It's so hard to say and explain the thoughts that have been in my head lately, but I'll just try to get it out anyway.

It's like I have two bodies. One is this material, clothes-wearing, skin covered, sack of flesh and bones, axons and neurons. I'll call this "Body One". The other body is what we get in our lucid dreams. It is centered, and deep, and there, and maybe holy if you can call it that, and it's wonderful, and elite, and good. I'll call this "Body Two".

Sitting here, I'm typing and doing things, and talking, and using WORDS, with "Body One". But I feel like I'm not communicating at all. Its like I'm a robot, and these movements and things are meaningless and dull. This same "Body One" is the one that says "go here, do this, buy this, watch this, agree with this, be this." This body thta I'm in is so PASSIVE, so seemingly fake, so controlled by materials of null value, and I don't want it. I want to always feel like I'm in "Body Two"

In "Body Two", that I only experience in my lucid dreams, I KNOW myself. I'm free from all these material, fake, ties that hold me to this world, that force me to accept the life that I live. It's like being in this "Body Two" is what we're all supposed to be lead up to, if not in death, then in a polarization of thought and consciousness that brings us all up to this higher level. Still get what I'm saying?

I can finally see why certain religious people do away with their material things, and concentrate on "searching inside themselves." Maybe they're looking for this "Body Two" that I feel in my dreams. WHATEVER. I can't explain anymore, and I can't use these stupid human fingers anymore. They sicken me. It sickens me that some people love their clothes and neckleces and jewelry and things that they don't see the bigger picture. It sickens me that I was, and still in a way, am, one of these people. And it sickens me that right after posting this, I'll go to a clothes website, or play videogames, and just kind of surrender to this material world. I'm done.