Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Hehe, that's okay, since you wouldn't enjoy the threesome aspect of it it'd basically be for her sake, and she doesn't sound like she deserves it anyway.

mmm slapping balls

why does male junk in any way, form or fashion, ALWAYS turn me on

this thread is kinda gay

Originally Posted by greenhavoc

this thread is kinda gay

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

mmm slapping balls

why does male junk in any way, form or fashion, ALWAYS turn me on

Hey, there is NOTHING wrong with that. I accept you for who you are. You are the epitome of what women should be. A lady that just doesn't care what other people care about her. That figure the exhibits a motherly vibe, and is lady like, with a slight touch of warmth and lust.

You should not be ashamed, you're awesome. You're like the only female on DV I know that can go "OMFG LOL YOU SAID BALLS!!! ROTFL"

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

why does male junk in any way, form or fashion, ALWAYS turn me on

That turns me on.

rofl You guys are great!!

Tommo, I love giving myself tattoos. Of course, they LOOK worse than bad jailhouse tats, but they all mean something to me and that something means even more because I made and gave the tat myself. I also trust myself more than other people. Plus I'm cheap. I can eat for 2 weeks or get a tattoo professionally done.
And seeing how I've been a cutter most of my life, I know well how to sterilize my tools and doctor the area.
I've always used cigarette ashes for coloring, so ink is a very new concept. That's why I'm going so slowly with it. I know my body doesn't reject ashes and ashes take very well to my skin (skin color, tat color stability).

My rant is that I woke up from an intense dream feeling like I had a medication hangover. I just spent an hour recording the dreams
And I have weird sores low on my right buttock. The sensation has been bothering me for a couple of days now. It's a sore, but when I've felt the area, it just feels like dry skin. I finally looked in a mirror and it looks like the largest spider bite in the world. There are actually 3 "dry" spots forming a triangular shape. The spider would have to be as big as a large dog though, so I have no idea what actually caused it. The area even looks a bit bruised
The only things that make sense are: bed sore lol. I sit on my bum wayyyyy too much and I favor the right side. OR, they were caused by the dogs claws. The boys have problems with jumping and I tend to turn my back to them when they do

It's also WAY to freagin early for me to be awake, so I imagine I'll be crawling back into bed soon.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

And I have weird sores low on my right buttock. The sensation has been bothering me for a couple of days now. It's a sore, but when I've felt the area, it just feels like dry skin. I finally looked in a mirror and it looks like the largest spider bite in the world. There are actually 3 "dry" spots forming a triangular shape. The spider would have to be as big as a large dog though, so I have no idea what actually caused it. The area even looks a bit bruised
The only things that make sense are: bed sore lol. I sit on my bum wayyyyy too much and I favor the right side. OR, they were caused by the dogs claws. The boys have problems with jumping and I tend to turn my back to them when they do

hehee... neither my tats NOR the sores are THAT bad
My daughter's trying to teach me how to give chemical burn tats (somehow using Axe Spray Deodorant) so maybe then....

An anti-rant is that I asked hubby for a couple of cokes so I didn't have to go out with the Church Crowd. Then I remembered that he was going to recycle some older food our way, so I asked him to do so. I not only got 3 Cokes but a Pepsi and some Vitamin Water as well as some Tuna "Lunch to-Go". some 2006 Beanies and Weanies, some new Cheese (he thinks tastes weird and wanted my opinion) and a while box of Reese's Klondike Bars that he's just sick of eating.
The cheese tasted gross to me but my son liked it.

Mixed rant/rave: Under our bathtub seems to be the newest kitty cat make-out spot. Or at least the stray I dubbed "Lovey" wants it to be but the stray Gorgeous is having none of that. Gorgeous is a medium hair Calico. Her colors are [drum roll please] absolutely gorgeous (thus her name lol). Lovey is a short haired gray cat. Cocoa was going crazy, so I removed the cover to under the tub (kicked the dog out of the bathroom) and there he was. I talked to him (it was the first time I'd ever seen him) then he started coming up to me, giving me love bites and rubbing up against everything. He was the most affectionate stray I've ever met. He would poke his upper body out of from under the tub, but when I pulled him out he freaked out and ran back under.
I heard a growl during all this time and saw Gorgeous in the insulation.

