Thread: Fav Python Quotes

The Knights Who No Longer Say 'NI!':

Head Knight: "We are now no longer the Knights Who Say Ni . . .We are now the Knights Who Say Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoom-boing-mumble-mumble . . . Therefore, we must give you a test."

Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then?
The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king.
Large Man with Dead Body: Why?
The Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him.

King: Hello.

Lady: Well I didn't vote for you!
King: You don't vote for king!

Mighty uber sorcerer: They call me..... Tim.

(That's the only Python movie I've seen, but I'm aching to get my hands on "The Life of Brian")

that's the machine that goes 'ping'.

[ping]

you see? that means your baby is still alive!

-meaning of life

"I shall fart in your general direction!"

<king arthur and the black knight fight>
<king arthur hacks off the knights arm>

Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary!
Knight: Pfff. 'tis but a scratch.
Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off!
Knight: No itsn't!
Artur: Whats that then? <points to arm>
Knight: I've had worse
Arhur: You liar
Knight: Come on you pansy!
<Knight attacts Arthur>
<Arthur chops of other arm>
Arthur: Victory is mine!
<Arthur prays "I thank thee lord, that in thy merc" Arthur gets kicked in the head>
Knight: Come on then!
<Knight kicks Arthur while he's on the ground>
Arthur: WHAT?
Knight: Have at you!
Arthur: You are indeed brave sir Knight, but the fight is mine.
Knight: Ooh, had enough eh?
Arthur: Look you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Knight: Yes I have!
Arthur: LOOK! <points at arms>
Knight: Just a fleshwound!
<the armless knight keeps kicking king Arthur>
Arthur: Look, stop that.
Knight: Chicken! Chicken!!!
Arthur: Look, i'll have your leg.
<Knight kicks Arthur>
Arthur: RIGHT!
<Arthur chops off leg>
Knight: RIGHT!!!! I'LL DO YOU FOR THAT!
Arthur: YOU WHAT?
Knight: Come 'ere!
Arthur: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, BLEED ON ME?

Originally posted by CT

<king arthur and the black knight fight>
<king arthur hacks off the knights arm>

Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary!
Knight: Pfff. 'tis but a scratch.
Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off!
Knight: No itsn't!
Artur: Whats that then? <points to arm>
Knight: I've had worse
Arhur: You liar
Knight: Come on you pansy!
<Knight attacts Arthur>
<Arthur chops of other arm>
Arthur: Victory is mine!
<Arthur prays \"I thank thee lord, that in thy merc\" Arthur gets kicked in the head>
Knight: Come on then!
<Knight kicks Arthur while he's on the ground>
Arthur: WHAT?
Knight: Have at you!
Arthur: You are indeed brave sir Knight, but the fight is mine.
Knight: Ooh, had enough eh?
Arthur: Look you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Knight: Yes I have!
Arthur: LOOK! <points at arms>
Knight: Just a fleshwound!
<the armless knight keeps kicking king Arthur>
Arthur: Look, stop that.
Knight: Chicken! Chicken!!!
Arthur: Look, i'll have your leg.
<Knight kicks Arthur>
Arthur: RIGHT!
<Arthur chops off leg>
Knight: RIGHT!!!! I'LL DO YOU FOR THAT!
Arthur: YOU WHAT?
Knight: Come 'ere!
Arthur: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, BLEED ON ME?!

Some people just don't know when to quit...

Anyway, I've seen Life of Brian -- saw it in Physics in my senior year of high school, my Physics teacher was a big fan.

