Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

So funny ^^^

Yet so true.

hahaha i'm imagining a 28N cup right now, that would be ridiculous. i actually have the misfortune of being a 28 band size (b cup, though, so reasonable looking) and it's impossible to find a bra that fits properly -- the smallest size stores go down to is 30. tiny person problems . - . if i was a N cup i'd probably topple over.

It's my grandma's birthday and I don't really want to go to this lunch thing coz pretty much everyone on that side of the family sucks.
But I feel like I should go for her coz she'll probably die soon.
I hate when people are like "so, what are doing atm?" and my only answer is "nothing" because I don't work right now and they're not interested in anything else I'm doing.
Dunno if it's worth it. She'll probably last until my sisters birthday and I'll see her then without everyone else there that I don't like.
But it would suck if she died before that. Ugh, I dunno....

Originally Posted by tommo

I hate when people are like "so, what are doing atm?" and my only answer is "nothing" because I don't work right now and they're not interested in anything else I'm doing.

[Originally a reply but turned into a rant]

That happens with me too. When someone asks me how things are going, there's a lot I could say if I were to tell the truth. But they only seem to care about school, work and socially acceptable plans for the future.

It's weird that people in social situations like that seem interested only in the things that I and perhaps other introverts would consider boring. At my family gatherings, if I ask someone what's going on with them their response will be something like "I'm getting _____ degree and going to school for __ more years" or "I'm working at _____ and everything's going well." Basically, boasting about facts about themselves which they're proud of, but that I don't care about since I don't know or like them in the first place. Maybe if they were to tell me some personal things about themselves, give themselves some individuality, tell me what makes them unique, I'd like them and then I might care about the school/work situation. But if you're just a shallow shell of a person as far as I know, since you haven't bothered to tell me anything about yourself that might make me think otherwise, I couldn't really care less that you're thinking of applying to some prestigious university or that you own a successful business. You may be my cousin but I still don't know you enough to care.

I used to try to bring more interesting things up, like LDing or religion or biology or even things I'd expect the particular person to be interested in, since it applies to their area of study, but it was always met with awkwardness unless it somehow gave the person the chance to promote themselves. Even when I ask the person about their personal experiences and feelings It's like they're thinking "this topic has no ego-boosting potential for me" and they change the subject or briefly answer with obvious boredom before the conversation awkwardly ends.

I mean I understand not wanting to vent your personal experiences to strangers. I don't like doing that either, but maybe the reason I don't is because in my family's social circles, it's socially unacceptable. Maybe if people actually shared things that are relevant to human experience and which genuinely interest them besides how much income they're getting or hope to be getting, and they were interested in my responses or my own experiences in return, I'd actually enjoy talking to people.

It is pretty bad in my family and I don't think I'm exaggerating at all. I think it's a combination of living in a very rich city and being part of the Jewish community that seems to think it's better than everyone else. A few days after I got back from my 6-month trip to Wisconsin, there was a family gathering involving about 12 relatives I hadn't seen in almost a year and not one person asked me how my trip was. They just didn't care. I don't really like them so I wasn't upset that they didn't ask, but I was still astounded that they didn't. They probably thought I was pathetic for having gone on a trip or 'Wisconsin', this place that no one's heard of and which going to won't increase my chances of landing a good career. Not like when my cousin went to Japan and to Peru for some business or schooling thing. The whole family was raving about that for months because they were so proud of him for being able to put his adventures on his resume, since businesses like that. Nor did they ask about my boyfriend at all. They've probably been told he's some low-income hick and so they've decided to completely ignore the situation until I break up with him which they assume will happen. He stayed here for 4 months, they all knew he was here, but only my grandmother wanted to meet him at all, and she actually seemed to like him. She's the only person on my dad's side of the family that I like. And my mom has no family, since she was adopted from Australia and her real mother didn't even want to hear from her once she found her. It's fucking sad because she's stuck with my dad's family who's always hated her for not being a stuck-up bitch. But she lets them get to her and values the stupid shit they do now even though she says she dislikes them. She's a hypocrite.

