Fugue
Amnesiac

Failed a WBTB. I'm unhappy.

Initially I dreamed about some sort of house that me and my girlfriend were staying in. We were like renting it for some reason and I think my girlfriend had a reason why we couldn't stay there, but I don't remember why. Eventually the scene changed to her house, and her mom was there with some ice cream. For whatever reason though, the ice cream was laced with weed, so when we ate it we got high. It was the strangest feeling, really--I actually felt high after eating it. It was definitely a dream sign considering the fact that my girlfriend would have nothing to do with anything weed-related, but I missed it.

The scene changes. I'm at an unknown location with my girlfriend and another friend of mine named Josh. We're with a dude I don't recognize but who evidently graduated from my high school. I feel like his name was Tyler. Anyway, we're talking about the student newspaper at my high school and how it's gone down in quality since that Tyler graduated. I worked for the student newspaper when I was in high school just like Tyler, but when he was in high school they had more funding and had more hours in the day to work on newspaper-related things. He also talked about how he worked for CNN while he was on our student newspaper staff. There were some other people around that I sensed worked with him, but I didn't know them and they didn't talk. He gave me, my girlfriend, and Josh some old copies of issues released when he was in high school, and for some reason they were huge and extraordinarily heavy. We left with them. Once we were far enough away from the building we opened one up, but for some reason there were just pictures of cymbals arranged on the pages, made out of construction paper. I was disappointed and couldn't understand how that could possibly be a quality newspaper.

After I woke up I went back to bed and had various other dreams, but I'm having a hard time remembering them all...the most recent one I can remember involved me, my uncle and aunt and two of my aunts. One of my aunts was murdered in a pool that I was swimming in by some sort of phantom. He was white and sort of translucent with a red circle around one eye and a blue triangle around the other. He wasn't human in form, he was something entirely different. The aunt he murdered he basically ground up into mashed guts in the pool, then he collected the remains and my uncle just sort of sat there smiling with blood on his face. I tried to wipe it off while climbing up some sort of slope behind him, headed for I don't know where. My other aunt just sort of sat there and scoffed, since she doesn't like the murdered aunt.

Before that I remember being on some sort of catwalk above the pool with people, and I think I felt the presence of the phantom, but I don't remember fully what we were doing.

Once again, failed to achieve lucidity, but I'm garnering a pretty substantial dream journal, so hopefully that will help.

So last night, despite what they say, I smoked a fair amount of Mary Jane and I still had fairly vivid dreams and good recall. Fluke maybe.

The first thing I remember is a dream about getting dropped off at home. I was in a car with two friends--it was my car, but for some reason they were driving. We drove into my neighborhood and it was the middle of the night. I knew we had just gotten done doing something illegal (such as the aforementioned Mary Jane), and I was trying to get into the garage without waking up my parents, but as we drove near my house we saw my dad outside at my neighbor's house, laying cat litter underneath the tires of my neighbor's car, as though he were stuck somewhere in the winter and trying to get out, despite the fact that there was no snow to be found. I panicked and told them to just keep driving, hoping my dad wouldn't look to see what car was passing, and they dropped me off around the corner a little ways away from my house so I could walk around to the back door and he wouldn't see me. For some reason it was unlocked so I could get in, and for some other reason I also didn't seem to care that my friends then drove away in my car. Oh well. I'm guessing the reason for this dream is because I literally did the same exact thing last night, except I was driving myself and I had to call my brother to open the garage door for me so I could get the car in without waking my dad...same concept I suppose, but the dream version was scarier.

I know I had a lot more dreams last night, and some of them I can remember feelings from...one of them I know was a little scary, or at least just...stressful. I remembered feeling stressed or panicked, and not just in the dream above. Following that feeling, I remember being in my old high school with nothing on but my underwear, walking to class.

I end up in the class of a teacher I used to have, but I don't know exactly what she's teaching. I throw on a sweatshirt and sweatpants as I walk into the classroom, but I don't think anyone commented on my attire except one girl, who I'm almost wont to say was present earlier during the stressful part. For whatever reason she laid down on her back and I climbed on top of her with our uh...genitals in contact. Don't know why. I was trying to take notes from the overhead projector while laying in that position but it was sort of hard. The topic I think was something to do with King Arthur maybe? Which doesn't make any sense because the teacher that was there taught a sort of life management class for all the high school's seniors. Either way, the notes were entirely illegible, pretty much because it was a dream, but I remember turning to a classmate anyway (Trent is his name) and asking him what the hell she was doing. I thought the text was messed up because she was so old she couldn't write, not because it was a dream. After Trent and I shared a laugh over that, I looked back to the girl on top of whom I was laying and started talking. She seemed to be attracted to me but said that her friends disapproved of me because they didn't like a friend of mine. I seemed mildly disappointed by that, but she wasn't an extraordinarily attractive girl (kind of a cute blond, but her face was sort of funny-looking), so I wasn't terribly distraught.

