Thread: Tell Me Why I've Never Been in A Significant Relationship.

I am basically telling him how I see things as someone who has been through this already. If he would like to wait there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. That your implying I see the world in Black and White is BS because I do not. I have been through this already. I had sex when I was a teenager and even though I had sex with people those relationships did not last and they did take a part of me when they ended. It would have been more beneficial to me and to my self esteem and my future relationship with my husband if I had never slept with those people. What is dumb about simple? Why the hell do people have to go around trying to complicate things? If you want to have sex do it, if you don't don't. Do what is best for you, but what is best for you may be doing the thing that isn't the easiest - we live in a world that is all about the "now" instant gratification, screwing around and hoping that because you used a condom their will be no consequences.

Carasoul I have noticed that you enjoy tearing apart my posts- why are you so focused on me? I am not in anyway obsessed with sex. I have a great sex life, and a healthy one in a committed relationship and really I believe that is where a sex belongs. I have been on both sides of this fence. I am allowed to have that point of view. Just as you are allowed to have your point of view. We don't have to agree about anything. This isn't about how I feel about your personal choices or your ideas or vice versa. This isn't about either one of us at all -this is about Spockman's needs. he asked a question and I supported him in waiting. I did not support the idea that just because you are around the opposite sex you have to have sex with them or will end up doing so. It is simply a matter of priorities. If not having sex and waiting is your priority then you will find ways to make that part of your lifestyle choices. If your priorities are to be like "everyone else" and fit in and have sex then you will make choices that leads to having sex. BTW not everyone is having sex. You just have to decide what your priorities are. If you want to post why don't you respond to what you think will help his problem? Why do you feel the need to tell me how stupid you think I am and how wrong and midevil and blah blah blah you think I am. I don't care. You aren't going to change my mind.

Originally Posted by shannyball

I am basically telling him how I see things as someone who has been through this already. If he would like to wait there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. That your implying I see the world in Black and White is BS because I do not. I have been through this already. I had sex when I was a teenager and even though I had sex with people those relationships did not last and they did take a part of me when they ended. It would have been more beneficial to me and to my self esteem and my future relationship with my husband if I had never slept with those people. What is dumb about simple? Why the hell do people have to go around trying to complicate things? If you want to have sex do it, if you don't don't. Do what is best for you, but what is best for you may be doing the thing that isn't the easiest - we live in a world that is all about the "now" instant gratification, screwing around and hoping that because you used a condom their will be no consequences.

Carasoul I have noticed that you enjoy tearing apart my posts- why are you so focused on me? I am not in anyway obsessed with sex. I have a great sex life, and a healthy one in a committed relationship and really I believe that is where a sex belongs. I have been on both sides of this fence. I am allowed to have that point of view. Just as you are allowed to have your point of view. We don't have to agree about anything. This isn't about how I feel about your personal choices or your ideas or vice versa. This isn't about either one of us at all -this is about Spockman's needs. he asked a question and I supported him in waiting. I did not support the idea that just because you are around the opposite sex you have to have sex with them or will end up doing so. It is simply a matter of priorities. If not having sex and waiting is your priority then you will find ways to make that part of your lifestyle choices. If your priorities are to be like "everyone else" and fit in and have sex then you will make choices that leads to having sex. BTW not everyone is having sex. You just have to decide what your priorities are. If you want to post why don't you respond to what you think will help his problem? Why do you feel the need to tell me how stupid you think I am and how wrong and midevil and blah blah blah you think I am. I don't care. You aren't going to change my mind.

Just because you regret it because you were a dumb teenager, it doesn't mean that the same applies to everyone.

Why do you assume people who have sex before marriage do it to "be like everyone else"? Just because you did? Most people aren't that dumb, and I think you shouldn't treat Spockman as that stupid.

also, i've never spoken to you before. Not that I remember :/

Oh...
: (
Umm...
I appreciate both of your posts. I'm glad of shannyball saying why he supports my opinion and I'm glad of Carosaul for taking his time to respond and give me his opinion on the subject.

Uhh...

Originally Posted by spockman

Oh...
: (
Umm...
I appreciate both of your posts. I'm glad of shannyball saying why he supports my opinion and I'm glad of Carosaul for taking his time to respond and give me his opinion on the subject.

Uhh...

Sorry for getting off on a tangent Spockman. I do support your choice to wait. Nothing bad will come of it. I was neither a smart teenager nor a dumb one I was a teenager like all other teenagers- just trying to get through each day intact. Sometimes the best action when you aren't sure about doing something is no action at all. I am speaking from my own voice of experience. Also I am not that old, it's not like I was a teenager in the 1950's or something, I still remember very much how this subject effected my life. A lot of why I did it was to fit in and out of curiosity - I am being honest when I say I don't think it was worth it and I wish I had saved it for someone more meaningful.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

Being a teenager doesn't make you dumb, it does make you somewhat inexperienced. I'm done arguing with you. You have proved a point to me- that you don't actually have a point and you just like to argue and start fights. You one of those people who enjoy hearing themselves talk even if you don't have anything to say. I'd be willing to bet your very young as well. While not all young people act inexperienced, many do because they have not had the life experience to formulate educated opinions on subjects such as sex. You exude inexperience, all of your retorts are based on being angry about something. I won't be continuing this discussion, it's getting boring.

