Recurring. Taken to a psych ward. No escape.
I continue to have these dreams where I am taken to a psych ward against my will and it always ends badly in one way or another. Same theme... different people. Always the same outcome: That I can't leave or escape.
Last night I dreamt that I was ushered into a long hallway with several others. Heavy solid doors banged closed behind me and there was the all familiar clicking sound letting me know that the doors locked automatically. I looked around. The hallway walls were white and the floor was white. The ceiling was an off white and the lighting gave the hallway a yellowish sort of glow and the air smelled stale as if the windows had never been opened. I looked around and tried to understand where I was and why I was there. I noticed that several of the people with me were groaning, banging the walls, or sitting on the floor rocking. One person had a blank stare and drool was on his face. I felt confused.
I then saw what appeared to be a few nurses coming towards us. Behind the nurses were about 30 or so others. They were all wearing white clothes - kind of like the clothes that prisoners wear, but only white. I looked down at my clothes and saw that I also had on one of the white "jumpsuits" and then I saw that the group that I came in with were also wearing white.
The nurses and the group of 30 or so was being lead out the doors and into the back of a big vehicle. It was dark and I couldn't see what kind of vehicle, but I instinctively knew that wherever these people were going, it wasn't a good place. I walked into the crowd of 30 or so and noticed there was a side door along the hall that they were lined up against. I opened the door and let a few of the people into that room and out of the hallway. I felt like I was letting them escape whatever was coming next.
A male nurse/guard (?) noticed what I was doing and jerked me by my arms and shoved me back against the other side of the hall with my own group. The force caused the wind to be knocked out of me and I doubled over, my hair falling into my face. As he did this he glared at me. He grabbed for the few people that I had allowed to"escape" and marched them past me, still glaring at me. He shoved them into the back of the vehicle.
Just then another nurse/counselor came into the doors and started walking past us and down the hall. I recognized her and willed her to look at me. I kept staring and hoping she would look my way and let everyone know that it was a mistake and that I shouldn't be there. She looked at me and held my gaze for a while but her eyes showed no signs of recognition. I felt let down.
The group of nurses that had just loaded the 30 or so people into the vehicle came into the building and started to move us down the hallway. They separated us and sent some of us in one direction and some in another. They sent me and about 3 others upstairs to this area that had lots of book shelves lined up along the back and about 8 long tables with chairs full of people dressed like us. We were motioned into the room by another nurse/counselor who said "Welcome! Please have a seat. We're doing some activities together." I quickly sat down and turned to see what she would say next.
She informed us that we were to get in small groups and talk among ourselves and come up with some ideas about activities we would like to do. There were markers and colored pencils on the tables. I noticed rather quickly that the people sitting at my table were low functioning and some were psychotic. I jumped up, having just realized that I was in a psych hospital. I backed up until my back was against railing. I looked over and saw the check in area just below.
The nurse/counselor lady yelled at me to please take my seat. I noticed a male nurse towards the back of the room and he started to come towards me. I sat down at the back of another table. Some of the regular clients turned to look at me. Some were laughing and amused that I had disrupted things. Others looked angry that I had messed up the routine. I told the girl next to me that I had to get out of there. She laughed and handed me a toy that made noise. As I held it, the noise came out of the toy, and again everyone turned to look, laugh, and glare at me. I quickly threw the toy down on the table and sat on my hands as if to say that I would stay out of trouble.
The male nurse began passing out medication. He gave me 5 pills. A small brown one, a small white one, and 3 really big pills. I rolled them around with my finger on the table and laughed inwardly because I thought I could outsmart them and not have to take my pills. Just then I looked up and the male nurse was still standing there with a glare on his face. He barked out that I needed to take them and stop playing with them. I jumped and pushed myself back into my chair as far as I could to try to get some distance. I started to stutter (I don't stutter and never have in real life) "B... b.. Buuut I.. I ..... I donnnn't wannnnnnta taa... taaake them." He shoved a cup of water at me.
I raised my hand up and the female nurse looked over and asked what was going on. The male nurse yelled that I wasn't taking my meds and then I said "Do I have to take them since I am only here for observation?" and she said no. The male nurse jerked the cup from me and slammed it down in front of the lady that had handed me her toy. She took her pills. Everyone took them without a fight. I peeled at the corner of the brown pill and tried to open it up, to ruin it. The male nurse was watching me, so I pushed them away from me on the table.
When the people heard I didn't have to take my pills they became upset and some started to yell "Why doesn't she have to take hers? Who does she think she is?" I became scared and sort of zoned out. I was kid of in and out of it and the female nurse was trying to ask me something. When she noticed I wasn't understanding her, she and the male nurse looked at each other and gave a knowing sort of look, followed by a nod. I watched the interaction and was afraid.
Then the male nurse started to walk towards me again, maybe to get the pills, I wasn't sure, but I jumped up and ran back to the books to get away from him. Back at the books I grabbed one up and started to nervously leaf through it, while watching the nurses. The book had pictures of tractors (I do like tractors in real life) and a few audio cds. I saw my reflection on one of the cds and I could see the worry and fear written on my face. The male nurse came back to me and jerked the book from my hands.
I saw the male nurse putting his hand in his pocket and he started to pull out what appeared to be a needle. I backed away from him and held my hands in front of me as if to plead with him not to do it. He kept the needle ready and in his pocket and started walking towards me, then once he was close and I was trying to get away he pulled the needle out and shoved me down to the floor and as he was shoving the needle into my body I was saying "Please No Sir, I'm not trying to fight you or be difficult, it's just that I've been raped countless times and that I've been messed with sexually."
Then I woke up all tense and holding my hands tightly against my chest and feaked out - nearly crying. I couldn't get back to sleep after that. My dreams are always really vivid and detailed it seems.