There might have been a dream later but I don't think so. That's about when my sister woke me up. I really didn't try for a lucid last night because...well, I just didn't have the energy. Interesting dreams though.

Last night I again failed to gain lucidity due to a failed WBTB attempt and evidently zero ability to see dreamsigns. Damn it.

To start, I was with a girl. She's someone I used to be really good friends with when I went to school with her my sophomore year before I moved schools again, and we almost hooked up several times, so that was on both our minds as we interacted in the dream. I hung out with her a few days ago when I was visiting where she lives, so I assume that's why she showed up in-dream. I remember we were trying to find some privacy so we could have sex essentially, but my mom was talking to us downstairs in a house we used to live in, but surprisingly not the house we lived in when I went to school with this girl (whom we'll call "LN"). LN and I finally manage to get away from my mother, and when I stand up from the couch I realize my yellow underwear are around my ankles. My mom looks at me funny, and it's as though she knows that I'm about to go upstairs with LN and do something. She doesn't say anything though and I just pull them up around my waist and LN and I start walking up the stairs. I hear her mention something about my current girlfriend as we make our way upstairs (who is not LN, in case you were wondering), and I feel guilty for a moment, but continue on. It's then that things get crazy.

LN grabs a condom from her bag (which is, oddly enough, the clearest looking object of the dream) and we head over to my room. For some reason the upstairs of this house now looks like a totally different house we used to live in, my childhood home. We walk over to my room and suddenly I see through the window my cousin walking up to the door. What's different about him now is that he has a huge beard and really long hair though, which is another dreamsign I didn't pay much attention to. I suddenly forget all about LN and walk over to the door, and as he opens it I say "Son of a bitch!" and wrap my arms around him in a hug, evidently because I haven't seen him in a while (which is true, at least). He walks in sheepishly and sets his bag down. I remember back to an earlier dream that night which involved me discussing with my grandmother why my cousin's mom married my uncle (who isn't my cousin's biological father). She kept saying that it was only for my cousin, so that he could have a normal life.

Night falls suddenly. There are now tons of people outside my house (the house that I originally thought it was is on seven and a half acres of land, so there's a huge party going on down there). I look at LN apologetically, still really wanting to just go to bed with her, but I walk outside to check it out. There are tables set up everywhere with music and food. There are also rows of folding chairs, among which LN sits down with a girl that I recognize from my high school. Apart from her though I recognize no one else in the crowd and soon hear word that this is a high school graduation celebration of sorts for Logan Neutral High School, which definitely doesn't exist. I walk around for a while, watching as students give presentations about their favorite teachers on a huge stage with an equally huge projector. I suddenly run into a girl that I used to know (and sort of be interested in) named RS. She gives me a hug and I put my arms around her waist, feeling how much thinner she feels compared to when we were younger but realizing she also still has some love handles on her. We talk for a while, about what I don't remember, still hugging, and I worry for a moment that LN will see me and become jealous.

Later I see a really huge African American girl with boobs hanging out of her shirt for some reason. Then, for whatever reason, I see a kid three years younger than me that I played with in the band at MY high school that I'm friends with and walk up to him.

"Who planned this party?" I ask.

"Mrs. B******," he responds. Mrs. B happens to be my best friend's girlfriend's mom.

"Son of a bitch," I say, but then I realize that Mrs. B is standing right next to me. I pretend not to see her and walk away. I see LN sitting and talking in the row of folding chairs, and she calls out to me.

"Hey look, I just got braces," she says, showing me her teeth. I see braces there and try not to be shallow, and still wanting very much to have sex with her, but my face must look disappointed because she laughs and smiles wider, and suddenly the braces are gone. I now see braces on her fingernails. My hope is replenished for eventually getting with her, but suddenly I find myself in a train car and LN isn't there. I know it's a train car because there are seats like in a train car, but it doesn't appear that we are moving. It's almost like we're hanging inside from the very high ceiling of some building.

I look down and out the window and see what appears to be a sitting area with several nice cushy chairs and some flat screen TVs mounted on the wall. I hear a voice that says, "This is Logan Neutral High School," and I look over to see a fairly attractive young girl sitting in one of the train seats with a guy whose face I don't remember. I quickly look back at the sitting area below, afraid the train will start moving before I can see it again, then realize I recognize the sitting area. I tell the girl that I've been here before for a marching band competition, even though now that I'm awake I know there's no such place. The last thing I remember seeing is her face--long brown hair, sort of wavy, framing a face of the purest complexion with eyes dark as night.

