Thread: If you were in my shoes, what you would do?

Originally Posted by DreamBliss

Due to circumstances beyond the scope of this thread I have come to a number of realizations and a decision. I am living 2 miles or so away from a one stoplight town, and I have the choice of leaving the comforts of a roof over my head (what I have realized is my cage) or heading out. I have a bicycle and am getting some gear ready. This thread is a sort of test. Based on the responses I receive I will make my decision. Go or stay.

you're not off to a good start.

My intention is to head to California, to the Big Sur, to winter there. Heard there is a good artist community that way. Just bike down and follow the Pacific Coast. Perhaps find people who will teach me to surf and dance. Maybe join a dance crew if I find one that will adopt me. The whole idea here is to experience.

oh my, not looking good at all.

Because of the same circumstances I will not go into I have also realized that I have no purpose or dream. This is an effort of find one or both. By purpose I do not refer to "fate" or "destiny." To me a purpose is simply a reason to get out of bed in the morning and keep living. A dream to my mind is something you love to do, that you have a knack for, that others will pay you to do, so you can support yourself with it.

trying to find your dream 'out there' is pointless if you can't find even a hint of one from within, first.

So this is why I have decided to leave. Get out of the cage. Experience life. Find my purpose or dream, either or both. My question to you is the same as the title of this thread. If you were in my shoes what would you do? Would you stay here, just to have a roof over your head? How would you go about experiencing life from such a sheltered, isolated location? Would you even bother? Or would you go? Where would you go? Why would you go there?

you need to go back to the drawing board and rethink this entire sketch. wtf are you thinking, man?

Just out of curiosity, how old are you?

It's perplexing that you say you don't know your life's purpose yet your location says Flowing in my Life's Purpose, following my Dreams. Why do you need a purpose so badly, just find stuff you like to do. You don't have to go anywhere to experience life. If you don't like where you live go save up some money and move.

I did this. I had the choice of attending university, the choice of my parents really, or to follow my heart and become a tramp.

I moved to the city and didn't like that experience much at all so I moved back to the country to live in a disused barn. I lived there for several weeks and really liked it. I rarely ate, maybe once a week. I would hitch hike into the nearby city almost daily to ponce off people to get stoned or drunk. I wasn't really living the life of a tramp but I had what I called freedom. I had no monetary income whatsoever but there were plenty of people that would mill around in a certain part of the city and they didn't mind that I had nothing to give and were happy to share their dope or booze with me. I was very, very scruffy; stood up for myself and wasn't a pain in the ass so they seemed to like me.

I moved into a squat with some of these people. I was really glad of the comapny but I prefered the barn as the loose straw made an excellent bed and was a peaceful place. The other squatters were getting up to no good and were really upsetting the locals. I could see trouble heading to the squat.

I got invited to a party one night and I did some LSD and the next morning I was sat alone whilst everyone else was asleep. I heard the voice of a woman inside my head and she said go to Exeter. So, that day I told all my friends I was leaving town.

I was becoming a tramp by now. All I owned were the clothes I was standing in and not very well dressed at that; didn't even have a jacket. As I walked to hitch a lift to this new city I wasn't concerned about where I would sleep or where my next meal was coming from. I just kept singing the lyrics inside my head of Bob Marley's, 'Three Little Birds'

When I arrived in Exeter I asked a punk if I could bum a joint off him. He invited me back to his and we got drunk and stoned. Couldn't believe my luck. He said I could stay for a few days. Being a tramp was on hold it seemed. I spent the next few days doing pavement art using chalk and made enough money to buy beer, dope, food and more artisits materials.

The time came that I had to leave the punks abode. I went to the cathedral grounds to sit up all night and shiver. As dusk approached an old man asked me if I knew anyone that was homeless and would like a job on a farm in Cronwall. 'Yes I do, its me' I replied. Off we went about a hundred miles. he fed me and took me to a grand pub and we got drunk.

The next day I started to think about the old saying, 'Go happy, go lucky'. It seemed as though my luck just wasn't going to run out. I decided that deep down that I didn't really want to be a tramp all along and that I do value a roof over my head, food in my belly and the other trappings of a comfortable life.

I really enjoyed the farm job and all that went with it. It was a real adventure to me exploring new places and meeting new people. I stayed there for a few months and moved around again several times over the next few years. I was a real rolling stone. Most of it was good times but there were a few sad occasions.

I hope you enjoy your journey Dreambliss and that you have the same luck that I did. Remember, 'Go happy, go lucky'

Originally Posted by DreamBliss

Due to circumstances beyond the scope of this thread I have come to a number of realizations and a decision. I am living 2 miles or so away from a one stoplight town, and I have the choice of leaving the comforts of a roof over my head (what I have realized is my cage) or heading out. I have a bicycle and am getting some gear ready. This thread is a sort of test. Based on the responses I receive I will make my decision. Go or stay.

My intention is to head to California, to the Big Sur, to winter there. Heard there is a good artist community that way. Just bike down and follow the Pacific Coast. Perhaps find people who will teach me to surf and dance. Maybe join a dance crew if I find one that will adopt me. The whole idea here is to experience.

Because of the same circumstances I will not go into I have also realized that I have no purpose or dream. This is an effort of find one or both. By purpose I do not refer to "fate" or "destiny." To me a purpose is simply a reason to get out of bed in the morning and keep living. A dream to my mind is something you love to do, that you have a knack for, that others will pay you to do, so you can support yourself with it.

