Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by Athylus

Aww Louai and Anju are so cute!

So here I am... nearly 7 weeks clean. And the first year of school is about done, just a week and a half more. I have only failed one subject so far, I must say I am amazed of myself. I've also been seeing a therapist since about a month ago because I want to grow even more as a person, and I feel like this is some good help. When I was still smoking weed, my general emotional well being was on average a 5. Since quitting it's a 6, we have concluded. Trying to work it up to an 8 now. If I can make this school year, keep doing kickboxing, get better at drawing and playing the piano I reckon I'll be close to that. So yeah, I've been doing well.

For some reason this made me really happy. Well done man!

Originally Posted by Wishfulthinker

Spoiler for Possible trigger:

Self harmed for the first time in 9 months on Sunday night. I'm even more disappointed by the fact that I'd been 9 months clean I really wanted to make it to a year but oh well. I guess shit happens.

I'll catch up more when I have more time and don't feel like an emotional wreck.

I've heard it recommended that it's better to think of these things like a running tally, instead of a "i failed and have to start again" kind of thing.
Like a game with checkpoints instead of one where you have to start from the beginning again.
So just start from tomorrow, that's 9 months and one day where you haven't self harmed.
That's awesome!

Originally Posted by Anju

Damn i have my farewell party tomorrow, along with 2 others who are leaving. But I'll be working here for another week. Farewell parties here involve a stupid tradition that you have to talk about each person present there. In return, the others too have to say something about the one who is leaving. Apart from the few people in my team, I don't know anything about the others who have been invited. I don't even know the names of some! What will I say about them? And I can predict what everyone's going to say about me. They'll all say I'm awfully quiet, as if me as a person is entirely defined by the word 'quiet'. I don't get the point of putting anyone through this kind of torture...I suddenly hate this place and people a hundred times more! I can't wait to be out of here.

Oh fuck I hate those forced group things. Like introducing yourself to everyone by saying you favourite thing, kill me.
You should just say "You all are the reason I'm leaving" totally deadpan, and then just sit down again.


Fairly decent rave: I saw my ex today. Was totally out of the blue, she just hadn't been msging for a while, she said her phone broke and then asked what I was doing today.
Went and caught up with her and we had a good chat..... oh goddamit.... ok I'm gonna stay calm and happy.... sister and her bf just came home.... I totally showed him up the other day, just a stupid thing with jimmying (or however you spell that) open a door, and coz he's like a fucking douchebag "alpha" tryhard guy, he's obviously pissed off coz I hurt his little ego. He left the other day and slammed the walls and the door as he left, and when they came in now, he shut the door, then went back and slammed it. What a retard....

Anyway, I'm feeling good. Me and ex had an awesome chat and it wasn't even like we've been apart for years, just straight to being good friends again and we still both totally get each other with our weird jokes and everything. Only downside is her kid didn't like me, or maybe she was just shy, not really sure, she's cute as hell though and smart.
We also talked about our futures and stuff, she wants to be a nurse. She said I should be as well. I kinda think I should....
I'll have to look in to it and I'm gonna talk with my aunties about it coz they're nurses, but I think this could be good.
As much as I want to be a Vet, I really do not want to be in school for 7 more years, and it'll take longer if I don't get in the first time, and a complete waste of time if I can't get in at all. And basically the only other thing I could do with the course I'm doing is research, and fuck that. Unless it was chemistry research, but then you need a Masters or PhD I think....
I do have a slight feeling I will feel like I'm wasting my brain, but on the other hand, I see my dad as a doctor, and uncle as a vet, and they work ridiculous hours and basically have no time for other things, and I don't want to be like that. I've got so many other things I want to do, maybe I need to compromise, I can't do everything.
Gonna have to decide soon....

Originally Posted by tommo

Oh fuck I hate those forced group things. Like introducing yourself to everyone by saying you favourite thing, kill me.
You should just say "You all are the reason I'm leaving" totally deadpan, and then just sit down again.

