Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

^Crashyy nice you two had that moment in front of everyone who was clueless hehe, wish something like that would happen to me.
Rave: I somehow managed to get 80% on that Chinese oral, even though I was expecting about a 50% hehe, I guess he marked me generously. I also thought I did badly on my English essay, but I ended up with 87%, so I'm relaxed right now and can't believe i was stressing out this past week . Now I've got nothing o worry about... except the Maths, Physics and Politics assessments coming up in the next week or two, but that's ok. Also our year 12 jumpers finally arrived and the are awesome, so warm and comfy!
Rant: I've been waking up at around 4~5 am the past few days, and the sleep deprivation isn't doing wonders for me lol. This morning I actually woke up at 2 then again at 3:30 then at 5:30, so I managed to wake up at my REM period timings I think. Unfortunately deaming has taken the back seat a little with study ramping up so I didn't manage to get any epic lucids or whatnot but it was still fun.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Deery, if it had been a fuzzy spider, instinct/fear would've kicked in and he'd be a goner. I *know* the spindly looking ones around here are usually orb weavers and non-poisonous, so I'll take a chance with them.

Fuzzy spiders are much cuter though. I used to kill spiders and other bugs in the house at any opportunity I saw them, but now since I'm on a "non-violence and compassion" kick lately, I try to just catch them on a paper towel or something and then let them outside.

Originally Posted by tommo

Lol, why do you use a dryer? Aren't you in California? Or did you move again? Think I remember you saying that.
Anyway, just hang your clothes up, so much better, they last years and years longer.
Dryers degrade clothes so bad.

It has never, ever occurred to me or anyone in my family to not use a dryer. People actually still use clotheslines? I feel that without a dryer, my clothes would never get dry properly, and I'd never have a way to warm up my clothes in the morning when I'm cold as fuck. Also, wouldn't the clothes get dirty and tattered by weather and other ailments? I'd hate to think if my dogs found them hanging out in the yard... of course I'd just use the garden side, which is fenced off from them.

Lol, well I meant skinny, but if so that's good.
Love slightly muscly girls or tomboys. So hot.

I sometimes wonder why I get attracted/infatuated with girly girls.
Coz then I meet a tomboy and I'm like KMBKKJJGJEREOGNKWENNNNNEJOJG!!!!!!!!
Androgeneity ftw. Don't think that's a word but whatever, I'm drunk.

Well that's nice. I often feel like I'm at least halfing my chances of ever finding a guy who's attracted to me, since I refuse to wear makeup, have long hair or be super girly (though I like some girly clothes). Often when I go on dates I feel like a naive, ridiculous looking 11 year old girl who has no idea what adults do on romantic dates. I keep old, plain casual clothes for so long that they never fit me anymore (because I have no money of course, ever). I'm working so much overtime on my new job, though, that I might just be semi-rich by the end of the summer, but I'm saving money up to go travel to California and go to a concert.

Speaking of this job, it's absolutely working me ragged to the bone, and I get so stressed out and miserable that I think I can't even handle it anymore, let alone for a month or two. Most of my anxiety comes from the fact that my boss told me when it gets super busy, we can't go home until the job is done, even after 5. I've still managed to go home at 5 the last couple days, but it feels like a LOT longer than usual. I work 8 to 5 every day now, and only have 1 day off a week. Good thing it's only a summer job. Tomorrow's supposed to be a little easier, but I doubt it. There will always be something.

Worlds friggin worst headache... I'm having a Valium sort of headache right now. I've had it to varying degrees for almost 12 hours now. I've been sleeping through it for the last 4 hours but the dog woke me up having to go potty.
Now I'm eating some crackers, hoping food will help the headache. The last food of "substance" I had was... I'm not sure when I ate McD's nuggets. Evening before last?
I tried eating some pepperoni cheese and a carrot cake for lunch, but I barely ate half of each
I think these crackers are helping. I keep falling asleep as I eat them I took an allergy pill and my gabepentin at 9:30 and Im still really out of it.

I'll edit in my congrats and comments when I wake up more

**EDIT**
I still have the headache, but it's a manageable 2 instead of a want-to-blow-my brain-off 8!
It's toward the bottom/back of my head, just right of the center, but it shoots at an angle behind my right eye then sort of angles out at the top and toward the left The pain is worse at the bottom and better toward the top/left.
I'm going to hunt for more food (it's a slim week) then take 2 tylenol and a caffeine pill, see of those knock it out. If that fails, I'll take a hot shower. If that fails, I'll go to bed. If I wake up with it, I'll see if hubby has an Valium left. Right now, I'm going to stare into a very bright light if I can find one. When I was a kid, that would shock the headache out of my system for a while (even though it made me want to puke).
Ugh.