So this is why I have decided to leave. Get out of the cage. Experience life. Find my purpose or dream, either or both. My question to you is the same as the title of this thread. If you were in my shoes what would you do? Would you stay here, just to have a roof over your head? How would you go about experiencing life from such a sheltered, isolated location? Would you even bother? Or would you go? Where would you go? Why would you go there?

I appreciate your answers -
- DreamBliss

Past couple days I've been considering something similar. Just leaving and living out of a back pack. I'd say do whatever you want but be confident in what you decide to do. And do alot of research and be prepared.
Follow your heart!

Originally Posted by greenhavoc

Just out of curiosity, how old are you?

Old enough to know that I should not respond to posts like this, young and stupid enough to feel compelled to anyway.

Let me be perfectly clear. I have no dream and no purpose. I have no reason to live, not a single one. Or rather I thought I recently did have a reason to live, but it may turn out that I never did. No need to go into details here.

I have been sheltered by my parents all my life. I have done what they, my religion, and other authority figures have told me to do. I watched my dad do what is expected of most men, to work until you retire. Yet my dad, despite his hard work, is living here in an RV on the same property I am. What society teaches about going to college, getting an education, and working until retirement is complete and utter crap. Anyone who believes in that road deserves the final destination. If you're lucky you end up with a house, a mortgage, and a working wife you barely love. That is not living. It is not life. It is society's definition of life and reality.

I have never gone out on my own to find my own way. I made that choice. and now I sit here, fully awake, fully aware, and realize that I should have gone my own way a long time ago. I fell into the same trap everyone else does. We sell our souls for a few meals and a roof over our head. We sacrifice our dreams and worse, we destroy our children's dreams, trying to teach them about the "real world."

I'm old enough to know I have a good 20-30 years left to find my way, maybe find someone to be with, maybe start a family, and figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. That's it. The clock is ticking and time is running out. But the whole point of this thread is to think this situation through and come to a good decision. Test the waters. Get an idea of what I will have to face. Notice I didn't just run screaming out the door with only the clothes I have on my back. I'm preparing, taking my time.

But I feel the urge to go, and I can hear that damn clock ticking. You are entitled to your opinion. If you think this is a bad or good idea or something in between that's fine. Just please keep your opinion to yourself. I'm not buying what you're selling. I just want to know what you would do in my situation. If you have nothing constructive and useful to say, then by all means please remain silent. What is it the Bible says? "Even a fool is considered wise if he closes his mouth."

That's some good advice I'd take if I were you -
- DreamBliss

P.S. Flowing in my Life's Purpose was the ideal I was striving towards. This may be changing, may have changed, now.

You got all the time in the world man.

If I were you I would do the best I could with the situation at hand. and at the same time plan and prepare for what you want to do. I guess....

I personally live in a one stoplight town in rural Texas. At one point I had the dream buying an RV and living off the land with a few other friends who wanted to start a small colony out in the back woods.
I still would love to do this - to live out in the boonies for maximum freedom, but not to get rid of all luxuries. For instance, I wanted to keep internet access and buy food rather than hunt and farm everything I ate. This would involve working a regular job

I never would dream of living the life of a drifter, with no guarantees of what's coming next. It's good in theory, but in practice it is likely to be hard on you. There's no guarantee that someone will notice your art and pick you up and send you into a successful life - in fact, this almost never happens if you look at the number of artists on the streets and compare it to the number of artists who have been noticed...

The best course of action would be to head for the city - look for work, and aim to keep a roof over your head. Part of me wants to live in the seclusion of the deep country, and part of me wants to be involved in the hustle and bustle of the city. But you can't have it both ways. Right now I live in the country, but just last year I lived in the city...

I've been travelling my whole life, but now that I'm out of school I need to find my own way to keep on travelling, because I can't ride with my parents forever... I've decided that I'm going to join the military to keep travelling - and who knows what's to happen after that... I don't know what your motive is for wanting to take this journey, but I'd guess that it's to "Ride the waves and see where life takes you".

The best way to do that is to take advantage of working, and do it slowly while at the same time keeping a roof over your head. Look for work in new cities, keep travelling, exploring what's out there for you. I don't think hopping on a bicycle with a backpack and a bottle of water is going to be the best method of doing that.

Originally Posted by DreamBliss

Old enough to know that I should not respond to posts like this, young and stupid enough to feel compelled to anyway.

What does posts like this mean?

Let me be perfectly clear. I have no dream and no purpose. I have no reason to live, not a single one. Or rather I thought I recently did have a reason to live, but it may turn out that I never did. No need to go into details here.

then why bring it up at all?

I have been sheltered by my parents all my life. I have done what they, my religion, and other authority figures have told me to do. I watched my dad do what is expected of most men, to work until you retire. Yet my dad, despite his hard work, is living here in an RV on the same property I am. What society teaches about going to college, getting an education, and working until retirement is complete and utter crap. Anyone who believes in that road deserves the final destination. If you're lucky you end up with a house, a mortgage, and a working wife you barely love. That is not living. It is not life. It is society's definition of life and reality.

wait, are you looking for pity?

I have never gone out on my own to find my own way. I made that choice. and now I sit here, fully awake, fully aware, and realize that I should have gone my own way a long time ago. I fell into the same trap everyone else does. We sell our souls for a few meals and a roof over our head. We sacrifice our dreams and worse, we destroy our children's dreams, trying to teach them about the "real world."

that's because they live in the real world, instead of in their head.