That would be awesome! Lol
Something like that happened once. There was a meeting on goal-setting for the coming year. And the vice president tried to be funny by making a comment on me being quiet and people laughed. I felt offended and gave him a cocky reply, without thinking. Personally I don't think it was rude. But people were shocked and the room went dead silent for the next 30 seconds. I'm assuming no one else has talked to him that way. On the bright side, he never made a comment like that after that incident.

Edit:
Just realized that I won't be seeing my crush after I leave. So maybe it's a good time to ask him out . If he says no, I won't have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing him every day at work. It will be easy to leave it all behind. I don't even know how to approach a guy, especially a shy guy. I may unintentionally scare him away!

Right now i have everything figured out now, it's clear now to me. Oh how i pity this person now believing lies and brainwashing, i'm SO glad no one is around me now doing this. No bullshit, no lies, no rumors, no facebook. I love it. This is why i like having very few friends and life is grand!
Let them believe all they want from me, it's just a laughing matter now. *Sarcastic laugh*
Gosh i actually don't wish what's going on to the other person....to any enemy.....a shame.
I love how my life is now, no drama. And no one can take away happiness from me, if they do, they can go to hell

all around.

Ask him out, Anju

My rant is that I found a roach in the shower last night. I've been decluttering my room with a vengeance and I told the kids they need to start keeping their spaces clean or they have to move out. I WILL not have roaches. I'd rather have snakes or mice lol In truth, it looked like a wood roach and probably came in during a huge storm that blew through. But the very idea *shudders* Then it occurred to me... I should have been PRAYING for roaches all these years. I laughed about it when I thought "Dear Lord, send me a plague of roaches that I may actually learn cleanliness"
We had plagues of them in Florida. They destroyed collectible dolls, electronics, everything. I was always cleaning up stuff to keep them away. Those roaches, however, were completely undeterred and showed up even if your home was pristine.

Another rant is that I keep waking up with whiplash. I think it's from using my iPad too much (constantly looking down) BUT, perhaps it's also from my "bed"? I tend to sleep on my side now-a-days. Most of the pain it high between my shoulder blades. I push back on my chair after I wake and pop my back and it feels a lot better afterwards, but it's still uncomfortable turning my head.

Yet another rant is that I was deathly sick last night. I think I took too much caffeine and then pain meds on an empty stomach. I tried to vomit yet just dry heaved but that alone helped But now... 6 1/2 hours later, I really must find something to eat...

Originally Posted by Anju

That would be awesome! Lol
Something like that happened once. There was a meeting on goal-setting for the coming year. And the vice president tried to be funny by making a comment on me being quiet and people laughed. I felt offended and gave him a cocky reply, without thinking. Personally I don't think it was rude. But people were shocked and the room went dead silent for the next 30 seconds. I'm assuming no one else has talked to him that way. On the bright side, he never made a comment like that after that incident.

Edit:
Just realized that I won't be seeing my crush after I leave. So maybe it's a good time to ask him out . If he says no, I won't have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing him every day at work. It will be easy to leave it all behind. I don't even know how to approach a guy, especially a shy guy. I may unintentionally scare him away!

Omg you have to ask! The very least tell him you will miss seeing him around, and ask for some content information.

RAVE! Karma has finally shown it's face!!!! I am having GOOD Karma now....someone gave me $$$ for being too nice! And i needed it for food. Life's a struggle but karma can have your back once you know how to handle it.
Learn from it people! learn! You get 10x back for what you do to others...something is telling me i do good.

Just realized in how deep of a pile of shit I've gotten myself into Llololoolll. I skipped so much classes, and now I have two subjects to do that are pretty tough. I don't even know what to study. I have to do an extra test as well because I fucking didn't hand the assignment in time! I swear to fucking god, if I make this year I will kill myself.

MOTHERFUCK THIS SHIT. IT'S EASY BRAAAAUUUU-
fuking coma get this shit!!!@@

Originally Posted by Tiresias

Omg you have to ask! The very least tell him you will miss seeing him around, and ask for some content information.

