Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

hahahaa, excellent drawing (?) !

My rant is that I'm sleepy. I got 8 1/2 hours but they were a little rough. I froze once dawn hit so when I woke I immediately jumped into a very hot shower
I had very whacky dreams... some were very disturbing toilet dreams (it was an open, co-ed sort of VERY public restroom). It was kind of gross and embarrassing, so I wont share it
and then, I had read and watched too many articles/videos about the fake sign language interpreter for Nelson Mandela and commercials for the Butler that my dreams warped into... I don't even know which stereotyping/racist part of my brain they were dredged up from. But I dreamed of a bunch of African american women nursing babies during a break from their jobs as housekeepers
And then there was a dream of losing the RV and not being able to drive a car properly.

I also kept falling asleep during parts of my dreams. I still think that is so weird that I dream of sleeping.

Ugh.. the Office Dinner is at 2 and not 3 as I had thought. I am not ready for it to be today

For now, i think I'm going back to bed for a bit...

The party was nice, as always. And I got goodies which is an added bonus I got a pair of warm sock slippers, a handmade necklace, 2 scarves, 2 scented candles, some chocolates and a nice frame with a pic of me and hubby from the Office wedding we attended a few months back. And it all came in a nice basket.
But I didn't get a card which I thought was odd. maybe it fell off somewhere? But the gift basket had a sticker that said: "To April From Staff". I don't mind, in the least, it's just odd for them.
I didn't care for the turkey which had some sort of spice I didn't care for. Maybe clove, but no one else seemed to taste it. The green beans were delicious and desert was amazing.

I always feel dumb at party's though. I'm not witty and I have a very dry sense of humor. I just react to the emotions around me. If they laugh, I laugh
And I will likely have to do all of today again tomorrow as we were invited to a family get-together. The family is so sweet. They invite us to Thanksgiving and other occasions too. I'm intimidated by the woman of the house though. She's so witty and humorous and I admire her a great deal. But I feel like such a dunce because she's my complete opposite lol.

I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my evening. I'm burned out on crocheting, Hulu and Minecraft. Maybe I'll just go to bed for a while...

Yay! I'm DONE with my AA degree... woohoo. It's too bad I wish I had taken science... ugh... I want to be a teacher, but this intro to teaching class kind of put a downer on it. I don't know if it was the teacher or what, but I'm starting to think teaching may not be my thing. I suppose at least I took the class and got a basic idea. I haven't completely ruled it out, but why can't I figure out what I want to do? I mean I know what I like to do, but nothing really I can make a living off of...

Oh well, hopefully I'll be able to transfer within the next year sometime. I really don't want to delay it too long or I'm afraid I won't want to go back. I just want to figure out what I want to "be".

I'm just happy to say I have a degree...

I have a 45 in History and a 32 in English.

Can someone please explain why I'm not simultaneously having a heart attack and crying my eyes out?

Thank God it's only the first half of the second quarter....

Snow, Aint it pretty? Just like Christmas
I hate snow, I lived in it all my life and still never learned to like it..
I just went to the gas place just in case to make sure if I had to load the ol 4X4 full of people to take to an emergency shelter I wouldn't run out of gas..
The only upside is there's no car traffic, only 4 wheel drives......
This crap is slicker'n Elephant Snot...Any cars are already in the ditch.

what did your husband do?

My life turned into a really boring existence. All I do is sitting at home listening to music, watching videos and movies, lurking on imageboards and - of course - sleeping. I only get out of the house when I need to (appointments, buying stuff (I should order food and other things online...)). All those humans everywhere. I don't even meet anybody anymore. If I ask someone the usual reply is that they have no time or they're already doing things with other people. I don't even get asked if I want to spend my time with them. I'm sure no one would notice when I die but my grandma because she calls me every few days. Oh well.

