I forgot to mention that any further advice from me will incur a fee of $100.
Would you trust me on this?
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I forgot to mention that any further advice from me will incur a fee of $100.
Would you trust me on this?
I think you have anxiety with conversation in general. I suggest trying to be talkative with people you don't know very well (friends of friends in social settings - male and female) first, practice it out. Then move on to approaching people you don't know at all. I can give more specifics.
But one important piece of advice I can give you is this: naturally if you ask someone how they're doing, how was their day, what's up etc, they will ask you in return. If you know them, then they might ask you first. Always give a real response. This is how conversation starts with people you don't know very well. Tell them what happen during the day, or yesterday, or that week, whatever. If you're "doing really good," tell them why. If you're stressed, tell them why. Basically tell them what's going on in your life at that current moment, don't overload them with a long tale obviously, but you should be conversational. and it should be light-hearted/casual when you're just getting to know someone. When you're open with people, they will be open to you. That's how conversation starts. And of course after you're through, ask them what's going on in their life. Even if they've already said they're "doing all right" or whatever.
Another point: you work with what you get. If you talk to someone and they seem disinterested, their response level is low, whatever, forget it. As someone said earlier (Tommo or Unelias), not everyone is going to be interested to talk. Don't let it discourage you from starting conversation. But an even more important point: don't be paranoid. If this is someone you've spoken to a few times, and they seem unresponsive once, it doesn't mean anything. Don't personalize their reaction. Anything could be going on with their mood/lives.
Lastly, learn to read body language.
I've paid this guy before, it's a waste of money; he just says the same things as everyone else. There. That's what you wanted right, personal experience? You're better off watching the Cosmopolitan channel or one of the countless Youtube channels dedicated to people in your position.
You have paid him from what exactly? Just out of curiosity.
For the sake of saving Flanders some money, I'll say I paid him for every product he had for sale. :P
there is no magical formula to talk to girls.
*you*: hey, my name is so-and-so, i am new in this town and need a friend..i was wondering if i could get your phone number.
That's a simple example you could use...if you were new in town.
Or if not, do like others say and just make general conversation.
But one important thing is you ALWAYS want to place the attention on her, don't go ego-tripping and start talking about yourself and what you do..that's a one-way ticket to rejection. Ask her where's she's from, and stuff....just keep your attention on her. Get her to start talking and just listen. Then Tell her how you feel. You want to get to know her more and ask for her phone number.
I distrust anyone willing to trade relationship advice for money. This includes marriage counselors, the people with those advice columns in newspapers, my older brother, and this guy.
Why not just go up and talk to the ladies? You are allowed to practice. It's not like as soon as you speak to someone, they are going to knee you in the testicles, throw hot sauce at your eyes, pile drive you, then run away screaming in complete horror. Then all of the onlookers form a mildly discontent mob, surround you, and begin beating on you until the police arrive and break up the crowd.
Because, really, that almost never happens.
fixedQuote:
Originally Posted by Majestic
Because i would have no idea what to say, which is why i like his approach. Throw the girl off because odds are she's saying "another guy talking to me, what makes him so special then any of the other ones that talked to me?", which is why i wanna be fun, exciting, and funny instead of giving interview questions like "how are you?", "what do you do?", "What's your favourite color?". You talking to a girl or she trying to get a job? Maybe i just can't stand small talk but i'd rather be an exciting person when approaching a girl which is why i've been against what everyone here says. I also didn't say i would pay for his services, i would torrent them. Maybe it's just me and liking his idea but he makes SOOOOOO much sense. If you throw a girl off what she's used to you are already unique in her eyes because you did something most guys didn't do.Quote:
Originally Posted by EmperorOfMyMind
Hi there, how you going? This may sound a little strange, a little random but i just noticed you and i had to say hi, how you going? I'm Alex *shakes her hand*, and yeah i know this is strange but very rare do you see a stunning girl like you walking down the street without you know, there's no guys hanging around you, what's going on? Ususally you have like a 5 guy entourage. So what's your story, what's your name? *She says Emily* Emily? Very nice to meet you Emily, so uh...what have you going on for you apart from your looks? (smiles)"
That's one of his lines he uses on women. The last part needs to be said with a smile about apart from her looks or you look like a jerk.