Lol, actually he's not here now. He's on vacation with his family and he may or may not be back before I leave. Also we are not friends yet, and I don't see him that often because he travels between the offices and studios on work. It will be odd if I say I'll miss seeing him around. It's funny that last month he said he's looking for a different job and asked me if I am too. I said I'm not. Now I'm the one leaving.

Edit:
The farewell lunch was not too bad. They rushed it due to lack of time. There were too many people and confusion over the food that was ordered. There were the casual 'all the best' wishes and just a few people actually commented on my personality. I forced a fake smile and that was it. They asked if I wanted to speak anything in particular and I declined. Glad that's over!

I saw a psychiatrist today to talk about the possibility of having bipolar disorder, but I panicked and glossed over the worst of the symptoms because in my head I was like "I better make a good impression, I don't want him to think I'm crazy." Based on the "sanitized" list of symptoms I gave him, he said I seemed fine, just a little stressed... I had to /facepalm myself several times when I got home. >__________________>

Luckily he referred me to a psychologist for therapy, so I can go through the symptoms again with her. This time I'll actually give them the information they need, instead of just sitting their looking dumb.

Originally Posted by Anju

That would be awesome! Lol
Something like that happened once. There was a meeting on goal-setting for the coming year. And the vice president tried to be funny by making a comment on me being quiet and people laughed. I felt offended and gave him a cocky reply, without thinking. Personally I don't think it was rude. But people were shocked and the room went dead silent for the next 30 seconds. I'm assuming no one else has talked to him that way. On the bright side, he never made a comment like that after that incident.

Edit:
Just realized that I won't be seeing my crush after I leave. So maybe it's a good time to ask him out . If he says no, I won't have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing him every day at work. It will be easy to leave it all behind. I don't even know how to approach a guy, especially a shy guy. I may unintentionally scare him away!

Go for it if he comes back before you leave. At the very least, it's practice. Just walk up and talk, don't think about what you're going to say too much before hand.
That's been working for me at least.

Originally Posted by GavinGill

I saw a psychiatrist today to talk about the possibility of having bipolar disorder, but I panicked and glossed over the worst of the symptoms because in my head I was like "I better make a good impression, I don't want him to think I'm crazy." Based on the "sanitized" list of symptoms I gave him, he said I seemed fine, just a little stressed... I had to /facepalm myself several times when I got home. >__________________>

Luckily he referred me to a psychologist for therapy, so I can go through the symptoms again with her. This time I'll actually give them the information they need, instead of just sitting their looking dumb.

Maybe you could try just writing a list? I did that when I went to a psychologist years ago. It's way too difficult to think of everything or remember it.


I wish I fell in love with this other Lankan girl instead of the one I did. She's like one of my best friends now, probably better this way.
No ranting or raving, it's just funny. Coz at the start I was worried she liked me, when I liked the other one and had no interest in her.
My only point is that now I realise just how dumb our emotions are. This girl is a FAR better person and I like her more.
I also realised after catching up with my ex that we have way more in common than I thought and she's so damn smart and generally not at all like I used to view her.
Dumb emotions.

I also think I've let go of my anger. I just love Lankan girl. She's fucked up.
Almost every person is severely fucked up, and the ones who aren't are almost always boring as hell.
It's not her fault, it's not my fault.
This kinda just came over me when I got home from work, not sure how to put it in to words properly.
It's sad we ended up like this, but that's how it is. I'll probably think about us and be sad pretty often.

Originally Posted by tommo

Maybe you could try just writing a list? I did that when I went to a psychologist years ago. It's way too difficult to think of everything or remember it.

I did; I was hoping we could go through the list one by one, that way I'd have some sense of structure and be able to thoroughly explain each experience... but he just give it a quick skim and then decided to just hear me out. I was already having a panic attack when I got there, so by the time I entered his office and he asked me to tell him about the psychotic symptoms, I froze up and freaked out. >_<

When I see the psychologist, I'm going to go in with a more detailed list focusing on the psychotic symptoms (eg. messiah complex, briefly hearing music or voices that aren't there [during manic episodes], delusions, etc). I'm probably going to have to smoke a joint before going to bed the night before as well, just to keep my nerves under control. I got all jittery when he started asking me personal questions and it kinda fucked me over.

