Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

That was meant to say 'fuck me I'm invincible!'

I don't feel invincible any more....

Originally Posted by Anju

I'm annoyed to the core! It's Diwali here in India, supposedly the festival of lights but actually the festival of pollution. Firecrackers all around! The air smells toxic and my ears will soon go numb from the noise! People even light crackers and throw them on the roads and pavements, regardless of the passing vehicles or pedestrians. The street dogs are terrified and running for their lives. I've stayed indoors for 3 days without opening doors and windows. The chemical debris will be lying around on the streets for a long time. Whenever I express my concern, I'm called a spoilsport.

That's terrible.... especially the poor dogs, there's lots of street dogs in India right?
I always have to bring mine inside when there's fireworks etc. He was once trying to dig out through the concrete because he wanted to run away.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

I have never been so fucking sickened by school.... I went into my lab class today and the experiment they wanted us to do was learning about toxicology. We were supposed to poison a bunch of shrimp until they die so we could record the LD50, and the professor told us the whole assignment with this big smile on his face. What an asshole.... I understand why toxicology testing is important but this is fucking pointless... and there was no option, it was just do that or fail. I walked out as soon as the lecture ended and started crying and feeling nauseous on the way home. I'll gladly take a zero on this paper.

That really is stupid. I assume they already know the LD50, they could just tell you ABOUT it, tell you how to test it etc. instead of making you test for yourself.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Anyway, a nice thing about today though is that my friend who plays the dominant role in a 24/7 Master/slave relationship has offered to take me under his wing and train me to be a good dominatrix. The most wonderful girl in the world has expressed to me her desire, a desire which we both share, to be force fed psychedelics far beyond the limits of what she can handle. I take these requests very seriously.... I have to perfect my art so that I can carry her to places that others have only dreamed of.

That's.... sexy. Have fun!

________________

Rant: It's my birthday tomorrow. I really hope no one calls or talks to me.
I especially don't want anyone coming over and me having to feign delight.

Also, that girl is pissing me off.... She's getting jealous that I talk/flirt with other girls at work.
But I hate seeing her sad so I started flirting with her again, and then, of course, she's ecstatic and happy and then eventually goes in the opposite direction again. Ugh....
She can't even answer simple questions during a normal conversation and always tries to flip it around instead of answering.
I mean, not simply like "what did you do today?" but.... like not life altering questions lol Shit I would answer without hesitation or even thinking of it being weird.

I guess, whether it's culture or just her, I don't really love her. After all, we're partly the product of our experiences, right?
Probably a rationalisation there....

Fuck it, I'm revving the flirt engine to the red line (with other girls), and will all but ignore her.
There's also another girl who likes me at work, so this will work out nicely. Although I'm pretty sure she's underage.... that could be a problem.
Maybe I'll stick to the other couple of cute girls.

I'm also annoyed that neither Piracetam or Aniracetam are having any effect on me.
I want that buzz that people have talked about, vivid colours, crystal clear head and thoughts.
I'll probably try a mega dose of Aniracetam when I have a day off work.

On the plus side, the Alpha Brain is not too bad for dreaming, but fairly counter-productive for waking life.
I'm gonna take it occasionally before bed, since it doesn't seem to keep me up.
I woke up at 9 today, fell asleep, had a long dream, woke up, it was 9:10....
Did this two more times until 9:30. Each time I was shocked that it was only 10 minutes long.

Wishful. I was going to google that first word but figured you meant to write invincible for having lost that feeling.

Anju. Sorry you're missing out on the celebration. I'd be avoiding it too!!

Tommo. I think it's a very good idea that you move on. She sounds way too complicated.

My rant is that I just woke up and I'm in a bad mood. My dreams sucked. I love the new Michael J. Fox show but as I watched it last night I asked myself if I'll keep watching it because it's uncomfortable humour. And last night's episode (on Hulu) was about confrontation. So I had terrible dreams of getting angry and arguing with strangers.
And now my son wants me to rush off to the store. Ugh. It takes me at least an hour to wake up. He'll have to get over it.