Originally Posted by shannyball

Being a teenager doesn't make you dumb, it does make you somewhat inexperienced. I'm done arguing with you.

Hmm, very mature attitude there. Espescially for one as 'experienced' as you.

You have proved a point to me- that you don't actually have a point and you just like to argue and start fights. You one of those people who enjoy hearing themselves talk even if you don't have anything to say.

Where does this vitriol come from? As far as I can tell, Carousoul has (on the whole) given considered counter-points, without getting agitated or resorting to childish tactics. That's how a good internet-debate works; argument, counter-argument etc.

I'd be willing to bet your very young as well. While not all young people act inexperienced, many do because they have not had the life experience to formulate educated opinions on subjects such as sex. You exude inexperience, all of your retorts are based on being angry about something. I won't be continuing this discussion, it's getting boring.

To be honest, all you've done is come across as both ageist and sexist in this thread:

Originally Posted by shannyball

It is not weird to not want to go and impregnate everything that walks that would be immature and stupid- your actually ahead of most guys your age on that one.

Don't digress just for the sake of trying to be one of those idiots. A guy who is into you for the sake of liking you and not just to get down your pants is sexy

Maybe it's not so weird that you don't have a girlfriend maybe no one has been genuinely interesting there is more to finding a girlfriend than just liking her rack.

Look at that. It's frankly rude what you've said there. Claiming that male teenagers are essentially emotionless, hormone-driven robots who will only feign niceties in order to trick some unsuspecting girl into bed. It's like you're saying that they, as an entire social group, are incapable of love.


Also, refusing to recognise anyone else's valid points; claiming that they are inexperienced and therefore have to be wrong.

And this is ignoring the fact that you obviously have some problems with losing your virginity "to a total dipshit" and refuse to acknowledge this as just your experience. Instead urging spockman to make "a good choice, an honorable choice and the right choice". By saying this, all you've done is put sex on a pedestal where it doesn't belong.



Furthermore your views are black and white:

On the one hand sex before marriage will give you an STD, impregnate your partner, make you fail school and cause "your junk to fall off." Whereas sex with a married partner is a-okay.



In the end, I respect that spockman can do whatever he likes and can live with the consequences. I would just appreciate it if the opinions he received were more considered and less biased.

True... I think all around, the extremes should be avoided.

There are examples of sex before marriage that aren't disasterous, as well as excellent examples of people who waited until after marriage.

Folks, let's try to keep this as an advice giving thread. Nothing wrong with disagreeing with eachother, but oversimplifying by insulting a general demographic is uncool, as is singling out members and ganging up on them and picking apart their posts, just because you don't like being disagreed with.

^^Woot.

Come on people this was a good thread.

I'm going to apologize, I don't know EVERYTHING all I I know is what I have been through. Not all teenagers are inexperienced in life, I get to feeling a little angry when people have to go and tear apart my posts when I am trying to genuinely help someone. When I am trying to share what experience I do have. I'm only 29 and so I don't know everything, but I may know something that a 15yr old doesn't and it may help if they listen - I listen to my parents and other adult that are older to me now. I didn't when I was younger but I suddenly found after college that these people actually have experience and knowledge and are very wise. My life has become somewhat less complicated when I fallow their wise advice. I have gotten over the "I know everything" part of my life. When someone jumps on me saying that I am black and white I feel irritated. I have found that when you get to my age that life does get a little more black and white. Expls- you have a job - you can pay your bills, have a house and eat. You don't have a job - you don't have a house, food and you can't pay the bills. You stay in school you get a good paying job with bennies and you can advance higher and higher, you drop out of college your choices are limited, you may be slinging burgers or waiting tables for the rest of your life you most likely won't own a house or a good car, your kids will struggle too. You do drugs you lose ambition and your morals start to decay, eventually you lose your job, your relationships and your life. You decide that you don't need to get high and other things become bigger priorities. You sleep around you end up with unwanted pregnancies, STD's and low self esteem. You are careful who you share your sexuality with and you have less of a tendency to have these types of problems. Things that seemed innocent and easy to get away with when you are a teenager catch up with you and start having consequences even as a young adult. Which leads me to see life in a more black and white way. No not every sexual experience out of marriage is a bad experience that is true- I have gotten to this opinion however by the fact that I haven't seen what the real point is of sleeping with someone you won't be having a lasting relationship with. When the short term relationship ends after you have slept together you are often left with feelings of failure and cheapening yourself. If they give you an STD or an unwanted pregnancy they aren't sticking around and that is bad for you and the baby. I don't see anything wrong with avoiding this scenario all together. I even support sex inside the realm of a long term , monogamous relationship even if that is not marriage. I don't support sleeping around or casual sex because there is too much at stake anymore.