I sorted all my clothes for the laundromat yesterday, but life got in the way (kids had errands). I went to Goodwill to look for a vest at around 3 (?) and that's when I knew the headache was coming and it would be bad. The contrast of the store was all wrong and I was squinting as I looked at the clothes but they were still hard to "see". Migraine?

all around.
Grats Blair for doing better than you thought on your tests!!

Deery, lol, we hang up our clothes all the time. Just make sure your clothes line isn't under a tree You'd likely get bird droppings and sap or leaves or bugs on them.
When the weather's bad, we even hang our clothes up inside. It takes longer to dry and they don't smell as nice, but it's doable.
We live inthe country though. Not a lot of smog or pollution. Don't know if hanging clothes up in cities or other areas works as nice. Don't know if air pollution would be a factor.

***EDIT***
Reading up, this sounds like a migraine. EXCEPT- when these headaches come on, I crave bright light. The lighting around me feels wrong. Everything seems darker. Though darker isn't the right word. That's why I use the term "contrast". It's like, visually, everything is normal. My eyes KNOW the lighting is normal, but I become irritated because it's just "wrong". It's somehow dimmer, grayer.
Who knows.
And staring into bright lights does help. I don't understand how though. Every time I google "bright light helps headache" I get tips about avoiding bright light
Anyhow... after staring into my headlamp, the ice-pic razors in my brain is a lesser 2. I want to puke, but at least the pain is quieting down

Originally Posted by Crashyy

Also now that year 12 is almost over, I have no idea what I'm gonna do next. My parents want me to do year 13, and if I do finish it, I'll have a higher degree in business economics and I'd be able to start up my own business without going to college or uni. Tbh I'm kinda fed up with high school & work experience. I know that doing year 13 is probably the best thing to do right now. But at the same time I just really want to move on, go to uni and study either criminology, translation studies or photography. Why is it so goddamn hard to choose something??

I'm almost done ranting now. Lately, I get a burning feeling when I pee and the pain is just horrendous. I went to the doctor for it a few months ago but they didn't find anything. And now that it's back, I don't know what to do about it. It's just fucking awful to be honest.

One more thing. On Monday, there was a guest speaker at our school who came to talk about his car crash and how it left him paralyzed. At some point he mentioned having dreams where he could walk again and he told us that he realises he's dreaming because he's paralyzed in real life of course . I asked him if he knew he was lucid dreaming and he replied with "yeah I do" and then smiled at me. All of the other students were like "what the fuck are you all talking about"

And the next night, I had a random lucid dream after having a dryspell for like 5 months.

My advice: Don't just do something because you don't know what to do. Get a shitty job for a year or two. You'll figure out you simply can't do that for the rest of your life, and you'll probably find something else you really want to do during that time.
If it's part time, you can also study stuff online to see if you really like it. There's tonnes of free courses available on Coursera or Khan Academy.

That's cool you met a lucid dreamer, maybe he's on here? That would be funny.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

It has never, ever occurred to me or anyone in my family to not use a dryer. People actually still use clotheslines? I feel that without a dryer, my clothes would never get dry properly, and I'd never have a way to warm up my clothes in the morning when I'm cold as fuck. Also, wouldn't the clothes get dirty and tattered by weather and other ailments? I'd hate to think if my dogs found them hanging out in the yard... of course I'd just use the garden side, which is fenced off from them.

Ugh, my family used to be the same way. I don't know why. Seriously dryers are just so shit.
I stopped using it coz of the insane amount of electricity they use. But it's just better to not use them anyway.
99.99999% of the time I don't need my clothes dried within 30 mins.
I just hang them up in my closet straight away. Just let them dry in there. So much easier.
The clothesline is good in the summer though, they usually end up smelling nice from the fresh air etc.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

Well that's nice. I often feel like I'm at least halfing my chances of ever finding a guy who's attracted to me, since I refuse to wear makeup, have long hair or be super girly (though I like some girly clothes). I keep old, plain casual clothes for so long that they never fit me anymore (because I have no money of course, ever).

You kinda just described the perfect girl (took out the 11 year old bit lol).
Yeah you probably do lower your chances, but would you wanna be with a guy who likes a version of you that doesn't come naturally to you?
You can't keep up an act for very long. That's why so many people end up with people they hate.

With work, you'll get used to the hours. Usually it goes something like this: "Damn the days are so quick"..... "fuck this sucks, work feels like it's taking up my entire life".... "eh this isn't so bad, I'm getting money and can do stuff I want now" and it kind of feels normal, you mindlessly work and live the rest of your life doing what you want.

