Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Really depressed being in a house that's slowly disassembling (parents divorced, moving is imminent), wanting to just numb everything out, no motivation. Ugh. My girlfriend is really difficult to talk to over Skype, there's so much miscommunication because I'm used to showing things as I explain them, but I can't do it, and I'm doing my best to help her still and it just ends in frustration. I have no motivation to get a job and my money's running low... but after this mood swing hopefully that changes >_>

Originally Posted by Spenner

Really depressed being in a house that's slowly disassembling (parents divorced, moving is imminent), wanting to just numb everything out, no motivation. Ugh. My girlfriend is really difficult to talk to over Skype, there's so much miscommunication because I'm used to showing things as I explain them, but I can't do it, and I'm doing my best to help her still and it just ends in frustration. I have no motivation to get a job and my money's running low... but after this mood swing hopefully that changes >_>

I'm sorry you're having a hard time I hope it'll get better soon.... you still have all of us here

You don't see anymore gangster songs and shit like that anymore against police etc......i wonder why hmmm.?
Chamillionaire - Ridin' ft. Krayzie Bone - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSipXuqHt40

Spenner.
Explain to you girlfriend that you're feeling inadequate in your communications. I'm sure she would understand.
I would be frustrated and unmotivated to find a job too seeing how you're about to move. Do you know where you'll be moving? Sorry to hear about your folks

o.O you miss songs about violence against cops, Hathor? (My internet's too crappy right now to view the videos).

No real rants from me. But it's still early. I just woke up after going to sleep at 11:30. I died. And I took no Benadryl, so I recall no dreams. It was excellent sleep, though- the best I've had in a long time lol
No one called to wake me up. My boys didn't come back and bother me. My bird was actually silent (which NEVER happens ). So all in all, I guess this is a rave

I miss music videos/songs against police, i want more of that lol, plus there is some comedy in it.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Spenner.
Explain to you girlfriend that you're feeling inadequate in your communications. I'm sure she would understand.
I would be frustrated and unmotivated to find a job too seeing how you're about to move. Do you know where you'll be moving? Sorry to hear about your folks

Thank you Zhaylin~ we've discussed it and we both express mutual frustration with it, but it's all we've got for now, so we're thankful we have something at least. As for the move, I should be out of the house in exactly one more month. Lame.

Ahhhh I understand now, Hathor.

I'm glad you and your girlfriend understand the frustration. Shared burdens are often easier. If you know WHERE you're moving, you can look for jobs in that area. If you don't, I probably wouldn't even bother looking until after you're settled in.

My rants are that:
I took a Benadryl and fell back to sleep before midnight. I just woke up, so I got 12 hours of sleep on top of the 8 1/2 I had woken from 4 1/2 hours earlier. My dreams were intense and vivid but not really worth recording because they were the same 'ole same 'ole: animal bodies under a house (sometimes it's people) and me trying to hide them before someone discovers them. I'd like to know the significance of those dreams because I have them frequently.
Also dreamed of the RV and not being able to drive it; of getting lost; fighting monsters; being at court with a dead man who came back to life with a toddler's mentality.

That last one woke me because I have Court today for my oldest daughter (just a review). But I woke several other times to terrible pain in my fingers, wrist and knee. Ugh. So I slept terribly. BUT, I killed 12 hours which is what I wanted in order to make my cigarettes stretch til tonight when I go shopping. AND, I'll be able to wake up early tomorrow for GED with my boys and I'll stay awake in the car and read.

Another rant is that now that I'm trying to play Farmville again, my Flashplayer keeps crashing. Even when I'm not on the game I love that game lol But my computer hates it. I've updated everything, I clear everything (cookies, temp files, history) and nothing makes it work any better.

And now I need to rush off and get ready for Court. Being there isn't important, but I MUST speak with the Case Worker. She never returns my calls and I need to talk to her about my youngest daughter and all the crap she's going through. My oldest is doing great in College (at 17). In November, she'll be completely out of the system

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Ahhhh I understand now, Hathor.

