Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I definitely understand that
It just humours me how my body reacts to certain things. My BP is rarely ever that high (pain induced most likely) and my pulse is never that low (breathing control?)

I probably will start with 1/4 of Valium and go from there, checkin gmy pulse to make sure all is well.

No more Chimi's for me, THAT is for sure!!!!!!

Yeah, I was a little surprised at the difference between your pulse and blood pressure. Alright, just remember to take it slow, and good luck getting to sleep. Stay safe, Zhay.

Originally Posted by Pensive Patrick

Woah this thread moves so bloody fast I can't keep up. Everyone just has to be more happy please!!!

heheh, this thread truly is a shitty mess

hahaa... when I'm feeling a bit better, I have to go back and look again. I think I somehow missed most or all of an entire page

I am feeling MUCH better, though. THe pain is at a very manageable 3
My BP has come down to 130/86 and my pulse has risen to 75 (still low for me but I'm not complaining. I just think it's interesting.) I no longer have to breathe through any sort of pain.
But now I'm further curious and wonder if that approach could help with my anxiety attacks. For pain, I tend to take shallow breaths and hold it, let out and repeat. I'm going to have to try that next time...

I'm going to have to call hubby's office manager/bill payer and tell her I need to see a Dr. and to make sure the bill gets paid. I don't see Dr's because he refuses to pay whatever the insurance doesn't cover. I don't understand why. But I need to at least have my gallbladder looked at. I have a (*ahem* wishful) theory that I'm not really fat, I'm just bloated from a multitude of gallstones If only But I do worry about how many more I've undoubtedly developed. When I was first diagnosed.. sheesh... back in 1996 when I was pregnant with my youngest, they said I had several sizable stones.

I'm glad to hear you're doing better. Vitals sound fine, too. That sounds like a really sucky problem to have, though. :/

Yeah lol
There's no need to check my vitals other than my accursed curiosity. Even when I'm in pain, I can't seem to overcome the need to understand more
I used to make my parents so angry because I'd complain of a headache, for instance, and they'd tell me to take some meds. I told them I didn't necessarily WANT meds, I wanted to understand WHY I had the headache to begin with and maybe I could stop myself from getting another one
They never understood that. Called me a hypochondriac
Nooooo, I would think I had a brain tumor or was dying or something. Sheesh.

I am now almost completely pain free. If I push on the area, there's still some tenderness but that's it. *whew* My pulse is even back to 85 which is where it *should* be for me. Which is another thing I fail to understand. A lower pulse is supposed to be a good thing, right? But my resting pulse has always been around 85-95. Go figure....

I guess I will try to get some sleep now....

I have no one to talk to. Just want to get some feed back or ideas on what the fuck I should do!
I just feel so depressed right now. Every time I try talking to even my mum about something I've thought of for a job or study, she basically says nothing.
It's almost necessary to have another person's input in these situations.
The most she's really said to me is "If you'd have done science subjects in school and gone to Vet school straight away you would have finished this year". (end of last year)

I really wish I had done that tbh. So many people kept saying "It's never too late, you can always do it later on" No one ever said it would be this hard.
Now take me back to the staaaaart. Little Coldplay there.
Oh god I'm fucking insane. Seriously though, fuck those people. Coz I literally cannot go back and do it again, because I have no money to do it!
Wanna give me $10,000 for that shitty advice you gave me 6 years ago? thanks....

It's like I'm just.... stuck. I was starting to get somewhere after all these years of depression and anxiety and OCD and.... just utter loneliness....
I got a job, made some good art, made a few friends, I now only have maybe 3 friends IRL, one I never see anymore, started talking more which I'd never done in my entire life,
I was about to keep studying what really interests me.
Now I'm just stuck! I can't go anywhere from here!

I've just been constantly switching from "It doesn't matter, I'll at least get to travel the world and see amazing things.... But then I'll have to work really crappy jobs anywhere I go to get enough money to travel and live.... But it might be worth it.... Maybe I could have traveled too if I became a Vet and worked with someone else so I could take long holidays or something.... Fuck I wish I had kept studying science in school.... I just want to fucking go back, why the fuck did I do this.... I know I can't go back I just have to accept it.... It doesn't matter now, I'll make the best of this situation and use the opportunity to do something I enjoy besides work.... I'll travel, that's really what I wanted to do.... maybe I'm just deluding myself, but maybe it is really what I would love the most, even if I have to take a crappy job"

FUUUUUUUUCK! It's like those thought loops Alyzarin was talking about before, but not exact same thoughts every time. They progress a little, but they still really aren't going anywhere.

I don't know anything.

