Thread: Expressing Your Depression

Just express, it will at least be heard. You don't need to be positive.
Let it all out, logical or not, anger at the stupid man that did that or the clawing desperation that your life has become.

This thread to be a collage of the most painful memoirs.

Thank you for sharing.

Ok, so I might as well post, even though I told myself I wasn't going to for at least a while until the hopeful collage was going, but meh. Expression is what this thread is about, partially attention, mostly venting.

Fuck my life.
My parents are splitting up. They are moving around in planes quite frequently without notifying me of what's going on. Dad is running away, mum is running after, or some bullshit like that.

My sister is bitchy and not understanding of anything but herself, including her annoying boyfriend. She needs to buy her own hairspray, mine seems to be gone every few days, requiring more and more of my money spent that is sometimes not even being gained.
My brother blames me for our parents leaving, it makes me very angry, pissed off that he can find time to say shit to me to only justify his own position.
They all are leaving. I have choices that I don't want. I see whatever direction I got over my "suicidal phase" for being non-existent.
I am fighting with my mum. She swore at me and I told her to fuck off. She has been quite suicidal lately and it pains me and angers me at the same time. She said she would 'fuck off'. Two months ago she meant the world to me, as of four days ago she's more baggage I hope hurts when I die.

I am stuck in a place, between intangible and here/there/something.
Halfheartedly seeking something at the same time as being it. Watching.

I quit my job. It was shit and meaningless. I want to run out of money, out of my dwindling savings and I want to just starve until I die, or run away and kill myself by jumping in front of a car or off of the bridge down the road into the groggy green duck shit water and breathe it in. Something personally dramatic, just not spectacular enough to be so tragic that it would achieve newsworthiness.
Whatever.

I clench my teeth often, just to feel the ache and saliva build-up, somehow representing how I feel so tense.
I might try to get over myself, but that seems to have failed for the last two years. Progress in the making, not quite anywhere further yet but at least more circles of anaemic experience.

Thoughts and words, I don't even have the spirit to continue my nightly drinking streak. I eat packet noodles because my mother does not want to cook nor clean, nor give a fuck about anything except my father, even at the expense of our relationship. So much for meaning in loving her, unrequited. I'm not going to re-read what little I've written, it doesn't even scratch the surface.

Don't make this thread about me. Just continue the collage.

Perhaps it should be moved to Help to avoid sarcastic comments, and encourage expression and support for the posters.

Anyway, Sorry to hear about that cloud. Your brother sounds like a real ass, I would probably kick his ass if my brother said something like that to me. You're a better man than I.

Is that your son cloud?

I am out of work, and have been for a while. bills are piling up. my son lives 3500 miles away and I cannot afford to either visit him or fly them out here like I usually do.

I wanted them to come out for t-day, pretty sure that isnt going to happen.

Winter is always slower than the summer and it is just around the corner.

If I dont get a good chunk of work in pretty quick I am looking at a tough time come christmas.

Oh no-no, that's me, I'm 18 and my life is bottoms up. Alcoholic pun intended.

I'll be moderating this thread myself.

I'll try my problems i'm having today.

My mom keeps sending me letters in the mail, telling me of her updates. I am getting annoyed by this, i have ignored her the past 13 years of my life, get a hint already! she said to my dad on the phone that she will keep doing this as long as it takes...i am never talking to her or writing her ever again, i'm trying to make her out of my life, but she is making it so fuckin hard!

My sister seems to have stopped talking to me for the past year, and phoning me...but she is turning into my mom. But i did talk to her on facebook and say happy 28th birthday, but she said she will give me her address and stuff and she expects presants....she has not given me any in atleast 7 years....It's not about the gifts, know what i mean?

I'm tired of being single! it's been 25 years now that i have been single but it's my fault. I've had SOOOOO many chances from women into me, i just never do anything...i let it go, then start regretting i did, but the next time i will just do it all over again. I'm not desperate to get one online.

My life is taking me nowhere! i am not saying i choose a wrong direction in life but everyone else in my family is smart, even other generations down the list...i get the shaft. I know my role in life, but there is no future in it anywhere. I am pretty much a bum!

