Thread: How do you deal with fear?

Fear is a constant, but accepting it will make you stronger. -King Leonidas

good quote

For silly little things like random anxiety (e.g. before giving a talk), I think the best policy is to just get on it before you can have the chance to have the conversation with your mind. The less rationalization, the better. If you're busy getting on it, your mind will eventually be on your side and put the fear aside.

I never thought of it that way. That makes a lot of sense.

On a side note, that's also the only way I can get out of bed earlier than I'd like. Don't let your mind rationalize sleeping just another 10 minutes... just get up before you think about it

Originally Posted by Replicon

On a side note, that's also the only way I can get out of bed earlier than I'd like. Don't let your mind rationalize sleeping just another 10 minutes... just get up before you think about it

I have to use two alarms to get my ass out of bed. One alarm to go off first on the bedside table, the other one to go off on some part of the room just where I can't reach unless I get out of bed to switch it off. So far, it works like a charm.

As for fear. I dunno... I just don't think about the fear. Sometimes the only way to overcome the fear is to simply accept it and continue. To know, but not to think. To accept, but not to rationalise.

The longer you think on something that makes you nervous, the more time you have to think about what could go wrong. Sometimes it's good to consider a "worst case scenario" so you can plan for it, but usually when you're facing something that's not a critical situation, it's best to just do it and get it done.

One thing that I've learned over the past several years (but still tend to forget for some reason) is that things usually are not as bad as they seem. It's a great feeling to be done and over with things that are difficult or cause you stress and it usually becomes easier to do once you've been though it before.

Another thing is to try and remember to focus on the things that you can change/fix and not pay attention to those things that are out of your control or won't be accessable until later on down the road. When you get through and/or finish those things you have a say over, that's something you don't have to worry about later.

Talk with people who have been through it before and see what they have to say. It doesn't hurt to ak and you can often get some good advice, or at least an idea of what to expect.

Confide in your friends. Tell them what's going on and ask them to help you out and/or encourage you as you face whatever is causing anxiety. It's not weakness to ask for help. The least they can do is make you smile

What type of fear do you mean? Fear of things or fear of doing things? It also depends on whether the fear is justified or not. If it's about doing things, then do what you're afraid of. I.e. when it's about giving a speech or approaching a girl, there's usually not all too much at stake. If it's about jumping over roof tops with mafia thugs running after you, that's a different story.

I think he means like these type of fears:

Heights
Open spaces
Bugs
Guns

etc.

For me my fears are:

Heights
Open spaces
Being the center of attention
Bugs
Embarrassment


but i think theres more..lol

I try my best to face my fear of open spaces, and ive been doing better lately being in open spaces, but occasionally I still get really dizzy and nauseous in open spaces...don't ask me why, I wish I knew why.

Originally Posted by guerilla

For me my fears are:

Heights
Open spaces
Being the center of attention
Bugs
Embarrassment


but i think theres more..lol

I try my best to face my fear of open spaces, and ive been doing better lately being in open spaces, but occasionally I still get really dizzy and nauseous in open spaces...don't ask me why, I wish I knew why.

Usually a phobia comes from a negative association to someone(s), something, or a situation. You don't have to experience it, necessarily, as just hearing about it or watching it can cause it as well. It often helps to find out why that fear is there (ie. almost drowned as a small child = fear of water) so that you can tell where the source is. That way, you know if it came from someone, something, or an event and you can work to fix it.

I've been blessed to grow up without any real long-lasting fears (at least none that impair my ability to function and only bother me once in a while), and I think it's because when we were younger, my dad especially taught us kids to not panic when we're in a stressful situation. Learning to control the "fight or flight" mechanism is a good skill to have, but it's especially difficult when you're older, as you're more exposed to all the possible things that could go wrong.

I'm not a psychologist, so I'm just speaking from my personal experiences (and a class on "Abnormal Psychology" which I've mostly forgotten ). There are a few ways to face a fear. 1. Face it head on/jump on in; 2. Work yourself gradually through small steps; 3. Try avoiding it and hope that you're able to grow out of it.

Just keep in mind that some people aren't ready to just jump in and immerse themselves in something they fear and hope that they will have a more positive experience. If you're afraid of water, you can try putting on a life jacket and jumping in, and for some people it will work when they find out that the life jacket keeps them from going under. Personally, if you really are truly afraid of something (more than just a marginal level of anxiety), take it easy and ask someone to help you out. If you do decide to immerse yourself in your fear, have someone there who will be able to recognize if you begin to panic and are unable to calm down, and who can help take you out of that situation.

The preferred method is probably just to take things slowly and acclimate yourself in stages. If your fear is water, start out in a bath tub until you're comfortable sitting there. Then move on to a kiddy pool. Then go to a pool where one end is only three feet deep or so; one where you can easily stand up and get out if need be. Eventually you can work your way up to a diving board (and I would highly recommend just running off of the board into the water; standing on the end looking down will make someone turn back).