Originally Posted by tommo

I have no one to talk to. Just want to get some feed back or ideas on what the fuck I should do!
I just feel so depressed right now. Every time I try talking to even my mum about something I've thought of for a job or study, she basically says nothing.
It's almost necessary to have another person's input in these situations.
The most she's really said to me is "If you'd have done science subjects in school and gone to Vet school straight away you would have finished this year". (end of last year)

I really wish I had done that tbh. So many people kept saying "It's never too late, you can always do it later on" No one ever said it would be this hard.
Now take me back to the staaaaart. Little Coldplay there.
Oh god I'm fucking insane. Seriously though, fuck those people. Coz I literally cannot go back and do it again, because I have no money to do it!
Wanna give me $10,000 for that shitty advice you gave me 6 years ago? thanks....

It's like I'm just.... stuck. I was starting to get somewhere after all these years of depression and anxiety and OCD and.... just utter loneliness....
I got a job, made some good art, made a few friends, I now only have maybe 3 friends IRL, one I never see anymore, started talking more which I'd never done in my entire life,
I was about to keep studying what really interests me.
Now I'm just stuck! I can't go anywhere from here!

I've just been constantly switching from "It doesn't matter, I'll at least get to travel the world and see amazing things.... But then I'll have to work really crappy jobs anywhere I go to get enough money to travel and live.... But it might be worth it.... Maybe I could have traveled too if I became a Vet and worked with someone else so I could take long holidays or something.... Fuck I wish I had kept studying science in school.... I just want to fucking go back, why the fuck did I do this.... I know I can't go back I just have to accept it.... It doesn't matter now, I'll make the best of this situation and use the opportunity to do something I enjoy besides work.... I'll travel, that's really what I wanted to do.... maybe I'm just deluding myself, but maybe it is really what I would love the most, even if I have to take a crappy job"

FUUUUUUUUCK! It's like those thought loops Alyzarin was talking about before, but not exact same thoughts every time. They progress a little, but they still really aren't going anywhere.

I don't know anything.

Hey, I can really relate

over 75% of your post is mirroring either my life situation in general, this morning or this present moment. It's like I can't get anywhere, start anything, get into connection with anyone 'till ym off this loop. And travelling part too. Vet, not so much

EDIT: RRCC place to start your every day

Tommo your situation sounds awful.

What about doing just a boring job until you raise enough cash to go back to school so you can become a vet eventually?

Originally Posted by labyrint

Hey, I can really relate

over 75% of your post is mirroring either my life situation in general, this morning or this present moment. It's like I can't get anywhere, start anything, get into connection with anyone 'till ym off this loop. And travelling part too. Vet, not so much

EDIT: RRCC place to start your every day

It's the end of my day now hehe
In fact I probably should be in bed now.
1:11 AM exactly
I'm sorry you're in the same situation, mindset, it really is horrible.

Originally Posted by Pensive Patrick

Tommo your situation sounds awful.

What about doing just a boring job until you raise enough cash to go back to school so you can become a vet eventually?

I think that's what I must do. I feel like I should travel though as well, this year, to get some more general life experience and sort of put the world in to perspective I guess lol
The thing is I'm 22 now, and I just feel like it's going to be too late if I go back to starting on that path when I'm 23. It already feels too late.
I also figure stuff out and then forget the brilliant, rational points I made, so I get stuck in this self-doubting, irrational and emotional loop.

You probably are correct though. It looks like the only option, and I suppose I could save up, then go on a "working holiday" thing if I can find one for a couple of months.
Or even just travel inside Australia, go on a massive motorbike trip.

I feel a bit better now, so I will sleep before I start to feel shit again lol

Thanks you two!

Obviously I can't really give you great advice since your situation sounds very complicated, but it sounds like you should do a bit of travelling then focus on getting into vet school. It just sounds like that's what you want to do, and even if it takes a lot of work or boring jobs then in the end you'll come out happy.

I went to buy a large Meat Lovers Pizza from Dominoes, and before I get there, there's this shady looking guy offering me a book if I could give him a donation.

Of course, I lied and said I don't have any money to give, then he tried using other methods of persuasion by saying I look like an intelligent person, and he talked about Enlightenment and all that shit. Even mentioned Albert Einstein in the equation too somehow.

I don't need Enlightenment you dipshit, I should've told him that I have a Dream Journal, and that I'm trying to become lucid in my dreams to make him shut the fuck up. The fucker just kept using persuasion on me. I wanted to get away from him, but the guy was clever using his words that is ignored him, I would've looked like the jerk.

There isn't that many nutjobs in College Station, but when you see them, they are annoying as hell...YOu'RE NOT GETTING FREE MONEHS FROM ME BUDDY.

