Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Aly Sounds horrible! I hope you're doing much better now!!

Thanks Zhay, I'm perfectly fine now. It sounds like some strange idiosyncratic response, but it was actually perfectly predictable as far as the symptoms go, I just didn't expect to get nearly that high. The shaking, fast heart, and cold sweats are all anxiety symptoms that I've gotten while sober too, high doses of THC just makes them become much stronger due to a combined decrease in GABA levels (one of the body's calming or "feel good" chemicals, and the major anticonvulsant) and increase in dynorphin levels (one of the body's aversion or "feel bad" chemicals). It works on the same mechanism so being extremely high can make you have those symptoms by itself too as long as you take enough, but that often requires oral doses. If I had been expecting it, prepared for it in advance, and chosen a proper place and time for it it could've been a much more interesting and potentially rewarding experience. The effects like tunnel vision and feeling my surroundings and myself fading out of reality are something I would have actually been excited about if I didn't have company over and things to do and I was relaxed for it. THC really does have strong psychedelic and dissociative effects at high doses, so it's to be expected, but like I said, I just didn't expect it to hit me nearly that hard.... It's my own fault though, I've been wedging my way into the strong psychedelic weed trips for a long time and now things are starting to get really crazy. Once you bring that side of it out and explore it a lot the effects kind of start snowballing, in my experience anyway. But I've been smoking the same stuff all day and nothing's happened, it's just a matter of dosage control.

Rant: I type too much.

Anti-Rant: I'm going to go for a walk.

Glad you're doing better Aly

Link. Enjoy your holiday and NOT studying lol

My rant is that I cannot wake up today. It would help if I got off my butt and moved some I've been on Farmville for 5 hours. Seriously? How can that possibly entertain me for that long lol. I just get carried away redecorating.
Another rant is that I want to eat too much today. What the heck? When I have little food and no money, I want to eat everything in sight instead of making it stretch. When I have little food but some money, I horde my food. That seems backwards.

I have 2 Slim Jims (minis), a bag of Cheetos and 1 box of Nutty Bars to last me (basically) 2 weeks. Oh, and 2 bananas.
I have about 5 $'s in change, so that's either 1 pack of cigarettes or hotdogs (2, plain) for 5 days. OR soda AND hotdogs for 2 1/2 days.
I have 1 1/2 packs of cigarettes and 4 e-cig cartridges. Any normal time, that would last me about 2 days if I stretched it.
No wonder I want to go to sleep lol *sigh*

On the bright side, I have a crap-ton of coke cans to recycle. The proceeds are to divided 3 ways though between hubby (who saved them), my son (who has to pick up a bunch from the yard) and me (who has to drive to the place). Optimistically, I could get about $2.

Ugh... I need a job.

**EDIT**
I got up and moved around and got a slight bit of energy. My son and I moved the desk into my room and my mattress fits nicely on top of it. Of course, I need to use my storage crate as a step to get into bed but it's perfect. Well, almost perfect. As it is, I can't elevate the head of the mattress. That'll require a bit more thought and finagling.
PRO: The dogs can't get on my bed which means I don't have to remove my blankets every day and set my mattress on end.
CON: Where it is currently, the mattress blocks my AC (window unit). Which is fine for now but I'll have to find a better place by summer.

Before we could move the desk in, I cleaned my room. The floor takes moments to clean, it's my surfaces I need to focus on next.
Now I'm crocheting runners for the tops of said surfaces. Hopefully, they'll trap the dust better and then I can just shake them out and throw them into the wash.
But my previously broken wrist hurts a bit, so I'm going to have to call the crocheting off for the night.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

It's hard because you can't even feel sorry for yourself since you aren't the victim, even if you know you didn't have bad intentions. The best thing to do for me was to make it clear to the person that I wasn't interested in them as soon as possible, and they may or may not be willing to remain friends.

Unfortunately she doesn't want to stay friends; she gave me an ultimatum to which I had to answer no. "Either make it something more, or we shouldn't be friends." I can't do anything about it though. I'll still be here if she wants to be friends again some day, but that's on her now.

Originally Posted by ThePreserver

Unfortunately she doesn't want to stay friends; she gave me an ultimatum to which I had to answer no. "Either make it something more, or we shouldn't be friends." I can't do anything about it though. I'll still be here if she wants to be friends again some day, but that's on her now.