It would be okay if I could just laugh at them for it, but in reality they get to me. They make me feel like a complete loser when I'm around them. Every time they ask me one of the only three questions they ever do ("are you working?", "how's school going?", "what job do you think you'll try to get when you've gotten your degree?"), and if I'm at a point in my life in which I don't have some fantastic reply that makes me sound successful, I can see this smugness in them mixed with a little pity. Every time I'm about to go over to one of their houses, I'm determined not to care anymore. I'll just find some place to sit and think to myself or watch other people if I can't find anyone to talk to, I'll just remain calm and everything will be fine. But it never works out like that and I always end up feeling like a loser. Ugh.. I could type a books-length about this but I'll just stop because I'm getting angry. :/

I hate thinking. I hate it so much. My mind never shuts the hell up. All I want is one... moment... of peace. It doesn't happen though. It's just patterns, patterns, patterns. Any thought going through my mind must have an intricate reason. Any perception I experience must have a neurochemical correlate. Any action I take must reflect a part of my personality. Any decisions I make for the future must have a multitude of potential consequences. Everything can be analyzed and broken into patterns and further analyzed and broken down ad infinitum.... My mind is unable to accept the fact that there are things it doesn't know. Every aspect of life is just another piece of the puzzle. It's never going to end. Please, shut this fucking thing off....

Here's doping tomorrow is a bit calmer. Time for sleep.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

[Originally a reply but turned into a rant]

This is ridiculously similar to my situation. I have nothing much to add, just found that weird.

I do find it weird that people don't talk about other stuff though, because I would say most people are just putting up a front anyway.
They're not who they try to appear to be, but they're all trying to fit in with other people who are just acting as well.
It's really weird. It would just be so much better if everyone could realise that everyone else is putting on an act, like some sort of perpetual play.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

I hate thinking. I hate it so much. My mind never shuts the hell up. All I want is one... moment... of peace. It doesn't happen though. It's just patterns, patterns, patterns. Any thought going through my mind must have an intricate reason. Any perception I experience must have a neurochemical correlate. Any action I take must reflect a part of my personality. Any decisions I make for the future must have a multitude of potential consequences. Everything can be analyzed and broken into patterns and further analyzed and broken down ad infinitum.... My mind is unable to accept the fact that there are things it doesn't know. Every aspect of life is just another piece of the puzzle. It's never going to end. Please, shut this fucking thing off....

Here's doping tomorrow is a bit calmer. Time for sleep.

My brain is exactly the same. The only way I can shut it off is by focusing on the external world with full awareness, and meditation.
Well, they're sort of both the same thing, I just do it while sitting still for meditation lol

Only problem is then I don't think at all.

Anti-rant: I went to the birthday, wasn't really that bad. I got there late so only had to stay for about an hour and just talked to my auntie (pretty much the only person I like there, not blood related so she doesn't have those crappy genes from that side of the family lol) and my grandma a bit, but I can't understand her coz she get's a stronger and stronger Dutch accent the older she gets lol.

Anyway, my conscience is clear now, if she dies soon (which everyone keeps going on and on about, which pisses me off, basically wondering when she'll die, which makes it enter my mind. They do the same thing for my dog, saying "oh, he's getting old, don't know how much longer he'll be around" not in those words, but basically that, and I never even think about that sort of thing, just fuck off with your bullshit and stop polluting my mind. The same thing happens with racism. Even with people making jokes about it. Skin colour never entered my mind until I started hearing other people mention it, even in so called "anti-racism" things etc. I still didn't even consider it for quite a while, but being on Reddit and everyone making racist jokes has made me consider it more, and I hate it. It's such an irrelevant thing. I don't even notice if you're the blackest African or the most..... Asian coloured Asian. It's just not a factor for me. Damn, it's so easy to get in to rants lol sorry about that) I won't have to feel bad for not seeing her for her birthday.

Ha, I said "doping". I must have been tired. Today's off to a good start already, woke up still with a headache. -.- Of course, I've had it nearly every hour of every day for a couple months now at least. It's driving my completely insane, I could not possibly continue to live my life like this. But this is day two of being sober. So hopefully it won't last forever....