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, fuck off!
[silence]
Arthur: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

Wise Man #1: Ahem!
Brian’s mother: Oh!
[falls over in chair]
Brian’s mother: Who are you?
Wise Man #2: We are three wise men.
Brian’s mother: What?
Wise Man #1: We are three wise men.
Brian’s mother: Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me.

ok that was seriously unnecessary.

see this... this is my serious face... :|

My most favorite part of Monty Python and the Holy Grail:
ARTHUR:
The Lady of the Lake,...
[angels sing]
...her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.
[singing stops]
That is why I am your king!
DENNIS:
Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR:
Be quiet!
DENNIS:
Well, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR:
Shut up!
DENNIS:
I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
ARTHUR:
Shut up, will you? Shut up!
DENNIS:
Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR:
Shut up!
DENNIS:
Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
___________________________________________
And some other various quotes:

ROGER:
Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.
__________________________________________
ARTHUR:
Well, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.

Originally posted by adidas
ok that was seriously unnecessary.

see this... this is my serious face... *

Originally posted by Rakkantekimusouka


:wtf2:

it was pick your favorite quote, not copy and paste a web page.

Sir Bedevere: Exactly! So, logically...
Peasant 1: If she... weighs the same as a duck... she's made of wood.
Sir Bedevere: And therefore?
Peasant 2: A witch!

A skit from their show at the Hollywood Bowl (and possibly from the Flying Circus as well, but I dunno about that). The whole skit is pretty funny, but the ending is the best:

Michael Palin: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down at the mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, our Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!
Graham Chapman: Luxury! We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for two pence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!
Terry Gilliam: Well, we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o'clock at night, and lick the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for four pence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.
Eric Idle: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down at the mill, and pay the mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."
Michael Palin: But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.
All: Nope, nope...

Ximinez:
NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is suprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.

Originally posted by adidas
it was pick your favorite quote, not copy and paste a web page.

Well, hey, I like all of those quotes -- but fine, I picked just a couple. There, happy?

Originally posted by Rakkantekimusouka


Well, hey, I like all of those quotes -- but fine, I picked just a couple. There, happy? *:roll:

yesh.

3 shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be 3.Thou should not count to 4.Thou should not count to 2 unless preeceding 3.5 is steright out.Then thee should should raise the holy handgrenade of Antecoh and throw it at thy eminmes who being naugity in my sight will blow into tiny pices.


amen

"Every sperm is sacred! Every sperm is good!"
Catholic Father

"biggus dickus" :P

i love the part in holy grail were the guy is warning them about a vicious monster that lives in the cave, than then rabbit tosses everyone up. then they kill the rabbit w/the holy grenade. :)

BEDEVERE: What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE: A newt?
VILLAGER #3: I got better.

BEDEVERE: So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?
BEDEVERE: Good!
CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah...
BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she, is made, of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.

Brave Sir Robin ran away.
("No!")
Bravely ran away away.
("I didn't!")
When danger reared it's ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
("I never!")
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
("You're lying!")

THIS IS BY FAR MY FAVORITE SCENE IN ANY MOVIE


Soldier: Where did you get the coconuts?

Arthur: Through...we found them!

Soldier: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!

Arthur: What do you mean?

Soldier: Well, this is a temperate zone.

Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the plover seek hot lands in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land. A moment's pause.

Soldier: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate??

Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried.

Soldier: WHAT? A swallow carrying a coconut?

Arthur: It could grip it by the husk...

Soldier: Its not a question of where he grips it, its a simple matter of weight-ratios..a five-ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.

Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.

Soldier: Look!!! To maintain velocity a swallow needs to beat its wings four hundred and ninety-three times every second, right?

Arthur: PLEASE!!!

Soldier: Am I right??

Arthur: I'm not interested.

Second Soldier: It could be carried by an African swallow!

First Soldier: Oh yes! An African swallow maybe..but not by a European swallow, thats my point.

Arthur: Will you ask your master if he wants to join the Knights of Camelot?

First Soldier: But then of course African swallows are non-migratory.

Second Soldier: Oh yes..

First Soldier: So they wouldn't be able to bring back a coconut anyway.

Second Soldier: Wait a minute!! Suppose two swallows carried it together?

First Soldier: No, they'd have to have it on a line.

Second Soldier: Wellll, they could use a bit of tree bark..