I'm glad you and your girlfriend understand the frustration. Shared burdens are often easier. If you know WHERE you're moving, you can look for jobs in that area. If you don't, I probably wouldn't even bother looking until after you're settled in.

Huh? was this for me? lol...?

Rant for today: My ex-husband thinks our daughter has a learning disability....he says she can't speak proper and can't trace letters @ 4 frickin years old!
I told him knowing to write letters happens in grade 1 not JK! I ask him if he's going to listen to me? he says "no i'm not, you will see". I say yes we will see, we can't say yet, we are still waiting on a list! She can say her abc's count to 10 and sing some nursery songs, wtf more u want ex-"pathetic loser".

Only the first part was for you. The second paragraph was for Spenner It sounds like you ex IS expecting too much. What is he, a "tiger-dad"?

Court went as expected and I got to speak to the Case Worker afterward which was great. She told me she had been avoiding my calls until she could speak to my daughter, which she did. Basically, my daughter doesn't want me to call her, but to wait until she calls me. I can do that. One thing I am is patient. I know how to give people space when they need it. My daughter HAS said she needs help, which is a HUGE step for her and I'm glad she's reaching out. The case worker also said my daughter might be sent somewhere else to live.
That would probably be best. I know I'm not sending her those nasty text messages. The other likely people to be sending them are my sister and her family. It doesn't sound like something they would do though. Unless it's coming from one of the kids, just being stupid.

Sadly, however, the most likely person to be sending the texts is my daughter herself. She has a lot of anger toward me. I understand that. She may be lashing out, trying to get me into trouble. I understand that too. But if the cops truly are involved, I just worry about her getting herself into trouble. She's very manipulative. She's had to be (or felt she had to be). But she's my baby. I miss her.

Time to crochet some more...

(What the heck... I just got a bunch of errors saying the site was off-line. I tried the "live-version" and was able to post. I also keep getting a lot of McAfee warnings for DV)

I feel like an idiot

I think I could have done a lot better on my last two writing assignments. My instructor finally finished grading the last two modules and sent out response emails today. For both assignments she was apparently wowed. This always makes me wonder if maybe I set too high of expectations for myself, telling myself I could have done much better, or if my teacher isn't all that bright. I hope it's the former, but it still makes me wonder. I'm proud I guess, but I really hadn't expected to get good grades on them because they felt lacking. I had no motivation to do the assignments, yet I aced them. I suppose I should take into consideration that these were 20 point assignments and she probably wasn't expecting too much anyway. I don't even know. It's better to overachieve than to underachieve I suppose.

Attempting to potty train my almost three year old is quite a job. I've had him in underwear most of the day but he keeps wetting them. I suppose I should let him walk around in them wet for a little before he gets the idea that it's not comfortable. I think I'm just going to stop buying diapers. I really want him to be ready to go to preschool next year and this will make it a lot easier if he gets used to wearing underwear now. I don't think they let children in if they aren't potty trained. So I have a year to do this. Can't wait to be saving money on diapers. Hopefully with my youngest it will be easier since his big brother should be able to set an example when he's ready to do away with diapers.

Just rambling I suppose. Getting so close to being done with this associate's and I can't wait. I might have to delay going next year to finish to become a teacher, but at least I'll be qualified to substitute teach next fall and can get some classroom experience building up. Maybe it will help me decide if this is the right job for me before continuing. I was surprised that you could substitute teach with only 60 some credits. I guess I just still feel like too much of a student lol. I'm also really hoping my children's father will be willing to move in the spring, somewhere closer to my parents. I'm getting pretty burnt out on the people in this town. All they do is talk about other people and his friends are getting on my nerves. I found out the other day that one of his closer friends stopped hanging out with him because of me. I hardly even talked to this guy, ever. I'm kind of shy and to myself when people first meet me. It's hard for me to really be comfortable until I've gotten used to them and I think this is why his friends are so weird around me. I just see no reason why he would dislike me on any level. I've never been rude to him or anything. I think it may have been an excuse for him to not want to be around my fiancé. Because that's a pretty shitty friend if that's the case.