I'm sorry to hear that. It's better though than letting it escalate even further and the crash being even worse when she did find out eventually.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

I'm sorry to hear that. It's better though than letting it escalate even further and the crash being even worse when she did find out eventually.

We've gone over this before, though. I told her that I didn't feel the same way, we had a lull, but then we were friends again. Now that it's happening again I just don't feel like dealing with it. She's a great friend, and I'll miss it, but I can't force friendship anymore than she can force relationship.

In other news, someone on Facebook said "Fuck books." No, sir. Fuck you. Fuck you for being one of many reasons why the world is going to shit.

Social fears rant:

I'm so nervous around people I don't know well, some people more than others. My boyfriend's brother is one of them, probably because I get the sense he's judgmental and easily annoyed, even though he's been nice to me so far. I lived in the same house as him for a couple months and saw him at least once a week for four months after that. He's close to his brother so we ended up hanging out a lot while I was there. But I'm still extremely nervous around him, or at least of being alone with him. When my boyfriend's there too it isn't so bad because I'm not forced to directly talk with his brother so much.

He's never tried to talk to me online before, but about an hour ago he did. I have no idea why. Maybe the fact that his brother is leaving to stay with me in a few days and I'll soon be his sister-in-law has caused him to decide to start trying to talk to me more. Or maybe he was just in a social mood, saw I was online and decided to talk to me. Or maybe he just really wanted to play a game. He kept asking if I wanted to play certain games and I kept coming up with excuses. I told him 'tomorrow', but only because I knew his brother will be able to stay up late that night and play with us, so I don't have to be alone with him. I was playing Penumbra while this conversation was going on and could no longer even think about solving the puzzles. My heart was beating fast and I kept talking to myself without conscious intent, which I seem to do when I get nervous. It seems like an attempt to occupy my mind with other things. Things like:

"What the fuck. What the fuck. It's not going to work. It's not going to work. It's not going to work. You are a terrible person. Why? Why? Why? Why? God damn it why? Don't do this to me. Please don't do this to me."

I tried to calm myself down but it wasn't working, to convince myself it didn't matter, that there's nothing to be afraid of. But my stomach was churning, I couldn't think about much else and felt uncontrollably terrible. I'm better with social anxiety than I used to be (when I was a teenager I'd react this way during and after pretty much every social interaction, now it's just with some people). What if my boyfriend ends up not being able to play with us tomorrow, and he asks to play? I'm almost considering signing out of Steam tomorrow except when I know he's going to be online.

Game glitch rant: I was playing Penumbra: Black Plague, a few hours into the game, when I encountered a glitch. I only realized it was a glitch after trying to solve it for about 25 minutes and finally checking a walk-through, which I only ever do when I'm pretty sure there's been a glitch or have been stuck on something for hours. It turned out there was a soda can on the ground I was supposed to pick up and put on a shelf, but the can isn't there. The room I'm in is so little it couldn't have gotten far, but I've looked in every inch of the room. So now I'll have to start over.

Sorry Dianeva, it sounds like you're imagining things. What evidence do you have that he's judgmental and easily annoyed? And what evidence do you have that he isn't these things? You said he's been friendly so far. He probably just wants to know you better as you're an important person in his brother's life, videogames are a fun and easy way of building social interaction.

Play the game, have fun, break down the inhibitions!

Have you considered treatment for your anxiety? because it's pretty much the best thing for it, bare nothing. In the mean time, look into meditation and CBT as things you can do yourself for free. Doing a bit of cognitive self-therapy when I feel my anxieties are running away with me works wonders. Whenever you have these thoughts simply ask yourself 1) Is this thinking rational? 2) Is there any evidence for this thinking? 3) Does this thinking help me in any way?

The guy just wants to get to know you

I'm feeling exceptionally lonely, I miss all of my friends whom i used to have, that were true friends. I feel like my friendships now are just fake...
On a lighter note...I had a hang nail thing on my thumb which was hurting so i put a bandaid around my thumb last night and all of a sudden this morning my thumb hurts extremely bad, when I touch anything (even lightly). I think the area around the beginning of my nailbed is a bit swollen so when I touch something it puts pressure on it.