I'm old enough to know I have a good 20-30 years left to find my way, maybe find someone to be with, maybe start a family, and figure out what the hell I want to do with my life.

wait, you just said that was a trap. are you now saying that you need to be trapped in order to figure out how to not be trapped?

That's it. The clock is ticking and time is running out. But the whole point of this thread is to think this situation through and come to a good decision. Test the waters. Get an idea of what I will have to face. Notice I didn't just run screaming out the door with only the clothes I have on my back. I'm preparing, taking my time.

if you go out into the world with this attitude you'll get rapped, repeatedly, as you are a blabbering idiot.

But I feel the urge to go, and I can hear that damn clock ticking. You are entitled to your opinion. If you think this is a bad or good idea or something in between that's fine. Just please keep your opinion to yourself. I'm not buying what you're selling.

what am i selling?

I just want to know what you would do in my situation. If you have nothing constructive and useful to say, then by all means please remain silent. What is it the Bible says? "Even a fool is considered wise if he closes his mouth."

the irony of that post is sublime.

That's some good advice I'd take if I were you -
- DreamBliss
P.S. Flowing in my Life's Purpose was the ideal I was striving towards. This may be changing, may have changed, now.

well here's some advice for you lil buddy: grow the fuck up and stop wasting the readers time with you bullshit freshman pseudo-awakening speech.

man, i thought you were serious with this thread, but it's painfully obvious to me now that you're talking out of you ass; you have no clue what's going on. there were 2 or 3 other posters in this thread that you've said nothing of, you pick my response because it wasn't what you wanted to hear, and then you try and play me the villain by saying i have nothing constructive to add. you better be trolln me.

actually, I've changed my mind. get on your schwinn and pedal, pedal like the wind!!

@greenhavoc

Well its official. I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place and ignore you from now on. There is absolutely nothing you can say, or have said, that has any relevance at all to me or this thread.

@ mcwillis

Thank you for sharing your experience and giving me a clearer picture of what may be out there.

@ DreiHundert

Thank you for the caution and excellent advice.

@ Everyone Else

Thank you for your responses and sticking with the context of this thread - I really appreciate it!

- DreamBliss

Originally Posted by DreamBliss

I have no reason to live, not a single one.

- to enjoy life, just for the hell of it
- to find a partner to enjoy life with, preferably someone who makes your life even more enjoyable
- to (possibly) have kids and teach them how to enjoy their lives
- etc

You're welcome.

As for greenhavoc, although he's being rather blunt, he is trying to help. He has a tendency to get real bitchy at times but he usually means well. He has a point, you really aren't ready for this move. Come up with a plan, wait a month, and then go over that plan once more. Chances are, you're going to find some major holes in it. Revise your plan, wait another month, then go over it again. Rinse and repeat until you come up with something solid. Trust me, heading to California like this would be a bad move on so many levels.

If you do decide to head out, make your over to a nearby city - it'll be your trial run. If you're able to handle your own, great - plan out your trip to Cali (if you still want to move there). If you come to realize that you're not ready to head out on your own yet, head back home, come up with a better plan and try again.

Know that feel.

Good on ya for getting up and doing something about it rather than sitting and waiting for things to change (they never do).

Well so far it's looking fairly clear what God might be saying to me in this thread.

But I feel another clarification is needed here... Starving to death, freezing to death, getting beaten to death, and any other horrible thing you can imagine which may happen to me "out there" are not things I fear because, quite honestly, I don't fear death. Do whatever the hell you want to my body. Or try to. I am going to defend myself. My policy is very simple, at least one person is coming to the hospital (or morgue) with me. But in the end it doesn't matter. My body is an organic machine I wear in this reality. It is no more the real me than the clothes I wear are my body.

I have tried working at a job to support myself and pay the rent. [insert swear word here] to that idea! That is not living, or a life! It is not any kind of useful experience either. With this planned trip I know what I will be doing, what I will be leaving behind, and have a pretty good idea of what awaits me, although I am trying to remain positive. But I also know that this is the only way to go "out there" and try to make some kind of life for myself. I know I'll have to start at the bottom and work my way up. I know the odds are against me. I still have to try, so at least after trying (and more than likely failing, although I will approach this believing I will succeed) I can quit, and nobody can fault me. Got it?

Too often I hear from people how I should "get out" there and meet someone, or meet people, or do stuff, etc. Well this is me doing that, so those saying things like this can finally shut the heck up. There is no other way for me to do this. There is no way for me to move to the city here, find a job, and do those things. Why? Because assuming I find a job in the first place, highly unlikely, it is very likely it will pay minimum wage or not much more, take 8 hours for 5-6 days of my week, so all my time will be spend working, sleeping, rinse and repeat. It is an endless cycle that leads to the same place I would be sitting here, except here I'm not working myself to death. Why doesn't anyone see this? Are you all blind? Or did you all get some amazing job or uber-cheap apartment?

I have tried the work path and the college path. Now it's time to try the traveler's path. I'm not going to go hole up in some abandoned building or under a bridge. Staying clear of homeless shelters and big cities in general. My whole goal here is simply to travel, see what's out there and experience.

I really don't know how much clearer I can be -
- DreamBliss

Originally Posted by DreamBliss

Well its official. I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place and ignore you from now on.

you ignore me in here and that's fine, you ignore what i've said in the real world and you end up dead.