I read something that totally fucked my brain up!
I read that it's good to stay in a marriage and give love even despite you "lack feeling" to another???...soooo this means when you marry you are basically trapped with someone you hate forever and you have to pretend to love the other? Nope sorry not me, i can't pretend...i'm not a loser like you to whoever agrees to this and WANT to make someone's life a living hell....and basically kill each other....literally.
It's called unhealthy relationships...those never work no matter how hard you tried...trust me i tried SO hard i almost had to check myself in a mental ward if i do...that's how serious it is. If no one knows my marriage WAS that hard,....then someone is brainwashing you (whoever is listening to this bullshit advice...and is buying it needs to think twice.) Especially when those giving advice never been married before....and are free to do anything, has the balls to tell a divorcee what to do with their life.
I'm sorry sweety (ex-husband) but you are listening to the wrong people OR you are making this out to be like nothing is bad in our marriage and can be fixed, honey baby you need to learn and be better than that....and i thought your own thoughts was way more important than others...or this is just a phase and you are just slipping in with people that don't give a shit about you,...so they give you BAD advice.
By the way, you always complain on how you are always nice to others while they kick you to the curb in the end....you never will learn...reason why...i'm out. You are unfixable.
Had to rant and give my own expression...the stars are on my side today.
I know i will never sound like i'm in the right on this...but at least i'm telling like it is...being honest and not faking unlike how MANY do these days and in the end pay the price. Nope i want good karma...and i'm getting it so far.
Lies ends up in very bad situations...really needed to say these things and spill the beans, at least i got the last word.
At least i'm not IN a loveless marriage and both partners end up cheating...nope nope nope not into that drama mama crap.
Love cannot be given true, with a deceitful mind. Heart and mind should be pure, if you can't have those two things perfectly alined then you got a problem.
People love seeing you in a bad situation....please don't act more of a fool, they will laugh at you more and in your face act like your devoted friend and companion. Know thyself more than others know you, don't fall for gimmicks....you are actually falling for that scam that calls you on your phone. LOL I rather go for my gut feeling than listen to someone else's brainwashing advice.

Originally Posted by hathor28

I read something that totally fucked my brain up!
I read that it's good to stay in a marriage and give love even despite you "lack feeling" to another???...soooo this means when you marry you are basically trapped with someone you hate forever and you have to pretend to love the other? Nope sorry not me, i can't pretend...i'm not a loser like you to whoever agrees to this and WANT to make someone's life a living hell....and basically kill each other....literally.
It's called unhealthy relationships...those never work no matter how hard you tried...trust me i tried SO hard i almost had to check myself in a mental ward if i do...that's how serious it is. If no one knows my marriage WAS that hard,....then someone is brainwashing you (whoever is listening to this bullshit advice...and is buying it needs to think twice.) Especially when those giving advice never been married before....and are free to do anything, has the balls to tell a divorcee what to do with their life.
I'm sorry sweety (ex-husband) but you are listening to the wrong people OR you are making this out to be like nothing is bad in our marriage and can be fixed, honey baby you need to learn and be better than that....and i thought your own thoughts was way more important than others...or this is just a phase and you are just slipping in with people that don't give a shit about you,...so they give you BAD advice.
By the way, you always complain on how you are always nice to others while they kick you to the curb in the end....you never will learn...reason why...i'm out. You are unfixable.
Had to rant and give my own expression...the stars are on my side today.
I know i will never sound like i'm in the right on this...but at least i'm telling like it is...being honest and not faking unlike how MANY do these days and in the end pay the price. Nope i want good karma...and i'm getting it so far.
Lies ends up in very bad situations...really needed to say these things and spill the beans, at least i got the last word.
At least i'm not IN a loveless marriage and both partners end up cheating...nope nope nope not into that drama mama crap.