Originally Posted by tommo

My brain is exactly the same. The only way I can shut it off is by focusing on the external world with full awareness, and meditation.
Well, they're sort of both the same thing, I just do it while sitting still for meditation lol

Only problem is then I don't think at all.

Yeah, I getcha. I probably should start doing that more since it's still better than just dealing with the constant thought stream. And after all I used to pay money for ways to stop thinking entirely, might as well take the opportunity to do it for free I guess. >.>

Anyway, thanks.

Also, I met you in a dream last night lol.

Went fishing.....custom made wallet fell in the FREAKING LAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by Auron

Went fishing.....custom made wallet fell in the FREAKING LAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For a minute there, i thought this was your dream lol! Sucks though.

I was going to rant about kids being huge bitches and about being in a state of complete human/emotional developmental standstill, but then today was amazing and I'll leave it to when I want to write about it.

But it's still two actual things though. Most of the time everything is so god damn rigid and set in stone, I never let loose and try anything because I'm uncomfortable - unless I'm with K.
And K was a huge bitch yesterday, making me realize that after all I'm really bad with kids - I'm a total pushover and the kids end up using that as much as they like, yesterday that was just a tad beyond my limits and I just couldn't do anything.

I find that life, in general, has become one long series of monotonous tasks, even when (and especially when) I'm trying to find entertainment.

It's always the same things. Effortlessly doing work, waiting for others to finish, viewing videos, reading, playing games.

The same things, all the time.

I need a hobby.

Just saw a big wolf spider on the wall when I went out for a cigarette. I couldn't even finish it and went back inside as quickly as possible.

That should be an anti-smoking slogan. "If you smoke you have to go outside at night. Spiders like to come out at night. Quitting smoking will minimize your chances of encountering spiders." I feel more motivation now to quit smoking than I did after hearing about all the health problems.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Just saw a big wolf spider on the wall when I went out for a cigarette. I couldn't even finish it and went back inside as quickly as possible.

That should be an anti-smoking slogan. "If you smoke you have to go outside at night. Spiders like to come out at night. Quitting smoking will minimize your chances of encountering spiders." I feel more motivation now to quit smoking than I did after hearing about all the health problems.

I wholeheartedly agree. I pretty much stopped smoking weed in the backyard after my mom told me she saw a black widow out there lol. If I had no other place to smoke it I probably would have stopped all together for some time.

I was looking forward to a new week and a fresh start, but I didn't sleep a wink and my stomach is on a non-stop merry go round. Ugh. I can't miss any more classes.

Originally Posted by hathor28

For a minute there, i thought this was your dream lol! Sucks though.

Nah....was real. I'm not too concerned about most of the stuff that was inside of it. But Limitless made the wallet for me. =( Also I just read the boobs thing....what a pick me up story!

I made this post soon after Tommo's reply, but DV kept giving me and "Error" that the page couldn't be found.
BUt I copied my reply to Notepad

"Why, thank you very much, Tommo
But why is it guys are usually so much better at this stuff My hubby's awesome at picking out clothes for me. I've known other guys with exceptional tastes too

Now, I just need to find my tape measure again.

all around.

No rants for me. Went shopping with hubby for boxes. He bought us egg "mcmuffins" from Sheetz. Mine was incredibly delicious!
Just finished eating. NOw I'm going to finish an episode of CSI Miami then play WoW all night.

Scratch that. I DO have a rant Hair. Why are there always stray hairs inside my clothes. I was typing here and felt an annoying tickle under my skirt. Sure enough, there were hairs. And it's mostly my hair! There's some dog and cat strands, but it's mostly mine. I swear my washing machine is crap. But hubby reminds me that dryers tend to remove all this stuff, not washers. I could live with it being on the outside of my clothes, but come on! The inside!
The other day, I was walking through Wal-mart when I felt that annoying tickle. I kept trying to figure out a way to discreetly look under my skirt Of course, I couldn't, so I just suffered the annoyance til I got home.
Why do these things annoy me so much lol "