There is absolutely nothing you can say, or have said, that has any relevance at all to me or this thread.

You can't even handle constructive criticism from a complete stranger online, but you think you're ready for the real world?
Everything I've said to you is relevant, as you can't talk yourself out of reality. there's no ignore option, out there.

You come in here and create a thread filled with statements practically begging the reader for sympathy:

• i've no purpose
• i've no dreams
• i've no reason to live, not one

Then you have the nerve to shut out the one person you can learn the most from. Lol, your pride is getting the best of you, not my words.

Location:Flowing in my Life's Purpose, following my Dreams.

Originally Posted by GavinGill

- to enjoy life, just for the hell of it
- to find a partner to enjoy life with, preferably someone who makes your life even more enjoyable
- to (possibly) have kids and teach them how to enjoy their lives
- etc

You're welcome.

As for greenhavoc, although he's being rather blunt, he is trying to help. He has a tendency to get real bitchy at times but he usually means well. He has a point, you really aren't ready for this move. Come up with a plan, wait a month, and then go over that plan once more. Chances are, you're going to find some major holes in it. Revise your plan, wait another month, then go over it again. Rinse and repeat until you come up with something solid. Trust me, heading to California like this would be a bad move on so many levels.

If you do decide to head out, make your over to a nearby city - it'll be your trial run. If you're able to handle your own, great - plan out your trip to Cali (if you still want to move there). If you come to realize that you're not ready to head out on your own yet, head back home, come up with a better plan and try again.

Reason it's worth living: Because the other alternatives suck... Let us go through them...
1.) Spend all of eternity praising god for ALL he does (things like creating your boring life that is not worth living - idk if this sounds fun to you, but it sounds like a lame office party to me)
2.) Spend all of eternity in a horrible episode of Sleep Paralysis. Except you're on fire. And it's real. And demons are chewing on your nipples.
3.) Be reincarnated as a snail. You thought life was boring this time around, ha!
4.) Float around in purgatory for a little while.
5.) The same thing that happened before you were born. Let's ask the magic conch shell. *pulls string*. "...Nothing."... ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH *blooobaloobaloobalooba*
With those choices, I'd say stick with life. It's dynamic! it's fun, it's lame, it's happy, and it's sad... But most importantly, it's GUARANTEED! And it's happening RIGHT NOW! So take advantage of it.

Also, on to Greenhavoc... I do think he was looking out for your overall best interests, but he was taking more of a "smack some sense into you" approach. Perhaps he was overly aggressive, but it may have been slightly provoked by this smart retort

Originally Posted by DreamBliss

Old enough to know that I should not respond to posts like this, young and stupid enough to feel compelled to anyway.

I'll just observe that by posting that is sort of ... assenuating that his post wasn't worth your time. A sort of arrogant point of view. To which I believe was met by a bit of aggression.. Allow me to also point out that what he said WAS relevant to the thread. Incredible relevant to the thread. I think you should cool down and think about what everyone has said, even if it gets you steamed. Just my two cents on that matter.

I agree with him in that your idea is very naive, and that you would be very foolish to go on with the idea. HOWEVER - when our views differ so dramatically, one cannot convert the other to change so easily, and compromise is necessary. I think Gavin offers a splendid compromise. Try it out, but do it close to home, see how you do, and then decide if you want to take it all the way to California.

Also...

Originally Posted by DreamBliss

Well so far it's looking fairly clear what God might be saying to me in this thread.

When you read my posts, that's what I (DreiHundert) am saying to you. Not God. Everyone else, sure, god's messenger and stuff.

DreamBliss, I ask you one question... What then, can support you, if not a job?
You keep saying you'll make it, without working a job, without doing the daily grind... Then HOW will you make it? I can't take "It will come to me" as an answer. It won't. Not in this economy. All these people are out there hunting for a job and a way of life... And you expect to just walk around until one finds you? And even if it does, will you *like* it enough for it to be worth your time? You can't simply wander around shrugging off opportunities because they aren't good enough for you. Go out and LOOK for opportunity. A 9-5 job IS an opportunity... Do the daily grind, and save money so you can fund a project, start a business, whatever it may be... In today's world you have to HELP YOURSELF. Even if it means taking the same path everyone else is taking.

This is your story. The plot is driven by your choices. I imagine taking this leap would lead you towards some really interesting experiences and life lessons. And if you go out there with the intention of gaining as much as you can from this venture, I doubt you will regret walking out that door into the unknown. If you feel a resistance against those walls around you, break them down.

I don't feel what "I would do" in your shoes would be helpful here. I have my own path ahead and behind me. And where I've been, and where I'd like to go has a lot to do with how I'd respond in your shoes.

When I am faced with a huge life choice of "to do, or not to do" I imagine how I would feel if the oppourtunity "to do" was taken away from me. Would I feel relieved? Would I feel even more resistance against my existing circumstances?

You say you don't have dreams or purpose but I don't believe that.

I think your dream and your purpose is to have RICH EXPERIENCES. Experiences which can only come from carving your own path.

I'm excited for you. The oppourtunity of adventures EXISTS... And all it took for that to happen is for you to DREAM about what life might be like if you changed directions.

Keep your eyes, and your mind open. Listen to your intuition.

Take care of yourself.


mIsha

Originally Posted by DreamBliss

I don't fear death.

fear is the emotional energy that's causing you to make such a decision and to create such a thread.