I can sympathise, Erii.

My rant is that I feel cut off from my friends that I had at school before I moved to Uni this term. I split with my girlfriend in February and was pretty screwed over for months after, then exams happened. And I kinda... just let go... I didn't make the time for these people I dearly cared about, thinking they didn't give a shit about me, or held the breakup against me as my gf was pretty central to our friendship circle.
There's been virtually no contact. I don't know what to do. I've let my assorted complexes and neuroses cut me off from my friends and I hate myself.

On a similar note, I can't stop myself becoming infatuated with almost every attractive girl I meet who gives me the slightest attention. Don't get me wrong, I've made friendships, and I basically function socially, I don't find it difficult talking to girls, even attractive ones. It was so easy when I was 15 and asked out my ex (giving some indication of the time scale of the relationship), I remember saying, 'you want to go out with me?', bam! roll on the next 2.5 years.
So I'm experienced actual relationships, but dating is virtually alien to me. This is complicated further in that, while I consider myself really good a perceiving chemistry between other people, I can't gauge a girl's attraction to me AT ALL. I overthink everything, and what seems so significant is just a construct of my overactive internal monologue. It's psychological and emotionally exhausting.

The picture of Uni as this place where you meet tonnes of people to date wore off pretty quickly, most girls don't seem interested in dating, as if this isn't the time of our lives when we'll come in contact with the highest concentration of people of the same age who share so much in common, etc.

I just feel lonely. I want someone to share this amazing world with. I miss being with someone.

Dianeva.
I don't have anxiety like that, but I do log out just to avoid interacting with pretty much anyone. It's not that they make me nervous or I doubt their intentions, I just have no brain and nothing to talk about so instead of making myself feel stupid, I avoid. I don't chat. Ever.
I also use anxiety as an excuse not to talk to people. Like, sometimes I'll get a random FB message from someone. I'll be polite and friendly then apologize in advance because "I have anxiety and don't communicate well". They usually never message me again
Perhaps you could tell your soon-to-be brother-in-law something similar like 'I'm not brushing you off. I just get anxious chatting with people- even friends and family. Stupid brain of mine, lol.' Maybe the two of you would then have a good laugh (though at your expense ) and the ice will be broken?

Or you could just force your way through it? If you do, I hope you have lots of fun.
Ctharlhie is also right. I couldn't imagine my life without Celexa and my p-doc. I used to be a trillion times worse than I am now.

ThePreserver That just sucks.

My rant is that Mr.Monthly has stopped by. Also, I'm very hungry and I want a Coke.
SO, looks like I'll be venturing out.

Anti-rant: I friggin LOVE my bed. The dogs whined at me several times throughout the night because they wanted to join me but couldn't I also managed to NOT fall out of bed even though I still tossed and turned a great deal. Imagine a bunk bed. You have the lower and upper bed. If there was a middle bed, that's about where mine would be lol. It's friggin wonderful.

Originally Posted by Ctharlhie

I just feel lonely. I want someone to share this amazing world with. I miss being with someone.

I know that feel, bro.
You should get a cat (or some kind of companion animal). It really helps stop the loneliness, especially if you live by yourself.

Originally Posted by Erii

I'm feeling exceptionally lonely, I miss all of my friends whom i used to have, that were true friends. I feel like my friendships now are just fake...

I'm sorry to hear that Erii, especially for a sweet girl like you. Even if your true friends are not there for you now, just remain true to yourself. I don't know what grade you're in, I'm assuming High School, but it'll get better in college, if that's what you want to take.

Maybe those same friendships you have that are fake, not that I'm trying to suggest you to really do this, but when it comes to acknowledging the memories with your true friends, and then having to tolerate with "barely" adequate friends, you're going to compare them a lot with the originals in your heart (I'm sure you know this).

Maybe you should give them a chance, a new start that is devoid from comparing the true ones since it's going to take time, just like how long it took to have bonds with true friends.

Maybe they're just immature now, and they're not up to par with your maturity yet, but who knows, they might see the error of their ways and become people you can respect and are worth your time.

But even if they don't end up like that, at least you'll have maturity that's going to continue to grow. A lot of people during that time are probably just overwhelmed with things, where they're going to head in life, that they might look like they're "fakes."