Hey. I read a lot of shit. But guess what? My experience and gut know things much better than other people writing shit down.

Don't let yourself be confused by that, it's silly Hathor... Everyone says this is bad and that is good. You gotta decide for yourself.

Originally Posted by Athylus

Hey. I read a lot of shit. But guess what? My experience and gut know things much better than other people writing shit down.

Don't let yourself be confused by that, it's silly Hathor... Everyone says this is bad and that is good. You gotta decide for yourself.

Actually, it's not people lol...my ex husband wrote it and thinks this way...LOL plus other people are supporting him on it...and i'm like damn no one is telling him he's not correct....people are actually agreeing to this bull crap ahahahaha! That's why i said what i said.
Now i believe we live in a time where bad is good. Everything is opposite now, i see it in everyone...not just my ex. Business people too, when they say they like you or something it's totally opposite...and i'm good and fast in catching that now.

Had a shitty day.

An invigilator at my school asked what was wrong with my face today. There's nothing wrong with my face. It was my normal, slightly spotty, face. Biggest confidence blow in a long time.

Lit teacher is pissed at me because she's a shit teacher LOOOOL. She was so stoney cold with me it's unbelivable.

My mother accused me of cheating on my boyfriend because I went to the cinema with a guy yesterday. I'm sorry am I not allowed guy friends? You were engaged 6 times stop labelling me as a whore when you've been worse.

The cream on the cake comes from my bike. It broke down at my boyfriend's house and I had to call the garage for them to come pick it up. It broke down Tuesday they couldn't come pick it up until Thursday. S came to pick it up and it started first time for him (typical) and then he turned to look at me and said 'Okay Honey, your bike will get stuck between gears sometimes. If you let the clutch out a bit and then bring it in and put some force into it you'll be able to change gears' Thank you for your advice you fucker it's not like I was able to change gears or anything when it broke? Just because I turned up in my sixth form clothes (in a skirt) and I'm a young girl does not mean I'm fucking incapable. He took the bike away after I asked him to look at it and told me to call him back today. So I did to find out 'it was fine' because he'd taken it on a 2 mile drive rather than actually fucking looking at it like I asked. My bike did not break down because it was fucking stuck between gears there was definitely something wrong!!!

I turned up to pick up my bike and S wasn't there. It was ridiculous. He's so sexist and patronizing. I got the bike home pretty easily and went to go back out to go to hockey and what happened? Oh yeah, it broke down, EXACTLY the same way as it did on Tuesday. Luckily it was at home and my dad was home so he came out to look at it and found a short circuit in a fuse connected to my battery which was why it stopped working. It took him less than 15 minutes to find and fix the problem that had been an issue for me for almost a week now (my bike hasn't been working right for a while)

So an arrogant fucking mechanic decided not to look at my bike because he thought I was a stupid girl who didn't know anything about my bike and thought he knew best. If that fuse had short circuited in any other place than my house I would have been in the shit. I half wish it'd been worse than it was because then it would have been all his fault and he'd have had to have admitted he was wrong. My dad's going in to talk to them at the garage when he comes home next because they OBVIOUSLY won't listen to me because how can I be anything but a stupid, misinformed, little girl? Fucking prick. I told him that it wasn't the gears sticking. But he didn't fucking listen to me because he thought I knew nothing. FFS

While reading a lot of rants and things going wrong in people's lives and mine...i also learned about the astrology and how it's affecting 2014....Mercury retrograde affects EVERYTHING even technology, transport, relationships etc...once you youtube this shit you will understand.
And i'm starting to believe planets and stars do affect us all in a degree...the universe. Things opposite and very contrary to usual routines, things going kinda screwy with communications too.
So get ready for this in ALL of 2014-15 it's a bumpy unusual ride...some won't have the bad luck and some will.