Originally Posted by greenhavoc

you ignore me in here and that's fine, you ignore what i've said in the real world and you end up dead.

You can't even handle constructive criticism from a complete stranger online, but you think you're ready for the real world?
Everything I've said to you is relevant, as you can't talk yourself out of reality. there's no ignore option, out there.

You come in here and create a thread filled with statements practically begging the reader for sympathy:

• i've no purpose
• i've no dreams
• i've no reason to live, not one

Then you have the nerve to shut out the one person you can learn the most from. Lol, your pride is getting the best of you, not my words.

Let's be honest, kid. You weren't giving "constructive criticism." Looks to me like you're angry at something other than this thread. Oh, and don't do that quote thing anymore where you break up someone's post into tiny chunks to try to get snide comments in. It only makes you look bad.

Originally Posted by DreamBliss

Starving to death, freezing to death, getting beaten to death, and any other horrible thing you can imagine which may happen to me "out there" are not things I fear because, quite honestly, I don't fear death. Do whatever the hell you want to my body. Or try to. I am going to defend myself. My policy is very simple, at least one person is coming to the hospital (or morgue) with me. But in the end it doesn't matter. My body is an organic machine I wear in this reality. It is no more the real me than the clothes I wear are my body.

Until you've looked death in the eyes, you have no idea what you're talking about. I've nearly died three times, and each time gave me more respect for life and the value in living. If you don't see the value in living I doubt you've had an experience where you were moments away from death.

Also, your body is no more real than the clothes you wear on your body? You have some serious self-image problems that need to be addressed. I don't think you understand the concept of living, hence why you're deciding to undertake this big "quest". Your purpose in your life is whatever you choose it to be. And that's the important part. You won't get a flash of inspiration or understanding, by carrying out an idyllic merry bicycle ride to California, which appears to be in your eyes a modern nirvana of miracles, fortune, and love. You're going to be cold and hungry.

Your ideas about "finding some people to teach me to surf" and "join a dance crew if they let me" sound like an 80s teen movie. That's not going to happen. Do you think dance crews just run around beaches looking for members? Do you think some guy will gladly teach you to surf for free, when he has no idea who you are? You're living in a fantasy world.

Finally, why look down at disdain upon the 9-5 life? Yes, you say that's not "living", but then you're creating a strawman by claiming those people have wives they "barely love" and that their lives are futile and meaningless. Did it ever occur to you that these people might be happy? Content or satisfied? You don't have to have a glorified journey to be happy with what you have: your family, your friends, your security and yourself.

All that said, I like your idea at heart. I sometimes want to drop everything and set out on my own too. Explore the world, just journey around. But you're doing it for the wrong reasons, and you have a unrealistic concept of what bicycling for days, with no roof over your head will be like. It will be hard, painful, dirty, and monotonous. Furthermore, you're looking for a purpose in your life in all the wrong places.

I suggest you write down on a sheet of paper what you like doing, what you enjoy, what you want to do, what you want to be good at, etc. Find out more about yourself and rethink this idea from the ground up.

I see more clarifications are needed here... Apparently I have give you the idea that I am very much like some young blonde girl going to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. I get it. I know what happens to beautiful young girls on the streets. I know without experience, without seeing it first hand, but I am aware of the truth.

Likewise I am aware of the truth of my situation. I still have a realist in me that won't frikkin' die, and he says everything other folks have said here. It will be dangerous. I will be cold, hungry. It is unlikely that anyone would teach me to surf. Dance crews are like families, and they don't generally adopt, unless perhaps you're really good, which I'm not. I might find a few places to crash for the night, but the rest of the time I will be on the side of the road somewhere. It is likely my stuff will be stolen, I'll be mugged by methheads, turned into a drug mule, taken in by mafia types and forced to join the family, etc. I get it, OK? I have no experience with it, again just knowledge, but I get it. Also I get that you have to stare death in the face, look him eye to eye socket, to be able to earn the right to say you're not afraid of him. I'm not delusional, high on shrooms (though I wish I was), or living in some fantasy land where the streets are paved with gold and money falls from the frikkin' sky. Get real! I know I have few things to offer anyone. Few skills, little of value. Hell I might find I'm a better street fighter than an artist because I can take a punch! More than likely I'll be out a week before getting tempted to call my parents and beg them to come get me.

But here's what you just don't get. No matter how bad it gets, no matter what happens, I am not turning back. I'm heading out with a positive attitude, because the reality is that your attitude seriously affects the outcome of your life. Believe you're gonna get hit by a bus long enough and guess what? Final Destination death scene. But believe that you will find what you are looking for, that you will have good experiences, that you will learn, that you will survive, that you will come away with invaluable experience, and this is exactly what you will get. Understand this, the most important thing I will ever say, ever teach anyone. YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY! I have proven this in my own life, terminally ill patients have proven this with frikkin' placebos, and Buddhist monks have proven it by literally changing their mind!

You were not born to grow up, go to school, graduate, go to college or the military, get a job, start a family and work until retirement. Not one single person on this planet was created, or evolved, for that purpose! You have unique skills, abilities, affinities, that you are probably ignoring. Your purpose was to use those, to develop those, and to go out in the world and be God's Hands to others, however you define God. You were made to contribute to the world. You are not a cog in the great machine, and you were never intended to be., You are not a sheep, you are an intelligent and sentient human being. You were meant to challenge reality, test the world around, explore beyond the borders, and grow, or evolve, as the spiritual being you are inside. Until you realize these things you will be unhappy, unfulfilled, stagnant and dead deep inside, even though you may deny it. To turn your back on your dreams, your skills, the things you have an affinity for, the things you love to do, is akin to kneeling on the ground and shoving a dagger into your heart. You are a zombie, and you don't even know it, shuffling around aimlessly, dead inside, until your body finally wears out and you cease to function.

