Thread: Tell Me Why I've Never Been in A Significant Relationship.

Dumb question, but how long has it been since you asked a girl out? Can't get a gf if you don't ask.

My advice is to randomly go up to women that you don't know and try to strike up a conversation, it'll make you smoother and more confident.

well i wil tel you this, relationships are easy to find, but significant relationships, are not. you probably don't have you're eyes set on anyone, because you would have prolly made a move, but ninja does make a great point. test the waters a bit and although you might not get a significant relationship right off the bat, you could still mature in your dating ways, and figure out exactly what and who you want in life. that would then essentially make you better at searching for the right type of girl.

(tip: don't reserve yourself for only one person or one type, explore all and you'll really know what you want.)

Thanks for the replies. Sorry I didn't respond earlier, I've just gotten on. Well, I've gotten alot of posts in this thread and another thread to be chiller and more relaxed. I'll try that. Oh, and as far as the sex thing, I don't really intend on that for a while. I'm doing my best to stay away from it for a while. I'd like my first to be with whomever I marry.

I've been trying to improve myself in some areas. Ex. I've been catching myself lately whenever I feel I am being antagonistic. But Cryo is right about how I should look at myself and ways to make my personality attractive.

The other comments are helpful as well. Ninja and Orozco might have the right idea. (Asking a girl out? Crap, it's been what... 5 months?) And the multiple posts to be more social in general. Posts like Mes's and Carousel's and Grod's and Ward's and aaliyah822's and stuff, with the idea being not to pressure myself into getting a relationship now, are good as well and I'll take that into serious consideration.

I also appreciate posts with girl advice and insight like Catbus's, Rick's, LCD's, and shannyball's.

Thanks guys.

Originally Posted by spockman

Oh, and as far as the sex thing, I don't really intend on that for a while. I'm doing my best to stay away from it for a while. I'd like my first to be with whomever I marry.

y yu do dis? >:U

Well, a few reasons. I don't want to cheapen it, (not to say that other people have cheapened sex.) but I'd rather not have images of other women whilst having sex with whoever will turn out to be my wife.

Though I doubt I would adhere to that if I wasn't a religous person.

Originally Posted by spockman

Well, a few reasons. I don't want to cheapen it, (not to say that other people have cheapened sex.) but I'd rather not have images of other women whilst having sex with whoever will turn out to be my wife.

Though I doubt I would adhere to that if I wasn't a religous person.

I see.






>:V



Edit; wait wat? Why would you have images of other women in your head when having sex with your wife just cus you had sex before?

If you loved her I doubt you'd think of someone else


wat is this bullshit


>:U

wat is this bullshit

a religous person.

To be honest, you don't seem really that enthusiastic about the whole "no sex before marriage" thing, spockman. It sounds like you're just repeating parrot-fashion what the good Bible has taught you. Make your own decisions.

The more you desire a girlfriend, the less likely you will be to find one; at least one who is worth it. Desire has a strong ability in clouding the mind of the original intent. Eventually, you may find yourself just looking for sex or just dating any girl that's willing just because your desire hasn't been met.

I agree with a few of the comments suggest; to relax and just let things flow.

Ever wonder why an aged wine tastes better ? (aside from the scientific phenomena)

Originally Posted by spockman

Well, a few reasons. I don't want to cheapen it, (not to say that other people have cheapened sex.) but I'd rather not have images of other women whilst having sex with whoever will turn out to be my wife.

Though I doubt I would adhere to that if I wasn't a religous person.

I can respect this viewpoint, but I don't think it has to be true. It doesn't apply to me. If I like a girl, and she likes me, sex is gonna happen sooner or later.

You are STILL capable of fantasizing about other women while having sex with a wife you saved yourself for.

But it's ok....I had the exact same mindset before I lost my virginity, hehehehe.

Originally Posted by magical mike

I made a bunch of sticky notes with my name and number on them, and I was at a collage (For a boyscout merit badge) And I stuck them on the backs, and back packs of all the hot girls
(no one has called yet lol)

Awesome man, no doubt about it.

you know i am all about the waiting, but spockman, it will be very hard if you are planning to be married b4 sex. temptation will either get to you, or you will get married really young. right now it seems easy for you to not have sex, but when you have some one there, that you hold, and make-out with everyday, it will get very hard, so just take that into consideration....

