NIGHTLYvisitor
Lurker

My last entry was a little pitiful but I am moving forward from it. I haven't slept well the last few nights. I keep waking up feeling like I have drank ten shots of coffee. I just lay awake, but unable to focus. I have had small, VERY small, clips of dreams however.

I am gliding along water.
I found this dream to be the best I have had as of late. I do not know if it is the same as flying but it is what I would imagine it to be like now.

That is all I am going to add for now because everything else is too fragmented and interrupted for me to remember, no matter how hard I try.

I haven't been on in a while due to night terrors and other problems due to my epilepsy getting in the way but I am here now, and I feel like I want to do this more than ever. I started this process because of my night terrors and now they are back with a vengeance and I wish I knew the reason. I could make a few guesses but I really think none of them would suffice.

I dreamt of a a girl (that I don't remember remembering) being raped.
I dreamt that I literally blew up my cousin. She used to be my best friend and I seemed to be happy about it in this dream. It may sound stupid in writing but sadly (and pathetically) it isn't.
I dreamt of my brothers death.
I dreamt that I was crying and crying and running and crying and couldn't escape whatever was chasing me.


I started this to escape this dreams where I ran. Not only that but also to maybe escape the boredom of my life and the sadness i felt. As these nightmares hit me with a new, and almost fresh, sting I can't help feeling helpless. Since I don't seem to be getting any better at what I am doing. I hope that this changes. and that I don't lose hope. And that I can defeat this thing devouring me every night.

As i type this and I know no one will read it I feel comfortable with that. I never really felt like anyone heard my call in the first place. But I will be fine.

I dreamt that I was at my grandmothers house last night.
-It's an empty house since they died and it is right on a lake. Out back is a rusty old non-working old refrigerator that has
been there ever since I can remember. Every summer, as kids, we would run to the thing and open it to check it for frogs
because, for some reason, they loved it and would live inside it. For years now, though, it has been empty of frogs.-
In my dream, I was walking around the house. It was very sunny out and I remember the light shimmering off the water.
I walked straight to the refrigerator and saw that a cool mist was rising off of it. I walked up to it and saw.... what do you know..
FROGS! But they were frozen to the thing it was so cold! One frog I remember was peculiarly black.

-I went to my grandmothers house today and saw a tree frog for the first time in a few years. It was black.-

I think I may have been able to accomplish something last night, even if it was very little compared to the eventual goal.

I dreamt I was at a party in the woods. I was at my grandmothers house I believe. But instead of there being a road behind us like in reality, there is a dense forest with paths. At this party there is tiny plastic cups. Like those at an overpriced function for a band or an art show. My regular friends are there but there is also a young man from my high school and his girlfriend (or escort) that I recently saw at the bar I work at. (This is the first thing I noticed in my dream as abnormal.) "What is he doing at my grandmother's house?" I thought to myself. So, I walked away. (This was the first time in the night that I walked away from the party realizing it was not real, but this first time I am not sure it was by pure choice or just another part of my dream.)
Anyways, I pop right back into the party. I don't know how i get here, but here i am. Drinking out of tiny cups, watching a mostly stranger flirt with a complete stranger in the corner of my grandma's house. Matt, my friend, hands my a "special concoction" drink. From what I can remember, and what I wrote down in my dream journal that night, it is a mixture between vanilla vodka, beer, and whisky. (The third ingredient is a little fuzzy to me) but I add a little more vanilla vodka and chug it. My cup seems to get smaller, and once again I know this is a dream. It is at this moment that CHOOSE to get up and walk away from that part and into the woods. Mostly, because I didn't know what else to do. I put choose in caps because it is important to know this is the very first time I have ever chosen to do anything in a dream. The other people in my dream get angry and yell to come back but I continue to walk. Sadly, I can tell that it won't last. I feel fuzzy, translucent may be the best word for it. I pop back in to the part.
Everyone is drunk. Matt is now stealing drinks while no one is looking. I walk from the party again and....
I wake up.


Too bad, but it's is something. I thought I had lost hope. But even this small accomplishment is something to hold on to.

This is my first post. I usually have nightmares. It's what got me involved with Lucid Dreaming in the first place. I'm glad to say my first post won't be anything I'd qualify as a bad nightmare.

I'm walking on a rocky beach, under an over cast sky. It could rain at any moment, that's the first thought I have. Then I notice I'm not alone. I'm walking next to Ryan, and I can't understand a single word he's saying, but he continues to talk. The water next to us is dark. I wouldn't swim in it even if it were a 100 degrees. Across from the water is a dense and green forest.

Then noises of construction begin to fade in from my opposite side. I look over and realize there are houses all along the beach we are walking on. They are enormous to the point that I can not see the backs of them and they are all made of wood. But it is as if the town they lived in no longer has a government. The houses are completely worn down. The people living in them, or so I assume that is who they are, are working with hammer and nail to repair them. Me and Ryan continue walking.
(I would have thought at least by this point I would have noticed a dream sign or forced myself to realize this was a dream but I did not and I find that very frustrating.)

Finally, we end up in an opening with a building set further back. It is a bar, and protruding out of it, is a very large slide with two ladders on each side. Ryan gets onto the slide and slides down. He turns to me and tells me to go next. Suddenly, the slide is much larger and I don't want to. I eventually do however, and when I reach the top I wake up. DREAM END.

I have been trying for sometime to realize I am in a dream. I hope something will happen soon.