Thread: Do you know what to do with your life?

Cheshire Cat: [reappears] There you are! Third chorus...
Alice: Oh, no, no. I was just wondering if you could help me find my way.
Cheshire Cat: Well that depends on where you want to get to.
Alice: Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as...
Cheshire Cat: Then it really doesn't matter which way you go.

So, anyway, let me tell you. I am 36 (almost). I have been in the military, a professional actor, a fast food cashier, a janitor, a pizza delivery dude, a landscaper, and now I am a full time student. But, none of those are who I am. I was me before I ever had a job. You are you, and always will be, and that is the awesome thing about your you-ness! A job is just what you do to get money. If you can get paid for your passion, great. If you can live without money= ULTIMATE WIN. Then, you can do what you really want to do!

Get enough money so I can go set up a B&B or something in paradise and live my life out doing the things... I can afford and love!

I just watched an episode of "Smallville" and the character Lois was upset because she'd just been fired and was struggling to get work but what she was really sad about was that she didn't know what to do with her life. She felt like she wanted to make a difference in the world, make it a better place and I feel the same way.

I'll be starting college next week doing a course on photography - deep down, it's not really what I want to do but it looks fun. My funding hasn't came through yet but when it does I should get it back-dated and receive a big payment. The good thing about this is that I've more or less got everything already for the course so I can spend the money on whatever I want. If the payment is big enough, I'm hoping to spend it on a correspondence course with the NCTJ (National Council for Training Journalists) which, if I pass, will award me with a diploma in Journalism and grant me access to professional jobs in that field.

Now, I don't like the idea of spending a lot of time behind a computer but I love the idea of investigating things and uncovering mysteries - general things journalists do. I know it will be hard work but it's something I really want to try. Wish me luck.

Originally Posted by Mireille

I just watched an episode of "Smallville" and the character Lois was upset because she'd just been fired and was struggling to get work but what she was really sad about was that she didn't know what to do with her life. She felt like she wanted to make a difference in the world, make it a better place and I feel the same way.

I'll be starting college next week doing a course on photography - deep down, it's not really what I want to do but it looks fun. My funding hasn't came through yet but when it does I should get it back-dated and receive a big payment. The good thing about this is that I've more or less got everything already for the course so I can spend the money on whatever I want. If the payment is big enough, I'm hoping to spend it on a correspondence course with the NCTJ (National Council for Training Journalists) which, if I pass, will award me with a diploma in Journalism and grant me access to professional jobs in that field.

Now, I don't like the idea of spending a lot of time behind a computer but I love the idea of investigating things and uncovering mysteries - general things journalists do. I know it will be hard work but it's something I really want to try. Wish me luck.

I pretty much did that. I knew I didn't want to do Illustration, I lied to myself a bit though. Coz I thought that the idea of it seemed cool and I was good at it. I finished last year and basically want nothing to do with it anymore lol Besides painting things for people if they want it. Friends and family and stuff.
I'm hopefully gonna do a general Science course next year though. And then go on to a Veterinary course or maybe Botany. I think I'll be happy doing that coz, as you said, I feel like I need to help someone or improve something. Even though I know it's all pointless in the end. And it has taken me a while to realise that that doesn't matter.

Complete at least 90% of my "do these things before you die" list.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

Nothing's wasted if it was an experience to learn from and if you wanted to go in that direction in the first place (whether or not it turns out like you expected).

I'm afraid that what I will learn is that I've wasted a [relatively] big part of my life, and that's an experience I'd rather avoid.
Like I said, I'm not even sure which way to go, or if I can make it.

I have applied for social allowance/disability insurance (on top of the problem already described, I also have asperger/autism and agoraphobia), so now I just hope my application will pass, at least for a few years.

Originally Posted by AngelZlayer

I'm afraid that what I will learn is that I've wasted a [relatively] big part of my life, and that's an experience I'd rather avoid.
Like I said, I'm not even sure which way to go, or if I can make it.

Read the thread. You aren't wasting you're time if you enjoy the journey. If you don't enjoy the journey you won't enjoy the end result.
So as long as you enjoy something, it's not wasted time right?
So even if you don't get a final "thing" like a job, from your studies, at least you enjoyed your studies and didn't waste your time.