I have no problem with getting married young.

oh. cool then. i guess you'd be set

i personally wouldn't marry untill after the age of at least23-24...

i know some people who can do it, good luck spockman...

Originally Posted by Goldney

To be honest, you don't seem really that enthusiastic about the whole "no sex before marriage" thing, spockman. It sounds like you're just repeating parrot-fashion what the good Bible has taught you. Make your own decisions.

I think that this choice is a good choice, an honorable choice and the right choice. Maybe it is his decision to fallow through with what the Bible says. Just because you choose to use the Bible as a way to establish guidelines for your life doesn't mean that you are weak. It means that you are looking for deep and meaningful structure. I think that people who just go out and have sex because their friends are doing it, because the media says it is what's important or because their hormones are pushing them into it are more like parrots than those who look for a reason not to be like everyone else. There are too many babies born to kids, too many STDs, too many people who are not ready for a sexual relationship and what harm has waiting ever done to anyone? If I could take losing my virginity to a total dipshit back I would. If I could have had some respect for myself and some respect for what a healthy sexual relationship is I would take back every person I ever gave myself to to be able to share it completely with my husband. People need to stop being part of the problem by making young people who feel it is smart to wait feel like losers. Spockman I say do it the right way and if not screwing everything that walks hasn't killed you yet waiting a while longer won't either. Being with someone and loving them doesn't mean you HAVE to be having sex with them. It is much easier to turn a friendship into love than love into a friendship- and when you sleep with someone often you will feel the pressure to "be in love" with them even if you aren't. When you finally feel you have met the right person parts of you do get taken away by the other partners you have had in the past - that is a fact. You will have more to give to that person if you don't give it all away before you meet them. I think a huge problem is the Media making it out like sex is nothing. well that is a lie, that is why most people have baggage by the time they meet there spouses.

Originally Posted by shannyball

I think that this choice is a good choice, an honorable choice and the right choice. Maybe it is his decision to fallow through with what the Bible says. Just because you choose to use the Bible as a way to establish guidelines for your life doesn't mean that you are weak. It means that you are looking for deep and meaningful structure. I think that people who just go out and have sex because their friends are doing it, because the media says it is what's important or because their hormones are pushing them into it are more like parrots than those who look for a reason not to be like everyone else. There are too many babies born to kids, too many STDs, too many people who are not ready for a sexual relationship and what harm has waiting ever done to anyone? If I could take losing my virginity to a total dipshit back I would. If I could have had some respect for myself and some respect for what a healthy sexual relationship is I would take back every person I ever gave myself to to be able to share it completely with my husband. People need to stop being part of the problem by making young people who feel it is smart to wait feel like losers. Spockman I say do it the right way and if not screwing everything that walks hasn't killed you yet waiting a while longer won't either. Being with someone and loving them doesn't mean you HAVE to be having sex with them. It is much easier to turn a friendship into love than love into a friendship- and when you sleep with someone often you will feel the pressure to "be in love" with them even if you aren't. When you finally feel you have met the right person parts of you do get taken away by the other partners you have had in the past - that is a fact. You will have more to give to that person if you don't give it all away before you meet them. I think a huge problem is the Media making it out like sex is nothing. well that is a lie, that is why most people have baggage by the time they meet there spouses.

If you are with a girl or boy.

Not married, still quite young, lets say 19.

You're both in love.

You both understand the consequences of sex.

You both understand contraception.

You both have thought about it and feel you want to have sex.


Why shouldn't you have sex?




You're implying that this is black and white. That either you have sex after marriage and all is well, or if you have sex before marriage you get STDs or you're "screwing everything that moves". How the hell can you see the world in such a dumb simple way?


Why are you so obsessed with sex anyway? You apply all these weird social stigmas and restrictions to it, nothing else, but sex seems to be this supersignificant ultimate thing. Why? Seriously, with appropriate contraception, and responsible adults, what the hell is wrong with sex? There is such a weird taboo in culture that has grown around it which is entirely undeserved, and is pretty much totally backward and medieval.