I really need to identify dreamsigns.

Finally got lucid tonight! WBTB certainly is a miracle technique.

Last night I had a terrible time trying to sleep because I'm currently out of town staying in a hotel with my family. As such, I'm sharing a bed at the moment with my eleven-year-old brother, and he's quite...active when he sleeps. So I really didn't fall asleep very hard until he'd gotten out of bed.

Once I was asleep I know I was at a friend's house. He's the same friend from my first dream journal who sells weed, but this dream had nothing to do with that. I was staying at his house, which was unusual because I've never done that before, and I think he really needed me to leave (along with many other people who were also there) because either his parents were home and didn't want us there or they were going to be home very soon and wouldn't like that we were there. Either way, that's all I remember of that.

The only thing I remember of the dream after that is grabbing my ex-girlfriend by the sides of her face for some reason.

After that I was definitely walking through some very deep snow, and I was with a couple people, but they weren't anyone I know. I don't really know where we were going or what we were doing, but there were some very definite distances ingrained in my head for some reason (25 being one of them, but because I didn't think of any units I don't know if that was 25 feet, 25 meters, 25 miles...it was just 25). Whoever I was with wanted to return to wherever we'd come from, and I followed suit. That's probably about when my brother got out of bed and I was able to really fall asleep.

Before that though, my mother woke me up, so I was awake for a while. I was in sort of a vague sleep for a while, one where, if I tried to, I could easily shake myself awake, but I didn't want to because I was trying to visualize. I tried to visualize my dream guide from last night, the cat with the wizard's hat on, and it actually worked. I pictured myself in the same clearing with the same brick laid beneath me as when I met him last night, and he was suddenly there. We started walking through the forest that surrounded us and I think we were talking about a task he had for me to do. Eventually we came upon a house in which he said was someone whose dreams I had to infiltrate. Somehow this was supposed to increase my ability to control my own dreams, but I wasn't sure how. Either way, I trusted him, and I climbed the hill next to the house and dropped in through a hole in the roof. What I came upon inside wasn't another person, but actually myself. A direct copy of me. I think we talked a little, but I don't remember what was said, because soon after we broke into a fistfight. It wasn't a particularly drawn out fight, and eventually I pinned my other self on the ground and punched him in the face a few times. It was then that I understood: My dream guide was having me break into my own mind, break through my own mental blocks in order to achieve lucidity. So I gave my other self a headbutt and felt myself literally melt into him. Our dreams became one, and I fell deeper into the dream.

The next thing I remember is being with the character Banjo from the N64 game Banjo-Kazooie, if any of you are familiar with that. We were in somewhat of a secret corridor I guess, and we were trying to figure out how to get into the next room without alerting the guards. I immediately realized Banjo could shoot eggs from his mouth (even though Kazooie is the one who can in the games) and for some reason thought that if I squeezed one of Banjo's boobs (which he doesn't have, because he's a dude) it would shoot the eggs out. So we were trying to aim at the guards and were preparing to shoot when we both realized that Kazooie, Banjo's bird friend, was in the next room anyway and could probably take care of the guards herself. So I continued on, but Banjo didn't follow me.

I found myself at the top of a fairly long staircase. At the bottom was my girlfriend, and I ran down to see her. She was evidently upset because she was at an orientation of sorts for a biology class that she was going to take and she thought it was stupid I guess. We were in a dark room. I remember seeing another young lady whom I recognized from high school, but I don't remember who it was. I think her boyfriend was there too but I don't exactly remember...regardless, I eventually found myself sitting in a nice cushy chair when my old physics teacher came in, saying that he was the one that was giving the orientation because Mrs. Hoikka, the actual teacher of the class, wasn't able to make it, and since he also had experience teaching biology she had asked him to cover. I think I stood up at that point and that's about when I realized I had induced this dream myself. I had a brief conversation with him. I think he was talking about some of his gripes with the government for some reason, probably in relation to state benchmarks that he was required to teach that he didn't think were necessarily important. I achieved a growing level of lucidity as the conversation progressed, and eventually I started to feel the dream breakdown. I tried to think of how to stabilize it, remembering that spinning in circles was supposed to help keep things intact, but I remember thinking that that would probably seem weird to my teacher, so I didn't try it. Unfortunately I should have, because the dream broke down completely after that and I woke up.

Regardless, I finally attained lucidity, so I'm happy about that.

Last night's dreams are pretty fragmented, but I figure since I'm fairly behind in my journaling I should get a move on.