I've got so much to say omfg:

1) There's a girl in my class who's suffering from sleep paralysis. And she was telling our economics teacher that she wakes up at night quite alot unable to move and feeling paralyzed. She also hears footsteps and loud bangs and sometimes there's a tall shadow person standing right next to her bed. She described the entire situation like she's half asleep, half dreaming. But she didn't know what it was exactly. So I told her it's probably sleep paralysis, we searched for it on wikipedia and according to her, it's definitely sleep paralysis. I didn't tell her about lucid dreaming because the entire class was listening and I didn't want people to think I'm crazy haha .

2) Now remember my 'friend' who deleted me on facebook and refused to speak to me because I missed out one party? Guess who tried to add me on facebook yesterday, yep that same guy. I declined his friend request, 'cause I don't need any fake friends anymore. ^^

3) This half term break went by so quickly. I've slept in for the past 7 days and I'm still so tired omfg. I really cba going to school tomorrow :c But I'm going to warped tour on sunday which is a huge festival in the netherlands. And alot of my favorite bands are coming. I don't have school the day after and I'm going to see bring me the horizon + pierce the veil live on wednesday. So I'm really excited for that.

4) Basically this has been bugging me for days. When you first take a quick look at my picture, you don't see anything strange right?



Now take a look again and compare my right eye to my left eye. It just seems like I have a 'lazy' weird looking eye. I've asked some friends about it. And they all told me they didn't notice. And that it's basically just me. But I don't really believe them, I think they're actually lieing to make me feel better. What do you guys think? The more I look at this picture, the more I hate it. It really makes me want to delete my facebook account.

Originally Posted by Athylus

What are you good at Maeni?

This question made me google and read all sorts of pages on the internet in search of some inspiration on how to find out what I'm good at. I really don't know? Do you mean practical skills / hobbies or like, personal qualities? In either case, it's a really difficult question to answer. Skills, I draw a bit and I'm okay at it, and I'm also trying to teach myself to play guitar but it's going slow and my motivation always feels like it's insufficient. I walk around with this dream of producing music on the computer but I don't even try when it comes that - All I'm doing is slowly getting better at playing the guitar.

Man, the fact that I struggled so much with finding any answer to this question must say quite a bit about me. I guess I do tend to feel inferior and flawed in many ways, but my job makes me feel insanely busy all the time nowadays so I guess I just don't have time to think about it. But it's there, I perpetually feel like an outsider and many times an outsider who shouldn't be an outsider...

How come you asked that question in response to my post?

Zhaylin, whilst I appreciate your hugs and shall have them all day long, it's my own fault. Who the fuck drinks double rum and brandy shots? Seriously Katie? Really?

Hit 6k word count for NaNoWriMo! Overly happy!

Crashy - No.... just no. You *may* have a slightly asymmetrical face, but pretty much everyone does.
The reason you notice it is because you look at yourself in the mirror, and then in photos your face is flipped around, so it looks weird to you, but not to anyone else, coz that's how they see you all the time. Flip a few of your friend's photos around in photoshop and that's how they see themselves, it will look weird to you, you'll notice every single asymmetrical thing about their face.

So yeah, dw about it coz no one notices.

Originally Posted by tommo

Crashy - No.... just no. You *may* have a slightly asymmetrical face, but pretty much everyone does.
The reason you notice it is because you look at yourself in the mirror, and then in photos your face is flipped around, so it looks weird to you, but not to anyone else, coz that's how they see you all the time. Flip a few of your friend's photos around in photoshop and that's how they see themselves, it will look weird to you, you'll notice every single asymmetrical thing about their face.

So yeah, dw about it coz no one notices.

Good explanation. I was thinking the same thing.. just watched a video explaining that mirror affect a few days ago and it makes a lot of sense. The reason why people hate pictures of themselves. Which is similar to the reason people tend to hate their own voices when recorded.

From what I can tell you're a good looking guy Crashy. You have nothing to worry about in terms of appearance. I think that kind of self-conscious fixation is something all teenagers go through.

I hate when people say being gay/lesbian is wrong, not an 'American way' or a choice. I'm bisexual, and trust me, its not a choice. I have no problem being bi, don't get me wrong. Just when other people cant stand to think about others liking the same gender..woo, that gets me hot. Okay, my short rant is done.

Originally Posted by MsElizabeth

I hate when people say being gay/lesbian is wrong, not an 'American way' or a choice. I'm bisexual, and trust me, its not a choice. I have no problem being bi, don't get me wrong. Just when other people cant stand to think about others liking the same gender..woo, that gets me hot. Okay, my short rant is done.