I might be a video game maker or graphic designer. Then I will move out of my parents house and possible to another state that might have better house sales. I will paint my house purple with pink pokadots. Then I will start up my hobbies, gaming, dungeons and dragons, possibly join the Society for Creative Anachronism and power lift 4 times a week. I will make sure I stay fit and eat healthy foods, since I wont be in a house that gets fast food instead of grocery shopping and that has a dad that likes to fry everything he cooks including the vegetables. Ill possibly explore the world, using the time off I get from work. I also plan to live a life of celibacy, since I don't want a wife to hold me back from my desires and that I don't want to risk a baby and do something bonding with someone I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with. Ill find a place to go for the religion of my choosing on Sundays and possibly do many activitys there. I almost forgot about things like dragon con and other conventions.

Originally Posted by tommo

Read the thread. You aren't wasting you're time if you enjoy the journey. If you don't enjoy the journey you won't enjoy the end result.
So as long as you enjoy something, it's not wasted time right?
So even if you don't get a final "thing" like a job, from your studies, at least you enjoyed your studies and didn't waste your time.

It's mostly scientific careers I've been looking into, so it's not like I would be able to just switch between jobs as I see fit.
Also, most courses that seem interesting require that you are some kind of math genius (even if the only numbers in the textbooks are probably just the page numbers..), which is not my strong subject.
I want to get better at math (within a reasonable time period), and maybe I can, but that's a pretty strong "maybe".

Ironically, I'm just as worried about not getting a job, as I am about getting one.
On one hand, I'm worried that I won't be able to make it, and not have any form of income. On the other hand, I also feel like I won't enjoy the job (whatever it may be) enough to work with it half my life (1/6 in total), and that it will leave me more or less miserable/depressed.
I often get anxious and a bit miserable/depressed just thinking about it.

Hopefully my application will pass though.

Originally Posted by AngelZlayer

It's mostly scientific careers I've been looking into, so it's not like I would be able to just switch between jobs as I see fit.

You still can. The thing with the sciences is that they are generally intertwined.
So say you do like a bachelor of medicine or whatever, then you become a doctor and realise you don't really want to do it anymore after a few years or something, then you could easily go back to uni and do a course in biology or chemistry or something like that because you already have some of the knowledge, so you could skip some sections of the course.

Originally Posted by AngelZlayer

Also, most courses that seem interesting require that you are some kind of math genius (even if the only numbers in the textbooks are probably just the page numbers..), which is not my strong subject.
I want to get better at math (within a reasonable time period), and maybe I can, but that's a pretty strong "maybe".

I'm having this problem at the moment too. It's always been my weakest point. But as you said, the course probably won't have too much math in it, so you just need to get to the required level to get in to the course, which most people can do if you put in enough effort.

I found a website called the Khan Academy and this guy has put up heaps of videos explaining really clearly a lot of all sorts of sciences including maths. You should check it out. Khan Academy

Originally Posted by AngelZlayer

Ironically, I'm just as worried about not getting a job, as I am about getting one.
On one hand, I'm worried that I won't be able to make it, and not have any form of income. On the other hand, I also feel like I won't enjoy the job (whatever it may be) enough to work with it half my life (1/6 in total), and that it will leave me more or less miserable/depressed.
I often get anxious and a bit miserable/depressed just thinking about it.

You'll never know if you can make it or not if you don't try. 99% of people, maybe higher, probably aren't sure whether they can do it or not. Some can, some can't. 100% of the people who don't try don't make it though.

If you are miserable with something, you stop. If you find you are miserable in a job you have probably 6 years from now, face that problem then and quit. Do something else.
That's really the best thing to do and at least you tried it and enjoyed the ride.

Good luck Tomo ^^


I was also thinking that while I do my journalism course I could maybe also do a nursing course at college too. Then after that, move on to university and get an honours degree in nursing. Afterwhich, I would spend about a year doing then I could apply for a post-grad diploma in medicine and maybe become a doctor. That way I could help make a big difference in people's lives as a doctor and at the same time expose corruption as a freelance journalist.

Don't get me wrong or anything but I know it would be an insane amount of work but I think it would be really worth it. What do you guys think?