Aly, Auron, Maeni, Silent

Hope you feel better soon NewArtemis

lol Dianeva. I get those suckers in my bedroom (not HUGE ones though, just run-of-mill sizes). I feel bad, but I squish them. They've wound up in bed biting me one too many times.
Black Widow's, however, I don't think I'd ever enter my bedroom again

My new rant is that I helped hubby move his 30 boxes (at 30 pounds each) into his basement yesterday. Ugh. He made a ramp and slid them down to me. I had a Dolly but it was way too much hassle using it for just one box (2 flattened the tires lol), so I carried them one at a time to their resting place in another room (about 10 feet away). They were a perfect size for carrying, but getting them off the ground was hardest. We worked none-stop and my gums throbbed and ached. WTH. I'm still curious as to why that happens. But then something even stranger happened. My ears ached as if I had been standing in the wind.
I was a little light-headed and sweating bullets.
About 15 minutes after working, I took my blood pressure. It was great at 115/86. But my pulse was still 115. It's not uncommon for my pulse to jump to 150 when I heavily exert myself. Could that cause those weird pains?

Anyhow, I'm very sore today lol

Another rant is my stomach has gotten back to "normal". I can no longer drink milk W.T.H.

Context really defines your perception

After reading Tommo's post regarding underwear, I've read Zhaylin post thinking she had went with her soulmate buy boxers, not boxes. Now I get it why that paragraph of sliding boxers that costed 30 pounds and had to be carried one at a time was so weird to me!

My computer is probably gonna die soon because it crashes periodically. Good news is my dad might get me a new one. I heard Asus computers are good. Any of you have any recommendations on what laptop I should get next? Preferably windows even though I want a mac. :p Plus I think I need a new battery as it isn't detected all the time. Edit: My computer also did this thing a while back where it went to the boot screen where that line blinks but stopped loading. I unplugged it, restarted it and it works ok now except for the crashing.

I have an Asus, and it's great. I HIGHLY recommend you add Linux to it. Use Linux Mint, and you probably won't even notice the difference between Windows and Linux. Linux also has Steam support, you'll be dual booting so if you play games and need Office you can get that. Linux tends to crash FAR less, viruses are next to impossible (but not impossible) to get, and a lot of development is going in that direction. I could help set you up if you wanted help. In fact, download this after backing up your data to Dropbox or Google Drive (both free and cloud based, so you can split your items. I can give you a little more with a referral, but it's only about 25MB extra). Puppy Linux is a tiny, full-fledged operating system. Partition your hard drive and install Puppy on this new partition. What this does is tell you if the crashes are software based (Windows is messed up) or hardware based (something is dying). If the former, you are able to get some more life out of your computer. If the latter, at least you did a back up.

My wife had her mother board fail, and we used a Live Disk of Linux to get in her computer and recover a bunch of stuff off the hard drive.

I don't quite know how to phrase this rant properly, I've tried starting with a few different sentences but none of them was right. I think I might just start typing and see what comes up. I feel like I'm losing touch with my humanity, like I've forgotten what it is to be really alive. But by humanity I don't mean as in being a human in the culture we've created for ourselves, but as in being just another part of the animal kingdom. It's like I've dissociated from nature. I used to feel connected to my animal instincts and just went with my desires, and everything made sense. Without this drive I don't know what I feel like, maybe some kind of machine at best. I used to feel this way back when I was really depressed, too, and I thought I'd escaped it. Now I just feel lost.... I think I've just become depersonalized from stress. I need to be revitalized.

I want to feel like an animal again.

Thanks Tiresias! Would I need to boot from cd? I don't have any cds at the moment. And I don't know how to partition a hard drive.

I don't want my time getting to explore this world to end prematurely, but honestly sometimes I find it really difficult to convince myself that living the rest of my life is a more appealing option than suicide.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

I don't want my time getting to explore this world to end prematurely, but honestly sometimes I find it really difficult to convince myself that living the rest of my life is a more appealing option than suicide.

You're not alone, don't forget about your friends who are rooting for you no matter what obstacle you must overcome.

If you have difficulty convincing yourself, don't hesitate to let others help you.

If you have Skype, I'll assist if you so desire - though I am hardly a professional.