Rant: I'm still sleepy. I went back to sleep until about 11:30 and I had some freaky-weird dreams that I'm glad I barely recall. My anxiety seems tolerable at this point, so I'm going to skip the Clonazepam and see if I feel any more alert throughout the day.

Rant:

I'm excited that I'm motivating myself to try and do shared dreaming by meeting a certain someone on the dream plane, but at the same time, I feel like I'll just be wasting her time if I do succeed. I would like to make this like a romantic thing, but now, I'm too afraid to go into that. So I'm thinking about just doing it as being Dream/Astral buddies rather than potential twin souls.

I wouldn't want to ruin interaction with this person if things fail, but I guess I should take a risk, but I'm just afraid.

I don't want to push my mind too much into this, but I have to, because when I don't it keeps being an asshole in making me think that dreaming is not worth it anymore (I had a bad streak of bad recall recently).

Ugh....and I have a Political Science Exam next Friday, I should be studying, but I just don't freaking know what to do. I'm not really afraid of this exam, in fact, I think I'll destroy it, but I know that overconfidence might come and bite me in my ass. I think of the class as the Psychology 107 class where I just had to cram vocabulary terms (and watch videos quickly that could be on the exam), and managed to get an A.

I want an A in that class, but the constant thoughts of succeeding in Biology and Chemistry keeps manifesting more and more and more. I just want to split my mind already...there's just...too...many...distractions. It's not DV, it's the thought of worrying if I'm going to do well or not in all of my classes.

I know for sure I'll get an A in my Biochemistry Seminar class...because if not, I just might cut my wrist...because this is probably going to be the easiest Biochemistry class I'll EVER take. But it's just Biology that really PISSES me off, I'm doing perfectly fine in Chemistry (for now, just memorizing equations and all that fun stuff).

Biology is so weird, it's like a thorn on my side. It doesn't tempt me to study for it, but it knows that if I don't embrace it, I will not get the grade I'm looking for. Constant thoughts to motivate myself to study for it become apparent, but it's the fact that I'm taking two science classes AND two science LABS makes the workload much more CRAZY and just too freaking much.

But I tell myself to just STFU and stop complaining, because I know there are people putting in 20+ hours for one semester in college, and they still manage to succeed. I'm only putting int 15 hours of credit, but that's because I'm a freshmen, so I won't have priority compared to sophomores and above in getting more classes to add on to the hours.

I want to develop the facade that just turns into a full-blown masochist, enjoying every pain as I bleed my eyes studying terms over and over just long enough to do well on the exam. But at the same time, I have to take it to another level of masochism because I have to apply some concepts to certain scenarios. I think of it as masochism because this is the type of class that will not be useful in work skills that I will need in the future. It's one of those classes that is so broad in the fields of science that I just want to fucking stab it's throat, drink the blood and just laugh manically.

Sigh......whenever I feel like this, my body just has dull sensations all over, like something is just sucking the life out of me. It's like a pain I've grown to love more. It's not depression, it's just the fact that I have to go through this bullshit like any other person in college has to go through. Knowing that 95% or more of the information taught in the courses will not really be useful in real life, only for an idealist who believes they can rule the world.

I really hate that, when I finish with undergraduate study, hopefully get a job or go to graduate school, I'll just have the mentality of the average joe. It's like shifting my megalomaniac mentality into an ordinary human being. I hate that, to have so much ambition, only to regress to this bullshit I have to cope with. It's like telling a child they can become an astronaut someday, but they end up having to deal with office work instead.

Not a big of a deal, just an annoyance that makes itself apparent from time to time. I try to convince myself to just stop whining, but it's just so invigorating...

Add trying to find Kaomea in my dreams, and I can already tell that I will have too many layers to keep track of. To be serious in my studies, and to let my mind become free of caution and responsibility as I dream. I'm still struggling with incorporating lucid dreaming to give me a sense of relief. To be a human being in waking life, and to become something better in the dream plane and/or astral plane.

It feels I'm getting myself into too many experiences, but that's what I want, I don't want to be bored with waking life. Why can't I acquire the mentalities to have dreaming as an escapism to make waking life more tolerable? I know I've complained about this before, but it's just so bloody confusing!

