My way works for me. For me its that or a bullet in the head. No matter how much you think you know about sleep, dreaming, or nightmares- you aren't me. I am terrified of my dreams. For a long time- longer than you've probably been studying or researching dreams- I wanted to die. The doctors put me on medinces. It just made me feel like I was abnormal and gave me another reason to want to die. I felt guilt every day for what I dreamed at night. I felt dread every night of what sick terror is waiting in my dreams. Until I learned it was out of my control and no one can help, I wanted to just die. But my terrifying dreams made me strong in a way. After years of dream torture I learned that no what heppen in my dream tonight- it won't be the worst and I am not a bad person. My dreams don't define me and I can't control them. This is happening for a reason. It is beyond control and not able to be cured with science and studies. I have been there. I have been studied... Scanned... Diagnosed....medicated...abused and exploited by normal people who can't relate and want to prove I'm suffering from some disorder- to put a label on it and classify it for science- and of course, put their name on it so it can be published in some journal. God only burdens us with what we can handle. These fucked up dreams made me strong and made realize it takes a hell of a lot more than war, terror, trauma, and demons to kill me. I won't give up. I can make it one more night. I still want to die rather than have another dream sometimes.... Its less often than years ago but I do want to die because of the guilt and terror my dreams put in me. But on those nights I just pound a shot of gin and pass out- and I have no dreams. Fuck you if you think its unhealthy. I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemies. No one should be afraid of their dreams. If you're here having regular nightmares for longer than a year. You are strong. You can make it through the night. Don't give up. You aren't abnormal. Fuck the ones who want to explain it or treat it with drugs and therapy. You are strong. And when one more night sounds worse than a bullet- have a shot and sleep like a normal person for once. You deserve it.
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