Thread: What are your biggest fears?

It is probably not my biggest fear, but there is something disturbing about water where you can't see to the bottom. In contemplating getting "siddhi's", I have come the conclusion that if I were to become able to walk on water, then I probably wouldn't actually use that power much (other than to prevent getting my shoes and socks soaked in deep puddles). Walking over deep black waters would be uncanny.

Now, flying high over these same waters would be another thing entirely.

Loss of identity.

Originally Posted by Voldmer

Now, flying high over these same waters would be another thing entirely.

You'd likely enjoy parasailing if you didn't end up in the water afterwards.

Originally Posted by tropicalbreeze

You'd likely enjoy parasailing if you didn't end up in the water afterwards.

Maybe, flying is my favourite activity in dreams, and I have often thought about paragliding. On the other hand, I'm actually not at all good with heights in physical reality. As a matter of fact, a good candidate for my worst fear is having to backtrack on foot from the tip of a mountain.

Originally Posted by tropicalbreeze

Loss of identity.

What an interesting response.

I think this has a lot to do with personality types (if you believe in that sort of thing); specifically Myers Briggs.

To me, this feels impossible. I feel like I could never lose my identity, ever. For me, it's so embedded, it's part of everything I think or do. I think I'm lucky in that regard.

I understand that for others, this may not be something so easily accessed. It's amazing to think about.

Originally Posted by Hilary

What an interesting response.

I think this has a lot to do with personality types (if you believe in that sort of thing); specifically Myers Briggs.

To me, this feels impossible. I feel like I could never lose my identity, ever. For me, it's so embedded, it's part of everything I think or do. I think I'm lucky in that regard.

I understand that for others, this may not be something so easily accessed. It's amazing to think about.

I think for spiritual people belief in the thought of loss of identity is impossible, but for materialistic people identity must be a function of the physical body, and therefore no more persistent than this. It ought to lead to very different feelings about this.

On the other hand, for someone who believes in a life after this physical one, the idea of loss of identity must be a frightening one, even though an impossible scenario.

Originally Posted by Voldmer

I think for spiritual people belief in the thought of loss of identity is impossible, but for materialistic people identity must be a function of the physical body, and therefore no more persistent than this. It ought to lead to very different feelings about this.

On the other hand, for someone who believes in a life after this physical one, the idea of loss of identity must be a frightening one, even though an impossible scenario.

Interesting thoughts. I would add that in addition to that, how connected one is to their inward experience, is a major factor. Being an INFP, for example, introverted feeling is all about judging everything we perceive through a lens of how we feel about it, and how it fits into our moral code. That allows for a very elaborate and detailed "identity". Not necessarily just spiritual identity, but more natural ego (not referring to the bad kind of ego) or sense of self in the world.

I do believe in an afterlife. It's not very well defined for me, but I believe consciousness continues after death. This does not scare me too much, assuming death happens at a nice ripe old age. To me, thinking about it brings a sense of excitement. Like it's going to be another adventure.

My greatest fear definitely used to be arachnophobia, though I've pretty much cured myself in that regard at this point. I suppose my greatest fear these days has to be one of two things; dying unfulfilled, and/or dying a painful or distressing death.

Interestingly, fear of losing self-identity has existed for me too, though it has never been my greatest fear or anything like it.

Originally Posted by DarkestDarkness

My greatest fear definitely used to be arachnophobia, though I've pretty much cured myself in that regard at this point. I suppose my greatest fear these days has to be one of two things; dying unfulfilled, and/or dying a painful or distressing death.

Interestingly, fear of losing self-identity has existed for me too, though it has never been my greatest fear or anything like it.

Wow! Arachnophobia. That's so funny because I will, without hesitation, move away spider webs when walking around in nature. They're all over Florida, everywhere. I even pick up spiders when I know they aren't poisonous, to move them out of harms way, for example. How did you cure yourself?

Question for you:

What would that fulfilled life look like to you?

Originally Posted by Hilary

How did you cure yourself?

At the heart of it, many years before I even had the courage to do anything about my fear, I had e-mailed a psychologist asking how to overcome such a phobia. The reply amounted to saying something like how therapy would consist mostly of exposing myself to the subject of the phobia in controlled manners. As I was relatively young at the time, this felt completely terrifying to hear back and so this became an outlawed idea within me for years.

I think I've probably mentioned some of this here on the site at some point and I had basically cured myself probably a couple of years ago now, I think. A couple of dreams in particular may have been key in the process and there were some major contributing things. Even so, there were no major steps or truly "aha" moments that I can recall. The process was all very slow and gradual.

Changing my attitude toward spider-related nightmares was important, as was approaching the matter deliberately within a controlled environment (by drawing/painting and looking at photos), which was the very idea which I had outlawed in myself years earlier; in addition to these two things, I had started to be exposed to spiders at work environments because the work I started doing meant that they couldn't be avoided at all. It was just impossible at many of the job sites. This meant that I had opportunities to be deliberate about facing my fear in an expected situation that wasn't necessarily under my control, and with the rest of what was going on, this eventually became manageable.

In the end, a "cure" wasn't the result of only one thing and it took years. Sometimes I find people who have arachnophobia themselves and who can't believe that they can cure themselves, which I can understand since I know what having such an overwhelming fear is like to begin with. And when there is no expectable outcome on how long it can take to manage the fear, it's very difficult to believe that it's possible at all. On the other hand it feels sad that they can't believe in curing themselves, too.