I really believed in some of the convictions of a few of my friends, they were down-to-earth, had practical ambitions, and they had people to fill in the gap of loneliness.

I just couldn't keep up with them because I wasn't grounded to this world as much as they were. My preferences and ideologies started to change, and they weren't a match to them anymore, and every time we would communicate, I would feel like it was a "fake" portraying of respect to them.

I don't know, that was the case for me, but what I'm trying to say from all that is that you're going to keep changing your preferences and what you think, it's inevitable. These people you meet now, maybe they aren't a match to your own character as a whole, so that's why they're probably "fake."

Maybe they're trying too hard, or maybe you're not willing to give them a chance because of the unconscious standard you have for your true friends.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, and I know I'm not any better at this stuff at all either, but I just feel that maybe you're not being as confident with those friendships.

Either way, just stay true to yourself like you're doing, because nothing is worse than having true friends who are there for you, but you had to lose ground on your own ways of thinking to get there.



---

Rant: None.

Anti-Rant: FUCKING NARUTO SHIPPUDEN....MANGA 610!!! GOING TO READ THAT....I hope it's a good chapter Kishimoto!!!

Originally Posted by Ctharlhie

I just feel lonely. I want someone to share this amazing world with. I miss being with someone.

You will in time, and from some of the posts I've seen of yours on on-topic (I know that's probably not enough merit for judging), you're a pretty intelligent man. And I agree with you on the dating stereotype of college/university. What I do know is, you'll have your chances at grabbing a few of them if you're lucky to have them for class.

Just pretend you don't understand a concept to the girl(s) (the more the merrier , joking, but up to you), then whatever they say (it won't matter of course), just put off a quick thank you and introduction of yourself and your name...and she'll give your hers, and hopefully she'll be like "Oh mah gawd" or "tip of the mornin' to ya" and you can go far from there.

They don't feel like dating because they're in the same position as you are, being so indulged with exams and all, but if you take the mechanics of that, and make it sociable, you'll be the guy you were back then saying the magic words and BAM.

Or you can get a cat like Snowy suggested.

Everytime I have a long talk with some girls from my school they end up saying after like 3 hours "wow, we should hire a bus again to have another of these conversations...luaghter, joy etc etc". I swear every time girls think I'm a friggin genius or something.
For example two days ago I went on an art exhibition for school and I was talking to my friend about DMT and all of a sudden two popular girls just started listening in (I aint really popular, kinda friends with everyone but still have my own group), they were like "wow you are so smart" and from then on I spent the entire 3 hour bus ride talking to like 6 girls about meaning of life, hunting, lucid dreaming and other stuff. They would all say that I was like really logical and smart becuase I had reasons for believing stuff.
Now it makes sense that they would be intrested since like 90% of irish guys have the brain capacity of a potato, but to call me philosophical and smart .
Point is girls are incredibly smart, even more so then guys. They just cannot not be part of a group, which stops them from thinking about things and just accepting what other's have to say. It's a shame that nearly all girls act like they don't know things but I know that the potantial is there.
Not that I should be complaining it seems to be getting me a lot of good attention

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

I'm sorry to hear that Erii, especially for a sweet girl like you. Even if your true friends are not there for you now, just remain true to yourself. I don't know what grade you're in, I'm assuming High School, but it'll get better in college, if that's what you want to take.

Maybe those same friendships you have that are fake, not that I'm trying to suggest you to really do this, but when it comes to acknowledging the memories with your true friends, and then having to tolerate with "barely" adequate friends, you're going to compare them a lot with the originals in your heart (I'm sure you know this).

Maybe you should give them a chance, a new start that is devoid from comparing the true ones since it's going to take time, just like how long it took to have bonds with true friends.

Maybe they're just immature now, and they're not up to par with your maturity yet, but who knows, they might see the error of their ways and become people you can respect and are worth your time.

But even if they don't end up like that, at least you'll have maturity that's going to continue to grow. A lot of people during that time are probably just overwhelmed with things, where they're going to head in life, that they might look like they're "fakes."

I really believed in some of the convictions of a few of my friends, they were down-to-earth, had practical ambitions, and they had people to fill in the gap of loneliness.