Of course it's not optimal, less work is always better. Just gotta figure out how to get a good amount for you.

EDIT: Rant - I just realised I have dream goals in my signature from like 2 years ago. Did not accomplish a single one of them.
Haven't even LD'd for months.... Really need to put more effort in.

Ugh... I've been "trying" to get another headache today.
Maybe there is something to the whole "migraine sufferers seek out quiet and dark". I DO sleep a lot before they strike and during.
Maybe the heat is triggering them?
I've eaten fairly well today... have had lots to drink and I've been taking tylenol. Minecraft definitely makes it worse. Maybe it's also motion-sickness triggered (I've been going crazy in creative mode laying and removing tons of blocks).
Oh well... I leave in 15 minutes to pick up my son from work and then I'm going back to bed.

Hope everyone's had a great day.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

since I refuse to wear makeup

I hate makeup. If it's subtle... OK... but most of the time, I just think it looks silly. Lipstick in particular is an instant turn-off for me. Honestly, I think most girls care way more about makeup than guys do.


@Crashyy: what tommo said is basically what I did, and I have no regrets whatsoever. I started working in a factory literally two days after my high school's graduation ceremony. It's been rough, but I've made a lot of money AND saved a lot of money.

The work experience combined with taking a few classes part-time helped me to learn what I do and don't like when it comes to working/careers--things I hadn't the slightest clue about beforehand. Going to a traditional 4-year college would have been a huge expense and most likely a huge mistake for me--yet that's what probably 70-80% of my graduating class did. Hell, even going to the exact same school I'm going to now would have been a mistake back then, because I didn't have the motivation I have now. I learned a lot about myself in the years I spent working after primary school, and I've also come to the realization that busting my ass on a manufacturing line isn't what I want to do until the rest of my working life.

Which leads to a rave: another 100% on a theory test this week. I've gotten 100% on every test so far. But the problem is that now every test makes me more and more nervous. We had a lab this week as well, which hasn't been graded, and I'm super nervous that I did something wrong. I'm confident that I did well, but it's inevitable that I'll get less than 100% at some point, and... I'm not even sure why I care? I never cared about grades all through high school. The fact that the instructor announces that I got 100% when giving us back the tests just makes it worse, because now everyone else in the class is waiting for me to fail as well.

Only real rants are that I have a headache and have had hiccups off-and-on since I woke up. I think both are related to a lack of sleep? The headache definitely, but the hiccups? Dunno if it's just coincidence, but I never wake up with the hiccups unless I've slept less than 6 hours.


/semi-drunk ramble (I thought some beer would help the headache. Nope; just need to sleep.)
Oh, and my cat is snoozing on the floor and just starting meowing in her sleep. Sounds like happy dreams.

for your headache. And hiccups
Grats on those great grades!!!

Heh, the only makeup I care to wear is lipstick and eyeliner. Crap's too expensive to go overboard with! I used to wear all of it- foundation, blush, eyeshadow, powder. Hubby prefers me with makeup But unless he wants to buy the stuff, it's not happening.

My rave is I've been migraine free today

Only raves today. Work has slowed down considerably since our crazy truck loads came in and we had to scurry to find places outside the greenhouse to put all the veggies. Now it's almost back to the "cake days", when I just organized tomato plants, staked them, watered things, etc. This whole week has been a roller coaster of rainy/stormy weather amidst random sunshine, so not too many customers, even approaching Mother's Day. And what do I get for working here? FREE heirloom plants, grown right at the greenhouse, as many as I can take. Seriously, my boss told me I could take whatever I want that was ours. So I took a bunch of heirloom tomatoes, cucumbers, weird yellow and orange watermelon and honeydew, some varieties of eggplant, different colored bell peppers, and an alma paprika plant. We grow ghost peppers and even two spicier ones, but I have a hard time even eating a raw jalapeño, so I think I'm gonna hold off on spicier peppers. I don't want to be boring, though. I want a variety of hot, bold pepper flavors. I am now officially heirloom crazy. I NEVER thought I'd care about heirloom tomatoes until I worked here. Makes me want to start making my own heirloom vegetable. Also, I can just feel my check is gonna be HUGE. I'm getting paid overtime.

Sounds amazing, Deery!
I wish I could still eat tomatoes. I love those things

A have a new major rant. A yellow jacket found his way into my room earlier. I tried to get him out, but he wouldn't cooperate. I eventually lost track of him and forgot all about him. As I was getting ready to get my son, I bent over to put on the straps for my sandals and OUCH! I even loudly said, Ouch, ouch! He was on my skirt! I had swatted him to the floor, told him "I knew you were going to be trouble!" and I squashed him.
My arm is so red. He nailed me twice. I had a hive around the sting, but it went down after 15 minutes or so, but now I have the huge red splotch. It's very warm to the touch. My joints in that arm actually ache. Is that normal lol
It's been so long since I've been stung, I don't recall much about it.

