(((((hugs everyone here)))))

I'm sick of being wishy-washy and unable to commit. I either need to stop smoking and get back with my Congregation or stop dreading doing so already. I need to either clean WITH my kids or let the State take them. I can't do it on my own and they apparently will never be motivated to do it without me holding the figurative whip in one hand the whole time.
I need to accept my marriage as it is or divorce my hubby and go live out on the streets.
Instead, I hate the things I have, refuse to commit to another path and hate myself for not doing more. So, I hide in my "room" and sleep more often than not.
Dreams are so much better than reality.

Stories like http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/articl...MNR41ACRGU.DTL also depress the hell out of me. Places like that still exist in the freagin US? What's wrong with those people?!

I've stopped taking all my meds for temporary "clarity" of mind. I seem to be doing better but as soon as the cataplexia sets in I'll realize I screwed up and start taking them again. Again, I can't commit. My psychiatrist prescribed Abilify in addition to Celexa and Strattera but it costs $124. a month so I told the pharmacist to forget it.
And brain dead me reasons: If I can't take them all, then I just wont take anything. Grow a brain already, self! Something is better than nothing, idiot!