I just couldn't keep up with them because I wasn't grounded to this world as much as they were. My preferences and ideologies started to change, and they weren't a match to them anymore, and every time we would communicate, I would feel like it was a "fake" portraying of respect to them.

I don't know, that was the case for me, but what I'm trying to say from all that is that you're going to keep changing your preferences and what you think, it's inevitable. These people you meet now, maybe they aren't a match to your own character as a whole, so that's why they're probably "fake."

Maybe they're trying too hard, or maybe you're not willing to give them a chance because of the unconscious standard you have for your true friends.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, and I know I'm not any better at this stuff at all either, but I just feel that maybe you're not being as confident with those friendships.

Either way, just stay true to yourself like you're doing, because nothing is worse than having true friends who are there for you, but you had to lose ground on your own ways of thinking to get there.

I'm just thinking back to my best friend I had when I was younger (like age 4 lol) up until middle school/early highschool, and we just faded apart. Then my ex, who was my complete best friend but we obv faded apart as well and haven't really talked in a couple years. My friends "now" (that I'm referring to as fake), I've had them since we were like 11 but I just don't feel like I can be myself around them, we don't connect the same way that I did with my "real" best friends. With the other 2 people I mentioned, it was just completely honest and tangible, we would talk about important things, not just superficial shit. Like you said, they're not a "match to my own character", which is totally right and probably why I feel dissatisfied. I just have high standards because of the 2 I mentioned before, they were just such real friendships, and they were both guys hahaha. They were mature and pretty similar to myself...my friends now though... I just can't act like I really feel or say what I really think because it's just not that way. I am grateful for them,we have good times, but I can't help but compare them to what I miss from the past friendships that were more genuine. I feel so nostalgic about the past because I want it back so bad ugh. Sorry this is probably so corny and redundant. sigh.

For all the lonely souls out there.
RL friends are over-rated. If I need to interact I play with my pets or go on-line. Does that sound rude? lol It's almost as if I'm saying the great people of DV are my pets But that's not it at all.
There's too many expectations IRL. You get pulled in too many directions. On-line, you find people with similar interests. You don't have to fake interest for the sake of being a good friend.
Because of on-line communities, I never feel lonely. But I have VERY minimal social needs though lol. For people who are movers and shakers and like to do stuff, I could see how vital RL friends could be.
I do miss human CONTACT, though, at rare times- like hugs and stuff.
More for everyone.

My rant is that I missed some posts.
Also, my stomach is MAJORLY rebelling over the 2 hotdogs I ate. It must've been the relish. I only get relish if I can't afford cheese and/or bacon.
I'm also suddenly drained of energy and I want to crawl back in bed
Maybe it's stress over tomorrows activities. Hubby and I were invited to spend Thanksgiving dinner with one of his Tech's families again. Last year went wonderfully, but it's too much interacting for me. I also never returned one of their tuperware containers so I'm embarrassed about that. I don't even know what happened to it. I have no money to buy them a replacement and I hate showing up empty-handed.

Originally Posted by Erii

I'm just thinking back to my best friend I had when I was younger (like age 4 lol) up until middle school/early highschool, and we just faded apart. Then my ex, who was my complete best friend but we obv faded apart as well and haven't really talked in a couple years. My friends "now" (that I'm referring to as fake), I've had them since we were like 11 but I just don't feel like I can be myself around them, we don't connect the same way that I did with my "real" best friends. With the other 2 people I mentioned, it was just completely honest and tangible, we would talk about important things, not just superficial shit. Like you said, they're not a "match to my own character", which is totally right and probably why I feel dissatisfied. I just have high standards because of the 2 I mentioned before, they were just such real friendships, and they were both guys hahaha. They were mature and pretty similar to myself...my friends now though... I just can't act like I really feel or say what I really think because it's just not that way. I am grateful for them,we have good times, but I can't help but compare them to what I miss from the past friendships that were more genuine. I feel so nostalgic about the past because I want it back so bad ugh. Sorry this is probably so corny and redundant. sigh.

You're acknowledging your feelings, it's perfectly fine Erii. I guess you're the type of person who wants to find more people to spread feelings and trust towards to.

You know that you can't let go of the past, because they were some of the most precious moments you've had with them (and look at you, two guys at once huh? Hahaha just joking).

