Around Summer 2010 I was looking for a good place to meditate at the river, I walked from Radhadesh to the road next to the river, but suddenly I had the urge to go into the forest, it was like I was controlled by weird desires, I wanted to meditate next to the river.

In the forest I climbed a hill and somewhere on that hill I sat down to meditate but the place was just not right for it, I didn't sit comfortably.

When I wanted to stand up and moved my shoe from the leafs, I suddenly saw a half crushed spider, I touched it with my shoe and now it was a spider that was crushed half and half good, you could see how he was suffering, but I left it as it was and the first thought that came up in my mind was:

"So, now I still found you, huh?"

I didn't kill it, I left it for it was, suffering.

Later I went to meditate next to the river, paying not so much attention to the half splashed spider who appearantly was still suffering from pain. Maybe it already died, but it was a slow death.

Later I thought about this and my conclusion is that there seems to be no forgiveness, the phrase: "Don't worry, you're forgiven" doesn't seem to exist in life, I mean, here I am, Hare Krishna, and still killing and mutalating a spider the size of my thumbnail.

The experience was too bizar for words, it was like that spider did someting wrong to me in a past life and now I was paying him back, while I am so careful with animals and insects.

It seems that predestination is something we cannot escape and this example is showing me how that works, by coincindences, although there is no coincidence, it was a stupid desire to go and try to find a place in the forest next to the road. That killed the spider.

But since a few months I am worshiping Lord Jesus. Lord Jesus died on the cross for our sins and that is something I deeply believe in since a while, I never understood this but I understand now!!

If I ask for forgiveness for killing that spider, Lord Jesus will for sure forgive me, I know this for sure because he gave his blood for us!

Further I know that Lord Jesus will not only forgive my sins but also the effects of those sins and that makes me very happy!!

Lord Jesus is my saviour and not only my saviour but the saviour for all people who believe in Him. A saviour for all mankind!!!

Amen!!!