Karloky.

Great job on your assignments, Suena!
And yeah, people can be weird. And you can never please all people all the time. Some could jump to conclusions if you were outgoing- others, if you're shy. There's just no pleasing some people. If they're looking for an out, they'll usually find one.

Did I actually say I'd be able to sleep tonight for GED in the morning Hopefully I'll still read in the car instead of sleeping. The book I'm reading is very good ("People of the Longhouse") and I only read it while waiting outside of GED on Tuesday and Friday.

My rant is my finger. I've been to a doctor about it but she just brushes it off. I'm supposed to get an appointment with a rheumatologist (SP!!) but I'm beginning to doubt it will ever happen.
Here's my finger.
https://plus.google.com/photos/yourp...52948450770835
Notice the huge lump at my middle joint?

And here's another which barely shows the red spot which is always present
https://plus.google.com/photos/yourp...52948450770835

The Dsi takes a horrible picture but IRL, the spot with the bulge is a deep, bright red.
It's one the joints that REALLY bothers me in my sleep.

For a rave, I've had nearly zero appetite for the last several days.
Day before yesterday, all I had was a single serving of Mac and Cheese. Yesterday, I had the same cup of Mac and 2 pieces of pizzas.
I never eat all that much to begin with, so this is interesting to me lol.

Originally Posted by tommo

I guess I should start meditating and LD'ing again regularly instead of moving on to another love interest. It's very hard to fight my biological urge for a mate, feels impossible almost. Even went back to thinking about the friend I met up with the other day. Just completely stupid.
Meditation and LD'ing it is....

So, either the day after or two days after I posted this, (can't remember which now coz I've avoided writing about this since it's not much of a rant or rave) my ex's friend who I contacted said that my ex has a message for me "shes misses you too".

....

LOL! Fuck....

It's fucking fantastic, but it's hilarious that it happens right after I decide to just give up on that stuff for a while.
I told her to tell my ex she can add me and msg me anytime if she wants. And she did add me.
She's not talking a whole lot after the first two longer messages and I'm not sure what to make of that, I mean she was never a huge talker, but still isn't talking as much as I remember.
But she said she has missed me too and she thought she would never get to talk to me again.

It's very relieving to know I wasn't just alone in my needing to talk to her again, pining over an ex like a loser.

I don't know if she's married still or not, though. I don't really just wanna ask either. But she hasn't mentioned a guy at all and
has showed me pictures of her and her daughter and also she was sick the other night and said she has to take her daughter for a shower (which you would assume the guy would do if he was there). So.... maybe?

She also says we should catch up in the summer and go to the beach. Our relationship pretty much started at the beach, or at least that was right near the beginning.
So it's getting me hopeful, but I don't want to get too hopeful at the same time.
I'm gonna go in smart this time, I've been prepared from all the other experiences.
In any case, at least we're back in contact with each other and she's not just gone from my life completely and she's doing pretty well from what I can tell.

So.... I'm happy I can also listen to the music she sent me years ago without being on the verge of crying, so that's a plus as well

I have to study a good amount of things....make my presentation for school....do homeworks.......organize my things....there is so much to do that I think I will die.... I am really tearing apart.... I am barely sleeping..... having barely an average of 5 hours of sleep every day some days only 4 I am tearing apart I have too much things to do

Originally Posted by tommo

I don't know if she's married still or not, though. I don't really just wanna ask either. But she hasn't mentioned a guy at all and
has showed me pictures of her and her daughter *POTENTIAL CHILD SUPPORT RADAR ACTIVATED* and also she was sick the other night and said she has to take her daughter for a shower (which you would assume the guy would do if he was there).

So.... maybe?

Clearly you're just going by conjecture here tommo. Especially when she already has a daughter, the probability of there being another man is there, which would mean she's asking for the sake of being friendly with you and probably has a boyfriend or husband or in a cohabitation defined here. Of course, that's my deduction from the conjecture you're going through now, she may just be someone that you could get into back again, but man, even though I don't have any children and have absolutely no authority to make any suggestion on this, but dude, DAUGHTER, *WEEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO*, that's a reservoir of potential problems there.