^ Tbh honest, that sounds kind of lame imo. :P
This.Quote:
Originally Posted by ♥Mark
It's much easier to add a girl on Facebook and have have little chats here and there (the same way you do on here) than it is to ask or her number and then have long awkward pauses during conversation. Once you get to know her better, it'll be easier for you to carry on a conversation with her.
First of all you need to man up and grow a pair. Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself. When you think of yourself a certain way you attract experiences that confirm how you already feel about yourself. You need to man up and grow a pair of balls. That is what women like. Don't listen to that insecure voice in your head brainwashing you into feeling and acting like a loser. You are putting the pussy on a pedestal. Women are just as insecure and nervous as anyone else. Did it cross your mind that maybe she is just as nervous that you are talking to her as you are? You could be mis-reading her nervousness and taking it personally when it really isn't about you, it is about her. It isn't about you no matter what her response is because she doesn't know you.
You need to relax. From the lucid dreamers' handbook you need to realize that it is YOUR dream. You are the chosen one. You have a message to share with whoever will listen. You need to feel empowered. Try talking to ugly girls and making them smile. Try making anybody smile. Then try to make a beautiful woman smile. You are tense because you have a desire for a certain outcome but you have programmed yourself for failure and you already know that you will fail. Give up the desire for an outcome. Just enjoy smiling at a girl if that is all you can muster. Or just enjoy a conversation even if it doesn't end up with you getting her phone number and getting laid.
When you are relaxed and confident you have a different body language that people respond to. Your body language might be making other people nervous. You don't need to learn stupid manipulative insincere hypnotic techniques to pick up a girl. You just need to be relaxed. You don't even have to be confident, you just have to be open that you are not confident. You could tell her that you are nervous because she is so beautiful but don't try to hide it or your soul. Flatter her. Women like to be flattered. Find something to compliment her on. When there is a woman that I want to talk to but I don't know what to say I will just say "I like your shoes." or "What a beautiful necklace!" even if I don't like it, but what I am really saying with my body language is this "I really like you." This is the homework I am assigning: compliment at least 3 females a day. Compliment men also, and children, etc.... Trust in your attraction. Don't feel ashamed if you are attracted to a girl. Let her know that you are attracted to her from the beginning. I don't mean say "Uh, I, uh, think that you are, uh, pretty, ha ha, um." I mean, flirt with her. Do what feels good to you, like looking into her eyes, smiling, laughing.
Here is a secret trick I will share with you if that is what you need, but remember, you cannot convince anyone that you are worth anything if you have not convinced yourself first. The trick is this: when being introduced to someone, when introducing yourself, or if someone introduces themself to you, when asking for something like a phone number or a date or a favor, touch them lightly on the upper arm, or on the forearm right beneath the elbow. This is an amazing technique. You can use it to win friends and influence others. There have been studies that proved that asking a favor from a stranger, (s)he will respond favorably 90% of the time when you touch them on the upper arm instead of only 10% when you don't. Studies also have shown that when a person meets a stranger and touches their upper arm sometime during the conversation that person has a first impression on the stranger of being very open and friendly and interesting. But you need to muster the confidence to do it in the first place.
My american Indian friend was telling me the other day his style: he said "Women are like wild animals. You have to offer them something they like, then give them space to accept it, and give them space to run away, and continue offering them something they like so they can come back again, and run away again, and come back again. Everybody has their own style. Don't buy somebody else's style, get your own style.
People that use a bunch of tricks and verbal techniques always creep me out. I never want to be like one of those guys.
And smile. Seriously. Smile.
I remember the rest of my life when I was like 7 or something and I was walking with a friend in the town. Then a woman ( I think she was something between 30-40, hard to remember anymore) said to me that when I grow older I am going to melt many hearts with that smile. Somehow that stuck quite deep and I always remember to smile :P gets people in the good mood and chicks definetly love it. Smile can light up many faces, especially if your normal face is a bit grim looking like mine.