I turn my back on this idea of living, life, and "reality." I seek my own way. and right now I have only two options. Go or stay. I have tried staying, and here I am. Alive on the outside, dead on the inside. It's time to try going. To answer mishalaneous's question, if the option to go was taken away, say my bike was stolen, my legs were broken, etc., I will still find a way to go. I would frikkin' crawl down the road if I had to or use a wheelchair. If I had no bike I would hitchhike. Not having the option to go feels like prison, like being a mental patient who just woke up in time to be doped to the gills again, like coming alive and pulling myself out of the grave only to get shot in the face. Afraid? This to another poster. Damn right I am! I'm terrified of stagnation, death, and never experiencing. Of growing old here in this house, continuing to care for my parents and my grandmother, of never meeting anyone, experiencing anything, going anywhere. My whole life has been lived within the same 60 miles. 60 miles! How could I continue to live in this same little area, in these same crappy mill towns (man I hate mill towns), for the rest of my life? Honestly I would be better off dead. I would be better off stepping in front of a bus.

Here's an old quote of mine I'm going to leave you with, "There's no point in living if you don't enjoy life!"

Now that potion of this reply was directed more at my naysayers. However there have been a few people who have supported and even encouraged me. I want to give you my thanks. I know I say this a lot, but I mean it. I truly do appreciate your supportive and encouraging attitude. I am thronged by those who stand against me, telling me they are standing for me, trying to offer me protecting I don;t need or want. It is nice to look around and see a few folks by my side.

Thank you -
- DreamBliss

Originally Posted by greenhavoc

the irony of that post is sublime.

Awfully.

Originally Posted by Grod

Until you've looked death in the eyes, you have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, maybe this is his chance.

I guess somebody's gotta clean the toilets to make sure the toilets stay clean. And somebody's gotta be a drifter to make sure drifters still exist....


So uh... Good luck and stuff.

Let's be honest, kid. You weren't giving "constructive criticism." Looks to me like you're angry at something other than this thread. Oh, and don't do that quote thing anymore where you break up someone's post into tiny chunks to try to get snide comments in. It only makes you look bad.

I've taken nothing out of context, and simply highlighted the crux of this situation. I don't give a damn what that makes me look like, kid.

Looks to me like you're angry at something other than this thread

I'm not angry, though. Maybe you just need to look a little bit harder at what I've said?

OK this may sound a little corny, but I have gained some insights tonight I want to share. I have been listening to Barbara Sher's, "I could do anything I want if I only knew what it was" audio book and while there are a few things I don't agree with she makes a few good points.

Just in the first hour or so I learned that we all have what she calls an, "animal instinct" that knows what we need even if it doesn't make sense. She uses the example of a lady, working at her architect husband's office, who out of the blue decided to go and train with a sled dog team in some small town. That's what she wanted to do. She did that, came back, and was able to say that what she really wanted was to quit her job.

The point here is that she had to do something to break the mold. I'm using my own words and thoughts here. She had to so something off the wall, out of character, something others would call stupid, maybe even crazy, to find what she really wanted, and that was to quit her job.

I don't know if I subscribe to the animal instinct theory, but if its true it explains why I have felt for some time that I needed to leave, to get out. Nothing ever more concrete than this feeling, this restless feeling, that I have to go, just go. I ignored it for many of the reasons my naysayers here would ignore it if they had the same feeling. Now I see that this is what I have to do to break the mold.

In order to affect change in my life I have to be in action, and I have to be out there. This same principle applies to anyone. You will never find anything standing still, growing roots. Since you are not a tree, you are a human with the ability to move in some fashion or other, you should not be standing still. Even action in the wrong direction is good. All action puts you in motion, inevitably brings you among other people, and provides you invaluable experience you can learn from. Barbara really explains this far better than I am.

She tells us right off the bat that we all have a dream, but if we say we don't, it's because some inner conflict is blocking us from seeing it. This book is supposed to help the listener (or reader) find and remove this block. I have already begun this process tonight.

The root of the problem lies at least in part in me blaming myself for where I am today. True I have made certain choices and these have had certain costs and consequences. But chances are when I made these wrong choices I did not know any better, so it's not completely my fault. Also blame is useless. It is backwards focus. How can you see your way ahead if you are looking behind? Blame just wastes energy that could be put to better uses. Staring straight ahead is a problem too, because you can't see your feet. Ideally you should always be in a state of now, the present moment.

I have been blaming myself all these years for so many mistakes. But looking back I see where God used me as His Hands, and the things I things I previously criticized myself for doing were necessary for me to do at those times to touch the lives of those people. I have been belittling myself, comparing myself to my love and her story of going out and pursuing her dream, of working hard at it from an early age so she could succeed. Well how could I do this if I never knew to? How could I know to develop my drawing skills with patience and perseverance when nobody ever taught me to do that? It is only now that I see what I should have done. But this is a recent revelation, I never knew these things before. I never knew that the computer could be a shortcut, and therefor detrimental to my artistic well being and the development of my skills, until recently. Now I know, so now is the time I can act on what I know, and I can change my life as needed, as well as pass on this valuable knowledge to any children I have.