UGH!!! I'll just calm down....just calm down link













Also, is it me, or whenever I have a crappy day, I look forward to eating something as a motivation to think "Hey, I can tolerate this bullshit because I know I'm going to start eating some nice food!"

Like looking forward to pizza rolls lol.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

hehee... neither my tats NOR the sores are THAT bad

Oh lol no I meant that maybe you were being attacked in your dreams by Freddy Krueger and thats how you got them! Sorry I sometimes have a wicked logic.

Originally Posted by Link

Also, is it me, or whenever I have a crappy day, I look forward to eating something as a motivation to think "Hey, I can tolerate this bullshit because I know I'm going to start eating some nice food!"

Like looking forward to pizza rolls lol.

What are pizza rolls? That sure sounds interesting.

Originally Posted by Meeps

Oh lol no I meant that maybe you were being attacked in your dreams by Freddy Krueger and thats how you got them! Sorry I sometimes have a wicked logic.


What are pizza rolls? That sure sounds interesting.

Spoiler for Pizza rolls :):

I was just using it as an example, because I remember one day I was at the laundromat, I looked forward to eating those to prevent myself from being too miserable with my crappy days.

I have other means of motivation (Sweet and Sour Chicken at the Vietnamese Restaurant or Fried Rice at the Sushi place)

It's sad, I know, but hey, Food is always there for you as long as you have the money for it.

And I love how I spent the day doing basically nothing, I know I'll regret this, but just screw it lol, I don't care anymore, I'll have enough time on Mondays and Tuesdays to get things done.

I need to change my mentality about the workload I have....but I bet my mind is going to say something else later on

I am apparently an idiot. I know not to mix alcohol but found myself drunk off of a combination of 4 different types last night. Tequila, Baileys, cider and wine. The hangover was terrible. Even while still drunk I found myself puking like 5 times, then when I woke up I did again several times, and even self-induced vomiting for the temporary relief.

I have an insurmountable amount of homework to get done today, so I knew I had to get rid of it as quickly as possible. I felt sick again so forced myself to puke yet again so that I could eat something replentishing and go for a walk. Only water was coming up by this point, and after vomiting that last time I felt less nauseous but was shaking uncontrollably. I then ate, wondering if I'd even be able to keep the food down, and went for a walk, listening to classical music, which was felt really good. When I have a hangover I tend to go by the general rule that, if something feels good to do, it's probably good for me, and that seems to work. Unlike while in my usual state, when I have a hangover I start to crave only extremely 'natural' foods, like vegetables and fruits, eggs, etc.

I cannot express how fucking stupid I feel and cannot remember what the fuck I was thinking.

Also, there are ants all over my desk. They need to fuck off.

Anyone else having trouble with the site not loading?

I did for a while, just mostly for control panel

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Also, there are ants all over my desk. They need to fuck off.

"To Mom
from- you know

Do to content of last envalope you can probubly tell im a bit crazy and unstedy.
But i will make you a deal.
if you can get me a tranzfer to a noter foseluty [even a mentel foseluty]
i will cum completly clean on all things.

Thus if you have to i give consent to sow the past content to the DHHR or my JuJe
or you can ask my JuJe to gev me a now mintel test thang you know like the 6-hr one ray tok and i took in my first plasement
-->

i write this becos not a day gos by aney more that i dont want to kill myself
and it's geting tiersum

plus u know the content of last leter

is making me want to run
and belev me
you wount find me

i-ned- medecasin four both thos thangs and the only way im cuming clen to eny body else is if im plast wher i havent ben and do not now eny body.

ples and thank you
love- me"

WHAT THE HECK?!!!
Yes, my sons spelling is always that horrible. He's dyslexic and slightly learning disabled. He remembers what he hears though and excels at tests if he can give the answers verbally.
But that's beside the point.
I broke down and asked his brother if he knows anything about any of this- if the kids were having massive incestuous orgies or something. My oldest boy thinks someone is messing with his brothers head because none of this sounds anything like the boy we know and love.
Now I'm wondering if he's schizophrenic or something.

He called tonight and asked if I read his letter. I didn't know there was one. He had drawn me a picture and placed it in a folder and the letter was tucked under the other side.
I don't know what the heck to think. Earlier in the week he told me to destroy his original letter (I didn't) and now he wants me to show the DHHR?! We have ALWAYS perceived them as Enemy #1. And medication?! He's always been ADAMANTLY against meds.
And what the heck is JuJe? Juvy? His case worker?