You should keep them varied and categorized, because again, the high standard you have for genuine friends, you know it's not going to work, because again, you want people that get things right there to you, honest as they can, and as genuine as they can....it won't work out your way all the time with others.

Maybe your more gregarious than I am, and you just want to find good people to express yourself to.

But just know that the friends you have now, yes, they might not have the same level of maturity that you're seeking from before, but acknowledge that friends are going to be varied.

If you keep speculating on finding only true and genuine friends, you will be in a world of hurt because you're constraining yourself. I'm saying this because I'm assuming that based on what you post, you're a person who's wants to be sociable and considerate of other people.

Friends, again, are a reflection of who you want to be, and what you seek to improve on. You felt a match to these people before, but now, they're "fake."

Imagine if you felt depressed at some point, based on how you were feeling now, you would find friends that would match whatever it is that you're trying to express and fill...be it closure, love, etc.

Now imagine you got over the depression, and you're back to being cheerful, you're going to try and find people to align to that same character you are at that given time.

It's just a sign you're continuing to evolve from your older feelings, but you still have those strong ties with your previous true friends (which is perfectly fine). But you can still appreciate those friends who aren't up to that caliber as they were.

Part of being a friend, to me at least, is kind of like a compromise. You'll have people that satisfy everything you could want as a true friend, but you'll have people who aren't up there as yet, and you will just have to accept that people won't change so easy to fit what you want.

Treasure those few people that have that honor, but at the same time, acknowledge those you had friendships before. They were your friends because at that time you met them, they were a match of your character at that time.

In retrospect, it seems does obvious and redundant on my end, but you are changing. And it's just going to augment as you progress. Don't just limit your endeavors to only trustworthy and genuine friends.

Have some stupid friends. Have some smart friends. As long as you know who YOU are, you can still enjoy your time with whoever you spend your time with.

And no, what you're saying wasn't corny or redundant. It's what you're thinking, so it will feel like you're repeating things (like how I'm doing :cheeky). You know what you're thinking and what you really want, and that's a good thing.



In short, how we go about finding friends is based on the personality we take part in at the given time.

By seeking gaps to fill based on what that given personality at the time (present time) lacks, once it's satisfied, in retrospect, these same people won't trigger those feelings anymore, because you'll want to find something else to satisfy. So how do you solve that dilemma?

Just acknowledge that these people you've met are a reflection of yourself, a derived part of your whole personality (which isn't just one trait). Whatever feelings you have right now, it's not the whole you.

Just like Zhaylin stated, you're going to be pulled in many directions

The whole you is the totality of all those aspects, those directions, you were indulging in at the time you chose to express them. The moment you acknowledge you shift through those varied traits constantly, the more you can appreciate your other friends.

Think of it this way. Some will be your light, some will be your shadows.

You acknowledge that you have your shadows, they don't make you a bad person, it's who you are, not as a whole, just from a different standpoint. The same goes for those who are your light, the people you desire, the people you want to express honesty to.

And like with shadows, you might feel tempted leave those aspects behind, and focus on the light instead. That's just fine, there's just some things we want to forget and let go of. Just remember that you have them, and that is what makes you genuine and a good friend to people.

Sometimes what you considered your shadows will be the new light you take part it.

I'm being a bit too Jung theory-ish in my analogies, forgive me.

Got given loads of physics homework and just thinking about 3 hours of Chemistry tomorrow makes me feel bored

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

You're acknowledging your feelings, it's perfectly fine Erii. I guess you're the type of person who wants to find more people to spread feelings and trust towards to.

You know that you can't let go of the past, because they were some of the most precious moments you've had with them (and look at you, two guys at once huh? Hahaha just joking).

You should keep them varied and categorized, because again, the high standard you have for genuine friends, you know it's not going to work, because again, you want people that get things right there to you, honest as they can, and as genuine as they can....it won't work out your way all the time with others.

Maybe your more gregarious than I am, and you just want to find good people to express yourself to.

But just know that the friends you have now, yes, they might not have the same level of maturity that you're seeking from before, but acknowledge that friends are going to be varied.

If you keep speculating on finding only true and genuine friends, you will be in a world of hurt because you're constraining yourself. I'm saying this because I'm assuming that based on what you post, you're a person who's wants to be sociable and considerate of other people.