It's time to stop blaming, stop looking behind, stop worrying and looking ahead, and take what I know now and act on it. Apply what I have learned. Make what changes I can now, in the present moment. Teach others now, pass this knowledge on to anyone else who will listen to me, so they can apply it now, to their lives, and affect needed change. Pass it on to my children, so they can pass it on to others, and their children. You want to change the world? I just showed you how to do it! Realize something important, something your past experiences and current knowledge proves is true, and apply it to your life, then pass it on to others. As amazing as it seems it's that simple!

I realized that my parents sheltered me. That sheltering under the guise of protection is not love, it is grasping. Sheltering is like breaking a chick out of its egg, helping it along. The chick may die because it was not strong enough. Strength thankfully is not really my problem. Lack of information to make informed, proper choices has been.

My parents sheltered me, because remembering my grandparents and their relationship with them, this is more then likely how they were raised. This could go back generations. May have started for a good reason. Don't know. But sheltering has left me ill-prepared to deal with the world. This sheltering is my mold, and the egg I am breaking out of is being here, with my parents, in what I have, quite aptly it seems, called my cage.

I have to go out there, somewhere, not necessarily to California, just away, far enough away that I am no longer sheltered, get it? The only way to break the mold of being sheltered all one's life is not no longer be sheltered. That means all it implies. No security. No back up. No roof over my head. No certain meals. Danger. all the other bad things you can list.

But here is what many here are forgetting... Outside of sheltering I learn how to raise my children properly, should I have any. I break the mold not only for myself but also for them. I put an end to a problem that has been in my family for who knows how many generations.

Outside of sheltering I learn how to deal with other people. I learn how to act in various situations. I gain experiences, good as well as bad. I learn about life, the world, and all the other things in "reality" that everyone, sooner or later, really should learn. I get to explore the things I can do. I get to be in a situation where I can not afford to be crippled by feelings of "not good enough", lack of patience and perseverance with my art. I have to get better at it. I'm gonna head out with a few months worth of foodstamps. Eventually I will no longer have them, so I have to find a way to buy food, clothing, and deal with other needs.

Which brings us to the most important thing, outside of sheltering I will learn how to stand on my own. I will learn how to move away from the breast, to stop suckling, and to provide my own nourishment. I will learn how to support myself, and better, if I find my dream before I go, I can do all of this in pursuit of that, but if I don't have my dream before I go, I will certainly find it out there. Sooner or later while in action I will stumble on something that I love to do. I may even have stumbled onto this before. But here in this shelter mold, this cage, I have never been able to pursue this, because I never learned how to, never was on my own so I needed to.

I hope I am explaining things well enough. Basically I am in chains right now, chains that bind my family for generations perhaps, and I am in the unique position to break them, and free all of us. Sheltering can't be good for my parents either. They are depending on me as much as I have been depending on them, in different ways perhaps but an unhealthy co-dependance is there. They have to learn to let go, to stop sheltering.

Only when they have done this, and are forced to stand on their own, will they be able to find their dreams, and do what they want to do with their lives, the thing they have always wanted to do but never pursued because they were too busy sheltering my brother and I. They will also gain the strength they need to get through their later years. Their marriage will also have to get stronger, because I have been the mediator for years. Unknowingly I may have weakened it, thinking I was helping, keeping the peace, and as a result it could fall apart on them. It may even be a good thing if it does. That's the only way they can learn if they truly love each other. No two people should be together out of obligation or contract. Not in my opinion.

Does anyone see now? Do you get it? I can sum it up in a saying. Make a bumper sticker and place this on your car or bike or boat or whatever. "For drastic change you have to do something drastic."

I really, sincerely, truly hope that any truth in these words affects the needed change in the ones who have read them -
- DreamBliss

This thread is a good read. The only problem with it is that none of it's responses will actually change anything. Whatever anyone says you will still go biking into oblivion.
The only thing I want to know is why would you post this on the internet? Why ask for advice when it clearly won't change your mind?
All that said, I hope you have a great time journeying.
PS: "a little corny"?

Originally Posted by DreamBliss

OK this may sound a little corny, but I have gained some insights tonight I want to share. I have been listening to Barbara Sher's, "I could do anything I want if I only knew what it was" audio book and while there are a few things I don't agree with she makes a few good points.

Just in the first hour or so I learned that we all have what she calls an, "animal instinct" that knows what we need even if it doesn't make sense. She uses the example of a lady, working at her architect husband's office, who out of the blue decided to go and train with a sled dog team in some small town. That's what she wanted to do. She did that, came back, and was able to say that what she really wanted was to quit her job.

The point here is that she had to do something to break the mold. I'm using my own words and thoughts here. She had to so something off the wall, out of character, something others would call stupid, maybe even crazy, to find what she really wanted, and that was to quit her job.

I don't know if I subscribe to the animal instinct theory, but if its true it explains why I have felt for some time that I needed to leave, to get out. Nothing ever more concrete than this feeling, this restless feeling, that I have to go, just go. I ignored it for many of the reasons my naysayers here would ignore it if they had the same feeling. Now I see that this is what I have to do to break the mold.