But then again, that's just a slippery slope fallacy I'm using on you that because of that situation, somehow that will turn into hell for you. Maybe that won't happen, maybe it will. *shrugs*

For me personally, I don't care how hot/cute/smart/whatever set of qualities a female is (for this scenario of course), unless I can somehow have the income to sustain myself and potentially her and the child, and the actual perseverance and other factors........*shudders*

But again, like the other situations you got into, you had to make the execution into talking with those females rather than making blueprints and what ifs with us in this thread all the time. Either way, I hope things go well for you, and if anything happens, I guess you have us to throw ideas with and formulate contingency plans, since that's what we've been doing for quite some time lol.

But dude tommo, you're a freaking chick magnet though, I guess those times where you felt women didn't feel interested with you is because they were too shy to give feedback to you. Especially that older female I remember you mentioned that wanted to do the fadkjsfkdsjafkdfj ksdaffdsajfk with you.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

hehe, I do that wayyyy too often, Athylus. The sleepier I am, the worse it gets. I also switch up lyrics to different songs to fit my mood

Delayed gratification seems to be a dying discipline. I'm glad you can see the big picture, Athylus. In the long run, you'll be so glad you got the drudgery out of the way.

I live in the now. It's all about instant gratification. More often than not, I end up wanting to bang my head against a wall. But the future overwhelms me so it's easier just not to think about it.

Ninjutsu classes sound awesome. I wish I could get back into Kempo. I've not taken it since my teen-aged years but I loved it. Now I live in the Boonies and I'm always broke so it's not an option.

My rant is that it's bed time. I've been abusing Benadryl so I can sleep at night (1-2 pills knocks me out for 10+ hours). My boys have GED glasses tomorrow and I'm not sleeping in the car anymore. I almost died of heat stroke last time lol But nap or no nap, 4 hours feels like an eternity when your stuck in a car (I haven't the money for gas to do anything else- the place is too far away to go there, home and back).
I do love Benadryl dreams though. Hopefully I'll have enough time to write them down tomorrow.

Goodnight everyone.

I still have to make it though, which is hard. Got my first 2 tests next week but I'm gonna wipe the floor with them. At least that's what it seems like atm.

Sometimes I live in the now as well, which got me addicted to weed. I've only been smoking in the weekend when I have nothing to do the day after that since university. I recently found out it's called university of professional education, that's different from college right?

You should save up some money and take them! I looked up some videos and kempo looks very sweet, it also resembles ninjutsu in some ways such as joint manipulation and getting your power from your legs as well as using your whole body as one component.

Careful with those pills, I've seen a guy on the highway driving his camper while he was asleep. It didn't end well.

Now for my rant, I've also quit smoking for nearly a month now and I can't stop thinking about cigs lately. I have a pack of smokes in my room, I use those to roll a joint. So naturally it's very tempting to just get one and have a smoke with my dad (it's just the 2 of us in this big house). Also got in a fight with my best friend because we would stop smoking weed, but I decided I still want to do it in the weekends given the opportunity.

My life is slowly being puzzled back together, but there still remains a void and I can't quite figure out how to fill it up. It's so vague.

Oh my god this pain is so horrible... holy ***********************

Hemorrhoid pain... it's so embarrassing. But it's such torture. Imagine having rusty cheese grater buttplug. ;______; feels what i'd imagine to be similar.

I literally can't stay still because I'm wincing from the pain all the damn time. My doctor just checked it and said "Oh, yep. Thats a hemorrhoid. I used to have one many years ago, went away with time. Have a good day." :'c

I have some OTC cream to help it but it doesn't really help it much. Blah. Because of where the pain is, my sex life is totally distracted from (cannot at all stay focused/enjoy myself) and sleeping sucks, and just about any kind of physical activity that might disturb that area.......