Friends, again, are a reflection of who you want to be, and what you seek to improve on. You felt a match to these people before, but now, they're "fake."

Imagine if you felt depressed at some point, based on how you were feeling now, you would find friends that would match whatever it is that you're trying to express and fill...be it closure, love, etc.

Now imagine you got over the depression, and you're back to being cheerful, you're going to try and find people to align to that same character you are at that given time.

It's just a sign you're continuing to evolve from your older feelings, but you still have those strong ties with your previous true friends (which is perfectly fine). But you can still appreciate those friends who aren't up to that caliber as they were.

Part of being a friend, to me at least, is kind of like a compromise. You'll have people that satisfy everything you could want as a true friend, but you'll have people who aren't up there as yet, and you will just have to accept that people won't change so easy to fit what you want.

Treasure those few people that have that honor, but at the same time, acknowledge those you had friendships before. They were your friends because at that time you met them, they were a match of your character at that time.

In retrospect, it seems does obvious and redundant on my end, but you are changing. And it's just going to augment as you progress. Don't just limit your endeavors to only trustworthy and genuine friends.

Have some stupid friends. Have some smart friends. As long as you know who YOU are, you can still enjoy your time with whoever you spend your time with.

And no, what you're saying wasn't corny or redundant. It's what you're thinking, so it will feel like you're repeating things (like how I'm doing :cheeky). You know what you're thinking and what you really want, and that's a good thing.



In short, how we go about finding friends is based on the personality we take part in at the given time.

By seeking gaps to fill based on what that given personality at the time (present time) lacks, once it's satisfied, in retrospect, these same people won't trigger those feelings anymore, because you'll want to find something else to satisfy. So how do you solve that dilemma?

Just acknowledge that these people you've met are a reflection of yourself, a derived part of your whole personality (which isn't just one trait). Whatever feelings you have right now, it's not the whole you.

Just like Zhaylin stated, you're going to be pulled in many directions

The whole you is the totality of all those aspects, those directions, you were indulging in at the time you chose to express them. The moment you acknowledge you shift through those varied traits constantly, the more you can appreciate your other friends.

Think of it this way. Some will be your light, some will be your shadows.

You acknowledge that you have your shadows, they don't make you a bad person, it's who you are, not as a whole, just from a different standpoint. The same goes for those who are your light, the people you desire, the people you want to express honesty to.

And like with shadows, you might feel tempted leave those aspects behind, and focus on the light instead. That's just fine, there's just some things we want to forget and let go of. Just remember that you have them, and that is what makes you genuine and a good friend to people.

Sometimes what you considered your shadows will be the new light you take part it.

I'm being a bit too Jung theory-ish in my analogies, forgive me.

Hey haha one of them was a childhood friend, there was never romantic feelings, so that doesn't count! lol

And I'm not gregarious at all .-. that's the thing that makes it hard to find make new friends. But if I do find someone, which i have those 2 times, that I CAN be fully expressive to, that's what I miss. That's what I want again. I do have one specific friend now though, that it's like that with but they're online :c still though, it's all i got.

Thank you so much for your response, it made me think and realize a lot (maybe I already knew it, I just didn't accept it as much). <3

When you have very specific interests and passions it can make it difficult to find people you have a meaningful and lasting connection with, but when you do it's all the more rewarding

Thanks Ctharlhie, I think you misunderstood a lot though.

Originally Posted by Ctharlhie

Sorry Dianeva, it sounds like you're imagining things. What evidence do you have that he's judgmental and easily annoyed? And what evidence do you have that he isn't these things?

Observation of his behavior, his expressed judgments of others, etc. The usual ways people gain evidence for things. 'Judgmental' might be simplifying it a bit and I could be more specific, but the point is that he makes me nervous.

Originally Posted by Ctharlhie

You said he's been friendly so far. He probably just wants to know you better as you're an important person in his brother's life, videogames are a fun and easy way of building social interaction.

It's not like I thought he had malicious intent or anything. I knew he was trying to be friendly. But that didn't make me any less afraid to be alone with him.