Ah well... time to go grocery shopping. When I get back, I'll take some benadryl and tylenol...

**EDIT**
heh, Google is still my friend Joint pain is somewhat common. You can have a bad reaction up to 6 hours after a sting- though 5-15 minutes is most common. I took 2 benadryl last night then became paranoid about going to sleep so I kept an empty writing pen and my x-acto knife next to my bed (as if I'd ever be able to give myself an emergency trech. )
I crashed quickly. Dog woke me at 5AM (about 3 hours later) and the splotchiness and pain was still present. I fell right back to sleep and when I woke at 9 everything was about 95% better. No joint pain, no splotchiness. The sting itself is still red and sore and it's faintly red around the immediate area, but that's it. I'm most impressed

Talked to hubby and he had a hornet in his room last night He too lost track of it after trying to kill it. But he got it in the end before it got him. It seems bee season is going to be rough this year!

A new rant is that the animals have been little pigs this week. They just finished a 22 pound bag of food (I buy one bag a week). I don't get any money until Monday night. I have about 5 large cans wet food though (treats for the new mom before I knew what horrible gas it gives her ). Hopefully I can make those stretch until I get get them more of their usual.

I'm also cold. I want to turn off my AC but the dog will have a heat stroke if I do... and it's supposed to reach 87 degrees today and if I turn the AC off now, it wont be able to keep up with the heat later. Guess I'll have to bundle up.

Hope everyone's well and having a great day.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

A have a new major rant. A yellow jacket found his way into my room earlier. I tried to get him out, but he wouldn't cooperate. I eventually lost track of him and forgot all about him. As I was getting ready to get my son, I bent over to put on the straps for my sandals and OUCH! I even loudly said, Ouch, ouch! He was on my skirt! I had swatted him to the floor, told him "I knew you were going to be trouble!" and I squashed him.
My arm is so red. He nailed me twice. I had a hive around the sting, but it went down after 15 minutes or so, but now I have the huge red splotch. It's very warm to the touch. My joints in that arm actually ache. Is that normal lol
It's been so long since I've been stung, I don't recall much about it.

Ugh, that sounds awful. Yellow jackets really like sugar, and especially meat, so you could lure them with a piece of meat in the corner of the yard or some open cantaloupe rinds or something very sugary and trap them there, in a bucket. Or just keep something there to distract them for the meantime. They are such aggressive fuckers. They attack other bugs, steal their babies, fight hummingbirds for sugary nectar, etc. I've told this story before, but I saw a dead yellow jacket queen on the ground, with a smaller yellow jacket next to her, and after examining her and trying to decide what to do, he started chewing around her neck for a little while and then flew away with her head. They're vicious.

Wow! Little bugger flew off with her head? Impressive!
I have another one in my room. It was on my clothes that were hung up. I hit him with a fly swatter and he fell into a box on junk. I tried getting him but he just got pushed further and further down into the box So I put a lid on it
Tomorrow, I'm going to venture out and try to find the nest.
Thanks for the tip. It was completely uninterested in my honey though. Maybe I'll buy a can of smelly potted meat and see if that works in the future.

Some sad, gross news.... 2 other cats had babies. What the heck? Why are they still here? In the past, queens have run other cats off or they left on their own (seeing how they were strays to begin with). I am overwhelmed. I can't take them to the pound because they'll be put to sleep, but I can't afford to fix them. One cat must be feeling more overwhelmed than me. She had her babies in a kitchen cabinet. I went to check on them and found 2 heads. But that's also weird. I've seen them hunt numerous times and heads are preferred. I figured it was from the nutrients in the brain or something.
Don't know if they were sickly or if she's conserving resources...

I want all of our animals to disappear. Well, except for my bird, Keirra and RoRo. RoRo's the one who came back after 4 years and she's too old for motherhood now. All of the rest need to beat it.

How come men keep pretending that sexism doesn't exist? Seriously?

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

How come men keep pretending that sexism doesn't exist? Seriously?

I've never been in the work force, so my experience with sexism has been extremely minimal. Mostly, I experience the endearing kind: 'You need help with that, little lady? It looks awfully heavy.' or 'I'll protect you!'

Just yesterday at Walmart, a complete stranger offered to help put cases of water into the back of my car. I turned him down with thanks. Shopping is the only time I get any sort of exercise

My rant is TMI: external hemorrhoids. I've had this forever. Most of the time, I don't even notice it. Every now and then, though, the vein throbs and causes some fierce discomfort. I've not tried cream. It seems silly. Like, what the heck can a cream do? But, I guess I'll try that and if all else fails, I'll see my doctor.