Being Bi isn't like, being a Lesbian/Gay, just thought i would say it, JS.

Originally Posted by hathor28

Being Bi isn't like, being a Lesbian/Gay, just thought i would say it, JS.

Hm, what exactly do you mean by saying that?

Feel shit. Just going to roll into bed and never emerge. No writing for Katie today.

I started crocheting a belt and now it's turning into a skirt..lol

Originally Posted by hathor28

Being Bi isn't like, being a Lesbian/Gay, just thought i would say it, JS.

It is for the most part..The only thing different, is that in being bi, you like both genders, just not one. It is not much different at all.

Originally Posted by MsElizabeth

It is for the most part..The only thing different, is that in being bi, you like both genders, just not one. It is not much different at all.

Yes that's the only difference. That's what separates the 2. That's what i meant. But being bi is more free than being a lesbian/gay which means you have to be with one person only because you are attracted to same gender, so no ping pong there.

It's not any different to the shameful, pathetic folk that think it's an abomination/psychological disorder/whatever. I'm lgbt too and I don't even want dudes at all but I'm still a sinner just because I think I can rock a skirt from time to time.

Oh, hello mood swings. I almost forgot you were there. I wonder what else Maryjane was hiding from me.... Sobbing uncontrollably one minute and tingling with euphoria the next. Why did I ever need drugs again?

hathor, it's really still pretty much the same thing.... I would say that in general I'm more attracted to guys than I am to girls, but I'm still completely smitten with a girl right now and I honestly hope I get to spend the rest of my life with her, I have no desire to "ping pong" back and forth between her and guys. Do you think anyone homophobic would really see any difference there? After all, if someone believes that sexual orientation is a choice then they must believe that anyone who chooses a partner of the same sex could also choose a partner of the opposite sex. It's what all this "pray the gay away" bullshit is about. Ergo, in the eyes of the homophobic person anyone who is gay is already bisexual by default.

God damn.... I just had hands down one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. I am never eating greasy foods again. >_<

Crashyy, what Tommo said. You're a very handsome guy

Anju Not really. I'm just jealous lol. I tried making a skirt but it was not turning out well, so I'm I'm un-crocheting it into a poncho

Aly, feel better soon!

Pity party time... I went to Wal-mart to buy food earlier and finally budgeted enough to buy Minecraft. For the first time in several months, there were NO stinking cards. I was crestfallen but oh well, there's always tomorrow and tomorrow after that until new ones arrive. So then I went to Sheetz to ease my disappointment with a Banana Coloda Smoothie... and their machine was broken. And to add insult to injury, as I was checking out, I noticed they had my cigarettes on sell for $1.00 off a pack. But I had already bought the four packs I could afford It's been one of those days I guess

And yesterday, my hubby noticed the inspection sticker on my car expired last month Grrrr... so I have to try to get it inspected ASAP.
And on top of all of that, I've been unable to play Tera because my PING has been fluctuating from one moment to the next between 173-500+ What the heck Which makes me question the wisdom of buying Minecraft. Will my lag affect it as well?

Yet Hulu is running perfectly. So I guess I'll get back to watching Robin Hood and crocheting.

A rave is that I finally bought some caffeine tonight I was been sleeping 12-16 hours over the weekend because I had run out.

Oh yeah... another rant is that I'm weird. Because of my tonsil stones, I direct the shower spray into the back of my throat. I cup the water with my hands to direct it that way, but the spray is still very strong. It goes into my throat but also up my nose a little. I gag when I do it (2-3 times) and now I can barely stand water getting onto my face without my gag reflex automatically kicking in But it does seem to help minimize and reduce episodes, so it's just something I live with...

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Anju Not really. I'm just jealous lol. I tried making a skirt but it was not turning out well, so I'm I'm un-crocheting it into a poncho

Zhaylin, maybe when you try making something else, it will turn into a skirt.. haha. I don't think I'll wear my skirt though. I used thick yarn as it was supposed to be a belt.

Originally Posted by Maeni

This question made me google and read all sorts of pages on the internet in search of some inspiration on how to find out what I'm good at. I really don't know? Do you mean practical skills / hobbies or like, personal qualities? In either case, it's a really difficult question to answer. Skills, I draw a bit and I'm okay at it, and I'm also trying to teach myself to play guitar but it's going slow and my motivation always feels like it's insufficient. I walk around with this dream of producing music on the computer but I don't even try when it comes that - All I'm doing is slowly getting better at playing the guitar.