Haha, what book was he offering you?

I just stopped into work (McDonalds, ha ha) on my way home from school to get my schedule for next week, exhausted and freezing, looking forward to a work-free weekend for once, and then of course the manager stops me like, "oh hey wanna work 5-11 tonight?" I say I will like a dumbass since I'm incapable of saying no and probably couldn't anyway and now I have to go in in less than an hour. Normally I have at least a few days to mentally prepare myself. I find 5 hour shifts bad enough, but I've never worked this long or this late before. I hate it so much, it's not the worst once I'm there admittedly, but I don't think I've had one shift that hasn't started with me crying out of dread. I'm already scared of people, having to serve them and being terrible at it and slow and having to ask other people EVERYTHING certainly doesn't help. But it's not like I can just quit, plus I need the money [hopefullyyy ;_;] and I should be thankful I have it at all. Plus it's not like 6 hours is anything at all, I know most people do more than that every single day, but I'm just like 3 weeks into my first job ever. I'm just pissed off, I'm sorry, I just wanted to rant here. I guess I'll use it as motivation to work harder to get a job I want (whatever the hell that is), there's no way I can go through life working shitty jobs.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Haha, what book was he offering you?

Some book related on Ghandi or some crap. I automatically turned off all logic when he wanted me to donate

Originally Posted by Kitties

I just stopped into work (McDonalds, ha ha) on my way home from school to get my schedule for next week, exhausted and freezing, looking forward to a work-free weekend for once, and then of course the manager stops me like, "oh hey wanna work 5-11 tonight?" I say I will like a dumbass since I'm incapable of saying no and probably couldn't anyway and now I have to go in in less than an hour. Normally I have at least a few days to mentally prepare myself. I find 5 hour shifts bad enough, but I've never worked this long or this late before. I hate it so much, it's not the worst once I'm there admittedly, but I don't think I've had one shift that hasn't started with me crying out of dread. I'm already scared of people, having to serve them and being terrible at it and slow and having to ask other people EVERYTHING certainly doesn't help. But it's not like I can just quit, plus I need the money [hopefullyyy ;_;] and I should be thankful I have it at all. Plus it's not like 6 hours is anything at all, I know most people do more than that every single day, but I'm just like 3 weeks into my first job ever. I'm just pissed off, I'm sorry, I just wanted to rant here. I guess I'll use it as motivation to work harder to get a job I want (whatever the hell that is), there's no way I can go through life working shitty jobs.

Don't feel sorry haha.

i went to google images and typed in my username. turned off protection mode and i only had one nudie photo show up; a tasteful nude on the very last page.
apparently google image finds me boring

I always feel sorry. Hence why it means nothing. I have no right to be mad anyway.

Originally Posted by Linkzelda41

I went to buy a large Meat Lovers Pizza from Dominoes, and before I get there, there's this shady looking guy offering me a book if I could give him a donation.

Link before I looked at this thread I looked at the Cheerful thread where you had posted you were happy and you were about to go and order a dominoes. I guess it didn't take you long to find something to complain about

Tommo, Link, Kitties

lol Patrick... this thread does seem to have a lot of draw

Tommo, my youngest son speaks as you do a lot (the traveling part). Would that be possible with no transportation, job or money? I LOVE the idea. It just sounds dangerous to me. My son argues that he doesn't want a bunch of pointless jobs because he'd be "stuck". I tell him, deal with the pointless jobs until you have a bit of money saved, then just quit. You don't have to become stuck.
I wish you lots of success and happiness whatever you choose.

Kitties, that must really suck. Thankfully I don't HAVE to work. Every now and then I want a job for extra money but I could NOT handle dealing with people. I'd be an emotional wreck. So pat yourself on the back for me. At least you're trying I hope it gets easier for you.
Is there a smaller place you could work at? When I've thought about working I automatically crossed fast food and Sheetz (gas station/convenience store/deli) off my list. But Exxon and Speedway would have been perfect. You still have customer interact and turning gas pumps on, cleaning etc, but there's no madhouse rush to do a million things at once.

Link, hahaa poor you Don't you know you should never make eye contact to begin with (or so I've heard). I'm a sucker and tend to fall for them though. I, too, don't want to come across as being a jerk. I even talk to telemarketers Thankfully, I live in an extremely small town and there's only one regularly homeless panhandler. I give him a buck or 2 if I can afford it.

