Thread: Tell Me Why I've Never Been in A Significant Relationship.

My whole highschool career I've never been in a relationship. Ever. Not even a petty one. I did in eighth grade once, but that was when I was like 12 or 13...

Is that wierd? I don't want to just go screw the nearest girl, but what can Id o to make myself, I don't know, more available?

Become proactive.
Is there anything you enjoy doing off the net? Do you go to church, play sports, play cards etc.
If you're still in school (college) are there any after school clubs that interest you? Or gatherings from work you could attend?

I made a bunch of sticky notes with my name and number on them, and I was at a collage (For a boyscout merit badge) And I stuck them on the backs, and back packs of all the hot girls
(no one has called yet lol)

Originally Posted by magical mike

I made a bunch of sticky notes with my name and number on them, and I was at a collage (For a boyscout merit badge) And I stuck them on the backs, and back packs of all the hot girls
(no one has called yet lol)

Awesome man, no doubt about it.

you know i am all about the waiting, but spockman, it will be very hard if you are planning to be married b4 sex. temptation will either get to you, or you will get married really young. right now it seems easy for you to not have sex, but when you have some one there, that you hold, and make-out with everyday, it will get very hard, so just take that into consideration....

I have no problem with getting married young.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Become proactive.
Is there anything you enjoy doing off the net? Do you go to church, play sports, play cards etc.
If you're still in school (college) are there any after school clubs that interest you? Or gatherings from work you could attend?

Yeah, becoming more social will help a lot. Maybe become more active in your school (student council), start hanging out with people at sporting events. To become more available you have to make yourself more available to others, if that makes any sense at all.

Originally Posted by spockman

My whole highschool career I've never been in a relationship. Ever. Not even a petty one. I did in eighth grade once, but that was when I was like 12 or 13...

Is that wierd? I don't want to just go screw the nearest girl, but what can Id o to make myself, I don't know, more available?

Believe it or not, because you care too much about getting one.

Originally Posted by spockman

My whole highschool career I've never been in a relationship. Ever. Not even a petty one. I did in eighth grade once, but that was when I was like 12 or 13...

Is that wierd? I don't want to just go screw the nearest girl, but what can Id o to make myself, I don't know, more available?

They aren't that great. At all. The sex can good, but they are never meaningful in the slightest. Awkward breakups after senior year, and they're just bothersome and trivial. Get girls, not girlfriends.

Originally Posted by Grod

They aren't that great. At all. The sex can good, but they are never meaningful in the slightest. Awkward breakups after senior year, and they're just bothersome and trivial. Get girls, not girlfriends.

Not true.

You've just had bad experience.

Originally Posted by spockman

I don't want to just go screw the nearest girl...

I think screwing the nearest girl is a start

and telling girls you're available is also a way to become more available. actually, just looking at girls gets the job done.

Originally Posted by Carôusoul

Not true.

You've just had bad experience.

agreed. my last relationship ended bitterly, and even I don't support that mindset

I know a guy who says the same stuff, saying that sex is all that matters. he has no heart for a relationship right now. why? because he's only had one girlfriend (not necessarily your case), and she cheated on him (not necessarily your case, either). I don't blame him, though.

Originally Posted by AirRick101

I think screwing the nearest girl is a start

and telling girls you're available is also a way to become more available. actually, just looking at girls gets the job done.



agreed. my last relationship ended bitterly, and even I don't support that mindset

I know a guy who says the same stuff, saying that sex is all that matters. he has no heart for a relationship right now. why? because he's only had one girlfriend (not necessarily your case), and she cheated on him (not necessarily your case, either). I don't blame him, though.

I don't think sex is all that matters. High-school break-ups are inevitable, and they don't end well. They're fun for a while, I guess.

But don't listen to me. I'm just a negative person.

Originally Posted by Grod

High-school break-ups are inevitable, and they don't end well. They're fun for a while, I guess.

not true.


again.

;_;

Enjoy it while it lasts

Originally Posted by Grod

Enjoy it while it lasts

Doing.

Originally Posted by Grod

Enjoy it while it lasts

have been~ Started dating my gf junior year and we are still dating junior year of college~~

Originally Posted by Grod

But don't listen to me. I'm just a negative person.

Me too. My last relationship ended harsly, fucked me up. First time I found out what love really was. And it was my fault it got taken away. But, anyway, I'm not ready for another relationship soon.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

So just relax. It'll happen.

Originally Posted by aaliyah822

If you've been single that long, honey, God has not found the right one for you yet.

Bullshit. This is why girls should not give girl advice.

In our society the onus is on the male to initiate contact and to advance a relationship. If you are already actively trying to meet girls then I need more information.

Feel free to PM me.

My advice about relaxing is bullshit?

This is the last time I take an interest in your petty high school drama talk.

Peace out.

Originally Posted by Ward

Bullshit. This is why girls should not give girl advice.