I've still not opened the box with the trapped yellow jacket. I feel bad that he's starving to death but I REALLY do not want to get stung again. I would move the box and release him, but the lid is huge on it (a cardboard box with a tupperware lid) and the box is difficult.

Another rant is that Destinee lost her wallet. Her food stamp card and Paulas was in it. No biggie. They had to go a few days without good food while their new cards get here... but her ID and Social Security card were also in it.
The telemarketing place finally gave a tentative okay for her and Paula to return, but now Destinee can't without proof of ID. Now she needs a new social so she can get the ID, but the job will likely be gone by that point.
My crew REALLY need to get jobs and move out!! I keep reminding them that Winter is right around the corner. Summer is killing them as is and I hope that's additional motivation. It's been almost 90 here with no AC, no fans, no screens on the windows.

hehe, They came running back to my room the other night "There's a monstrous spider. Kill it!!!" I grabbed a dust pan and a small box and Paula whined at me. Just KILL it.
It was a big one. A huge wolf spider judging by the way his eyes glowed when my headlamp shined on him. I got him safely outside and they begged me to close their window. I went back just in time. A second ginormous spider was along the inside windowsill I shooed him and all was well.

A rave/rant is that my room has AC. Keirra is dying from this heat and she's killing me by making me keep my AC maxed out. But mommy's comfort comes before mine. I've just been wearing a sweater. I'd still rather be cold than burning up, though, so it's a blessing. I hate the warm months.

Hope everyone has a great day.

I've never been in the work force, so my experience with sexism has been extremely minimal. Mostly, I experience the endearing kind: 'You need help with that, little lady? It looks awfully heavy.' or 'I'll protect you!'

If i were a woman i would totally use that to my advantage. I'd be like sure you can help me with this, and that, oh and don't forget to do that over there to. Meanwhile i would be laughing to myself thinking what an idiot lol. In the trains a lot of the men give up the seat for the women. And i remember this one time this woman gave me this look like i should give up my seat for her. And i gave her this look like no way you're not getting my seat, i just came from a grueling workout there is no way i'm giving up my seat just because you have tits. F*ck being a gentleman.

Hi

Rant-Cry-Complainers, Ravers

My last post here was 2015-03-10 (post #17180) and 39 folk have posted here since then. They were:

Zhaylin, *Anju, DeeryTheDeer, sefalik, tommo, BlairBros, Crashyy, Tiresias, vasiona, Lauraw, Athylus, tropicalbreeze, OpheliaBlue, Maeni, Voldmer, FryingMan, woblybil, acatalephobic, Patrick, kadie, GavinGill, SinisterDezz, Laurelindo, sivason, Narwhal, StaySharp, DawnEye11, Carrot, Erii, Tiny, AURON, proctree, Astaroth, Taosaur, Therome, yuppie11975, Miau, Mzzkc, Verre, then my post number 17180)

Any way

Last year about this time I had a big Cancer scare. The major surgery discovered I didn't have Ovarian cancer. Then my wound broke down twice. Then they discovered that I'd picked up a resistant bug from hospital and it had been grumbling along for nearly a year causing me to exhausted and sleeping for 12 to 16 hours a day. I thought that was just normal after major surgery.

Im finely getting better.

Soon I'll be able to visit my sacred beach and play my dream game. I invite you folk to play along with me, for fun.

No effort, required, none, zilch, nada on your part. As in, no need to go Lucid to do this.

DeeryTheDeer folks could use the Youtube in your post #17316 to relax if they needed, here it is:

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

I know EXACTLY how you feel, down to every last emotion you have and thoughts about your life. There's actually no such thing as failure, though. Failure is a fatalistic name we give for a learning experience.

Here, judging by how fucked up some of us are here , lets all watch this. It REALLY helps:



Seriously, watch this video right now the entire way through. I once obliterated a panic attack by watching it and felt awesome and relaxed afterwards.

Please check-out my thread called EbbTide000's share dream tutorial and lets have some light, friendly, dream fun, like Bob Van De Castle and I had in 2008.

♥

http://www.dreamviews.com/beyond-dre...-tutorial.html

♥

Okay, here's the rant of all rants.

Lately I've been thinking more and more about how I've been attacked in droves by males on this site, and recently on this thread, for talking about sexism, and frankly I'm gonna address it head on this time.

I've realized over the past week or so that there was nothing wrong with my intuition about that guy I went on a date with who wouldn't stop touching me without me saying he could. It IS my body to control access to, not his. I get more and more angry about the fact that I've been bullied by guys here into doubting my own perception and feelings, that it was me with the problem and not his creepy behavior.