In order to affect change in my life I have to be in action, and I have to be out there. This same principle applies to anyone. You will never find anything standing still, growing roots. Since you are not a tree, you are a human with the ability to move in some fashion or other, you should not be standing still. Even action in the wrong direction is good. All action puts you in motion, inevitably brings you among other people, and provides you invaluable experience you can learn from. Barbara really explains this far better than I am.

She tells us right off the bat that we all have a dream, but if we say we don't, it's because some inner conflict is blocking us from seeing it. This book is supposed to help the listener (or reader) find and remove this block. I have already begun this process tonight.

The root of the problem lies at least in part in me blaming myself for where I am today. True I have made certain choices and these have had certain costs and consequences. But chances are when I made these wrong choices I did not know any better, so it's not completely my fault. Also blame is useless. It is backwards focus. How can you see your way ahead if you are looking behind? Blame just wastes energy that could be put to better uses. Staring straight ahead is a problem too, because you can't see your feet. Ideally you should always be in a state of now, the present moment.

I have been blaming myself all these years for so many mistakes. But looking back I see where God used me as His Hands, and the things I things I previously criticized myself for doing were necessary for me to do at those times to touch the lives of those people. I have been belittling myself, comparing myself to my love and her story of going out and pursuing her dream, of working hard at it from an early age so she could succeed. Well how could I do this if I never knew to? How could I know to develop my drawing skills with patience and perseverance when nobody ever taught me to do that? It is only now that I see what I should have done. But this is a recent revelation, I never knew these things before. I never knew that the computer could be a shortcut, and therefor detrimental to my artistic well being and the development of my skills, until recently. Now I know, so now is the time I can act on what I know, and I can change my life as needed, as well as pass on this valuable knowledge to any children I have.

It's time to stop blaming, stop looking behind, stop worrying and looking ahead, and take what I know now and act on it. Apply what I have learned. Make what changes I can now, in the present moment. Teach others now, pass this knowledge on to anyone else who will listen to me, so they can apply it now, to their lives, and affect needed change. Pass it on to my children, so they can pass it on to others, and their children. You want to change the world? I just showed you how to do it! Realize something important, something your past experiences and current knowledge proves is true, and apply it to your life, then pass it on to others. As amazing as it seems it's that simple!

I realized that my parents sheltered me. That sheltering under the guise of protection is not love, it is grasping. Sheltering is like breaking a chick out of its egg, helping it along. The chick may die because it was not strong enough. Strength thankfully is not really my problem. Lack of information to make informed, proper choices has been.

My parents sheltered me, because remembering my grandparents and their relationship with them, this is more then likely how they were raised. This could go back generations. May have started for a good reason. Don't know. But sheltering has left me ill-prepared to deal with the world. This sheltering is my mold, and the egg I am breaking out of is being here, with my parents, in what I have, quite aptly it seems, called my cage.

I have to go out there, somewhere, not necessarily to California, just away, far enough away that I am no longer sheltered, get it? The only way to break the mold of being sheltered all one's life is not no longer be sheltered. That means all it implies. No security. No back up. No roof over my head. No certain meals. Danger. all the other bad things you can list.

But here is what many here are forgetting... Outside of sheltering I learn how to raise my children properly, should I have any. I break the mold not only for myself but also for them. I put an end to a problem that has been in my family for who knows how many generations.

Outside of sheltering I learn how to deal with other people. I learn how to act in various situations. I gain experiences, good as well as bad. I learn about life, the world, and all the other things in "reality" that everyone, sooner or later, really should learn. I get to explore the things I can do. I get to be in a situation where I can not afford to be crippled by feelings of "not good enough", lack of patience and perseverance with my art. I have to get better at it. I'm gonna head out with a few months worth of foodstamps. Eventually I will no longer have them, so I have to find a way to buy food, clothing, and deal with other needs.

Which brings us to the most important thing, outside of sheltering I will learn how to stand on my own. I will learn how to move away from the breast, to stop suckling, and to provide my own nourishment. I will learn how to support myself, and better, if I find my dream before I go, I can do all of this in pursuit of that, but if I don't have my dream before I go, I will certainly find it out there. Sooner or later while in action I will stumble on something that I love to do. I may even have stumbled onto this before. But here in this shelter mold, this cage, I have never been able to pursue this, because I never learned how to, never was on my own so I needed to.

I hope I am explaining things well enough. Basically I am in chains right now, chains that bind my family for generations perhaps, and I am in the unique position to break them, and free all of us. Sheltering can't be good for my parents either. They are depending on me as much as I have been depending on them, in different ways perhaps but an unhealthy co-dependance is there. They have to learn to let go, to stop sheltering.

Only when they have done this, and are forced to stand on their own, will they be able to find their dreams, and do what they want to do with their lives, the thing they have always wanted to do but never pursued because they were too busy sheltering my brother and I. They will also gain the strength they need to get through their later years. Their marriage will also have to get stronger, because I have been the mediator for years. Unknowingly I may have weakened it, thinking I was helping, keeping the peace, and as a result it could fall apart on them. It may even be a good thing if it does. That's the only way they can learn if they truly love each other. No two people should be together out of obligation or contract. Not in my opinion.

Does anyone see now? Do you get it? I can sum it up in a saying. Make a bumper sticker and place this on your car or bike or boat or whatever. "For drastic change you have to do something drastic."

I really, sincerely, truly hope that any truth in these words affects the needed change in the ones who have read them -
- DreamBliss

http://youtu.be/D6U2cNu9tEM