You were complaining about the media somehow putting sex on a pedestal, but thats exactly the same thing as what you are doing now with your odd views on the matter.

I thought we moved beyond the primitive laws and ideals of ancient middle eastern men, 2000 years ago. Clearly not.

I am basically telling him how I see things as someone who has been through this already. If he would like to wait there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. That your implying I see the world in Black and White is BS because I do not. I have been through this already. I had sex when I was a teenager and even though I had sex with people those relationships did not last and they did take a part of me when they ended. It would have been more beneficial to me and to my self esteem and my future relationship with my husband if I had never slept with those people. What is dumb about simple? Why the hell do people have to go around trying to complicate things? If you want to have sex do it, if you don't don't. Do what is best for you, but what is best for you may be doing the thing that isn't the easiest - we live in a world that is all about the "now" instant gratification, screwing around and hoping that because you used a condom their will be no consequences.

Carasoul I have noticed that you enjoy tearing apart my posts- why are you so focused on me? I am not in anyway obsessed with sex. I have a great sex life, and a healthy one in a committed relationship and really I believe that is where a sex belongs. I have been on both sides of this fence. I am allowed to have that point of view. Just as you are allowed to have your point of view. We don't have to agree about anything. This isn't about how I feel about your personal choices or your ideas or vice versa. This isn't about either one of us at all -this is about Spockman's needs. he asked a question and I supported him in waiting. I did not support the idea that just because you are around the opposite sex you have to have sex with them or will end up doing so. It is simply a matter of priorities. If not having sex and waiting is your priority then you will find ways to make that part of your lifestyle choices. If your priorities are to be like "everyone else" and fit in and have sex then you will make choices that leads to having sex. BTW not everyone is having sex. You just have to decide what your priorities are. If you want to post why don't you respond to what you think will help his problem? Why do you feel the need to tell me how stupid you think I am and how wrong and midevil and blah blah blah you think I am. I don't care. You aren't going to change my mind.

Originally Posted by shannyball

I am basically telling him how I see things as someone who has been through this already. If he would like to wait there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. That your implying I see the world in Black and White is BS because I do not. I have been through this already. I had sex when I was a teenager and even though I had sex with people those relationships did not last and they did take a part of me when they ended. It would have been more beneficial to me and to my self esteem and my future relationship with my husband if I had never slept with those people. What is dumb about simple? Why the hell do people have to go around trying to complicate things? If you want to have sex do it, if you don't don't. Do what is best for you, but what is best for you may be doing the thing that isn't the easiest - we live in a world that is all about the "now" instant gratification, screwing around and hoping that because you used a condom their will be no consequences.

Carasoul I have noticed that you enjoy tearing apart my posts- why are you so focused on me? I am not in anyway obsessed with sex. I have a great sex life, and a healthy one in a committed relationship and really I believe that is where a sex belongs. I have been on both sides of this fence. I am allowed to have that point of view. Just as you are allowed to have your point of view. We don't have to agree about anything. This isn't about how I feel about your personal choices or your ideas or vice versa. This isn't about either one of us at all -this is about Spockman's needs. he asked a question and I supported him in waiting. I did not support the idea that just because you are around the opposite sex you have to have sex with them or will end up doing so. It is simply a matter of priorities. If not having sex and waiting is your priority then you will find ways to make that part of your lifestyle choices. If your priorities are to be like "everyone else" and fit in and have sex then you will make choices that leads to having sex. BTW not everyone is having sex. You just have to decide what your priorities are. If you want to post why don't you respond to what you think will help his problem? Why do you feel the need to tell me how stupid you think I am and how wrong and midevil and blah blah blah you think I am. I don't care. You aren't going to change my mind.

Just because you regret it because you were a dumb teenager, it doesn't mean that the same applies to everyone.

Why do you assume people who have sex before marriage do it to "be like everyone else"? Just because you did? Most people aren't that dumb, and I think you shouldn't treat Spockman as that stupid.

also, i've never spoken to you before. Not that I remember :/

Oh...
: (
Umm...
I appreciate both of your posts. I'm glad of shannyball saying why he supports my opinion and I'm glad of Carosaul for taking his time to respond and give me his opinion on the subject.