Yes, I just said it, guys. CREEPY. Sorry, but you are if you do that to a woman. And before you get all huffy and hurt about how crappy that word makes you feel, just consider, for even one second out of your life, just how much more miserable women feel when they're on the receiving end of that unwanted behavior. Believe me, it sucks worse than you know, and can not only be exhausting, but dangerous. This shouldn't be accepted.

If you think dating is a man's game and that women are supposed to be okay with any guy they're with touching them, and that women have no right to a say in their bodies and in the dating game, YOU are the problem. I'm not overly sensitive or wrong. I'm realizing that more and more now. Your first intuition about a person you meet and how they make you feel is almost never wrong at all, and is in fact a clear warning sign. The men who do that are the ones with the problem that they need to fix, not me to shut up and accept it.

I'm tired of hearing common stories at work with my female coworkers, at various jobs mind you, about how they're thinking of filing for sexual harassment about a male coworker amongst them, or already doing so (I had to as well), or the latest ex they've had to file a restraining order against, for the sake of them AND their children, but they can't get one until something happens. It's not just me. Other women have to deal with unwanted male behavior like this too, and I'm sorry I ever let a bunch of angry, ignorant guys make me doubt my experience and just go along with the status quo. Enough is enough. Stop passing it off and supporting it.

I've noticed for a long time that most of the male members of DV can be pretty sexist, and every once in a while they decide to all gang up on me and attack me all at once for saying that sexist crap is not okay. You can all come back and attack me again, I honestly do not give a fuck anymore. YOU need to change. Take responsibility.

You need to consider how the women in your life feel and what they have to deal with because of the culture that you ignorantly, blindly support, and may even contribute to. Perhaps learn a few things from this.

That is all.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Heh, the only makeup I care to wear is lipstick and eyeliner. Crap's too expensive to go overboard with! I used to wear all of it- foundation, blush, eyeshadow, powder. Hubby prefers me with makeup But unless he wants to buy the stuff, it's not happening.

Lipstick and eyeliner/mascara is the only good makeup anyway! And lipstick only on some girls.
The rest just makes a unique girl blend in with all the other ones. Takes away facial structure or something I guess.

Deery - Nobody, *nobody* is saying sexism doesn't exist. Well, nobody here anyway....

But you were on a date with a guy, who you were first okay with touching you (holding hands) and then you said he is a creep for touching you after that.
That was NOT his fault. He already *asked* to hold your hand, which is ridiculous to ask in the first place, I always just do it without asking if I think the girl's in to me.
And anyway so he assumed you liked him, and thought it would be okay to touch you again, but obviously wasn't 100% sure about it, so he seemed sneaky because he hesitated.
YOU got creeped out by the puppets and shit, and then projected that on to him.
NOT his fault. Not your fault either, that's just what happened. But you have to realise that it was not him being creepy.

I'm telling you this for your benefit. Not to attack you.

RAVE: You know those f'kin stereoscopic images? http://i.imgur.com/8cYuooE.jpg

I CAN DO THEM NOW!!!!

I was talking with this guy on reddit who has the same eye thing as me, pretty much exactly the same along with the same other eye issues (long and short sighted etc.)
He said he has used these to train his eyes. And posted explanations on what to do that make sense for our shitty eyes.

This represents significant improvement of my sight and control over my eyes since I started using the Oculus Rift to train my eyes-brain connections.

I was getting a bit down thinking it wasn't doing much anymore. But it definitely is. And now I have another exercise to do as well!
Feeling good I think within a year my eyes can be back to normal, or close to it.

Still don't understand those damn magic eye images, but it's progress at least

Lately I've been thinking more and more about how I've been attacked in droves by males on this site, and recently on this thread

When was this??? I don't recall anyone being attached in here. And if you are being attacked on this particular site then obviously you must of said something to provoke them. Can you name those who have attacked you? And can you please provide the link?

I get more and more angry about the fact that I've been bullied by guys here into doubting my own perception and feelings

I've noticed for a long time that most of the male members of DV can be pretty sexist, and every once in a while they decide to all gang up on me and attack me all at once for saying that sexist crap is not okay.

Never mind, now i know you're just playing "victim." If you go through your life seeing yourself as a victim then that's pretty much what you'll always be.

I really hope you didn't think my post was part of that. Knowing that sexism is a huge deal, of which I have not much insight, I already hesitated when I decided to comment at all. It honestly upsets me now to see that you feel this way about it, and I really hope you didn't view my involvement as an attack, because I really didn't want it to be anything but an attempt at clarifying or re-wording something I felt was worded in a more offensive way than it had to be...