My rant is that I'm just waking up (second time). I slept from 6:30-11:30, had a RIPPING headache and was falling asleep in my chair so I went back to sleep from around 12:30-5. I feel a MILLION times better than I did last night. I have no appetite, which is good considering I'm never going to eat again (yeah, right, let's just see how long that one lasts )

Originally Posted by Pensive Patrick

Link before I looked at this thread I looked at the Cheerful thread where you had posted you were happy and you were about to go and order a dominoes. I guess it didn't take you long to find something to complain about

I posted going to Dominoes on the happy thread before going there. I expected everything was going to be normal for me. To walk, get there, buy pizza, sit and wait, get it, and come back. I didn't want to complain though, it's just that guy just showed up out of the blue, and I was this close from just ignoring that guy, but I couldn't, I had to lie my way through this man, and I never had someone hold me in a conversation that I'm already trying to forget (because he wanted me to donate).

It probably looked like I did both in one sitting, but I probably just walked too fast because I was so hungry.

Originally Posted by Kitties

I just stopped into work (McDonalds, ha ha) on my way home from school to get my schedule for next week, exhausted and freezing, looking forward to a work-free weekend for once, and then of course the manager stops me like, "oh hey wanna work 5-11 tonight?" I say I will like a dumbass since I'm incapable of saying no and probably couldn't anyway and now I have to go in in less than an hour. Normally I have at least a few days to mentally prepare myself. I find 5 hour shifts bad enough, but I've never worked this long or this late before. I hate it so much, it's not the worst once I'm there admittedly, but I don't think I've had one shift that hasn't started with me crying out of dread. I'm already scared of people, having to serve them and being terrible at it and slow and having to ask other people EVERYTHING certainly doesn't help. But it's not like I can just quit, plus I need the money [hopefullyyy ;_;] and I should be thankful I have it at all. Plus it's not like 6 hours is anything at all, I know most people do more than that every single day, but I'm just like 3 weeks into my first job ever. I'm just pissed off, I'm sorry, I just wanted to rant here. I guess I'll use it as motivation to work harder to get a job I want (whatever the hell that is), there's no way I can go through life working shitty jobs.

Put it this way, it's not like it's a difficult job. If you stop worrying that you're going to make mistakes, you will stop making mistakes hehe
Everyone sucks at first, because there's just heaps of new things to learn.
Apparently, for some reason unknown to me, McDonalds does look good on a resume, I guess they make you work pretty hard, so you will have a better chance
at landing a better job soon!

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

My rant is that I'm just waking up (second time). I slept from 6:30-11:30, had a RIPPING headache and was falling asleep in my chair so I went back to sleep from around 12:30-5. I feel a MILLION times better than I did last night. I have no appetite, which is good considering I'm never going to eat again (yeah, right, let's just see how long that one lasts )

Thanks Zhaylin.
Are you you still taking those caffeine pills? I honestly think that's what's causing these headaches. As soon as it wears off your blood vessels expand again, and if you're taking heaps
then they expand more, which causes headaches and migraines etc.

Nah, I;ve not taken caffeine pills for awhile because (first) my anxiety was so severe I didn't need them making things worse... then I was on blood pressure meds and benzos so I didn't want to confuse my body overly much lol
Yesterday's headache (I'm sure) was because of the weather. Today's headache was a hangover from the meds I took last night. It's still lingering a little, but it's tolerable.

CURSE you, Link, Hubby and my stupid dreams. I am a glutton for punishment. I dreamed about eating a bag of pepperoni. Then I read Links post about Dominoes. THEN hubby decided he wanted pizza (Dominoes lol), so when I ordered his pizza, I ordered another for me and my son
I ate about 5 pieces of Pepperoni Thin Crust. I took a laxative first though but what the heck is the point of eating if I do that? I don't want to lose weight that way, I just want everything out of my system before my gallbladder can over-react.
I knew I wouldn't be able to starve myself for long.
But PIZZA? Really?! How stupid can I be lol

**EDIT**
Oh yeah, I'm also VERY ticked off because someone keeps letting my dogs loose. The perimeter alarms kept going off so I sent my boy to check things out and there was Snuffanuff. Sometime later the alarm went off again and there was Rocky. WTF? What's the point of letting my dogs loose?

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

CURSE you, Link, Hubby and my stupid dreams. I am a glutton for punishment. I dreamed about eating a bag of pepperoni. Then I read Links post about Dominoes. THEN hubby decided he wanted pizza (Dominoes lol), so when I ordered his pizza, I ordered another for me and my son

Sorry, my bad.

Jesus... The day is done! I spent an entire Day one ONE computer. Worked on the exclusively. Longest.day.ever. The saddest part is, Simply accounting ALSO spent the entire day yesterday on the same issue as me. and I got more progress then they did. Now please keep in mind this was the company that developed the Freaking software! *Deep breath* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, I just cracked open a beer, and it tastes great. I've been waiting all week for this