Thread: Cant control my smile reflex

I didn't know being happy was a bad thing.

Seriously though, I'm sure the moment you stop caring about this, others will stop caring as well.

Smiling is a defensive mechanism for a lot of people. I wish I smiled more. People like smiley people...it will get you further in life. My default face is sorta pissed, everyone always thinks I'm bitchy and upset, even when I'm not, which is annoying and honestly has caused me problems in life. But I can't figure out how to smile more unless I'm drunk or on drugs in which case I'm always smiling and people tell me how much more fun I am.

Originally Posted by nina

Smiling is a defensive mechanism for a lot of people. I wish I smiled more. People like smiley people...it will get you further in life. My default face is sorta pissed, everyone always thinks I'm bitchy and upset, even when I'm not, which is annoying and honestly has caused me problems in life. But I can't figure out how to smile more unless I'm on drugs, and everyone can spot a fake smile a mile away.

i just wish it wasnt out of my control.

Yeah I can totally understand you. The feeling of like not being able to control it. Also @Nina i don't think he's saying his default face is a smile but he breaks out smiling in situations he doesn't want to or that aren't really suited for a smile.

I have the exactly same problem. It usually only happens in school or other awkward social situations, when a teacher tells a stupid joke or something. My default face is definitely not smiling. I almost never smile and usually seem serious. But in school and places like that, I can be extremely depressed and thinking about hurting people or myself and still for some reason uncontrollably start smiling or laughing when some stupid immature joke is told, which I wouldn't blink an eye at if I heard in a more regular situation. You're the first person I've heard of experience this besides me and my boyfriend.

And the "don't smile" game happens to me too. It's not technically a game, but it's something that people often do. They try to make me smile and think it's funny that I tell them to stop, they don't understand that I feel terrible underneath, or maybe they just don't care. I'll often cover my mouth and try to stop from smiling, but that just makes it worse. Actually I used to do that a lot more often. Lately I've been trying to let myself laugh even when I feel horrible and don't want to, at least it probably comes out more naturally then.

(This part I assume I alone experience being female). I get the feeling they don't care. I feel like they're treating me like a child. Someone will start doing stupid things to make me laugh like making faces or smiling at me. They say that they like seeing me smile, even if I tell them I don't want to, they don't give a shit. They just want me to smile and look pretty like a little bird (reference) and sing for them all the songs society teaches young pretty females they're supposed to sing. They don't care what I'm actually feeling.

And no I don't have a solution for it. The only thing that's worked slightly for me is to stop suppressing it, because that just makes the smile look awkward and makes it harder to stop. It's better to let yourself smile for a few seconds, not suppress it, and then it will be over and you probably won't even feel the urge to smile for a long time. There's also the try-really-hard technique, which occasionally works for me, but involves something similar to meditation, intense mind focus, and is really difficult, as willing yourself not to think about a particular thing always is.

I used to sometimes smile at inappropriate moments (like the sad part of a sad movie), but it kinda went away on it's own after a while. Perhaps it will for you as well.

There was a thread about this not too long ago. Have a search for it, some good answers in that one.

It took me probably a few years to control my smile reflex, but I still can't withstand persistent humour. I can sit through a comedy and not smile. I can dead-pan any joke. But if someone is smiling at me, it all falls down - it's human nature, for thousands upon thousands of years...

I know what you mean, except for me, it's crying. When I reach a point of extreme rage, I cry like a baby. I can't control it and it drives me crazy. People either want to coddle me because they think I'm sad, or they dismiss me because they think I'm hysterical and exaggerating.

My default face is neutral/happy. I smile very easily, but I also smile even if I'm sad (but only because my brain comes up with the most absurdly humorous crap during such times). When I was younger though, I always smiled when nervous or when in trouble. My kids do the same thing. I eventually outgrew that habit.

i desire to be unreadable. the average adult smiles 12 times a day and it is hard for me not to smile 12 times an hour. most of the time it is a dumb reaction to people being idiots. i disslike the powerless feeling of being stuck in a body that doesnt do what i want it to do. i tire of this uncontrolable habbit.

I'm more in nina's position. I wish I could come off warmer to people. I try to smile as much as possible but usually I come off condescending or bored. While it's sort of nice being unreadable, smiling is disarming, acting cold usually puts people on edge around you.

I have the same problem, smiling uncontrollably when people are acting like idiots. I don't seem to do it as often now that I'm in collage now, It might be because I'm not surrounded by immature people as much anymore.

Originally Posted by Omnis Dei

I'm more in nina's position. I wish I could come off warmer to people. I try to smile as much as possible but usually I come off condescending or bored. While it's sort of nice being unreadable, smiling is disarming, acting cold usually puts people on edge around you.

I can understand trying to be warm, but sometimes there is such a thing as to warm. Many people are put off my my nature and think i am annoying and put out to much energy. it is hard to go from a high energy personality to a low energy one that isnt annoying. i mean really, would you want to deal with someone who had a goofy grin on his face everytime you looked at him and said something that only he saw humor in?

after practice i can control my smiling allot more, but i still desire to have compleet control over why reactions. i can now keep a strait face for over an hour then it all breaks. that is an hour of me trying not to see humor in something really dumb like someone farted.

The issue originates in the mind, not your face. Suppressing expression is often not healthy. You need to observe what it is that you perceive just before you smile, what connections you are making in your head and understand why it is or isn't necessary to smile in response. Then it isn't so much suppression of something that you/your body wants to do, but seeing through it, and realizing that you have no urge to do it anymore.

I actually smile way more than 12 times a day, which is what you said was the average right? Even though I smile that much I can never shake the associations people make about me being moody, indifferent, grumpy or miserable. And I don't really care what people think either. If I feel like smiling, I smile (whether I'm happy or not). I already know that trying to create a false public persona is going to lead me into trouble.

Take drama class at school.

Originally Posted by JesterKK

The issue originates in the mind, not your face. Suppressing expression is often not healthy. You need to observe what it is that you perceive just before you smile, what connections you are making in your head and understand why it is or isn't necessary to smile in response. Then it isn't so much suppression of something that you/your body wants to do, but seeing through it, and realizing that you have no urge to do it anymore.

I actually smile way more than 12 times a day, which is what you said was the average right? Even though I smile that much I can never shake the associations people make about me being moody, indifferent, grumpy or miserable. And I don't really care what people think either. If I feel like smiling, I smile (whether I'm happy or not). I already know that trying to create a false public persona is going to lead me into trouble.

thanks for the advice.