Maybe there's things about the guy you talked about that hasn't been conveyed properly to us; little signs and parts of his behavior that, if we knew, would make it easier for us to understand why you perceived him as creepy. Perhaps we'd agree. I think what people caught on to was your ostensible position that all physical contact that hasn't been explicitly agreed upon, is tantamount to rapist behavior. Meanwhile your 'attackers' felt that natural, spontaneous physical contact is a normal and expected part of dating. Of course there's limits and the 'rules' are probably not easy to describe. Without knowing jack shit about dating, I'll still say I think they're right in that it is normal and expected. So like I said, it's completely fine that you don't like it, but you need to find ways to let guys know that you feel that way, because people don't expect it. I think people just develop a feel for a sort of 'average' when it comes to how quickly, how spontaneously and how intimately you can get physical with people. And then they just work with that; but then there are people like you who have a much lower tolerance for physical touch than what they have come to expect from people - and they need to know so they don't make you uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure they don't want to make you feel the way it made you.

Egh, I guess I'm re-iterating what I already said before. I'm just rambling because I'm afraid I'm a part of what you were ranting about, and I really don't want to be. I've been trying so hard to weave around everything that has to do with sexism, like the whole gamergate debacle, because it's such a gigantic clusterfuck and everyone involved have their feelings in a twist, and I don't understand it. It's a terrifying presence; just skirting around the edges of it and you risk losing friends as I almost did just from talking about it with a friend who turned out to be involved in it. I don't want to make people uncomfortable and I don't want to offend anyone, but it just tends to happen out of nowhere when it is even the slightest bit related. I'm just afraid of it, is all. I'm sorry if I caused offense or if what I said is completely ignorant.

Rant: I'm really fragile lately. Two days ago, I called in sick, honestly unsure why. Maybe a week ago I just arrived at work and I immediately had to dart to the toilet to throw up for seemingly no reason. So two days ago, I think I was just... Nauseous again and I just wanted to stay home. And as soon as I called in sick, it was gone. Actually, it was gone the moment I decided to make the call, so I was completely fine by the time I did. Then yesterday, thinking it was just a shamefully lazy brainfart, I went to work. This time, the morning sickness that I tend to get (not a good sign) wasn't very bad, so I was kind of confused about why I was so... Out of it. People noticed and kept asking me if I was okay, and I kept answering that I wasn't sure what it was, I was feeling weird. One of my co-workers then pulled me into a room and talked to me and she just used her coaching therapy skills to pull stuff out of me. Afterward I went to the toilet and I just cried harder than I've cried ever before. Then I went and talked to my boss and at times I literally couldn't say anything because I was crying over my words. I'm going to have a talk with him about, whatever, my last couple months I work here, on Monday. I agreed to come to work today, before the long weekend starting tomorrow. But as the time got close to when I would have to leave to go to work, I just fucking broke again and I called and said I couldn't. I have no fucking clue... but I'm pretty sure it isn't going too well for me, lol.

EbbTide Glad you're still with us
Deery

Maeni

Yeah, Tommo, CNN did this piece where they showed off makeup skills. Some women were very attractive before the makeup. They had freckles and whatnot. After the makeup they just looked like mass-produced china dolls or something. It was weird and sort of sad.

I've been fragile too. We had a huge thunder storm the other day. It killed the modem (?) for the router and I just replaced it today. It also fried hubby's router which runs everything. He plugged me in directly because the storm also killed his laptop so he has nothing to run,lol, so I get the internet. *whew* Anyhow... right after the storm, I needed gas for my car. I hopped in and left. Felt a bump, stopped and saw poor Adolfa (a cat) flailing violently like a fish out of water. She didn't make a single sound. I cursed, and like a coward, I kept my distance. I knew I should kill her quickly, but I realized she would scratch the hell out of me. And also I didn't want to SEE her. Blood was everywhere. I noticed another gross thing but I'll spare y'all THAT particular visual.
She flailed for maybe 2 minutes, then she was dead.

My buddy Simon, apparently, had been under my car with her. He She watched the whole gruesome thing. I cursed and cried, and cried, and cried some more. I had to see hubby for money before gas, and he asked if I was okay because her death hit me so hard. His comment: "You shouldn't let it bother you so much, you have a surplus of cats." But I told him, "It's not the fact that she died. Death doesn't really bother me. It's HOW she died and the fact I couldn't do anything to help her and that *I* caused her suffering." I bought a pack of smokes, cranked the radio and screamed at the top of my lungs on my way home from the gas station.