Sometimes I walk to the mailbox on Sundays because most of the time my life is so linear I have no idea what day it is till I look on my computer. I think I need a good woman in my life, but in all honesty I only want the child she can give me. Perhaps it's the fact that I don't like to share the covers, though I suspect my quest for solitude runs much deeper than pillow talk. :/

Got an SSD! My computing life has improved dramatically. Also got a quieter case fan, although it's still kinda loud right now coz I dusted my computer and took the CPU heat sink off to clean it properly, and didn't have any new thermal paste to put on. It's sitting at >50 degrees Celsius on idle, with fans on full. Which is terrible. Really need to get some thermal paste tomorrow. Also thinking about getting water cooling for the CPU instead of a second quiet fan. But not sure yet.
Then I can play Skyrim, which I just bought during a Steam sale, and I don't even know if I'll like it but oh well. Graphics should look awesome.

Rant is work is still shitty. Still keep telling us off while doing nothing about the people who fill the stock. But I'm leaving all their crappy work now and showing the managers what they do, and one of the ladies there is doing the same, coz we're getting fed up with it. So the managers will eventually get sick of us showing them all the bad work of the fill people and actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
Hopefully, haha

Oh and also the manager gets annoyed that I didn't finish all my returns, but in another section which is just as hard as mine, maybe a tiny bit more difficult, they have TWO people working it.
I have the bloody christmas section which is always destroyed obviously. And I'm doing it by myself except for in the last 20 minutes SOMETIMES other people come to help.
Total bullshit.... The manager didn't actually say anything, he just asked why I didn't finish returns. If any of them say anything like I'm not working hard enough or something.... I don't know how I'm going to react.
I want to tell them to try doing it themselves to see how bloody impossible it is. I would bet $100 none of the managers could do it.

Jesus Christ, I just wanna collapse right now. We've been moving, and transferring stuff from one house to the other is a big pain in the ass. Aaaaaand we have to do it again for the next three days, including washing the house, pool, doing the weeds, and just... shit. The exercise is good for me, but in summer? No.

On the plus side, my dream recall is coming back to me again and I've found a good technique that I can hopefully stick to. Just can't wait to get to bed tonight...

Way to go, Suena!!

for everyone needing a hug

I've been keeping myself busy crocheting. I'm making a proper scarf for my hubby and I finally discovered that a stitch I've been using (found it just playing around) actually has a name: Camel stitch. I looked and looked and even asked the crocheting forum if they knew what the stitch was but I never found out until I stumbled upon a pic at Pinterest that looked like mine
I'm using very soft yarn because hubby has sensitive skin and I'm really loving how it's turning out... except for the edges which I can't seem to line up properly. Putting a border around the finish product should even it out.

But I'm bored. I'm finally sick of crocheting And (as I've said before) Hulu and Minecraft.

Hubby gave me $3500. to take care of the back child support... but court would only take $2200. I have to mail the rest in which means...... I had money to play with. I bought my daughter a phone for $150.-ish but she's paying me back for half of it. I got Miley a $27. digital camera and my oldest son $30. to spend on whatever he wanted.
I bought yarn, yarn, yarn ,a couple needles, a new mouse, Tylenol and coral Calcium and a couple other cheaper meds. The most expensive thing I bought was 2 e-cig starter kits by Blu and an extra pack of e-cig cartridges. Time to work on quitting smoking again.

My anxiety must be in overdrive though because my yawning is insane... but then again, my sleep schedule has been REALLY out of whack lately. I've been sleeping in 2 4 hour batches. I've been waking up on my own but I feel very tired even though I'm getting 8 hours total.

I guess I'll have to pick up Wellbutrin again today.

Hoo boy, where to start.

I guess I'll start with saying I'm just exausted and feel finished. I'm ready to throw in the towel. Life has drained the energy out of me.

We've begun our packing phase - packers come today, we sorted and did all that jazz over the weekend - and this has messed up my sleep cycle big time. I can't fall asleep at night - It's an hour of thrashing and turning, then thirty minutes of trying to fall asleep, and then only getting 2 hour intervals of sleep. I can't drift off into the stress-relieving world that is the eternal dreamscape. It's upsetting.

On top of that, guess what happens three weeks earlier - yep, my dad gets skin cancer. They caught it early, which I'm highly thankful for - but I'm highly concerned about everyone else in the family. They said that living where we are has actually increased the chance of getting it. We're practically sunscreen junkies now - we don't ever go outside without putting on a tight blanket. He's in the process of removing more possibly cancerous areas, but he'll be fine - though, he does get to tote around a huge scar on his left cheek.