I have a good dad but he smoothers me. It's his house but i can't even fight with him and he threatens me he will kick me out, but i am so stupid i doubt i can even live on my own...i have no free will either, everything has been stripped from me, even my choices. It also seems like i am wanting him to deny what i wanna do, it's that bad.

My work...while i am always one to insult people as we all trash talk eachother, people are taking it way too far. Hell sometimes i even get physically abused and all i do is laugh loudly... I'm trying to say "life is short, let it slide", but at what point are you to do something about it. I'm no longer what i used to be, and i feel like i don't even wanna go down that path anymore. My respect for people is really at an all time low.

I donate to charity every year but it does not make me feel any different, it does not make me feel good or bad. I don't feel anything.

I wanna change who i am, but it's so fuckin hard! i am so lazy, and can't get motivated, and even when i am it barely lasts. I have way WAY too many issues in real life it's pointless even trying to start because giving up is what i am the best at. I'm not good at anything i ever do, so i give up and face facts knowing my whole life i am going to be a loser.

I'm still seeing my cat in my arms sometimes with his lifeless body when he was put down in June thinking "holy shit!". I'm not seeing much of my dog, but she is my desktop backround so i always see what she looks like. Atleast my dog got a full life of 15 and a half years, my cat was four....FOUR!


If you ever met me in real life, you will just say i am a normal guy who is always happy because i rarely ever let any of those other emotions out. But that is far from the truth.... I might keep editing this when more thoughts come to me, i know there is more but it's not always all at once.

I fight and fight and fight, but I always fight on my side against myself. I am torn between feelings of immense compassion for those that are misfortune's legion and fantasies of being a sniper slaying mobsters from high places. I am fascinated at the prospect of hunting the most dangerous game and having it hunt me in return. The excitement and fear I would feel would be fill the void of what my life has lacked.

I am nowhere near being a psychopath, my only issue being but a symptom to actually being a psychopath. I've got the insatiable thirst for adventure that will consume me if I don't feed it something else. A clear sign of this being that my bus hit a car last week (not seriously, but scraped against it) and I felt excited at being able to watch two inflamed humans go at it. This is why I am feeling more and more stressed as time goes by and I don't find a hobby I feel emotionally connected to.

One of the problems is that I have trouble socializing and becoming engaged in regular exciting teenage male activities. Thus, I am deprived and left wanting more. Thinking is great, but living inside one's head day in day out makes the mind wander to dark depths.

I'm a scardy pants when it comes to talking to girls. I'm currently trying to ask a random girl out and I'm not doing to well...

Therefore, I am sad.

CONFIDENCE!



Wait a second...

I apologise that I did not make it clearer, but this is not a help thread.

This thread is rather the opposite, if you would like to 'help' people out in regard to their problems, please PM them.

As for those responses towards my post, I will make my situation perhaps clearer in this post. My unnecessary justification for self pity.

I have very recently given up what money I have left to my mother. She will be using it for investment in Thailand, and I really do hope it gains some of her attention and love for what I anticipate to be the last months with her. I consider that I will either die in a number of senses or move to Korea by halfway next year.

I am trafficking illicit substances now to make enough money to survive, to pay the way for me to travel to Korea and start another emptiness or to crash and burn. Right now I don't care if I go to jail. I don't care if I die. I don't care if I succeed.

Thought about taking on the world. Killing anyone who tried to stop me and then dying with laughter. Permeated by gunfire. Would I do it? I'm not that far-gone yet. Maybe if it was forced upon me, I have such a low tolerance of authority.

Excited about further learning Korean language. Understanding almost all vowels and consonants okay now. Anxious, scared at the the thought of moving. Thoughts of not being accepted.

Choking in my throat with this music. I imagine tears streaming down, I refuse to let them come. What if someone walked in, I would not be able to go back.

Nice music. Piano.

I'm depressed because you guys are depressed.

Seriously cheer up! You still have good health. You could have Gillian's Burea or something. Then life would REALLY suck.