hey all, i know i haven't been here in awhile, but i've been damn busy with work/school/relationships. anyway, i had an odd dream and just wanted to air it out.

i was having a horrible dream where i was a raging alcoholic like I used to be in real life. i was having a terrible episode going on and on threating suicide when I ran to my window and looked outside. there i saw the exact view of what the outside looks like from my fathers bedroom back home. i pulled away from the window and was suddenly there in his room (i had previously been at my room in my aunt n uncles house). at this point i new i was dreaming. i had a cigarette in my hand and got this compulsion that if i lit it i would lose lucidity. in the dream i was fiending for a cigarette and eventually gave in and lit it. i "automatically" "lost lucidity", but the thing is for the rest of the dream I knew I had been lucid before, new i was dreaming when i was in my old home, but i did not know that I was still dreaming. it's hard to explain, but i get the feeling i was really lucid the whole time for some odd reason. ahhh, this probably seems confusing, but i really have no better way of describing it.

can anyone relate?