You wanna know what really turns me off? i go looking online about how to talk to girls, or youtube it and all you see are rules this, rules that, rules, rules, rules! like i got to act like someone else to get girls. I guess that's why i like Alex's approach, it seems natural. Just have fun and flirt with them even if you don't get a number or see them anymore, but the biggest thing is HAVE FUN! I rather be unique then someone who she's heard the same thing almost everytime a guy approaches her and i would not stand a chance if that was the case, either. I don't want to be the same boring person most guys are when getting girls, i have a personality and i need to show them it.
"You're the most beautiful girl i have seen in the past 3 minutes", i rather say something like that.
Like in all life there are no rules in this. There really aren't. Besides, if you are looking anything else than one night stand, she can and will see through you if you pretend to be someone else. I fully support the natural approach too. Because when you are being natural, you are being you. This will show in your confidence and your mere presence is different then. An healthy ego works wonders.
Nothing is true, everything is permitted ;)
The only way to get better at talking to women is to practice, it's a skill like everything out, no course, or book, or whatever it is, will help. Go up to random women and strike up a conversation, if she's a bitch, who cares, it's not like you'll ever see her again.
Have you approached a single girl since you've started this thread?
If you want to be unique and show them you are unique. You don't use tutorials. Simple as that.Quote:
Originally Posted by LucidFlanders
You say all you see are rules, and this guy is telling you to be natural.
Although he obviously isn't because you can say that in two seconds.
So go fucking be natural. Be who you are.
Say the first thing that you think will be a good thing to say.
Not what you think the girl will like.
Some girls will like you, others will not.
You will get the ones who do like you.
K?
Also, since this is the last time I will post in this thread....
You cannot get a girl to like you if she doesn't like you.
It doesn't work like they show you in the movies.
If she doesn't like you, you can't change that.
To be honest if a guy came up to me and said "You're the prettiest girl i've seen in the past 3 minutes" I'd think he's trying to get into my pants, not get to know me and maybe build off that.
The last guy who randomly spoke to me, simply looked at me, smiled and asked where I was going. We walked around chatting and he was really nice, and didn't overload me with compliments which was actually nice.
But jesus it's not that hard. I talk to guys all the time. Mostly in shops. I just go "Oh, that looks interesting, what's it about?" and BAM they're talking. Then, just be nice, be you. None of this "I'm trying to be uber sexy and cool with you and i'm trying to hard" nonsense. It's a turnoff.
Rasberry is completely right. An overload of compliments just comes off as typical/unnatural. Don't lay it on thick. It's not the first thing you should say tbh.
I reckon the best advice you're gonna get is from girls. And guess what, there are girls on this forum! :D
There are girls on this forum!?!?! WTF.
Who knew...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raspberry
There are? where?
I hate when guys suck up to women when they show their pictures on forums. It's like women are sacred lol.
LET'S GET E-LAID!!!!!
Now I'm scared :panic:Quote:
Originally Posted by Raspberry
I agree with what raspberry and xox, don't pile on compliments. Tell her once or twice to show you are interested, but... she probably knows she's cute. She's probably confident in that, you should convey that you are confident that you are good enough for her. Mention some of your own strengths, but don't brag. You can jump around topics for a while until you find something she is interested in talking about, then stay on that and let the conversation flow normally. If she tilts her head, she's interested in the topic, if she looks down or fiddles with something, she's bored with it. Read up on subliminal body language.
Also, keep your eyes on her face, but you can let her catch your eyes wandering once or twice. She probably worked hard on her body, she will think you are creepy if you stare at her chest or butt, but she wants you to notice it a little. If you are just looking at her face, she knows you're forcing that, which shows you're not being real.
You know us well :cheeky:Quote:
Originally Posted by ninja9578
Take ninja's advice. Take it! :panic:
There's no "real deal" for attracting women. The principle of seduction is love and affection. When you're going after a girl, what are you offering them? Love and affection. Who doesn't want that? It's simple. No "techniques" are going to turn you into a ladies magnet; just be natural and be genuinely caring for her.
"Hey my eyes are up here"
"Yeah but your breasts are down there"
Got me laid once. Not specifically that single line, but it cracked here up. Seriously, don't use this kind of things, they fail more than they work. I just most of the time have some ( wannabe) witty answer and most of the gals like that.