Thread: Chuck Norris Fan Club

My hatred for Chuck Norris knows no bounds.

aww what a party pooper dude! or... dudette

Im in the club. Chuck Norris is the man.

On the 3rd day god said "Let there be light!"

Chuck norris said "where the hell are your manners, say please."

When Chuck Norris takes a shower he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris can roll a 13 with only two dice.

Pshaw! So can I! In fact, I can do it with one! (ph34r my 20 sided dice!)
When people say the rules don't apply to Chuck Norris, they're wrong. Chuck Norris doesn't apply to the rules!

I killed Chuck Norris.

Then I ate his children.

Chuk norris eats nails and pisses thumbtacks, I eat vegetables and shit brain surgeons!

Originally Posted by Seismosaur

Chuk norris eats nails and pisses thumbtacks, I eat vegetables and shit brain surgeons!

Who's Chuk norris?

Originally Posted by Grod

Who's Chuk norris?

your worst enemy.

Ever notice how Chuck Norris sucks? Anyone who joins this club needs to uninstall their web browsers and GTFO and STFO of my internets.

That's Chuck Norris.

What I'm confused about is Chuk norris. A neglected brother, perhaps?

Originally Posted by Mark75

Ever notice how Chuck Norris sucks? Anyone who joins this club needs to uninstall their web browsers and GTFO and STFO of my internets.

If chuck norris saw this you would get a round-house kick to the ovaries.

Good thing he's not some kind of omniscient god, then. Otherwise he'd have kicked me by now.

Originally Posted by Mark75

Ever notice how Chuck Norris sucks? Anyone who joins this club needs to uninstall their web browsers and GTFO and STFO of my internets.

Owned.

Chuck Norris jokes are overdone.

Oh and Riot Maker you posted a picture of Chuck Norris not Chuk norris.

Originally Posted by M-Cat

Oh and Riot Maker you posted a picture of Chuck Norris not Chuk norris.

Eggs-actly

Originally Posted by M-Cat

Oh and Riot Maker you posted a picture of Chuck Norris not Chuk norris.

Really? i thought the picture said Chuck Norris. FIO.

Lol what's funny isn't that you don't know what's going on, it's that you think you do.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

The ninja turtles are real, Chuck Norris once ate a turtle and when he shat it out it was 6 feet tall and knew karate.

at Ash and Scatterbrain!

The big bang happened when Mr.T blocked a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once pointed to a plane and said "Bang" which made it explode.

*Copy and Paste*

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
punched his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
beard.

Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and
roundhouse kick them.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed two.


Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck
Norrisdid not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could
chuck f a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME
IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his
girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!"
Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and
laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went
deaf.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.

The original theme to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than
meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as
a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15
cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that,
Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous
of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have
Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse
kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying
"booya".

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norrisyou may be only seconds away from death.


Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to
prove he isn't a racist.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If
you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost
my virginity.", then you are dead wrong, my friend.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only
a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.

Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly
after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck
Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew
once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the
speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was
flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with
his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he
gets the information he wants.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the
living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game
forfeited.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school
football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let
him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked
the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl
in the stadium.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or
dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no
wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He
always makes it to Oregon before you.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck
Norriscan kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance.
But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face
so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into
artificial Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out
of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for
super strength roundhouse ability.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five
minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a
few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When
his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the
face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the
1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of
jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card
from the game Uno.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45
minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed
by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick.
When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every
popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor,
just because he's Chuck Norris.



~

Chuck Norris is such a badass that his popularity lives on through a younger generation, by way of (yet another) internet fad; spearheaded by millions of people who have simply been infected by said fad - many of whom hardly even know a single thing about Chuck Norris, himself, or have any awareness of how much the fad (parody that it is) has grown old and irritating.

Originally Posted by M-Cat

Lol what's funny isn't that you don't know what's going on, it's that you think you do.

In my previous post i quoted someone who said who is chuk norris. then i put a picture of "chuck" norris. Natrually one would assume that the name on the picture would be the right one, not the name on the quote. Good day sir.

Originally Posted by Riot Maker

In my previous post i quoted someone who said who is chuk norris. then i put a picture of "chuck" norris. Natrually one would assume that the name on the picture would be the right one, not the name on the quote. Good day sir.

Lol if you say so.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

Chuck Norris is such a badass that his popularity lives on through a younger generation, by way of (yet another) internet fad; spearheaded by millions of people who have simply been infected by said fad - many of whom hardly even know a single thing about Chuck Norris, himself, or have any awareness of how much the fad (parody that it is) has grown old and irritating.

You just won this thread.