Then our young dog, Duke, made me feel a little better. I opened the door to let him dispose of Adolfa's body. I figured he'd carry her off somewhere as animals are prone to do. I still didn't want to SEE her. But Duke was scared of her. I stood in the doorway watching him for several minutes as he tried to sneak around the "thing" on the ground. He was trying to be a stealthy and sneaky but she scared him, which made me laugh. And the laughter made me feel much better than the screaming. Destinee ended up taking care of Adolfa for me.

But now I'm done. I told Destinee to get ahold of a nearby no-kill shelter for info. I'm taking in all of the cats. Even my buddy Simon. This is the second cat I've run over (last one was a few years ago). I can't do it anymore.

Today I have a sore throat and the side of my neck feels bruised. I don't know how much that has to do with my screaming or something else. I have a (?) bug bite, sting or pimple on that side of my neck. The lymph node is also a little swollen.
I saw my p-doc yesterday and he told me not to be so upset about the cat too. But he tried to be all zen and said maybe she wanted to die He's smarter than that. He was just trying to give me a different perspective than blaming myself (the cat had been sickly and WAS blind in one eye). He refilled my Gapepentin and gave me a new med to try: Cyproheptad. It's shown success for getting rid of the yawning side-effect from Celexa. I asked about my teeth grinding and he said Celexa can cause that too and perhaps this new med can help with it as well.
The strangest thing is that this new med is an antihistamine. Who'd a thunk it. With my allergies, though, perhaps it will be helpful in a multitude of ways.

He also told me that Gabapentin does, indeed, work right away. And if last night was any indication, so does the new med. I didn't grind once.

In other news, today's going to be a major pain in the butt. My son has counseling, Paula has training at work. Training is from 4-9:30. Counseling is 6-7. Counseling is about 40 minutes away from work but in the same direction. SO, my son is going to work, go to counseling, and go back to work until Paula gets off to make good use of his time. I, however, will be waiting in the car. From 3:30-9:30 and we wont get home until almost 10.
But I wont waste any gas doing it this way.

Another rant is that I bought $20. in time for my tracphone. It would NOT go on to my phone. It kept saying "System is busy, try again later." After several hours of that crap, I tried putting the code onto my sons phone. It worked Now I'm completely broke. The animals are going to run out of food again. And I owe hubby an additional $900. because the IRS (or whoever) is going after him for my back child support and they'd take my drivers license if it wasn't paid. $900. for a child who had run away from home and never even received that money (assuming the State would have paid, but they didn't because she ran away?) But at least that's not hanging over my shoulder any more.
I'm exhausted.

Rave! My boyfriend bought me a gift from victoria's secret.

Rave: the hotel said they'd upgraded their wifi, and HOLY SH!T they actually did, speedtest shows 80-90Mb/sec both down and up! Last time it was barely breaking 1Mb/sec down!

Laura. enjoy your gift
FryingMan. Wow. Very nice! What a change lol

Rant/rave This new med is amazing. It knocks my butt out and I haven't ground my teeth once. So I guess that was a Celexa side effect. I thought it was just one of those things. The *possible* rant in that is that my Gabapentin isn't working. I don't know if the new med is canceling it, or if it just hasn't been working for whatever reason. My legs have been killing me. I'll up my Gab tonight and see if that helps.

Rant: I'm getting a headache. Seriously?! Haven't I had enough of those already

Rave/rant: the puppies are starting to open their eyes. They are too stinking adorable. They'll have to leave my room soon. But to where? Last night one of the pups woke me because she was crying uncontrollably. I picked her up to set her with the others. She had peed and was laying in it. She couldn't walk out of the puddle, so I guess that's what made her so upset. She was like a human baby in a dirty diaper I had to clean up her mess before going back to sleep, but I fell RIGHT back to sleep.

Rave: the weather has been so cold lately that I've been running my space heater. It's awesome lol. I SO prefer to be cold than hot (as long as I have my heater to equalize things).

Need to find food and take some tylenol to try and knock out this headache before it gets too started...

**EDIT**
Headache never developed any further I was a good girl and actually called my p-doc to see if I could increase the Gab. He said that was okay I'm surprised he didn't ask to see me to make sure I was okay. I never call for permission

I do fee icky, without the worsening headache. My resting pulse is 106 and I'm VERY sleepy.
My lymph node is still inflamed but I think that was my fault from digging out a stubborn tonsil stone (I use a stylus for the stubborn ones). I really need to see my regular dr to ask if that spot in my throat can be cauterized closed or something. The right side of my throat doesn't have weird "cavern" (how the heck do you spell crevas? too lazy to look right now, cavern will have to do )
Have to play taxi but other than that, it should be a quiet, nap-worthy day.