The real thing that pains me is that I try to joke and act like it's all okay. It really isn't - it feels like I'm destroying myself with each lie that life is all good and well. I'm not depressed, no, not at all - I still smile and do well in school. No, I just feel as if my insides are in complete disarray - as if someone took them and tossed them into a blender.

I do have something to look forward to - a special someone comes back for a month this saturday, so there is that.

Though, as crazy as life is, I'm still managing to do well in school. Haven't lost the drive to do poorly - thank whoever for that. Yet, it doesn't feel right. I feel as if I should just give in and curl up in a corner, and just let go of life. It feels as if all of this rightfully should make me less productive. I want to feel depression - at least it will be out of me, instead of being locked up in its cage, rattling the bars. Honestly, the one thing I want to do is to just cry - I haven't been able to in a very long time. It makes me feel hollow and lifeless. The pain of feeling the pressure of tears against the ducts is worse than anything I've ever experienced. I can't even let one out whn I write my true feelings about someone down on paper.

Oh well, though - life goes on.

I'm absolutely exhausted but extremely glad.

Pretty much spent the last 8 hours studying for my computer mathematics lecture, it seemed hopeless. Now I have been rewarded by the confidence that I'll get a first degree (A+) for this semester.
I'm lucky to be one of those select few people that doesn't have to study at all (or necessarily show up all the time) and just catch up the day before the exam and still get a 80%+ result.

Sometimes I feel that I could basically get 99% in any given exam if I spent some real time into it.

The course is phenomenally big but I managed to sort it all out today and now I'm pretty happy with myself.

Even better, my local supermarket had a massive turnip on offer for 39c, that's pretty damn sensational too

Originally Posted by tommo

Got an SSD! My computing life has improved dramatically. Also got a quieter case fan, although it's still kinda loud right now coz I dusted my computer and took the CPU heat sink off to clean it properly, and didn't have any new thermal paste to put on. It's sitting at >50 degrees Celsius on idle, with fans on full. Which is terrible. Really need to get some thermal paste tomorrow. Also thinking about getting water cooling for the CPU instead of a second quiet fan. But not sure yet.
Then I can play Skyrim, which I just bought during a Steam sale, and I don't even know if I'll like it but oh well. Graphics should look awesome.

Get good thermal paste. It can make a massive difference going for the slightly more expensive one (if you're into overclocking, which I presume you are).

Before you play skyrim you should totally install a few mods before you start. The game is much better with a mod like skyrim redone installed (basically balances the game to make it much more enjoyable, earning gold takes time and stuff are actually quite expensive.
These two are pretty much essential
T3nd0s Skyrim Redone at Skyrim Nexus - mods and community
SkyUI at Skyrim Nexus - mods and community

I bought a sewing machine last month. 1 week later I bought an iron from Amazon. Today I got another package from the sewing machine vendor, containing an iron. It seems the iron was supposed to be given free with the sewing machine but they didn't send it that time, and now they have sent it one month later. Those fools could have sent it along with the machine or they could have at least informed me that they're going to send an iron. I wouldn't have gone and purchased another iron. What do I do now with 2 irons?
...somebody's gonna get an iron for christmas

Originally Posted by dutchraptor

Even better, my local supermarket had a massive turnip on offer for 39c, that's pretty damn sensational too

I laughed way too much at this XD

Originally Posted by dutchraptor

Get good thermal paste. It can make a massive difference going for the slightly more expensive one (if you're into overclocking, which I presume you are).

Before you play skyrim you should totally install a few mods before you start. The game is much better with a mod like skyrim redone installed (basically balances the game to make it much more enjoyable, earning gold takes time and stuff are actually quite expensive.
These two are pretty much essential
T3nd0s Skyrim Redone at Skyrim Nexus - mods and community
SkyUI at Skyrim Nexus - mods and community

Hm, I'll probably just get some Arctic Silver 5. Seems to be pretty good, although I know there is better.
I pretty much never overclock my CPU, only the GPU. I did OC the CPU once or twice when I first found out you could do it
and I was using a Pentium or something. But nowadays I have not much use for OC'ing the CPU.

I'll look in to mods for sure. However I've not had much success with mods on Steam-bought games. They work for Skyrim?