Actually, even before starting a gradual exploration of the phobia, visualization is a good technique to use to judge how severe it is. If a person starts to become upset when they close his/her eyes and imagine him/herself on the edge of a cliff, that's a good place to start. Practice progressive relaxation to keep from panicing and becoming irrational. Deep breathing and consciously relaxing muscles is a good way to start and I'm sure you could find lots more information online about that.

Everyone's different, though. If your fear and anxiety are greatly impairing your quality of life and/or your ability to cope with everyday tasks, seek help. You probably won't need a 2-year journey with some psych who wants to drain money out of you, but it wouldn't hurt to ask a professonal and get his/her opinion on what to do. If you're committed to overcoming a fear, it may not be easy, but you can do it.

Just keep in mind what it says in my signature... (No, not "Amethyst Star." The other saying.)

Hmm thanks, but have you ever heard of this fear?

Fear of looking up outdoors?

I don't know what it is about outdoors but, I have alot of issues with outdoors...im an indoorsy person.

Anyways, night time or day time, I CAN'T lay down and look straight up, I'd rather have someone punch me in the face, no joke. I can't remember when this fear started but its recent, say 5 years or less.

If i look at the stars or the clouds i immediately feel dizzy and uncomfortable, as if something HORRIBLE is going to happen, i feel like im going to be sucked into a black hole in space or something.

Same with daytime, even sometimes when im walking outdoors, if i even think about looking up i get dizzy and extremely uncomfortable and nearly panic...I panic looking up outdoors...

If you could help me with that, ill marry you

My fears are:

1 being bit by bugs (mostly spiders)
2 starting conversations with strangers
3 being attacked by shit in the dark
4 being in really embarrassing situations

I tend to avoid 4 and 2, and just jump right in to 1 and 3. Although now it would make more sense to me if it were the other way around.

Originally Posted by guerilla

Fear of looking up outdoors?

I haven't heard of that fear before, but for me, when ever I look up outdoors, I'm just amazed at how cool the sky is. During the day, I like watching the clouds move and change shape, and at night (clear nights) I just get lost looking at all the stars. I have a fear of being attacked by wild animals at night. We have bears at my house. The other day I was walking down to a party less than 2 miles from my house at 11 pm, and it was an amazingly clear night, so I just looked up at the stars for the majority of the walk. But occasionally a bunch of trees would block the view of the sky, or I'd hear some strange noises in the woods and think there was a bear or something, but I just kept walking and forgot about the fear. Just think of how unlucky you'd have to be to get sucked into a black hole. Sometimes when random stuff makes me scared to the point where I worry that I might die, I just accept that if whatever I had an irrational fear of at the time did kill me, then it was just my time to go. Then I go about whatever I was doing as if everything was fine. It actually makes me enjoy things more, because of the thoughts that it could be my last experience in this life. Or I distract myself by thinking of music.

Originally Posted by Replicon

On a side note, that's also the only way I can get out of bed earlier than I'd like. Don't let your mind rationalize sleeping just another 10 minutes... just get up before you think about it

That works really well for me too. I used to have an alarm somewhere in my room where I'd have to get out of bed to turn it off, that way I'd be sure I'd get up. I had a problem with hitting the snooze button too much. The distance alarm worked except for days where I'd wake up after 4 hours of sleep and just be so tired I'd get up, turn it off, and fall back into bed and be back to sleep in under a minute. But this summer, I don't have much going on, so I let my mind rationalize sleeping just another 10 minutes pretty much every day. I've been trying to do a WILD after I wake up, but so far I've only been able to just fall back asleep and have normal dreams.

I find I just have to focus on what's at hand and not think about what the future holds. If it goes wrong, I'll just deal with it as it comes.

For instance I used to steal a lot and I would be nervous at first but I realized there was nothing to think about because if it went wrong that's just another situation I have to deal with.

By the way don't steal, you always get caught eventually and you end up paying way more than what you accumulatively took.

That's a good way to deal with it. I usually just got caught up in being nervous about stuff until I was done doing whatever made me nervous.

Originally Posted by Schmaven

My fears are:

1 being bit by bugs (mostly spiders)
2 starting conversations with strangers
3 being attacked by shit in the dark
4 being in really embarrassing situations

I tend to avoid 4 and 2, and just jump right in to 1 and 3. Although now it would make more sense to me if it were the other way around.



I haven't heard of that fear before, but for me, when ever I look up outdoors, I'm just amazed at how cool the sky is. During the day, I like watching the clouds move and change shape, and at night (clear nights) I just get lost looking at all the stars. I have a fear of being attacked by wild animals at night. We have bears at my house. The other day I was walking down to a party less than 2 miles from my house at 11 pm, and it was an amazingly clear night, so I just looked up at the stars for the majority of the walk. But occasionally a bunch of trees would block the view of the sky, or I'd hear some strange noises in the woods and think there was a bear or something, but I just kept walking and forgot about the fear. Just think of how unlucky you'd have to be to get sucked into a black hole. Sometimes when random stuff makes me scared to the point where I worry that I might die, I just accept that if whatever I had an irrational fear of at the time did kill me, then it was just my time to go. Then I go about whatever I was doing as if everything was fine. It actually makes me enjoy things more, because of the thoughts that it could be my last experience in this life. Or I distract myself by thinking of music.