This problem sucks. I just had to vent somewhere because I feel crippled as hell @_@

Spenner. If it's small enough, sometimes you can push it back in. Just take care not to bear down. Stool softeners can help in the future.
Hope it gets better soon!!!

Athylus. I quit smoking for 8 years and I would dream about smoking several times a week. When I was more stressed, I'd have more dreams. For me, at least, the addiction never went away which is how I fell back into it so easily. I wish you complete success.

Karloky. Make yourself squeeze in a break. Even if it's just for 15-30 minutes, do something that can help you unwind so you don't burn out.

Tommo. I hope much happiness for you.

My rant is a kink in my neck. I woke up with it and it hasn't gone away all day. I couldn't sleep last night and the boys didn't wake up in time for GED class (and they're adults, plus I didn't want to go, so I didn't wake them). I got about 6 hours of sleep earlier in the day so I'll crash tonight. They'll go to their classes on Thursday and Friday now.
I've spent the last 10 or so waking hours cutting up plastic bags to make "plarn". I've gone through almost 100 different bags (mostly gray Wal-mart bags lol). I think I'm finally burned out from it I'm not sure what I want to make yet. If I go for the yoga/sleeping mat, I'll need about 150 more bags *blah* Or I could make some rags for cleaning or some more pouches (they make great coke bottle or balled yarn cozies).

I'm still not really hungry but I should eat something more than the Broccoli Mac and Cheese and Slim Jim. Maybe I'll just go to bed. I think I'd fall right to sleep if I laid down now.

Originally Posted by tommo

So, either the day after or two days after I posted this, (can't remember which now coz I've avoided writing about this since it's not much of a rant or rave) my ex's friend who I contacted said that my ex has a message for me "shes misses you too".

....

LOL! Fuck....

It's fucking fantastic, but it's hilarious that it happens right after I decide to just give up on that stuff for a while.
I told her to tell my ex she can add me and msg me anytime if she wants. And she did add me.
She's not talking a whole lot after the first two longer messages and I'm not sure what to make of that, I mean she was never a huge talker, but still isn't talking as much as I remember.
But she said she has missed me too and she thought she would never get to talk to me again.

It's very relieving to know I wasn't just alone in my needing to talk to her again, pining over an ex like a loser.

I don't know if she's married still or not, though. I don't really just wanna ask either. But she hasn't mentioned a guy at all and
has showed me pictures of her and her daughter and also she was sick the other night and said she has to take her daughter for a shower (which you would assume the guy would do if he was there). So.... maybe?

She also says we should catch up in the summer and go to the beach. Our relationship pretty much started at the beach, or at least that was right near the beginning.
So it's getting me hopeful, but I don't want to get too hopeful at the same time.
I'm gonna go in smart this time, I've been prepared from all the other experiences.
In any case, at least we're back in contact with each other and she's not just gone from my life completely and she's doing pretty well from what I can tell.

So.... I'm happy I can also listen to the music she sent me years ago without being on the verge of crying, so that's a plus as well

Spoiler for ...:

I may regret bringing this up, because with this type of thing I often end up being wrong, but I guess if I'm wrong that's another reason to say it, so at least it will be clarified. I've been thinking the following about you for a long time, but haven't mentioned much because, like the "getting over procrastination" thing, even if it is true, you aren't going to believe it until you figure it out for yourself as you don't have the proper experience. I'm finally going to bring it up though because it's been bugging me every time I hear you make a post about any sort of relationship thing.

By 'proper experience' I mean you haven't been in a committed, long-term relationship before. I may be wrong, but if I remember correctly and if this is the same ex I'm thinking of, you were only with her for a few weeks. If it's someone else, or I'm remembering the time-span incorrectly, then I'm just going to look like an idiot here. But if it was really only a couple weeks, then there's no way you could have loved one another. I'm not going to talk much about love because that's a word that's hard to define. But I think you've really experienced something closer to infatuation every time you think you've loved someone romantically.

