Well, Magical Mike, I am back on this 'zoned out' thing. I feel very clear headed and calm and my OCD tendancies have also calmed down. I feel clear headed like I said, but it is as if my imagination is gone.
I used to be able my whole life to have vivid, or at least good, fantasies or ideas or daydreams and now I am less able to get these pictures in my head as naturally as before.
I am loosing some weight and not eating as much and trying to eat better and not eat sweets, could this be getting me into this gawd awful NORMAL state?
I don't like being normal.
I did have a lucid dream a few days ago, but one other thing has happened to me that I do not like at all. I don't have sexual fantasies any more. I've always been, ever since I was 5, a person who could have an orgasm at will and now I can't even get an interest.
I am writing a vampire story and I normally would be having all sorts of nice feelings about it but noooooo.
Is this what normal people go through every day? How can you all stand it? I mean yeah, I am almost done with a painting to sell and another and am clearer headed and have less problems with my OCD and phobias and such, except for the fear I had several nightmares last night, but I am just all dried up when it comes to sexual fantasy, imagination of any kind, being able to formulate any creative ideas, or having pictures in my head.
I have hollucinated about some strange mandalas the last few days and that was cool, but when you dream a very vivid dream of sitting on a good looking vampire's lap and there is no arousal there at all and the guy ends up playing your dad in the dream. I mean that really sucks.
No pun intended.
How can I use this calmer state to help me do these things:
Dream recall better
Lucid dream
Dream sex
Painting ideas for fantasy art
If it is the fat loss, I'll go back to being fat and eating the junkiest diet ever.
And I thought I'd edit this and say that I started drinking something called 'RockStar' energy drink at the same time this 'zone out' session, this particular one, started. I've also been working on the treadmill, though only for 20 to 30 minutes instead of longer like before. I am getting old and I'd really like to be thin once before I die, you know?
The RockStar drink has ginkobiloba and ginsing and bvitamins and something called Taurine that might be what is stabilizing my irratic OCDish brain. I read online that Taurine is prescribed to people with epilepsy to quiet the neurons. I have stopped drinking this drink as of today to see if that helps.
:-)
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