Now I have to call the State and see what they recommend.

My bf came to my house at noon yesterday and slept over. He's the most adorable thing ever; he fell asleep when we were cuddling. And I'm normally the one who falls asleep first.

But that was the only good thing about the past two days.

Today, I was in the worst mood ever. When my bf left, I suddenly just got really irritable and bitchy. My aunt is still in the hospital and I ended up getting pissed off at my dad because he told me to go see her again, even though she was feeling fine and nothing was 'wrong'. This was the fourth time in just under two weeks that I've seen her, and we're always there at the wrong times, like tonight when I was feeling mad at everything. I got so cranky at the hospital that I was restless, hot, and I started feeling sick. I was sitting right next to my aunt but I walked out on her and my dad because I was feeling like crap.

Why the fuck did I do that. Maybe it's just hormones or something?

On the topic of hormones, my monthly visitor just came yesterday and it was supposed to come on the first. So I've been rather sick waiting to finally get the hell over with it.

Also, two or three days ago, my sister got the worst cold imaginable, complete with nosebleeds, wet coughing and all that wonderful stuff. So an hour ago she just randomly decided to be funny and come into my room, cough on me, and then walk out. She wasn't expecting to cough blood, which had probably gotten into her throat from her nose, on me. BLEGH!

I spent forty bucks on a hoodie with a fur trim on the hood... I stuck it in the washing machine, everything was fine. Put it in the dryer under low heat, just like the instructions on the tag said, and the fur is now all curly and fucked up. The same thing happened to my stuffed animals with long fur on them and we never learned if there was a way to fix them. Now I'm out forty. I also have eighteen bucks in my bank account and only fifty in cash, and I was planning on getting a Jets jersey for myself. I'm flat-out broke and I have no idea how the heck I managed to spend all my savings in less than two months.

Looking back on this post, my thoughts were all over the place, some things probably don't make sense, but whatev.

The laptop wouldn't boot. Had to create a bootdisk from the desktop just to get to the point where I can get Windows to start. I'm scanning with Windows Defender right now, and it's going in to 4.5 hours.

If that fails to find anything I'll be spending the next couple days either running some major programs (already have a list of them) or reinstalling everything.

<<<metaphorically kicks the computer

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

i will cum completly clean on all things.

I lol'd at the spelling error.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

And what the heck is JuJe? Juvy? His case worker?

My guess is "judge".

I don't know what the first letter said so I can't really respond to your post in a meaningful way.
Sorry this is happening to you.

EDIT:Friend from the other post started talking to me on fb. She's denying everything. I may post the conversation here
when it reaches it's inevitable friendship ending conclusion.

Ok, she decided to be a little bitch about it....

start of conversation, totally random.

Her: why did u sleep on the chair

Me: why is that a question

Her: cause i woke up felt awful that id fallen asleep and didnt check on u

Me: i'd think the answer would be fairly obvious

Her: your just gona have to yell at me..i always get this part wrong

Me: hmmmm well.... friends having sex - go sleep next to them. Oh wait! that's in a universe where that's not fucking disgusting

Her: that was not going to happen
and i could have set up, other places for u too sleep like the sleeping bags if u thought that

Me: what do you mean not going to happen? you're denying that?

Her: that i was gona sleep with [guy she fucked] with u in the room
that was not goin to happen

Me: it was happening
i heard you fucking for like an hour

Her: lol what
thats stupid

Me: it's not really a mistakable sound

Her: still think it's silly

Me: why

Her: A i dont remember being awake for a hour
B yes i may (< lolololololololol) have hooked up with [guy she fucked], no u were never going to be invited to be a part of that in a room. Prob just would have ended everyone went to sleep
i brought an ipod into the shed

Me: i literally have no idea what an ipod has to do with anything. B is irrelevant. A, I was exaggerating; point is I did not want to be there.

Her: ipod was for if u 2 were gona snore i wasn't gona listen to it
just saying you should have atleast set u up with a sleeping bag or you know ur own room or something

Me: ok

Her: just dont sleep outside again ok...go into my house sleep on the couch make a sandwich from my fridge dont care just be indoors
im going to bed catch

Lol.... pretty sure I'm never gonna be in that situation again. At least, definitely not gonna be at her house again.