Originally Posted by Mireille

Good luck Tomo ^^


I was also thinking that while I do my journalism course I could maybe also do a nursing course at college too. Then after that, move on to university and get an honours degree in nursing. Afterwhich, I would spend about a year doing then I could apply for a post-grad diploma in medicine and maybe become a doctor. That way I could help make a big difference in people's lives as a doctor and at the same time expose corruption as a freelance journalist.

Don't get me wrong or anything but I know it would be an insane amount of work but I think it would be really worth it. What do you guys think?

I think.... good luck to you too!

Freelance anything is hard work, so it would be good to have a steady job. And doctors can easily work part time and still get a good amount of money. Go for it!

Originally Posted by tommo

You still can. The thing with the sciences is that they are generally intertwined. [...]

I guess I could study and switch job every ten years or so, and simply not mention it/lie about it.

I'm having this problem at the moment too. It's always been my weakest point. But as you said, the course probably won't have too much math in it, so you just need to get to the required level to get in to the course, which most people can do if you put in enough effort.

The problem is that the required level for most of the courses are "Equation covering the whole goddamn whiteboard" kind of stuff.

I found a website called the Khan Academy and this guy has put up heaps of videos explaining really clearly a lot of all sorts of sciences including maths. You should check it out. Khan Academy

Thanks. I already know of the site though, but I feel that the knowledge gap between the videos are too great for me. Or I just need to watch them some more.

You'll never know if you can make it or not if you don't try. 99% of people, maybe higher, probably aren't sure whether they can do it or not. Some can, some can't. 100% of the people who don't try don't make it though.

On top of not being sure what I want to study/work with (if my application doesn't pass), I'm also having trouble concentrating as of late.
I feel a bit tired most of the time, I often experience emotional/sexual frustration, and then there is the future angst.
I also have trouble with my sleep rythm, which is most cases doesn't go along well with studies or work.

I'm hoping to get a prescription for antidepressants or similiar, I just hope they will work for me.

Originally Posted by AngelZlayer

Thanks. I already know of the site though, but I feel that the knowledge gap between the videos are too great for me. Or I just need to watch them some more.

You need to start with the really simple ones. Fuck it, I started with how to do division because I'd forgotten since I did it 5 years before.

Originally Posted by AngelZlayer

On top of not being sure what I want to study/work with (if my application doesn't pass), I'm also having trouble concentrating as of late.
I feel a bit tired most of the time, I often experience emotional/sexual frustration, and then there is the future angst.
I also have trouble with my sleep rythm, which is most cases doesn't go along well with studies or work.

I'm hoping to get a prescription for antidepressants or similiar, I just hope they will work for me.

I would start with meditation. Your sleeping problems seem to be caused by stress. So the first thing you should do is try to relax more, which will probably solve most of your problems.
I've tried anti-depressants before and I hated them. Researchers have looked at all the studies on anti-depressants and found that they really do not have any effect beyond placebo. (That is, no effects on depression, they do have multiple side-effects though).
Plus you have to take one for a few months and see if it works, which it won't, then the doctor/psychiatrist will put you on another one, and on and on. You could go through 7 or more and they would just keep trying with different ones. It really just makes you focus even more on your problems, instead of focusing on getting better.

Just trust me on this one, you don't want to take them. Take any other medication except anti-depressants.

Look for threads on meditation here and try that. Or even just relaxing for 15-40 minutes, once a day. You wouldn't even believe how much that can help you, until you try it.
Stress is the worst thing, in that it screws up multiple facets of your life, including sleep which is essential. And basically just starts a snowball effect.
So if you can get past the constant stress, your entire life will feel much more positive.

Note: I'm not some hippy new-ager at all, I've tried 4 different anti-depressants and done extensive research on them after I started getting brain-zaps and depersonalisation and.... sexual problems from them.

Originally Posted by tommo

I would start with meditation. Your sleeping problems seem to be caused by stress. So the first thing you should do is try to relax more, which will probably solve most of your problems.

I don't think the relaxation will last very long, but I'll give it a try.

I've tried anti-depressants before and I hated them. Researchers have looked at all the studies on anti-depressants and found that they really do not have any effect beyond placebo. (That is, no effects on depression, they do have multiple side-effects though).