Originally Posted by tommo

Hm, I'll probably just get some Arctic Silver 5. Seems to be pretty good, although I know there is better.
I pretty much never overclock my CPU, only the GPU. I did OC the CPU once or twice when I first found out you could do it
and I was using a Pentium or something. But nowadays I have not much use for OC'ing the CPU.

I'll look in to mods for sure. However I've not had much success with mods on Steam-bought games. They work for Skyrim?

Arctic silver five is fine.

Installing mods with skyrim is easy. You can do it through steam or through a 3rd party program. I wouldn't recommend using steams in built mod loader.
The mods I linked have descriptions with how to install them. Skyui is pretty nifty because you install a little program called SKSE (skyrim script extender) which allows you to run skyrim straight off the bat without going into a configuration menu and it bypasses the need to go into steam first. Basically installing mods for skyrim is pretty much just dropping files into folders, or if you want to play it safe, the Skyrim Nexus mod manager will do it for you.

Ugh. I feel miserable. My eyes feel like sand has been poured in them, my hair is a greasy mess, I'm HOT (I shouldn't be), my throat is sore, my nose is super dry. I'm phlegmy again.
I went grocery shopping last night and bought a humidifier for $15. I've been putting it off forever now because they usually run $30. But this one is a smaller, warm air humidifier. I asked if there's any difference between the warm and cool mist machines, and there's really not. I even googled it after I bought it. I'm afraid I ran it empty while I slept (it's not THAT small. It took about 3 2-liter bottles to fill to the line). I wont find out though, until the heating unit cools so I can open it.

I bought some homeopathic eye drops and they help a lot, but I have to use them often. I've been dabbing vitamin e from a moisturizing stick inside my nose. That helps too... so long as I'm awake. Sleeping kills me.

And my Blu e-cigs suck. They're not powerful enough or dont get warm enough. The vapor is barely noticeable. And yes, Tommo, they contribute greatly to drying me out. Blah

And now I have to wake up my son. Probation called and want us to show up at 1 instead of 2. And because we made a very quick pass grocery shopping yesterday, my son is going to want to go to the store afterward. Goody, goody gumdrops!
I'll just sit in the car and read. I'm in no mood to be around people.

I have planned basic ideas for 15 out of the 22 shows I will be presenting between now and the end of May. I feel amazing.

I also feel shitty because blood sugars and so many other reasons that I'll edit in this post tomorrow. Just, blurgh.

It's been almost half a day since the last time I talked to her.... Life is so gray and depressing. ;-;

Wishful and Aly.
Feel better soon, Wishful!

I'm feeling much better (until I go to sleep and wake up ) but I'm annoyed. I'm thinking of a word but I can't find it. To me, it sounds like "Quo-qua-lism" or "E-quo-qua-lism". To my faulty memory, it means something along the lines of "a saying". Or, more specifically, a saying that is only understood by certain groups (like slang is sometimes used more in one part of the world than in the other).
It's driving me mad that I can't find this word lol

Thankfully, my humidifier was okay. It wasn't even close to empty. Because of limited space, for now it's mostly under my desk. The steam is released where my two desks "L", so it reaches me unobstructively (sp). I love it.

Hope everyone is okay.

Zhay. The word is "colloquialism".

Ranting/Raving: I've been having one big psychological revelation after another here. O.o Like... subtle details about my entire life keep falling into place just more and more.... I've gone through several transformations in personality and desires and self-image even just in the last few days. Also, there are no mysterious anymore. Major questions I had about perception before now seem largely simple, relatively speaking.... Even the unexplainable can be explained. And with that explanation I can pick apart my entire life. And it makes so much sense.



By the way, I have NOT been smoking DMT in this time.

I eventually got to talk to her again. All is well in the world.

Where were you 12 hours ago

As I laid down to go to sleep at 8 this morning, the stupid word was still playing through my brain, but my brain had a eureka moment and I remembered. I jumped out of bed to consult google and sure enough I had finally stumbled upon the right word. :whew:

Aly. Transformations can be awe-inspiring. Glad you got to talk to your woman

My rant is that my daughter phone bombed me. Grrrrr!!!!!!! They applied for food stamps and were accepted so we have to go proper grocery shopping for a change. I really hate shopping. I might wait in the car but there's no telling what will be bought if I do......... BUT, I'm not on the account at all, so if they spend it wisely or unwisely it's their money. If they mess up, I still get money from hubby and we can go back to eating chili 3 days a week, ramen and zitti the rest of the week...

