Unusual, paradoxical terror

[Apotheosis]

Back when I was a kid, sometimes my dreams would consist of extremely intense thinking. These dreams become extremely pseudo-paradoxical and hard on the mind. They usually consisted of logic and mathematics. I wouldn't even consider them dreams, just long, difficult, and confusing lines of thought. 95% of the time it was like... dreaming while awake. Like I'm awake but my mindset is shifted onto unusual patterns, like having REM while awake I guess...(kind of like, sleepwalking but not really...) I used to have them a lot during my childhood, as I did with lucid dreams and night-terrors. They went away for about 5 years, but now they're beginning to come back. They're really hard to explain but I guess I'll try to make an example. This is going to sound really stupid, but one time when I was 10 I was awake but all night I was freaking out because I could not comprehend the golden ratio. I felt like that guy in the movie Pi, sitting there in the corner feeling my head pound over it. I had yet to see Pi but I do remember reading my brother's math book from college and being perplexed by his weird mathematics. Similar dreams would occur nowadays, with strange noises buzzing through my head, trying to understand the meaning of God, life, love etc., coupled with high fever. I would have clear memories of crying over cosines and tangents in the middle of the night, sweating and hyperventilating, with my parents as my witness. Yeah it sounds absolutely rediculous, but yes it happens. This also happens without "sleepwalking" or any logical thinking but it still wraps me with extreme pressure, with a pounding drone going through my head as I struggle to snap out of it, and when I do I'm off my bed gasping for air. Is there any explanation or term that refers to these events, and if there is, could anyone give me some further reading as to why I have been getting these? Is it bad, good, a sign of insanity etc? Thanks.

[ThePhobiaViewed]

Sometimes on school mornings I will know that I have to wake up, especially if I have a test, and I will be half awake memorizing nonsense. It's not like a dream in the normal sense but almost more like just thinking and seeing weird visions. For example two mornings ago I was memorizing a word list for some fictional language or something like that and remember like all the words ending in -ez. I remember the one word meant Octavarium (a Dream Theater cd/song). Last year I would have a US Cultures II test so I would read the chapter the night before and then sometimes I would be in that state in the morning thinking I was reading and memorizing all this information but it was actually nothing. I don't have it extreme like you. I don't fret over mathematics in this state or wonder about God or anything like that and I also am just laying still. As for your last questions I'd say it's a sign of insanity, ok maybe not. You might want to get it checked out but it just seems like a variation of a nightmare.

[Burzhi]

Just here to say: don't worry,you're not a complete freak. Well, if you are, then you aren't the only one I've had such logical "dreams" before - in my case I seemed to have a heightened consciousness, it seemed like sleep bordering on VERY deep case of delirium. In my case however, I couldn't stop myself from calculating binary arithmetic.

[sluggo]

Weird, when I was in school I used to have the exact same thing happen as PhobiaViewed described. I would kind of toss and turn in bed half asleep once it got to be early morning and I would try to review everything I had studied the night before and try to keep memorizing it all without making any sense of it. Also I remember when I was a kid and I used to read a lot before I fell asleep sometimes I would doze off while reading but I would have hypnogogic hallucinations or light-sleep dreams where I figured out some way to read with my eyes closed and I would keep reading the book even though I was alseep.

[juroara]

I sometimes have racing, but illogical thoughts of mad randomness when I am stressed or ill. When I snap out of it, I couldn't even tell you what I was thinking because its that intensely abstract. a lot of times though, I feel I have to 'solve' something before I can fall asleep. It can take me up to three hours of racing thoughts to realize, I'm already in bed and there is nothing I need to solve. shutting up my mind I can finally fall asleep it happens when I am not in the best state of health and it really ruins my nights sleep. just goes to show that stress is an illness!

[wisp]

I've had all of those! Weird... But they weren't any bad for me. I love them. I've sometimes had them without fever, but usually fever is their loyal companion. Some of my dreams were mathematical/logical/graphical (as in a blueprint) gibberish, impossible to put into words. Totally abstract. Like "divided surface, rate, proportion, increase, not-random, comparison", with a lot of numbers, and something like an abstract plot. And i'm not even good at Math or the sort! Some of them were less abstract. In one of them i was in a hyperespherical space of about 20 feet high, and it was like a folder. Like a Windows folder! And i stepped (no actual steps involved) out of it, into the higher folder, and by the fifth time or so i found myself in the original hiperespherical folder. A mamushka (Russian doll) cyclic universe. In one of them i saw a tangled swarming group of multicolor four dimensional worms (didn't really "saw" it, because no sight was involved, and the colors weren't visual, but well). Coming closer, each worm was a life i could enter if i gave away my memory of the whole and accepted the protagonism in that life. And passing through it felt like having a complete, yet accelerated life, filled with short and long term goals. I exited that life at its end, had a brief awakening, went back to sleep and resumed playing another life. As lives went on, the true goal (common to them all) hinted increasingly clear. I had about 5 or 6 lives that night. I loved it. In each one i had no memory of the prior, but had an unsettling sense that something was missing. That the short time goals in front of me were mere distractions. But i was scared not to pay due attention to them, in case the feeling was wrong. I wanted to get them all done, and then quietly seek the true purpose. I guess that series of dreams were about purpose. It's really interesting to read about other people's weird dream experiences.

[Burned up]

Back when I was a kid, sometimes my dreams would consist of extremely intense thinking. These dreams become extremely pseudo-paradoxical and hard on the mind. They usually consisted of logic and mathematics. I wouldn't even consider them dreams, just long, difficult, and confusing lines of thought. 95% of the time it was like... dreaming while awake. Like I'm awake but my mindset is shifted onto unusual patterns, like having REM while awake I guess...(kind of like, sleepwalking but not really...) I used to have them a lot during my childhood, as I did with lucid dreams and night-terrors. They went away for about 5 years, but now they're beginning to come back. They're really hard to explain but I guess I'll try to make an example. This is going to sound really stupid, but one time when I was 10 I was awake but all night I was freaking out because I could not comprehend the golden ratio. I felt like that guy in the movie Pi, sitting there in the corner feeling my head pound over it. I had yet to see Pi but I do remember reading my brother's math book from college and being perplexed by his weird mathematics. Similar dreams would occur nowadays, with strange noises buzzing through my head, trying to understand the meaning of God, life, love etc., coupled with high fever. I would have clear memories of crying over cosines and tangents in the middle of the night, sweating and hyperventilating, with my parents as my witness. Yeah it sounds absolutely rediculous, but yes it happens. This also happens without "sleepwalking" or any logical thinking but it still wraps me with extreme pressure, with a pounding drone going through my head as I struggle to snap out of it, and when I do I'm off my bed gasping for air. Is there any explanation or term that refers to these events, and if there is, could anyone give me some further reading as to why I have been getting these? Is it bad, good, a sign of insanity etc? Thanks. I don't think it's a sign of anything like that. But it is a sign that you feel helpless, or have a helpless feeling inside you that appears in dreams. It's linked to getting things right by the sounds of it. Dunno about further reading but if you're interested in issues from childhood there are plenty of books about the inner child. I'm a bit of a fan of http://www.joincathryntaylor.com/ And her book http://www.joincathryntaylor.com/Boo...4/Default.aspx

[The Cusp]

You may find some answers here, but it a difficult read. http://www.rwgrayprojects.com/synerg...nergetics.html