Uhh...

Being a teenager doesn't make you dumb, it does make you somewhat inexperienced. I'm done arguing with you. You have proved a point to me- that you don't actually have a point and you just like to argue and start fights. You one of those people who enjoy hearing themselves talk even if you don't have anything to say. I'd be willing to bet your very young as well. While not all young people act inexperienced, many do because they have not had the life experience to formulate educated opinions on subjects such as sex. You exude inexperience, all of your retorts are based on being angry about something. I won't be continuing this discussion, it's getting boring.

Originally Posted by spockman

Oh...
: (
Umm...
I appreciate both of your posts. I'm glad of shannyball saying why he supports my opinion and I'm glad of Carosaul for taking his time to respond and give me his opinion on the subject.

Uhh...

Sorry for getting off on a tangent Spockman. I do support your choice to wait. Nothing bad will come of it. I was neither a smart teenager nor a dumb one I was a teenager like all other teenagers- just trying to get through each day intact. Sometimes the best action when you aren't sure about doing something is no action at all. I am speaking from my own voice of experience. Also I am not that old, it's not like I was a teenager in the 1950's or something, I still remember very much how this subject effected my life. A lot of why I did it was to fit in and out of curiosity - I am being honest when I say I don't think it was worth it and I wish I had saved it for someone more meaningful.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

In the long run High School is not an important or long part of your life.

People in schools seem to be full of angst and hate.. find love after school... Because it's mostly lust in school.

Originally Posted by shannyball

Being a teenager doesn't make you dumb, it does make you somewhat inexperienced. I'm done arguing with you.

Hmm, very mature attitude there. Espescially for one as 'experienced' as you.

You have proved a point to me- that you don't actually have a point and you just like to argue and start fights. You one of those people who enjoy hearing themselves talk even if you don't have anything to say.

Where does this vitriol come from? As far as I can tell, Carousoul has (on the whole) given considered counter-points, without getting agitated or resorting to childish tactics. That's how a good internet-debate works; argument, counter-argument etc.

I'd be willing to bet your very young as well. While not all young people act inexperienced, many do because they have not had the life experience to formulate educated opinions on subjects such as sex. You exude inexperience, all of your retorts are based on being angry about something. I won't be continuing this discussion, it's getting boring.

To be honest, all you've done is come across as both ageist and sexist in this thread:

Originally Posted by shannyball

It is not weird to not want to go and impregnate everything that walks that would be immature and stupid- your actually ahead of most guys your age on that one.

Don't digress just for the sake of trying to be one of those idiots. A guy who is into you for the sake of liking you and not just to get down your pants is sexy

Maybe it's not so weird that you don't have a girlfriend maybe no one has been genuinely interesting there is more to finding a girlfriend than just liking her rack.

Look at that. It's frankly rude what you've said there. Claiming that male teenagers are essentially emotionless, hormone-driven robots who will only feign niceties in order to trick some unsuspecting girl into bed. It's like you're saying that they, as an entire social group, are incapable of love.


Also, refusing to recognise anyone else's valid points; claiming that they are inexperienced and therefore have to be wrong.

And this is ignoring the fact that you obviously have some problems with losing your virginity "to a total dipshit" and refuse to acknowledge this as just your experience. Instead urging spockman to make "a good choice, an honorable choice and the right choice". By saying this, all you've done is put sex on a pedestal where it doesn't belong.



Furthermore your views are black and white:

On the one hand sex before marriage will give you an STD, impregnate your partner, make you fail school and cause "your junk to fall off." Whereas sex with a married partner is a-okay.



In the end, I respect that spockman can do whatever he likes and can live with the consequences. I would just appreciate it if the opinions he received were more considered and less biased.

True... I think all around, the extremes should be avoided.

There are examples of sex before marriage that aren't disasterous, as well as excellent examples of people who waited until after marriage.

Folks, let's try to keep this as an advice giving thread. Nothing wrong with disagreeing with eachother, but oversimplifying by insulting a general demographic is uncool, as is singling out members and ganging up on them and picking apart their posts, just because you don't like being disagreed with.