(And how again was she immune from hell with all her drugs and premarital sex? :P)

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Catholics confess their sins to their priests and are forgiven for all of them. :roll:

My parents are of different religion, and they have been fine for twenty years of marriage.

It's a real shame that there have, are, and will be plenty of people who would otherwise be very compatible if it were not for religion.

Of course, the same could also be said of other nonsense like astrology, and many other things.

It doesn't depend on their religious label for me as much as their religious intellect. If they haven't given proper thought to esoteric topics but still think they understand something, then it's not going to work out.

I've pretty much sworn off sexual relationships with anyone that thinks they actually know anything about the universe, and with anyone that has no esoteric inclinations at all. Not sex with these women, just relationships that include sex.

I'm dating a roman catholic.


One of those who is always bored in church and has it more as a habit than real faith.


The aim now is to nullify her religious belief; that which hasn't already been destroyed by the mind numbingly boring services they have.

I dunno. I just don't think Christians, Catholics included, are a very well read or well rounded people. They believe too much in an old law based on vengence written by men. Nothing could be so pathetic. Why would you condem someone you dearly love to hell just because they are well read and not stupidly ignorant.

Yes I agree on the boring services. Those preachers are pathetically mind numbing boring. Everybody should participate in church. NOT just one person.

It doesn't get in the way unless the person is intent on shoving their beliefs or lack of down your throat. It's all good as long as they have respect for your beliefs.

When I used to be a "Muslim," I think the majority of the guys I dated were atheists. It didn't bother me at all, we hardly discussed religion or anything along those lines.

Now that I'm a full blown atheist, like UM, I would have a lot of difficulty dating someone who thinks I'm going to burn in Hell. :p Also, the issue with marriage/kids comes up. I foresee lots of problems with that.

I'm a pagan, dating a Presbyterian. It's worked well for us, for the last six months. Before that, I was dating/engaged to an agnostic/atheist for four years.

It can work, like Xox said, if you don't go about pushing your beliefs down the other person's throat.

ITS OKAY! I know its kinda scary outside of the cave, but look there's a bright and happy sun.

but no really. people tend to want someone who has the same philosophies in life..but what if..you were wrong? would you want to know? a lot of people are befriending and loving someone with a polar oppisite philosophy. I would argue my best friend is an atheist.

you have to stop and ask why. is it really good for you to be with someone who is just like you? you would never grow and change!!

things were very different in the past. people feared going outside of their mental cave - thus being christian and christian wasn't even enough. You had to be the same denomination!!

things today are different, times are changing. were all crawling out of the caves and thinking, you know, this is kinda neat :banana:

I guess the prolem only begins at the marriage and kids stage when you have to think about ceremonies and religious education and stuff. But even then, a compromise is possible with effort.

I don't think I could have any sort of lasting relationship with a devout monotheist or a devout atheist. Anything else I would be fine with, even those two if they are open and laid back about their beliefs.

Its not that I can't respect different views, or even that I think they are definitely wrong; I just can't respect strong beliefs that are so exclusive. I can't respect the belief that everyone else is definitely (or even just almost definitely) wrong. If I can't respect your beliefs, ultimately I can't respect you; and thats the end of anything serious.

I don't care what religion they have. As long as shes pretty, thats all that is really important, the rest I can change in the long run ^^ You can change their minds, but not their face.

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Originally Posted by apachama

I guess the prolem only begins at the marriage and kids stage when you have to think about ceremonies and religious education and stuff. But even then, a compromise is possible with effort.

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I plan on having two ceremonies. One for him and most of the family, and one for me.
Of course, it helps that the second ceremony I'm planning isn't going to require renting a hall, or catering for guests, or anything like that. A lot less expensive that way.

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Originally Posted by ChaybaChayba

I don't care what religion they have. As long as shes pretty, thats all that is really important, the rest I can change in the long run ^^ You can change their minds, but not their face.

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Wow. That's wrong on so many levels. You've obviously never had a girlfriend before. :lol:

^ Second THAT emotion.

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Originally Posted by Xaqaria

I don't think I could have any sort of lasting relationship with a devout monotheist or a devout atheist. Anything else I would be fine with, even those two if they are open and laid back about their beliefs.

Its not that I can't respect different views, or even that I think they are definitely wrong; I just can't respect strong beliefs that are so exclusive. I can't respect the belief that everyone else is definitely (or even just almost definitely) wrong. If I can't respect your beliefs, ultimately I can't respect you; and thats the end of anything serious.

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That's pretty much where I'm at. I couldn't see myself with someone who believes their worldview is completely and exclusively true, regardless of the details. They could follow Jesus, Buddha or George Foreman if they hold their views lightly.

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Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Wow. That's wrong on so many levels. You've obviously never had a girlfriend before. :lol:

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You're right; if you push a girl to work out and eat a certain way, you can change their face too.

in quite a few cases i think it can't work out, especially if it's a non-religious and religious person.

I was talking to some girls at my school about this, their all Muslim. Their parents would not allow them to have a relationship with a boy who was not Muslim, end of story. My mums best friend who is a strong Muslim and a father of two daughters, said he wouldn't mind what faith their partner had as long as they had a faith, because to him all religions are a different path to the same God but the faith does matter.

Personally i think i could have a long term relationship with a religious women as long as she was relaxed about her faith and did not look down upon me for not sharing it.

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Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Wow. That's wrong on so many levels. You've obviously never had a girlfriend before. :lol:

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You really think any relation could work out without you changing yourself?

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Originally Posted by ChaybaChayba

You really think any relation could work out without you changing yourself?

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Oh no dear, I just picked up on your shallowness. I guess I shouldn't expect more from a 15 year old though, or however old you are.

