I chose to acknowlegde I was dreaming, gaining lucidty the second time after some difficulty...

Well folks things just keep getting weirder and weirder over here.

So last night I gained lucidity, no question about it. I tried two times. The first time however... I don't really know how to describe it. OK, so you go out to start your car. It coughs, dies, coughs, dies, then starts. We all have experienced this at some time or other. Well this false start is what happened to me last night. I told myself, "(my name) you're dreaming!" and then there were two bright flashes, one right after the other, and I was not lucid. I was however very disorientated, and I was stumbling around.

The second time I could not reconcile myself between what was there and what I thought was there, or expected to be there. I go out to the backyard, this is the same place, where I used to live, where I gained lucidity for the first time. Except the back yard was smaller and it was like I was trying to see it as larger and couldn't wrap my head around why it was smaller. I remember this yellow flower practically in my face. I run down the trail, strip off my cloths as I do so (I have no idea why - expressing freedom? Letting loose?) and find instead of the field I expect 3 or 4 sand piles, starting large and decreasing in size. I think, "You know I've never swam naked in sand before..." so I decide to enjoy the experience. Except I couldn't really feel anything. Then I realized that I could go and see my love, my wife, and just as I decide to do so someone downstairs pounds something loudly into the sink, ripping me out of the dream.

Still bugs me. But I console myself that if I did it once I can do it again. I broke through whatever the heck that has for so long kept me non-lucid. Weirdest thing of all? OK, normally when you become lucid you wake up in your dream, right? You do something, experience something, and ask or tell yourself you're dreaming. Up until then you do not realize you are dreaming. Well this was not, and I have the strong feeling no longer is, the case for me.

No for me I knew I was dreaming all along. I had just chosen not to acknowledge the fact for some reason. I don't know if this means I have the potential to be lucid all the time in my dreams, but I already know I'm dreaming. I just choose to ignore the fact. Been doing this for a while. Becoming lucid may follow the same formula as usual, but what's really going on is I decide to acknowledge what I already know is happening instead of ignoring or denying it.

I have not seen anything like this detailed in any book. I have no idea how this happened to me or what it means. For now I just accept it, finding it interesting and confusing.
- DreamBliss