To start, the first thing I remember is trying to get into a building of some sort but being hindered by a huge mob of snakes. It was me and one other person (maybe my girlfriend?) along with a huge golden retriever. We were trying to move the snakes with sticks, but eventually I ended up with a hatchet, so I just chopped them up. After a while I felt hopeless for some reason, like there was no way we'd ever make it through the snakes, so for whatever reason I just started sawing at the dog's leg with my hatchet. I soon realized that was ridiculous and cruel, so I stopped and hugged the dog while he ate the rest of the snakes.

I really honestly don't remember any sort of chronology for the rest of it. I do remember having several dreams within dreams, and for some reason I feel like I was trying to infiltrate someone else's dream (or maybe the dreams of multiple people, I don't know). At one point I ended up at my high school (which didn't look anything like my high school) for some sort of beginning-of-the-year orientation, even though I just graduated high school in May. I kept trying to figure out why I was required to be there, and I kept looking around for anyone I might know that had graduated with me to confirm that graduated seniors were actually supposed to be there, but I didn't find anyone. After I went through a bunch of hand-stamping and other weird shit (I did note that when the lady stamped my palm, it looked different every time I looked at it--I'm getting so close to a lucid dream but I can never remember to actually think that I'm dreaming, even if I notice things are ridiculous!), I started talking to a woman who was evidently the new leader of my "team" at the high school (right now we have a dean for half of the student body, then another dean for the other half, so I guess she was replacing one of them). She talked forever about absolutely nothing, and at one point a young man walked up and started making fun of her, saying I was only here for one thing: to see the ladies. At that point he very quickly drew a cartoonish girl on a piece of paper, and I smiled at him and walked into the cafeteria.

The tables were arranged in such a way that I think it was impossible to get to certain seats. It was set up like one of those impossible geometric shapes, like the endless staircase or the Möbius strip, so when I spotted my brother sitting at one of the tables and he waved at me (my brother's gonna be a junior in high school next year, so it made sense that he was at the orientation), I just jumped up on the tables and walked across them to get to him. I heard a female voice chastise me for it--when I looked to my left there was a girl yelling at me, but seeing as how she was still a student at the high school she was younger than me and I therefore didn't pay her any mind. Another dude started yelling at me for being an asshole to the girl, and I apologized, but I tried to explain to them that if I hadn't climbed over the tables I would had to go all the way around the cafeteria to get to that spot. They were still pissed and eventually I stopped talking to them. Also, for whatever reason, I had sunglasses on the whole time.

The next part was the last part. It made absolutely no sense, but that's because it was like a string of continual false-awakenings. I remember some sort of flood happening, but I don't know what that has to do with anything. All I can remember is that through all my fragmented dreams last night, I can remember feeling the presence of a certain being--a cat with a wizard's hat on it. He changes color depending on what dream I'm remembering him in, but he was always there last night. Finally my last dream consisted of me actually conversing with him in an entirely abandoned clearing surrounded by forest. We were on a brick-paved circular clearing and I was sitting in front of him. We were talking about whether or not I had proven myself capable of infiltrating other people's dreams for him, and I was really really desperate for him to consider me worthy. All I asked was, "Do you believe in me?" And he said yes. It was at that point though that I woke up at an earlier point in the dream where the flood was happening again. As I encountered people during that flood (my girlfriend included, I think--because at some point we had a conversation with her mother about our sex life, and I'm pretty sure her mother doesn't know that we HAVE sex life...yeah.), I laughed to myself, because none of them had any idea what was going on, but for me it unfolded exactly the way it had in my dream earlier, so I knew exactly what was going to happen. Then I had another false awakening and found myself with the cat again, and realized he'd tricked me. Still, I couldn't be angry because I realized he was just testing me to see if I was good enough to infiltrate dreams, and I'd just failed his test. I asked him if he stilled believed in me, and he said, "Of course I still believe in you."

I feel like that process might have repeated itself a few times...but finally at the end I was watching a movie with my girlfriend and two other people, a guy and a girl who were siblings that I didn't recognize, and as we watched the movie I realized that all the movie was was a replay of the flood from earlier. Before I realized that the siblings' mother would come in and out bringing us popcorn or whatever, but the instant I realized that I'd lived through the flood that we were watching, their mother came out in the form of a cat. And that's when I was sure of it--this cat is my dreamguide. The cat talked to me and the girl (not my girlfriend), but I don't remember what he said. Eventually I turned to face the girl and her eyes had become like cat eyes...and that's when I woke up.

It was pretty fragmented last night, but I got pretty close to lucidity I think.