But surely there must be some prescription drug that will be able to help me?

Also, regarding the reduced sex drive (which I assume is what you were referring to), that's part of what I want.
Along with the future angst and all that, I'm also distracted/stressed/put down by emotional and sexual frustration (as I mentioned earlier), so I want to become more "apathetic".

Originally Posted by AngelZlayer

I don't think the relaxation will last very long, but I'll give it a try.

It doesn't. For most people. But over time it just makes you more relaxed in general, not just during meditation and for about an hour afterward like when you start out.

Originally Posted by AngelZlayer

But surely there must be some prescription drug that will be able to help me?

Valium. But it is hard to get in some places due to doctors being a bit paranoid of it. If a doctor tries to give you xanax, which is like valium but doesn't last as long and comes on more quickly,
don't take it. It is much more addictive than valium and has more side-effects, even though they're rare.
Either one of them though will not cure anything. But it is fucking great just to get a break from constant stress or anxiety. Then you can work on doing other things to help you like meditation, breathing exercises etc.

Originally Posted by AngelZlayer

Also, regarding the reduced sex drive (which I assume is what you were referring to), that's part of what I want.
Along with the future angst and all that, I'm also distracted/stressed/put down by emotional and sexual frustration (as I mentioned earlier), so I want to become more "apathetic".

If you want apathy, take anti-depressants. But trust me you don't actually want that. You may as well kill yourself. What is the point in living if you don't care either way about anything?
Being relaxed and enjoying life is so much better than apathy and you will see this soon too.

And yeah I did mean reduced sex drive. But for me it didn't make me less sexually frustrated. I had less desire to masturbate or have sex, but when I actually wanted to, I could barely get an erection and couldn't
climax without basically going so hard I could've caused myself damage lol

The reason why relaxed is better than apathy regarding your situation is that you won't be distracted, stressed or put down by emotional and sexual frustration.
You will want to have sex and feel good. You won't want to shy away from it because of the stress it makes you feel. And you won't want to avoid feeling good because you might feel bad later or you might have to put in effort to do something which will make you feel good.

The only thing I did get out of anti-depressants was that I sometimes I got dissociation. This scares most people. But for me it was just fucking amazing. It felt like a dream and I felt fearless and just completely at ease.
I can get a similar feeling after meditating though, or going in to a sensory deprivation tank for an hour.

You really should trust my experience on this. If you want to talk more you can PM me, coz this might be going a little off topic, or maybe no one cares coz this thread is basically dead anyway lol
But yeah, I really don't think anti-depressants should even be sold, and when something better comes out, which could actually be happening within the next few years, people will look back and wonder what the fuck we were using these things for, when there is absolutely no good evidence that they help relieve anything and have a side effects list further than your eyes can see.

Life is a crazy thing. You can try your hardest to plan it all out, make all the "right" decisions, but in the end, you have no idea who or where you're going to be in five, ten years. Some people find that terrifying, but I think it's kind of comforting. The concept of a fixed destiny, or being trapped in something because of decisions I make now, years from now, really bothers me.

I am not sure.

Originally Posted by GavinGill

I've never really given it much thought, I just browse the web and fap until I pass out. It's gotten me this far, may as well keep it up.

Might try this.

Originally Posted by tommo

If you want apathy, take anti-depressants. But trust me you don't actually want that. You may as well kill yourself. What is the point in living if you don't care either way about anything?

I don't want to be completely apathetic about everything, just apathetic enough, i.e reduce the anxiety/frustration/stress.

Being relaxed and enjoying life is so much better than apathy and you will see this soon too.

The reason why relaxed is better than apathy regarding your situation is that you won't be distracted, stressed or put down by emotional and sexual frustration.
You will want to have sex and feel good. You won't want to shy away from it because of the stress it makes you feel. And you won't want to avoid feeling good because you might feel bad later or you might have to put in effort to do something which will make you feel good.

I can't relax until I have a solution to this mess, and to get there I need the aid of some apathy.

You don't get much sex when you have little to no interest in having a social life, combined with having agoraphobia and some social anxiety.
There is a girl who says she likes me, so I guess I could ask if she's fine with casual sex (so I can relieve some stress). If not, I think I'm better off with drugs and apathy.