"If her ass fits mah hand I'll take her we'll work out the other problems later :imslow:"

wat

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Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Oh no dear, I just picked up on your shallowness. I guess I shouldn't expect more from a 15 year old though, or however old you are.

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That doesn't make any sense at all. You don't know how old I am, but still you claim that my age is an indication that you shouldn't expect anything at all from me. Besides, how does this add anything at all to the discussion? Being attracted to attractive women isn't being shallow, it's called being a guy.

as the mystical teachings were imparted to the boy, words broke the silence
the mystical teachings were lost again amongst the endless concepts

yet still the teacher spoke, whipping with each sentence
until the boy realised that he was the whipping himself

grasping the whip, the teacher fell
but a cloth upon the nothingness

I wouldn't even be friends with a diehard catholic/christian, or anyone with really strong religious beliefs. They just scare and depress me.

I do have some slightly religious friends, but all our time is spent arguing about religion. It just really bugs me.

If I wanted to go out with a girl, then found out she was religious (even slightly), I would definitely reconsider. I mean, it might be possible for me to have a relationship with a religious person, but she'd have to be pretty awesome in every other aspect.

By the way, I'm athiest... :P

Who starts the arguments?

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Originally Posted by Tsiyeria

Who starts the arguments?

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At first I did... it was just a passing comment about religion, and he went on the defensive. I've been having (friendly) arguments with him ever since. Even though the arguments aren't hostile, I feel it's a sort of barrier that prevents me from connecting with people.

It can be. But have you ever considered not arguing, but discussing? It's a great way to learn about how your friends think, even if you don't agree with them.

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Originally Posted by Tsiyeria

It can be. But have you ever considered not arguing, but discussing? It's a great way to learn about how your friends think, even if you don't agree with them.

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Well, like I said, it's not really a heated argument. But I see your point. Even so, I would still view them with less respect. I know it's pretty bad of me, but it's just the way I am.

Hey, at least you can spot and acknowledge it. That's more than a LOT of people around here (my here, not DV) can do. As long as you and your friends can work around it, then I'm not the one to say, "ZOMG UR DOIN IT WRONG!!!111!!11oneoneone"

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Originally Posted by Pensive Patrick

At first I did... it was just a passing comment about religion, and he went on the defensive. I've been having (friendly) arguments with him ever since. Even though the arguments aren't hostile, I feel it's a sort of barrier that prevents me from connecting with people.

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I had a friendship like this in college, but eventually it went sour because of the fundamental distrust and disrespect. We actually were close friends for a while, and religion wasn't the only thing that came between us, but it was a big part of it. Oddly enough, one of his best friends at the time, a vehement atheist, is still a good friend of mine ten years later, and neither of us have crossed paths with our Jesus Pal since college.

I have a coworker now who is not terribly religious, but believes unshakably in a Sky Daddy who made everything and sent us the Bible, which comes up now and then. We have little debates occasionally, and it's not that different from me thinking he's full of shit liking some movie or vice versa, but that's what I'm getting at with this thread--friendly coworker is a tolerable level of intimacy with someone who believes they're locked in a battle of good and evil on behalf of a beneficent Superbossdad. Close friend? Maybe. Lover? I don't think so.

I recognize a degree of hypocrisy there, in that I believe plenty of things that perhaps the majority of humans on earth would find crazy, for instance that there are larger or more extensive intelligences with whom incarnate beings may entrain themselves, and of which incarnate beings are sometimes direct (though not exclusive) manifestations. I'm skeptical but fascinated by Terrence McKenna's Timewave of compounding novelty.

Also, I think that we're all sufficiently deluded about the fundamental nature of what we're doing here that the distinctions between a born-again Christian, a vehement atheist, and a lazy Buddhist are almost negligible, a Butter Battle. Regardless, about half the time I encounter Christianity, it's "Knives out..."

Yeah, I have an angry reaction to Christianity too. Its silly really. Just the result of growing up around it and being afraid of people who claim to believe the words of a book that says I should be executed, and burn in Hell for ever.

I don't think I could manage a relationship with a conservative Christian.

Some of my best friends are people with completely opposite beliefs. I'm not bragging about that, it's hard work and there are times when I feel like saying "wait a second" but don't. I think the important thing is respect, if people have mutual respect and they don't lose respect for the other person based on their opinions, then they grow and learn from each other rather than butt heads.

My love is Catholic and goes to church every sunday, but she acts like a normal person. I love her the way she is with the beliefs she has and she has respect for me no matter what I say or what ideas I present. She listens, because she's open minded, she knows she doesn't have it all figured out and she's just doing what she has determined best based on what she knows thus far. I don't feel like I'm working against her, and that's what's most important.

I'd also like to say to mes tarrant, it's not shallow to be attracted to hot girls, it's shallow when it starts and stops there.

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Originally Posted by Omnius Deus

My love is Catholic and goes to church every sunday, but she acts like a normal person. I love her the way she is with the beliefs she has and she has respect for me no matter what I say or what ideas I present. She listens, because she's open minded, she knows she doesn't have it all figured out and she's just doing what she has determined best based on what she knows thus far. I don't feel like I'm working against her, and that's what's most important.

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People like that give me faith in humanity.

I honestly could care less where their beliefs lie. If I were to have a boyfriend in the future who is Atheist, that would be fine with me. I have a bunch of Atheist friends and we get along great, even when we talk about Religion. Why should religion interfere with a relationship? And if my boyfriend is religious, again, that's fine with me. I really can't see religion messing up any relationship I might have in the future...I guess it's all perspective.

I really don't get how a lot of you have let religion or non-religion mess up your friendships and relationships.:undecided: Maybe it's just me, but I really don't get it...