Understand and accept before it's too late

[Needcatscan]

7000 years ago, Fulovshiit found our planet and through genetic coding created the first man, Dumprofet. He gave Dumprofet a book and told him to write of His divine plan for our lives and told him of 20 prophecies of his son, Girkov, who would come down and die. They would know His son by the fulfilling of the propecies. And when Girkov comes He will be killed as a false prophet, and His body, when void of life, will release a genetically modified strand of DNA that would allow our minds, and all minds born after, to grasp the notion of a supreme being. But only in believing in the good book of Fulovshiit and consciously accepting Girkov's sacrifice, will the gene activate to allow the human body to live forever in another dimension with Fulovshiit and his followers. However, if this gene is not activated by the time of bodily death, then your chance of eternity is snuffed out. Fulovshiit loves us all very much, but He didn't want to make it too easy, so he put things here to confuse us. Each new scientific discovery will test the belief of His creations. Every miracle He performs will be done before any evidence could be proven for it; every miracle in the time of modern day man will be so minor as to be attributable to something else, such as chance. Fulovshiit wants a personal relationship with his followers as well in which he will be able to communicate to them through a form of telepathy after activation of the special gene. This will be how you know Him and His plan. Don't you want to live forever???? Accept him, or die! Don't shoot the messenger. PS. Does anyone have any kids they would like to experiment with by bringing them up in the faith of Fulovshiit and see if they honestly believe he is talking to them through telepathy?

[O'nus]

lol, good job, I love it. Reminds me of www.thechurchofgoogle.com ~

[Jdeadevil]

Or this site

[cuddleyperson]

what google!? Pah wiki is my God if anything, it knows all and sees all! Donate to your God or burn in a pit of pure un-knowledgeableness! lol....... yawn...(tired)

[Sornaensis]

Bah, what rubbish! The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the only real choice anyhow!

[27]

Wow, never seen a thread like this before. +10 for originality!

[Sornaensis]

Wow, never seen a thread like this before. +10 for originality! +20 for sacrasm +10 for truth; -30 for eyeroll. Ah, the sweet smell of equilibrium .

[Needcatscan]

Wow, never seen a thread like this before. +10 for originality! I was inspired while reading a Christian debate site. I am beyond embarrassed to remember that I used to talk and think just like those people. (If you had a personal relationship with God, you would know THE TRUTH as well, etc.) BTW, my bro found a great t-shirt online: WARNING!! CHRISTIANS, DON'T READ, HIGHLY OFFENSIVE!! (It's in white, so you have to highlight it). "Jesus loves me. . . But I still make Him wear a condom." edit: Dude! These are actually convincing: http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org/Scr...le_Is_God.html (When comparing to other deities)

[Xaqaria]

I was inspired while reading a Christian debate site. I am beyond embarrassed to remember that I used to talk and think just like those people. (If you had a personal relationship with God, you would know THE TRUTH as well, etc.) BTW, my bro found a great t-shirt online: WARNING!! CHRISTIANS, DON'T READ, HIGHLY OFFENSIVE!! (It's in white, so you have to highlight it). "Jesus loves me. . . But I still make Him wear a condom." edit: Dude! These are actually convincing: http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org/Scr...le_Is_God.html (When comparing to other deities) Once search engines are capable of searching themselves, they will become consciously aware.

[Rakjavik]

lol, good job, I love it. Reminds me of www.thechurchofgoogle.com ~ Does the church of google meet on sundays? I have to work..... GOOGLE

[Marvo]

First post. Shit man, shit. Stop wasting your time. It only took me the effort of reading 6 words, before I knew you were fucking arround. Give it up already :/

[Needcatscan]

Shit man, shit. Stop wasting your time. It only took me the effort of reading 6 words, before I knew you were fucking arround. Give it up already :/ Marvo, when you find THE TRUTH and realize that Fulovshiit is the ONLY way to eternal life, then you'll feel His presence and His voice in your head. Until then don't dis my God.

[Universal Mind]

But only in believing in the good book of Fulovshiit and consciously accepting Girkov's sacrifice, will the gene activate No no no!!! Fulovshit manifested himself in London in the 1920's and added that one must accept TWO Girkov sacrifices! Burn in Hell, you heretic!

[Xaqaria]

And so, this same mad lib will repeat itself, ad nauseum; ad infinitum.

[Needcatscan]

that is the gist, yes