In our society the onus is on the male to initiate contact and to advance a relationship. If you are already actively trying to meet girls then I need more information.

Feel free to PM me.

Sort of half right.

Sort of.


Because relaxing and not bothering is required.


But at the same time pro active-ness is needed.

Compromise.

Sometimes it's good to be alone. If you've been single that long, honey, God has not found the right one for you yet.

First of all... I wouldn't say women shouldn't give advice, but it should be advice. No comfort-talk.

About all those people going 'well you just haven't found the right one yet'
I'm always a bit put off by that (and I mean that in a respecting way, of course). If you say it like that, it has no real essence. It's just talk to comfort you. It's basically the stuff your mom says to you to make you stop crying

Because really: what does it even mean? 'the right one for you'? (I am going to come back to this)

There is no 'right one for you'. There is no 'perfect woman'. Everybody has flaws. And if they don't have them now, then be assured: sometime in the future they will. Why? Because everybody changes. Both you, as well as the girl. So what was perfect for you once, might change. What was 'right for you' once, WILL change.

And if there WERE a 'right one for you'. Then you'd first have to find and attract her anyways.


So... On to the meat of the question. I'm gonna have you do all the work here. Why have you never been in a significant relationship?

1) Have you been looking? Even if there is no 'perfect one for you', have you at least identified what you want in a relationship? Do you know who you are and what you want in life and in a woman? You say you don't just want to jump any passing woman. So what do you want? Search your soul a bit. Write down a few traits that a woman must have and why. she. should. have. them. (<- important! Makes you look at things in a deeper way... not just 'skin deep')
-->Get to the bottom of your desire. Identify who you are. Identify what you want in a woman. Go REALLY DEEP, and choose a few select traits.

2) When you've identified your wishes, then just go look for the woman that has them. People are people. They don't come in wrapped present-format. They're just out there, going about their business, minding their own life. They don't know you, they don't know you have a wish for this stuff. So you've gotta look for them
--> MEET PEOPLE.

3) Ask yourself: do you have an attractive personality? If you interact with that woman that you'd like to have a relationship with (i.e. who's got her act together, who's got the traits that complement you, etc.), is she going to think 'hey, this could be a worthy supplement to my friends' or 'wow, this guy's amazing, I want to get into a relationship with him'?
Be BRUTALLY honest with yourself here. Don't go for the gratifying answer, and don't just blurt out the thing that you want to hear. BE HONEST:
ARE YOU BOYFRIEND MATERIAL OR ARE YOU NOT? Step out of yourself and your subjectivity for a moment: would you want to be the boyfriend of you? ->If you've answered 'yes': good for you. Go meet women. Attract them. Job all done. Though you should remember: you are NOT perfect. ALWAYS continue to grow. Always continue to get better. Even though you might have an attractive personality, there's always stuff that you can perfect.
->If you've answered 'no' or 'maybe', then we have some work to do... Cultivate an attractive personality.
--> Do some soul-searching, be honest, and admit the truth

4) If you don't have an attractive personality, then we're gonna do some work. We're going to cultivate an attractive personality.
What components should we cultivate?
1) A relaxed, laid-back, confident attitude. There's no need to stress about stuff. Just surf the waves of life. It's fun. And above all: accept everything that happens. It is as it is. Just RELAAAAXXX
2) Have fun! Life is fun, so have fun!
3) Be flirty. Physically touch people, tease people, imply that she likes you and that you're on to her, interpret things she says sexually, whatever. Do the whole shebang.
4) Have your shit together. Don't just do sex, drugs and rock and roll. Don't go through life aimlessly like some sort of vagrant does on the streets. Have a serious attitude also. Have a goal in life. Have a dream. Work towards achieving that. Aside from that, know yourself, know your situation, know your environment, and ACCEPT it all. It is as it is.
(Do note that point 1, 2, and 4 are about life in general, thought they do apply to having an attractive personality also. So you'd do good to do this stuff either way).
-->Cultivate an attractive personality

5) Flirt!
If you just have an attractive personality, but you don't flirt, then she won't see you as boyfriend material. You'll just behave like all her other friends. So attract her already! FLIRT!
--> FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT!!!


I'll just end with my usual closing: good luck, and if you need any help, just contact me or any one of us in here. We're here to help you, mmkay? ^^


Right-o! ... Bye!

-CD

have you made any moves on a girl you like? maybe you could do that...

Great advice CryoDragoon. I feel like I have been owned by the depth of your post.

The more you desire a girlfriend, the less likely you will be to find one; at least one who is worth it. Desire has a strong ability in clouding the mind of the original intent. Eventually, you may find yourself just looking for sex or just dating any girl that's willing just because your desire hasn't been met.

I agree with a few of the comments suggest; to relax and just let things flow.

Ever wonder why an aged wine tastes better ? (aside from the scientific phenomena)