Originally Posted by hathor28

While reading a lot of rants and things going wrong in people's lives and mine...i also learned about the astrology and how it's affecting 2014....Mercury retrograde affects EVERYTHING even technology, transport, relationships etc...once you youtube this shit you will understand.
And i'm starting to believe planets and stars do affect us all in a degree...the universe. Things opposite and very contrary to usual routines, things going kinda screwy with communications too.
So get ready for this in ALL of 2014-15 it's a bumpy unusual ride...some won't have the bad luck and some will.

I was reading about the Mercury retrograde last week. I even mentioned it in the skype group, though no one seemed interested. Apparently, it's not a good time to sign contracts and any long term decisions have to be postponed till the retrograde is over. But it affects each person differently and I see more of positive changes in my life. Dad says the astrologer had predicted that I'd be changing jobs in June. I have a personalised horoscope written by a famous astrologer. My parents met him in person and got it made. I don't believe much in astrology, but a lot of things seem to be true whether it's coincidence or not.

Happy to hear the party was tolerable, Anju

for everyone

I'd be steaming mad too, Wishful. People like that irritate me to no end.

Gavin, a good shrink knows that a patient isn't going to open up and spill everything the first few settings. Sometimes, trust has to be there at least a little. It was at least a couple of years before I told my p-doc that I was a SI-er. Much success on your journey. I hope you find a great doctor!

My rant is my eldest son. I'm sitting in my room, taking a break from transcribing Bible literature. He gives me food and said: "You need to go to YouTube and watch [an extremely disturbing Viewers React video regarding Shrek]." That's the last time I'm going to watch something he recommends Seriously? That was NOT funny. It was disturbing and ??? insults my sensibilities.
I feel ike I need to wash out my eyeballs lol and I wanted to get back to work but feel guilty now for sitting through the whole thing.

Yeah, it's a silly rant, but come on! I've always told my kids 'If it's rude or improper [in my eyes], I don't want to hear it.'

A rave is that I've been sleeping better and I got a nice dream journal app for my iPad. It's called Morpheus. It even interprets your dreams if you want. There's also a journal option I've not used yet.
And I'm friggin addicted to Junk Jack x. It's like Minecraft but better in so many ways. It would be perfect if it wasn't 2-D, but I think that's probably one of the reasons I like it more on the iPad. I like a few other games and play them often, but I can spend hours on JJx.

I found some ear mite meds for dogs at Walmart. They seem to be helping.
As far as animals go, the babies are doing so much better but I think Tiny (their grandma) died. I've not seen her for several days and there's death in the air... it's from a sizable animal too (unlike the birds the kittens are always butchering).

Oh yeah...and the darndest thing happened earlier. I took the dog out. She ran toward the back/left of the house but started to come back. In some thick weeds (jungle-thick lol) at the front right of the house, a deer was startled and started running toward the dog who was running toward the door (in the middle of both points). They startled each other, stopped, touched noses, then the doe raised up and kicked at my dog and chased her. I yelled at the deer to knock it off while the dog ran inside, stopped and started barking Chicken
The dog got lots of love after the abuse lol. She's uninjured and wanted to go for round 2 but I've kept her inside since.

I have dinner with my hubby and step-daughter tomorrow, which will be nice. I should get to bed... (but will I )

Originally Posted by GavinGill

I did; I was hoping we could go through the list one by one, that way I'd have some sense of structure and be able to thoroughly explain each experience... but he just give it a quick skim and then decided to just hear me out. I was already having a panic attack when I got there, so by the time I entered his office and he asked me to tell him about the psychotic symptoms, I froze up and freaked out. >_<

When I see the psychologist, I'm going to go in with a more detailed list focusing on the psychotic symptoms (eg. messiah complex, briefly hearing music or voices that aren't there [during manic episodes], delusions, etc). I'm probably going to have to smoke a joint before going to bed the night before as well, just to keep my nerves under control. I got all jittery when he started asking me personal questions and it kinda fucked me over.

Hm, I used to get those things as well. It was mostly a combination of alcohol, anti-depressants and prolonged anxiety and stress. I think anyway.
You could always try relaxation techniques or meditation etc. before you go the medication route, and they'll recommend meds if they think you are bipolar.