Wow you are SO FUCKING LUCKY, I can't look up at the sky for longer then maybe 2 seconds, more then that and I feel like im going to die or something, i panic and i get dizzy and nauseous

Does the same thing happen if you look at the sky in a dream?

sometimes

Try to have cool dreams where the sky is involved without getting dizzy or nauseous, it might help.

Originally Posted by Vance

Fear is a constant, but accepting it will make you stronger. -King Leonidas

Generally, when fear is traced back to its very source with self-analysis and contemplation, it is realized to be founded upon the fear of death. This is true as fear is an inherent facet/emotion of the animal mind; it exists as survival mechanism. It is understandable why some “fear the outdoors” or “great heights”. This fear comes out of an unconscious reasoning of perhaps, “I am susceptible to attack” or “exposed to danger”. Open spaces also may give one the feeling “of being watched”. So, “I could be vulnerable to attack/death”.

Once fear is accepted properly, it may then become more vulnerable to dissolution (therefore it is intrinsically temporary). One should try to rationalize fear, for accepting it is obviously not enough. Fear is irrational to higher awareness, as even the young growing individual may recognize it as an unnecessary hindrance. Rationalizing fear is done through self-honesty, asking oneself questions such as “what if” and “and then what”.

To become fearless is simply the consequence of successfully honest self-contemplation. It brings the “individual” to a comforting awareness of how the mind can delude and why.

Counseling and Spiritual groups of comfortable integrity are generally helpful to those who want to overcome fears. Proportional consequences thereof usually encourage great trust, confidence and love.

Also, Consciousness Research confirms that physical death is not an experiential possibility. The body appears to die, as its life goes. But, by nature, life lives on; the animator and its animation/expression. The body therefore is the animated/expressed. Another analogy is that One is not the movie but the Projector. The projector remains unaffected independent of what happens in the movie. Yes, this is how "we" are with God (Energy cannot be created/destroyed).

The illusion of death is from identifying with the body/mind. Eternal life cannot “die”. The only possible death is the death of illusion. Life goes on; the universe inexhaustibly dances…

Originally Posted by guerilla

Hmm thanks, but have you ever heard of this fear?

Fear of looking up outdoors?

I don't know what it is about outdoors but, I have alot of issues with outdoors...im an indoorsy person.

Anyways, night time or day time, I CAN'T lay down and look straight up, I'd rather have someone punch me in the face, no joke. I can't remember when this fear started but its recent, say 5 years or less.

If i look at the stars or the clouds i immediately feel dizzy and uncomfortable, as if something HORRIBLE is going to happen, i feel like im going to be sucked into a black hole in space or something.

Same with daytime, even sometimes when im walking outdoors, if i even think about looking up i get dizzy and extremely uncomfortable and nearly panic...I panic looking up outdoors...

If you could help me with that, ill marry you

This is quite unusual, but it can be sorted. I think this is related to the ignorance about the sky’s actuality. Like being scared of the dark (in a bedroom, for instance), one must be honest and ask “What is there to be scared of?”, or “What/Why is this, really?”.

I am surprised, (from what you have written) it appears nobody has convinced you that, what you are afraid of only exists in your mind (if the dizziness was “caused” by the sky, this would happen to everybody). Do you really think you will be sucked into the sky? Forget about the alien abduction, not gravity.

The sky may “look” enormous, overwhelming, or indefinite, so perhaps your mind has exaggerated these apparent qualities. Another option apart from mental contemplation is to simply look at the sky, and holding someone’s hand if you need to. Then you can roll around in the grass, laughing with relief. You can laugh again, reading about people who have to spend billions of dollars on enormous rocket ships to remove themselves from the planet…

I advise the same thing with darkness: look at it. Consider, that even when you close your eyes in the dark; there is generally an inevitable darkness, independent of the direction of looking. You need to be honest; “my mind is the one that is stressing, not the shadows or the atmosphere”.

When I experience fear, I get to the source of the emotion, and that is, imo, self-importance. When I lose my self-importance at the moment of fear, my fear also goes away.

I fear something because I attach much importance to myself, to my life. If I imagine however, at the moment of fear, that in this moment, I'm actually dreaming and nothing I do is important, then I will lose my fear. Or for example, I imagine I can die any moment, like even right now, so logically everything I do has no importance at all.. thoughts like these make my fears go away and make me able to act without shame or fear.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer."

I haven't really found anything I really fear yet... Anything that can kill me I have a healthy respect for. But That won't stop me from facing whatever it is.

For example, rappelling. It is very fun, yet I have a healthy respect for heights, I am careful around them. That won't stop me from rappelling.

Originally Posted by guerilla

For me my fears are:

Heights
Open spaces
Being the center of attention
Bugs
Embarrassment

You do a good job hiding that one

Only thing I can do if I face fear is to reassure myself to think later, deal first. Then that's like what everybody would do.