Originally Posted by Ctharlhie

Have you considered treatment for your anxiety? because it's pretty much the best thing for it, bare nothing. In the mean time, look into meditation and CBT as things you can do yourself for free. Doing a bit of cognitive self-therapy when I feel my anxieties are running away with me works wonders. Whenever you have these thoughts simply ask yourself 1) Is this thinking rational? 2) Is there any evidence for this thinking? 3) Does this thinking help me in any way?

It's not bad enough to need medication. As I said, I used to get this way often but now I rarely do. It's rare enough that I decided to post the problem on here. Even posting on this forum would have made me anxious a few years ago but I barely feel a hint of it now. Plus, if I had taken medication years ago when it was really bad, I might have still been dependent on it today and wouldn't have gotten as well as I am myself. Reason and evidence are pretty important to me. I ask myself similar questions often, and I did (not in words but they were answered). I don't consciously decide to be anxious, so realizing that there's no point to it doesn't make a difference. As I said, I tried hard to make myself realize there's nothing to be afraid of, but I continued to feel the same level of anxiety.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Dianeva.
I don't have anxiety like that, but I do log out just to avoid interacting with pretty much anyone. It's not that they make me nervous or I doubt their intentions, I just have no brain and nothing to talk about so instead of making myself feel stupid, I avoid. I don't chat. Ever.
I also use anxiety as an excuse not to talk to people. Like, sometimes I'll get a random FB message from someone. I'll be polite and friendly then apologize in advance because "I have anxiety and don't communicate well". They usually never message me again

Sorry to hear that. From your posts it seems like you have things to talk about though.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Perhaps you could tell your soon-to-be brother-in-law something similar like 'I'm not brushing you off. I just get anxious chatting with people- even friends and family. Stupid brain of mine, lol.' Maybe the two of you would then have a good laugh (though at your expense ) and the ice will be broken?

Now that you say that, I think I had a conversation like that in person with him while drunk. But he just told me not to worry, to get over my fears, pretty much the same thing Ctharlhie said. It's like people don't understand this isn't consciously controlled. Maybe it could be compared to stage fright (which interestingly I don't experience, I don't have to interact with any audience members so I don't get nervous).

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Or you could just force your way through it? If you do, I hope you have lots of fun.
Ctharlhie is also right. I couldn't imagine my life without Celexa and my p-doc. I used to be a trillion times worse than I am now.

It might be nice to have for certain cases, like when I go somewhere in which I know I'll have to interact with a lot of people, or before job interviews.

Rant: Traffic was so bad today. It was pretty much stop and go on the highway. I got to see a close friend of mine from school today for the first time in a little while but the amount of time we had to hang out was cut drastically shorter because it took me so long to get home from errands.

Anti-Rant: That same friend though told me about how he's throwing down with a couple of his friends to open up a gay afterhours club in the city and it's going to have a VIP lounge. I definitely need to go hang out there. Knowing him he'll gravitate in the most awesome crowds and DJs.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Anti-Rant: That same friend though told me about how he's throwing down with a couple of his friends to open up a gay afterhours club in the city and it's going to have a VIP lounge. I definitely need to go hang out there. Knowing him he'll gravitate in the most awesome crowds and DJs.

Man, that sounds cool! I wish MY friends owned clubs...

Rant: I hate it when people begin to ask for a favor by saying something like, "Hey, are you free <insert date here>?". If I say yes, then it usually turns into something horrible like, "good, because I'm moving and need your help with the heavy stuff", and since I already said I'm free I can't make an excuse without sounding like a total dick. If I say no, I might have missed out on something fun, and if I can't think of a good reason for being busy fast enough I STILL sound like a dick. Argh...

Originally Posted by SnowyCat

Man, that sounds cool! I wish MY friends owned clubs...

It's the same friend who fell asleep in the shower.

Originally Posted by SnowyCat

Rant: I hate it when people begin to ask for a favor by saying something like, "Hey, are you free <insert date here>?". If I say yes, then it usually turns into something horrible like, "good, because I'm moving and need your help with the heavy stuff", and since I already said I'm free I can't make an excuse without sounding like a total dick. If I say no, I might have missed out on something fun, and if I can't think of a good reason for being busy fast enough I STILL sound like a dick. Argh...

Take a third option. Ask "What for?" before you respond. No one can call you out for that, you can genuinely have time for some things but not others.