Ignoring definitions, the point I'm trying to make is that you may disappoint each other, and unless you're prepared for that it's going to be really harsh if it happens. Even assuming she isn't with anybody, and misses you as much as you miss her, and wants desperately to be with you again, unless you're extremely lucky, it probably won't work out. You couldn't possibly have gotten to know each other enough to decide you're compatible for life yet. Even if you were somehow great at communicating and learned a lot about one another, you couldn't have gotten accustomed to one another's habits and moods that quickly. You may have known her well during those few weeks, but people change gradually. To get an accurate picture of what a person is really like, you kinda need to be with them for months or even years until you can tell who they actually are despite their circumstances. Plus, you've been apart for so long you both may have changed. She may not be the same person you remember anymore, even if you were truly perfect for one another back then.

Instead, you both liked what you saw, and learned enough about one another to build a representation of the person in your mind you were infatuated with. Only, because you couldn't have had time to learn that much about her, there were a lot of blank spaces you had to unconsciously fill in. And when you're infatuated with someone, you're extremely generous with those blank spaces. You tend to assume the best about the person until you're shown otherwise. And, on top of that, because it's been so long since you were together, you've had a lot of time to dwell on her and your relationship. The memory of how great it all was has probably be warped with time, and you hold her up as this one girl who was perfect but you let slip away or something. And your years of not finding anyone else has probably further convinced you that she was perfect for you.

One thing that makes me sure you couldn't have had much of a relationship, besides everything I've mentioned, is the fact that you just drifted apart and stopped hanging out without a planned break up. That type of thing just doesn't happen between people who are actually in love or have an even somewhat serious relationship. Of course I think it's a good idea to go out with her if you got along well before because there could be something there.

Spenner - I knew a guy who had a hemorrhoid and he used to spend a lot of time sitting in a bathtub full of cold water.

Dianeva - I think you said that very well, and you're most likely right.

I went right to sleep after my last post. Gah! It was the worst sleep I've ever had. I kept thinking it was raining (my AC needs cleaned and makes lots of weird noises lol), I kept waking in severe discomfort/pain, I tossed and turned like never before. And my dreams were messed up on an epic scale. No benadryl lol. None for a couple days.
The last 5 hours were completely wasted.

Also, my thumb feels very weird (like the skin is too thick, loss of/strange physical sensation) and my finger is itching me to death again.

I am trying to get some sleep but I am exhausted like hell I came today from school and I laid on my bed and I almost couldn't get up it was so nice I fell asleep and woke up after an hour and I am still l tired like hell and I feel few very bad also in the past few days I feel a great need for food and for eating chocolate and things like that I don't know what with it has to do but maybe it's because I am exhausted so my body seeks energy......maybe not.... but anyway I feel extremely exhausted I could sleep for like 10 hours

On the day of Nevaeh birthday, of all days, my ex is going nuts cuz he got to leave!!! Ya it's hitting hard at you eh? You dunno what to do, you are fucked because of your ignorance. He prob going to join army, which he says hes thinking of, idc. Just another emotional show for me, fake too, just to see if i care.

In 14 days, my facebook will be permanently deleted (so I was told).

Been wanting to do that for a long time. Just to be sure, I deleted all my photos and some history and all my information. So done with it. It makes my sick to my stomach most days. Like riding a carousel--round and round and round. Blegh.

Anyway. I was planning on pawning or selling my flute from 5th and 6th grade band, but had the sudden inspiration to pick it up again and learn to play. I'm glad I didn't sell it a while back. It's worth more than anyone would give me. It's not silver or anything, maybe silver plated, but it still put a dent in my parent's checkbook at the time. The least I can do is learn to play the damn thing.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure if it's up to par since it has been sitting in dust for so long. It probably sounds like shit, but I wouldn't know what a bad flute really sounds like, so I guess I can still learn from it and if I get any good, I can buy a new, maybe an intermediate one.

So, this could either work out or this is just another manic episode. Getting wonderful inspirational ideas to better myself where it all falls to nothing. I'm always one who starts stuff and doesn't finish, ever.