At first it almost feels worse when you start meditating or using those relaxation/hypnosis techniques, but eventually you just become generally more relaxed in everyday life.

Caffeine is also a terrible thing if you're getting those sorts of episodes. They've even shown in studies that 50% of people, IIRC, will hear voices or get that phantom-phone-vibration thing if they drink 3 cups of coffee a day.
This was with university students, so there's obviously stress in there too.

I guess just don't jump to conclusions. Prolonged stress will make you do that. You just wanna find some reason and a way out of it. But it's not really that simple.
In my non-professional opinion, I'd say work on raising your stress-threshold, through meditation and self-hypnosis audio tapes you can find on piratebay.

That is unless you're going full manic and not eating for days because you're so hyper focused on some thing and think you can change the world and then switching abruptly to not being able to get out of bed because you're so depressed. If that's the case, get meds.


I was just thinking last night, where the hell is Link? He used to be on here so often. Haven't seen him for ages.

It's oveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer yay! Everything went fine I think so I'm just going to burn EVERYTHING.

I think Mars, Jupiter, Venus and Moon signs will be affected either in a good way or bad from Mercury becoming "backwards" which means retrograde in astrology terms....i think those signs Aries, Sagittarius, Libra and Cancer will have good things this year and next...but my sign Cancer i heard that will be very promising. This is why i'm expressing myself now more because it has better effect now.
Gosh i been learning lots lately about Astrology and Spirituality in the past few days i basically am now becoming more better and last night i had those good dreams again about a future unknown lover, and i realize i got to clean my clutter in my life in order to achieve this to come.
Astrologers say i will have an AHA! moment...and that's what i got during full moon last night. Been having so much clues through my dreams since 2012 in order for my life to become better i have to understand them and actually take action.

Heh, I've been wondering the same thing myself for the last couple months, Tommo. I checked out his profile at one point and he was still active, just not here

Glad to hear it, Astaroth

Hathor, I'm not completely sold on the whole astrology thing. I think it might influence us to some degree but not to the point it can predict what's going to happen. I feel that way about a lot of things. Just like I believe in demons (not ghosts) but I don't think they're a problem unless you invite them into your life and "give" them power through that belief.

My rave is that dinner was very nice The food wasn't as good as it usually is, though, and our waiter was in training and kept making blunders. We were patient though and even hubby remained polite and tipped him nicely
A rant is that I'm skipping out on lunch with them today. The restaurant is very nice, but it's in the middle of nowhere along a twisting road and I don't feel like getting car sick... and I also don't want to be around the Fathers Day crowd that's going to swarm the tiny place. My anxiety is just now getting under control. Being around that many people will just set me back.

Oh yeah... we also went to the movies before eating yesterday. We watched the Edge of Tomorrow and I actually liked it. hubby and Diana gave it lesser marks than me though. I'm easier to please

Another rave is that Tiny isn't dead. I saw her in the yard yesterday... before the dog chased her off And they like each other. I've no idea what's going on with that cat. I also have no idea what died. Thankfully, the smell is exceptionally faint and I only catch it if the wind is blowing a certain way. Maybe there's a dead deer in the field.

And speaking of smelly.... my dog stinks. She desperately needs a bath but she wont get into the shower and the tub doesn't work. It's supposed to storm this week, so I might just wash her in the rain lol. I think most of her stink is from farts and bad breath though I really wish I could air out my tiny room... but I can't open the window (AC is in it) and I can't leave the door open or the cats will run in

Hope everyone has a great day. I'm off to Exxon for snacks

Well, the anger is back.... thanks scumbag brain.

Eminem's new album is offering me a bit of emotional release, pretty much perfect timing to release it. He's so damn good at easing my pain a bit when I'm full of hatred or sadness.
And one of the songs is like.... my situation exactly, ridiculously similar to how I feel.

I don't know why people dismiss rap so readily.

Well the good news is I've narrowed down Four Loco as the thing that turns me into a crazy, blacked out sociopath. The bad news is I went to the bar friday and on the way home I decided to grab a four loco.