I am afraid of death. or maybe just afraid of the unknown. I believe this is solely the causes all of my problems in life now. Maybe when i was younger i had different things going on that made me the way i was but now it is the fear of the unknown.

It causes me to freak out and get panic attacks thinking im dieing....yet still being afraid of the unknown i do nothing to seek help.

The fact that we as humans are just simply animals makes me very stressed and grossed out. But on top of all of this i know there is Something more to this life than just being animals. I understand we live in the physical world and this just has to be the way it is for it to work.

I will also add that the fear of the unknown has lead me to the fear of being alone. I have been alone most of my life. Yes i have a mother who loves me and brothers and sisters and i do have a dad he is just not always the best influence. I am alone because i lack the motivation to not be alone because of the fear of the unknown and thinking something bad will happen.

I am 19 years old. From the time i was 6 EVERY year of school i missed at least 60 days. When highschool hit it was too much so i dropped out. People think i dropped out because i was stupid....not the reason at all.

Death to me...i dont know what death is. I dont know why i make the choices in life i do. It is kind of a catch 22. I want to live and have a great life but if i actually live i will actually die in a metaphorical way of thinking.

The lifestyle i live is completely selfish to the people who really matter but for the people who dont, they are everything to me.

I do not want to die with this way of thinking but the way i am living i am killing myself faster.

This post is not meant to be a question, more jut my thoughts after a panic attack and self reflection.

I will end saying i dropped out of school when i was 15, now 19 i am going back. It just a community college but its school. I believe this is adding to my stress alot but it is something i have to do...