So frustrating that she just wouldn't even admit it. I really thought she was gonna be like "sorry I left you alone while
we fucked even though I hadn't seen you for like a year and it was like the worst catch up ever coz I was just
screwing around and also screwing that guy the entire night and I know I'm a fucking whore and a shit friend
and sorry you just wasted your entire night and it was awkward as fuck and you got massive deja vu because it felt just like you did in high school
and primary school and in fact every outing or party you've ever been to in your life where you're just completely "out" of the
social circle of that group and don't fit in at all and just sit there feeling like shit because everyone else is enjoying themselves
and they all get each other and you're stuck there just being left out in every dimension you could conceive of".

Or something along those lines.

Instead she horribly and passively (my biggest hate) tries to lie that they didn't do anything, and then says they may or may not have had audible sex,
and completely ignores the fact that I was left alone and was completely out of my element walking in to that party in the first place, (she knows I'm a massive socially awkward penguin)
but I went anyway because she wanted to see me and I was there to see her, for her and not there to see her random friends or just to travel an hour and a half to get drunk.

This shit just reminds me of all the bad situations I've been in with friends that are almost identical in their base problems/principles.

It may sound like the sex is the main thing that bothers me, but it's not.
I mean that was really shit to do, and I didn't like it. But the main problem is really
that I thought I had gotten over these shitty friendships, but this feeling was exactly the same as I had in all
my other friendship situations. I thought I could actually connect with someone on even
a basic level and that someone actually liked me for who I was, and not some act that I have to put up
to be accepted by anyone.

It's just shit like this that makes me realise I am truly forever alone. Friendships and all.

I was gone for one day. There are four dream journals and fourteen threads to check (including this one). I can only imagine the horrors that would occur were I to be without internet for a week.

Originally Posted by tommo

I lol'd at the spelling error.

....
It's just shit like this that makes me realise I am truly forever alone. Friendships and all.

I cropped the quote cause it's annoying to quote big posts
I missed the first rant, is it far away?
That conversation between you two is really confusing. First she denies it... Then she says that she DID hook up with him (with lololol, what's that about?) and tells you you should have slept elsewhere... Really confusing.
She sounds like a bad friend. Sorry for you. :/

Stayed up all night, got most of what I needed to done. School in 15 minutes. That uneasy feeling of sleep deprivation.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

I was gone for one day.

Somehow I noticed.

Originally Posted by tommo

...

From the convo you posted that girl sounds annoying and defensive, like she was constantly trying to make it look like it wasn't her fault (from blaming you instead of herself for you sleeping outside, to accusing you of potential snoring). In that situation, at least, it doesn't sound like you're the problem, she just isn't a very good person.... And you're probably wrong about no one liking you for who you are. I'd be surprised if you ended up alone.

Goddamit, why does my dad always comment while I play video games.

Like when I play Uncharted Online and I have the most kills hes like "WTF YOU SHOULD HAVE MORE KILLS @:<". I mean like calm down, Our team is winning >_>. Even if I have like 0 deaths and like 17 kills hes like "OMG YOU MISS A KILL THERE WHY U NO GOOD AT THIS GAME!? EVEN I COULD PLAY BETTER!!" But then I say "then why don't YOU play" and he finds some nonsensical reason why he won't play.

Then when I play Dark Souls he's like "Why aren't you playing a REALISTIC game? Like Uncharted? This is like.... fantasy, and fantasy is fucking ass tits stupid crap that sucks dicks"

He actually WANTS me to play Call of Duty, while I don't want to play Call of Duty, which is probably the exact opposite of every other household O_o

/random rant

Dianeva, oh god, bad memories. >.< My worst hangover ever was from a day-long mixing of different alcohols, adding up to nineteen shots and two beers. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like poison-tipped claws were squeezing into my brain. I'm glad you got most of your work done, though. Also...

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Somehow I noticed.

...aw.

Puffin, that sucks. :\ Especially the part where you got blood coughed on you.

And tommo, I have to agree with above comments, she just doesn't sound like a good friend or possibly even that good of a person. I'd try not to take it too hard, some people just aren't considerate at all.

Solarflare, what the hell? Why does your dad care so much about what games you play and how you play them?