Do I like spiders now? Not really, though I suppose I find them interesting now, even if bigger ones can still be a bit of a jump/scare trigger if they appear unexpectedly, but on the other hand, aspects of disgust are easier and more practical to deal with than terror. Since all of that, I also applied this a bit to my fear of heights, which again, I was able to deal with through work environments.

I suppose one lesson I learned was that being at a place where you have no choice but to act and move forward means that the only alternative would be to let your fear overwhelm you.

Originally Posted by Hilary

Question for you:

What would that fulfilled life look like to you?

Truthfully, I'm not sure. The base part of me would say "technical ability" when it comes to art. In reality, I suppose life fulfilment would be to feel like I might have reached a point where creating artwork truly expresses what I want it to express, and that it is generally expressed well enough by any given piece so that most people can intuitively understand at least some of what I meant to express. I suppose that's a "true" aspiration for any artist who wants to communicate through whatever medium they use.

Regardless, I can't imagine truly that I'll die without feeling like there was more and better art that I wanted to make.

Originally Posted by DarkestDarkness

The reply amounted to saying something like how therapy would consist mostly of exposing myself to the subject of the phobia in controlled manners. ... I suppose one lesson I learned was that being at a place where you have no choice but to act and move forward means that the only alternative would be to let your fear overwhelm you.

Yes. This is why I like playing Subnautica. I find it SO terrifying, you have no idea, and yet it's just a video game. But maybe it will help with my fears.

Originally Posted by DarkestDarkness

Truthfully, I'm not sure. The base part of me would say "technical ability" when it comes to art. In reality, I suppose life fulfilment would be to feel like I might have reached a point where creating artwork truly expresses what I want it to express, and that it is generally expressed well enough by any given piece so that most people can intuitively understand at least some of what I meant to express. I suppose that's a "true" aspiration for any artist who wants to communicate through whatever medium they use.

Regardless, I can't imagine truly that I'll die without feeling like there was more and better art that I wanted to make.

Interesting. I would like to see more of your art on here, by the way. I would be happy to tell you what it expresses to me, although that will be very subjective. Art is partly of the artist, but then also partly of the receiver. It's never isolated (or so I suspect).

I think it's harder when it is also your profession. I think we put a lot of expectation on ourselves when we've devoted our life to something. Whereas, for me, my artistic pursuits are just fun and games. It's fun, because it's not my career. I think because of that, I generally feel pretty happy with whatever I make.

Originally Posted by Hilary

Yes. This is why I like playing Subnautica. I find it SO terrifying, you have no idea, and yet it's just a video game. But maybe it will help with my fears.

I feel I'm fortunate for not having any fear of anything that might actually be life threatening or anything like that. And I do imagine it will help on some level.

Originally Posted by Hilary

I would be happy to tell you what it expresses to me, although that will be very subjective. Art is partly of the artist, but then also partly of the receiver. It's never isolated (or so I suspect).

Yes, based on my own experience both as the person making and also as the person viewing, I'd say you're absolutely right. Especially when I'm doing work for other people, it's often partly their creation as much as it is mine.

Sure, what art expresses does seem to be unique to each person. In a way I can accept that there is no universal meaning for a piece, but what the piece wants to express in the first place and how much of that comes through, I guess that's one of the things I'd like to be better at, if that makes sense.

It's good to know that you feel that way with your own creative pursuits! I wish it automatically felt that way all the time for me too. And yeah, it's probably partly for being a bit of professional activity for me, but I'm not sure if that would be all there is to it for me.

Truth be told, most of my art at the moment has no place here right now, beside the fact that I compartmentalise my art based on my usernames and such. Hopefully maybe some day soon(tm) I'll be able to go back to painting some stuff that's more appropriate to post around here.

Originally Posted by Hilary

What an interesting response.

I was thinking similar reading the responses to "loss of identity." Words like; loss of identity, ego death, freedom, spirituality, growth, its interesting to observe how it gets interpret and how it may relate to them or their own life journey. It is amazing to think about. What is our identity? Is it everything we identify with or is there more to it?

Originally Posted by tropicalbreeze

It is amazing to think about. What is our identity? Is it everything we identify with or is there more to it?

I would say that there's probably more to it too, though I imagine some aspects of what we identify with may not be conscious, and possibly form just as much a part of who we are, when thinking of identity.

Interesting. Fairly wide range of responses.

Honestly my biggest fear is not being able to support my wife and I in a manner we are use to long term. I make a descent enough living. I manage projects for a high tech company. But I'm 54 and the corporate world is not terribly agreeable to aging people. Eventually you get replaced with someone cheaper who has more energy. Yes, it's short sighted as experience solves or avoids a lot of problems up front.

My wife has been pursing a cash neutral business for 15+ years. And I had a fall out w/ my folks a few years back. So all financial responsibility is on my shoulders. No inheritance. Questionable outlook for social security and health care. No pension.

If I were to do it all over again I would have been a high school math teacher. I'd be retired by now, with a pension. Doing a small side job if I wanted. And I would have had 3+ months off per year. Man that was a mistake.

I'm really sorry to hear that DrTechnical. Our society should value and respect older members more.

We teachers do get a good deal on the time off. Unfortunately our pension program ended where I live. I just barely made it in before the cutoff. Future teachers won't have it quite so great. They have a 401k now.

Hmm. Well,personally ever since I was little I had Cynophobia(fear of dogs),but I've never had any traumatic experience that will lead to this fear. I also have a fear of heights,and abandonment. But my biggest fear is probably the fear of abandonment. I do remember why,but I don't feel like sharing that. When I am in a high place,looking out a window, I get dizzy and my heart beats fast. But I have no idea why I have fear of heights,though.