Man, the fact that I struggled so much with finding any answer to this question must say quite a bit about me. I guess I do tend to feel inferior and flawed in many ways, but my job makes me feel insanely busy all the time nowadays so I guess I just don't have time to think about it. But it's there, I perpetually feel like an outsider and many times an outsider who shouldn't be an outsider...

How come you asked that question in response to my post?

I figured if you're good at something, or that you are spending time in something to become better at it, then you have something to feel good about. If you're teaching yourself to play the guitar that's pretty cool. And I mean anything btw, personality, hobbies, school, work... you name it.

Finally, I slept again since a couple of days, thanks to the sleeping pills. Even more pills now, but I don't really care as long as they help.
My doctor didn't want to give me the sleeping pills, though. He saw the cuts on my arms and was certainly concerned and I had to promise him I wouldn't try to kill myself with the pills. I can't promise that fully, so it was a kind of empty promise but all I wanted was to be able to sleep again.

Can I be a psychologically healthy person pretty please? No I can not.

Finally, I slept again since a couple of days, thanks to the sleeping pills. Even more pills now, but I don't really care as long as they help.
My doctor didn't want to give me the sleeping pills, though. He saw the cuts on my arms and was certainly concerned and I had to promise him I wouldn't try to kill myself with the pills. I can't promise that fully, so it was a kind of empty promise but all I wanted was to be able to sleep again.

Can I be a psychologically healthy person pretty please? No I can not.

Originally Posted by Crashyy

I've got so much to say omfg:

1) There's a girl in my class who's suffering from sleep paralysis. And she was telling our economics teacher that she wakes up at night quite alot unable to move and feeling paralyzed. She also hears footsteps and loud bangs and sometimes there's a tall shadow person standing right next to her bed. She described the entire situation like she's half asleep, half dreaming. But she didn't know what it was exactly. So I told her it's probably sleep paralysis, we searched for it on wikipedia and according to her, it's definitely sleep paralysis. I didn't tell her about lucid dreaming because the entire class was listening and I didn't want people to think I'm crazy haha .

I wonder, if not one great day in the future - you would even be taught about in school..

Originally Posted by Crashyy

2) Now remember my 'friend' who deleted me on facebook and refused to speak to me because I missed out one party? Guess who tried to add me on facebook yesterday, yep that same guy. I declined his friend request, 'cause I don't need any fake friends anymore. ^^

You sure know better - just because I started answering already - I was thinking - could it not be, that he saw how silly it was of him to delete you off the list, just because you didn´t come to that party?
Regrets it, because he likes you?

Originally Posted by Crashyy

3) This half term break went by so quickly. I've slept in for the past 7 days and I'm still so tired omfg. I really cba going to school tomorrow :c But I'm going to warped tour on sunday which is a huge festival in the netherlands. And alot of my favorite bands are coming. I don't have school the day after and I'm going to see bring me the horizon + pierce the veil live on wednesday. So I'm really excited for that.

Loads of fun - and less sleep-problems I wish you!

Originally Posted by Crashyy

4) Basically this has been bugging me for days. When you first take a quick look at my picture, you don't see anything strange right?



Now take a look again and compare my right eye to my left eye. It just seems like I have a 'lazy' weird looking eye. I've asked some friends about it. And they all told me they didn't notice. And that it's basically just me. But I don't really believe them, I think they're actually lieing to make me feel better. What do you guys think? The more I look at this picture, the more I hate it. It really makes me want to delete my facebook account.

You´re such a sweet looking guy - really - there must be lots of girls dreaming of you!
It makes sense, what people say about faces looking different when mirrored.
But I would say - you simply have your left eye a little less open than the right - if this is always so on every picture - like one, somebody else took - that would be a mini-asymmetry of your face - and these are the things, that make faces capturing and special.

It is soo slight in that picture - another pic on another day and it´s probably not there any more.
I felt compelled to post because I can remember how I thought, I looked horrible in my teens, and when I look at the pictures, I hated back then now, with almost 40, I can only shake my head in wonder - you really do look sweet as!!
Heads up!

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