A rave is that hubby set aside the Baklava. Good God, I LOVE that stuff. Another Dr. always sends his office a box for the holidays. I usually get whatever's left over. But after learning how much I love the stuff, he brought it home for me to have first dibs. Awesome

I have got so much to say, I honestly don't know where to start haha.

I've had work experience last week and the first two days seem to last forever. It was just so boring. But wednesday, thursday and friday went by so quickly.
I had alot of fun with my co-workers and the tasks I had to do were quite easy and fun. Overall, I think I did pretty good.

I had two big tests on monday which were actually exams. I was quite surprised with the results, I had 40/40 for English and 85% for business economics.
I honestly thought I was going to fail my business economics exam, 'cause it was so hard. But I'm just so glad that I passed.
My winter break has already started for me but I have to go to school on friday for about an hour.

I just went on my twitter and tumblr to find out that I finally reached 13.2k followers on twitter and 10k followers on tumblr.
It's actually quite unreal how I've got so many during the past few months.

I'm really looking forward to new years eve. I'm going to celebrate it with my friends at a party nearby, just like we did last year.
And I'm just so excited about that. But I've got a big problem aswell. So there's a christmas party on saturday. And a friend usually
comes to my house, so we go to the party together, find our other friends and just get drunk and have a good time. But he injured himself quite badly
during soccer so he won't be able to join me. The thing is, I have social anxiety. I get really nervous and anxious around alot of people. I really wanna go to the party
on saturday but that means I'll have to go by myself and wait outside for my friends to arrive. I haven't been to a party in ages, so I really want to go.
About 800 people are going so if I have to wait outside, I will still see alot of people, which will make me feel really uncomfortable and anxious. I really don't know what to do. D:
Maybe I can meet up at a friends' house who lives in the same town like where the party's at? Or I might aswell just get drunk at home and then leave for the party.
But I don't want people to think that I'm an alcoholic. It's so weird whenever I'm drunk, my social anxiety completely disappears and I become so sociable. But yeah, I really don't know what to do. Do you guys have any advice for me?

Originally Posted by Crashyy

I'm really looking forward to new years eve. I'm going to celebrate it with my friends at a party nearby, just like we did last year.
And I'm just so excited about that. But I've got a big problem aswell. So there's a christmas party on saturday. And a friend usually
comes to my house, so we go to the party together, find our other friends and just get drunk and have a good time. But he injured himself quite badly
during soccer so he won't be able to join me. The thing is, I have social anxiety. I get really nervous and anxious around alot of people. I really wanna go to the party
on saturday but that means I'll have to go by myself and wait outside for my friends to arrive. I haven't been to a party in ages, so I really want to go.
About 800 people are going so if I have to wait outside, I will still see alot of people, which will make me feel really uncomfortable and anxious. I really don't know what to do. D:
Maybe I can meet up at a friends' house who lives in the same town like where the party's at? Or I might aswell just get drunk at home and then leave for the party.
But I don't want people to think that I'm an alcoholic. It's so weird whenever I'm drunk, my social anxiety completely disappears and I become so sociable. But yeah, I really don't know what to do. Do you guys have any advice for me?

Why don't you go to your injured friend's house? Or is he one of those friends that takes everything and gives nothing, like I think I remember you talking about?
If that's the case, yeah just drink a couple before, 2 and a half beers to be exact (seriously).

Rant: The temperature is TOO DAMN HIGH!
43 bloody degrees! It's not even Summer....
Gonna be SO many bad bushfires this year, I can feel it. We already had some bad ones a month or so ago.
Wouldn't be surprised if he hit 45 regularly.

Anyway, I shaved my hair really short, so I'm ready for this coming heat wave. It was REALLY long, down to bottom of my neck (edit: shoulders would probably be a better way to describe that ), and it starts getting in my eyes and just frustrating me when it's hot.
Feel good man